In That Moment

Summary: As Jake pulled the veil over my head my eyes snapped open, half wanting to see a different pair of eyes staring back at me. A golden honey coloured pair of eyes.. because no matter how much Jake may love me, I could never properly love him back.

Inspiration: The true depth of Jake's compassion. [As you may tell from this fic, I'm not an active campaigner on the 'Hate-Jake' websites].

Chapter 1

Please

My mother flitted elatedly around me, her cheeks stained with tears. Her hands were pulling at my hair, brushing it, curling it, yanking into place. Pushing it into an image that wasn't me.

Alice would have loved this.

She moved from my hair, to my face. Her hands painting a picture of someone more beautiful, someone more perfect, onto my cheeks.

"You're getting married Bella," she whispered, her hand brushing my cheek as she looked at me. Did I look happy? "Jake's a lovely man."

I know.

"And you'll be so happy together," she raised a hand to her mouth, holding back her sobs. She hiccuped, looking down on me sadly.

"I'm going to get Charlie," she said finally, leaving me sat opposite the long glass mirror.

At a glance, I was beautiful. My cheeks were the perfect shade of pink, my eyes flawlessly highlighted, and my lips cherry red and glistening against the light. But I wasn't inside. If you'd have bothered to look deeper into my eyes, to see the pain lingering behind the brown façade… You would have known.

I reached out to touch my reflection in the mirror, tracing my lips slowly, just the way he would have done.

I'd promised Jacob that I'd moved on. That I was his forever and I always would be. But the problem was, no matter how much love someone else gave me, I could never return it. I wanted to – just to give Jacob the love he deserved!

But I couldn't kiss him properly, without thinking of someone else's lips. I couldn't hold him, without wishing that I had a colder, smoother set of arms around me. I couldn't lie with him, without flinching away from his hot, scalding hands.

So why was I marrying him?

It was your last request Edward. The one reason why you left you.

You couldn't give me humanity… a family…. children.

But the thing is… without you, I don't want any of it.

"Bells," Charlie choked, stumbling to my side, "You look beautiful."

"Thanks dad," I mumbled. Was that even my voice anymore?

"It's time to go," Renee breathed, offering me her hand, and I clamped my own fingers tightly around hers. "Here's your flowers."

She passed me a small bouquet of blue and white flowers.

Blue.

That was his favourite colour on me. Before I could even think, before I could even comprehend what was going on, the music was playing, and Renee gave me to Charlie.

"Nervous Bells?" Charlie teased, pulling my arm through his.

Would he notice if I didn't answer?

The Church doors opened, and Charlie walked through with me, as everyone in the pews turned to face me.

It was like first day of High School all over again.

Jake was standing at the end of the isle, his face exuberating happiness. The smile that I had come to love, was plastered across his face, and as Charlie gave Jake my hand, I could almost feel his love radiating towards me.

In that moment, I knew that if it wasn't for Edward, I could have loved Jacob fully, and given him what he deserved.

But somehow… I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

Jake's smile was my sun. But Edward's smile was my oxygen. I closed my eyes briefly, and as Jake pulled the veil over my head, my eyes snapped open, half wanting to see a different pair of eyes staring back at me.

A golden, honey coloured pair of eyes.

The worlds filtered past my ears with no meaning. Just like life. Days would slip through my fingertips, with my visits to Jake being my only guide to what month of the year it was.

"Does anyone have an objection to the marriage of this couple? Let him speak now, or forever hold his peace," the Vicar's words were quiet, and solemn, and in a wild thought, I wanted someone to object.

Then, so suddenly that I could hardly believe it, the doors of the Church flung open, a gust of wind filling the empty rafters.

He was standing there, his hair plastered to his wet face, as droplets poured down his cheeks. He was still as beautiful and as perfect as I remembered him.

His coal black eyes fixed on mine, and they were raging with an intensity so powerful, so desperate, and so passionate, and in that moment, I knew that there was no one I would love more, than him. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it as quickly as he could. People were staring at him, turning around in their seats to gape at him.

If I'd have bothered to listen, to even acknowledge what was happening around me, I would have heard my father's fury. His words, harsh, biting, and foul – Get lost Cullen. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

"Do you object?" The vicar asked politely, aiming the question towards Edward, and I could feel Jacob tensing beside me, fury evident in his warm, brown eyes, as his hand – still in mine – trembled beneath my fingertips.

You wanted this. You wanted me to have a normal, human life. Don't lie. Don't be a hypocrite Edward.

Don't.

I was doing this for him. All of this was for him.

I knew I loved Jacob, like family, like a friend, like a brother, but it wasn't enough.

It would never be enough.

Edward's hands were outstretched towards me slightly, as though he were waiting for the moment when he could rip me out of Jacob's arms and run away with me. We'd spend eternity together. Just me and him.

Edward and Bella.

The problem was… I wanted that. I craved that image.

And I was standing next to my fiancée, who had stuck by me, and helped me mend my heart.

"No," he whispered, his hands dropping to his side in defeat, and he took a seat in the isle, no longer meeting my gaze. "I don't object."

That was when I broke, with only Jake's soft, comforting hands to keep me breathing.

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