I'm Called Lady Brackenstall
(sung to the tune of "Little Buttercup" from Gilbert and Sullivan's H.M.S. Pinafore)
I'm called Lady Brackenstall, poor Lady Brackenstall
Though I was Mary before,
But still I'm called Brackenstall, poor Lady Brackenstall
wife to Sir Eustace no more!
I've told you my story, and cannot be sorry
my husband has gone to his grave.
I've ribbons and laces to hide all the traces
Of all of the bruises he gave.
I once met a fellow with hair of bright yellow
and eyes of a clear ocean blue!
I should have won over that wild English rover
For he was a man who was true
To poor Lady Brackenstall! When you hear true love's call
Sailors should never be shy!
Then come to your Brackenstall, poor Lady Brackenstall,
Come, with your lady-love fly!
Captain Jack Crocker's Song
(sung to the tune of "Sir Joseph Porter's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's H.M.S. Pinafore) Bolded lines indicate the chorus.
When I was a man I took a trip
down to South Australia upon my ship.
I wooed a lady that I met on board
though I hadn't quite the polish of an English lord!
He hadn't quite the polish of an English lord!
I polished up my manners so carefully
That now I am a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
He polished up his manners so carefully
That now he is a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
This English lord, he was such a skunk
that he beat his wife whenever he got drunk.
I heard the tale while I stayed on land
And I swore that I would kill him with my big round hand!
He swore that he would kill him with his big round hand!
I hit him with a poker quite handily
For now I am a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
He hit him with a poker quite handily
For now he is a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
For killing him, I wished for no blame
So a burglary gang I soon became
I stole some silver from the big sideboard
And I bound up little Mary with an old frayed cord.
He bound up little Mary with an old frayed cord.
Those knots I tied so skillfully
For now I am a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
Those knots he tied so skilfully
For now he is a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
I grew so smug I poured some wine
in an extra glass to make a sort of blind.
I slipped away at the crack of dawn
and I never thought of anybody catching on!
He never thought of anybody catching on!
I thought so little – but Holmes could see
the killer was a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
He thought so little – but Holmes could see
The killer was a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
Now landsmen all, wherever you may choose
If you're keen to stay out of the hangman's noose
If you lie, you are nothing but a callow fool!
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:
Just trust Sherlock Holmes, and give a guilty plea
And you'll still be a Captain in the Queen's Navy!
Just trust Sherlock Holmes, and give a guilty plea
And you'll still be a Captain in the Queen's Navy!