Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own this brilliant new series. If I did it would all be about Connor and his relationship with Oliver.
The silence that filled the room was magical in an odd way. With no words, Oliver could delude himself into thinking that Connor's presence against his chest was there for more than just the pleasure that their two bodies could generate together. He could entertain the notion that that love was not that far off from what Connor probably felt for him. So god he loved this silence. Even more than the moment of time after they both climaxed and no words were spoken as they gasped to catch their breath.
More than wanting to hear Connor gasp his name over the generic moans and the 'oh that's so good baby right there', Oliver wanted the simple, but infinitely powerful, "I love you." Granted to have it said in the middle of intense passion didn't exactly make it a reliable source of which to judge Connor's true feelings. But he couldn't bring himself to care. That phrase said just once, would convince him that he wasn't wasting his time here when instead he could be pursuing an actual relationship.
Others wouldn't be like Connor, in a good way. They would remember 'dates' in time, not after the fact. They would want to call him their boyfriend. With others he would be more than a convenient sex tool and hacker.
But they wouldn't be Connor.
As simple as that. Yes obviously they couldn't be Connor as he was delightfully himself. But they wouldn't be him in the way that Connor made him smile and laugh and throw reason out the door when he came knocking at the door for sex. They couldn't be him in how Connor made him feel like he was the only one when they were together. Even when he knew he probably wasn't. Other's couldn't make Oliver forgive them quite as easily if all they brought was some stupid takeout.
So he was stuck in this loop. And Oliver had no idea how long it would take for him to find a reason strong enough for him to face the facts. Connor was probably never going to change. Not when he kept indulging him like this.
Now Oliver had no idea what exactly possessed him to press the play button while Connor was up. He supposed some...no all of his being hoped that for once Connor would prove him wrong. That his gut instinct was wrong in saying there was more to this whole story. That there was nothing incriminating that proved he was an idiot for falling into this sort of relationship.
But there was...
He supposed it said something that Connor was trying so hard to stay with him. It was just he couldn't convince himself it was for the reason that Connor was saying. How was he supposed to know if he actually liked him or didn't want to lose a convenient hacker that had multiple uses. Oliver was done trying to figure that out for himself.
It was suffocating when the pounding on the door had come to a stop and muffled footsteps could be heard going down the hall. Cause then he knew Connor didn't think he was worth fighting for. Not worth the humiliation of being tossed out. But at least he knew now. Life had given him this precious short time with someone to show that he could be strong and do the right thing by himself.
This silence was horrible to the extent that the previous silence was wonderful. Many things were different now. Connor was gone being the one thing that mattered most in his mind. Even with the shock and betrayal that he caused, Oliver wanted this silence broken by him and only him.
His wish wasn't answered until the worst possible time.