Bisexually Speaking
"So you excited to hang with Ivy's family and meet her grandma, today?" Wade Wilson asked his roommate, Harleen "Harley" Quinzel. He was currently laying on her bed as Harley was going through her closet. What exactly did you wear to visit your girlfriend's sister and take her grandma out to lunch? Maybe a dress?
"Wadey do you still have that red dress I lent you last week?"
"I think so, thanks by the way. I looked amazing on that date. Showed the perfect amount of leg."
"That guy call you back yet?"
"Oh no, the guy I was meeting took off, apparently he had some sort of hang-up about guys in girl's clothes. Should've seen that coming from a closeted Mormon. I mean he did tell me that I was going to hell before he asked me out. I thought he just liked the musical. But then I went to a bar afterward and hooked up with this really hot drag queen. I think that she's gonna be on the next season of Drag Race. Or she's friends with someone who is… we had a lot to drink." Harley nodded. Wade really needed to find something more than a hook-up. She loved him and she knew that he'd been looking for something more serious lately. He was starting to stare at her and Ivy with longing, and not in the 'I want a threeway' kind of way. If she didn't change the subject soon he'd get all mopey.
"Maybe I should just wear some jeans and a nice shirt. I wanna make a good impression and that dress might be too sexy."
"Good call. You still nervous? I thought that the Isleys liked you, especially her little sister. What was her name? Regan? Rebecca?"
"Riley and they do. But I've never met Grandma Isley before and she and Ivy have always been really close. What if she doesn't like me?" Wade looked confused at Harley's words.
"Why would she not like you? You're the perfect amount of fabulous and crazy."
"Remember what happened when I met Selina's fiance?"
"Okay in Bruce's defense you met him when you were still dating J and I think it was mostly about him. And even Selina said it takes Bruce awhile to warm up to people."
"I guess. I don't know. We haven't even been dating a year yet, but I really don't want to mess this up with Ivy."
"You won't mess this up. Just be yourself. Ivy likes it when you're yourself." Harley was still nervous. It felt like she was always nervous with Ivy, but it wasn't like how it had been with Mr. J. There she'd always been walking on eggshells, so scared to piss him off and give him a reason to beat her. But now, she was nervous that she would mess this up with Ivy. Pamela "Ivy" Isley was the best thing to happen to Harley ever since her ex. Ivy understood Harley's past and never pressured her. She felt safe with Ivy in a way she could never have imagined with that monster she'd been with before. And she was terrified of messing this up. Still, she knew she should listen to Wade. Ivy always encouraged her to be herself and wanted her to know she had the freedom to do so.
Harley straightened up. They were right. She could do this! Grandma Isley would love her. Just wait and see!
It turned out that Ivy and Wade had been right, Harley shouldn't have been so nervous about meeting Grandma Isley. It turned out that Florence Isley just adored Harley. She kept repeating this fact to Ivy or 'Pammy' s she called her. Yeah, Harley wouldn't be letting Ivy live that one down once they got home. Harley and Riley were both sniggering into their drinks every time Florence said it, Ivy glaring at them every time her grandmother turned her head. Right now they were finishing up their desserts.
"So, Riley, how is senior year treating you? Still doing that varsity dance thing?" Riley nodded. Ivy's little sister was a senior in high school and had been dancing since she was able to walk. She was involved in her school's musical and dance team last time Harley had talked to her.
"Yeah, Granny. I'm actually co-captain this year and we're planning this new routine for the Pep Rally. I'm trying to convince Kimber that we need to do something classic, like Joan Jett's 'Cherry Bomb', but she wants to do a One Direction tribute. I love her but she seriously needs to get over them breaking up." Florence nodded.
"I'm sure you'll show her, Sweetie, you're so talented."
"Actually, I have Harley to thank for the song suggestion. She played it for the last time I visited her and Pam." The older woman turned to Harley and smiled.
"Well, Dearie, it seems you aren't just helping Pammy. You're helping our little Riley too."
"Ivy is helping me too. She's really amazing." Harley said, smiling at Ivy. Ivy blushed and smiled back at her girlfriend.
"Oh really, that's wonderful. You two are just the most adorable couple. How is our beautiful Pammy helping you, Darling?"
"Well, she's really been so amazing at helping with my self-esteem."
"Really?" Florence said. "What do you mean by that dear?"
"Well…" Harley started. She wondered how much she should say. "My ex really wasn't a good person."
"I'm so sorry to hear that, Dearie."
"Yeah. Being in that relationship, it really hurt my confidence. And Ivy has been helping me build that up again. She's been such a rock."
"I'm glad to hear it. Your ex-girlfriend sounds like she was a terrible person."
"Oh, my ex wasn't a girl. This was my ex-boyfriend," Harley corrected.
"Oh!" Florence looked surprised. "I'm sorry, my dear, I didn't realize. Ivy used to be straight too."
"Uh, Granny," Ivy jumped into the conversation. "This isn't like that. Harley wasn't in the closet." Florence looked confused.
"What do you mean Pammy?"
"She means that I'm bisexual."
"What?"
"Okay, Granny. Remember when we talked about Pam liking girls we like guys." Riley was joining in on explaining.
"Yes?"
"Well, Harley likes both men and women the same."
"I'm not following. Isn't it just one or the other?" Florence was still not getting it. Just then Riley's phone went off. The younger red-haired girl looked at her phone.
"It's Kimber. She's texting me about the routine song. I need to take this, okay Granny?"
"Of course, but I still don't understand what you mean by this boys and girls thing," Florence replied.
"Can you two explain this to her? I really need to take this." With that Riley immediately began texting away on her smartphone. That left Harley and Ivy to try to explain bisexuality to Grandma Florence. Based on what Riley had told Harley before about her attempts to explain what Ivy being a lesbian meant, this was not going to be easy.
"What do you mean by this, bicycle thing?"
"Bisexual, Granny. Not bicycle. It means that Harley is romantically attracted to both genders." Ivy attempted to explain.
"I still don't think I get it, Pammy."
"Okay, let's try to explain this with an example," Harley had an idea. "Florence, do you know how you like to check out men's butts when you see a really a guy with a really nice ass." Ivy looked scandalized and even Riley's eyebrows shot up as she texted. But Florence just nodded.
"Of course, Dearie. I do that all the time."
"Granny!" Ivy squeaked but Harley and Florence ignored her.
"Well if I see a lady walk by with a nice butt, I'm definitely staring at her as she walks away. And if I see a guy with a cute butt, I'll do the same." Ivy glared at Harley. "I mean, I used to. Not anymore. Now I just check out Ivy's butt." Ivy immediately blushed red.
"That doesn't make sense," Florence said. "Not that you just check out Pammy. That definitely makes sense."
"Then what doesn't make sense."
"What you said about checking out ladies' rears. That doesn't make you gay. Everyone checks out ladies' rear ends." Ivy and Harley stared at her bewildered, unsure of how to respond to her statement. It was then that Riley decided to look up from her phone.
"Granny," she said seriously. "I've never wanted to look at girls' butts."
"Really?"
"Nope."
"Hmmm…" Ivy waved down the waiter.
"Check Please!"
A week later, Harley was talking to Ivy on the phone when Harley thought to ask how things were going with Grandma Florence.
"Hey, how's your Grandma doing? Is she still trying to understand what bisexuality is?" Ivy groaned. "Oh No! Is she okay? What's wrong."
"She's fine. Actually, the night after we all went out to lunch together I got a call from her. And she's very excited and she tells me, word for word, 'I THINK I MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY!'" Harley immediately burst out laughing.
"No Way!"
"I wish I was kidding. Apparently, what you said really stuck with her. I didn't think anything of it but last night Mom called me. Yesterday she got a call from Granny about coming down to meet her new girlfriend, Gladys. The staff at the retirement community said she was hitting on the other female residents until Gladys agreed to go get some jello and join Granny for couples shuffleboard night. They've really hit it off since then."
"Really! You aren't making this up?" Harley asked.
"I couldn't if I tried. Granny is saying she didn't know she had the option to try both. I think you're her hero."
"That's a first."
"Yup, any way you're invited to come with us to visit her next Saturday. She wants to take us dancing with her and Gladys. Actually, I think she something about Gladys wanting to try clubbing?"
"I love Granny Florence."
Hey Guys! Back at it again with a Harlivy oneshot. This one is inspired by another Tumblr post about someone trying to explain to their grandma what them being bisexual means. I read it to my boyfriend and in his words "This needs to be fanfic 25 minutes ago." So I made it happen. I actually find this funny because I might have ended up doing the same thing. Yes, I actually came out as bisexual last year. However, my grandparents have all passed so I didn't have to try to explain it to them. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this. For those of you who read my other fics in what I'm called the Wade/Harley Roommates-verse this comes before Starbucks and AirDrop where Wade met Peter, so that's why he's going on dates with Mormons and Drag Queens. See you next time and keep reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following.
~ Mallorie a.k.a Lilymaid620