Turn. Face the crowd. So many people. Clapping, cheering.
This is a happy day. A glorious day. Today is a beginning, the start of a new age without the threat that loomed above the ending of the last. Petals flutter in a thick shower from above, whispering past to land softly on the ground. Like snow, soft and delicate. Beautiful. The people assembled in their finery, gathered from across the land; elves, men, a dwarf, and four hobbits. All happy, hopeful.
This was your dream. Not an end, but a beautiful, wonderful begninng. To most eyes the rough passage is over, and the days of peace had been ushered in upon the land. They look to the future, and to me. They were come to joy and peace beyond despair. But facing this crowd, my heart sinks, and a hard knot tightens in the pit of my stomach.
For you are not here.
Where are you upon this wide world? Or have you passed yet beyond its dreary confines to a place where your glory be forever unstained? This was my wish for you. In my love I sought to save you from my doom, from the ending that will come to me in too few years. I would not see your light fade. That is the measure of my love for you, that I would endure the rest of my years without you so that you could pass away beyond the darkness and shine always. That you would be free of the pain you should never have to know.
And that is the only thing that keeps me from drowning when this ache arises, something in me awakening at the faintest whisper of a memory of you. It drives the breath from my lungs and fills me with the depair of not ever seeing you again, never hearing your laugh, nor feeling you close, as though we were made to hold eachother. I remember... so vividly, and yet so dimly that I can't understand it. Your tears, the hurt that filled your eyes, pain that I had brought you.
You looked at me so pleadingly, like you wanted to break my heart with those deep pools of starlight. The cold metal and gem warmed at the touch of our hands upon its surface when you pressed it back into my hands with a stubborness that would not be gainsaid. I had never wanted to hurt you.
I brush away the thoughts, for they must be brushed away. They bring only regret, and pain. When I think on them the question always arises, the one I try to force away, rationalize out of existence. The question that asks whether or not I ever should have left you, left you forever, with no hope of ever meeting again. The question I can't answer.
I open my mouth and force my lips to form words.
Et Earello... Endorenna utulien...
Sinome maruvan... ar Hildinyar
tenn' Ambar-metta
Till the world's ending. An eternity away. But you would still be there, in eternity, as bright as ever. Grief is not a thing strong enough to conquer your beauty, and even the far reaching memory of your kindred will not cast a shadow upon your face always. Futilly, I wish that I could hold your face in my hands once more, know your warmth and security beside me, and the touch of your warm skin beneath my fingers.
I take several steps as the crowd parts. Legolas stands there, looking once more as a prince of his people, as I have not seen him in many days, with an elegantly twisted crown laying around his head. He smiles, coming nearer. He knows. I see it in his face, but then he smiles, laying a hand on my shoulder as I do the same. The look on his face is... knowing, almost... mischevious. He makes a slight motion with his head, and I look where he had indicated.
The world was frozen. All sounds have dropped away, either by the silencing of the voices around me, or merely because I can no longer focus on anything other then the banner before me, the symbols of my house emroidered in amazing delicacy upon its surface. Elrond, and many others of Rivendell, stand behind, but their presence is only vaugely realized as the standard falls away to reveal the bearer.
Her face. She looks at me, the one who has haunted my dreams, the face that I know by heart. She stands, frozen, as I am frozen, and a million things are left unsaid as we both stand, lost in swirling time as it speeds past us. Her father whispers something to her, and suddenly the world moves again as she comes nearer. She's so beautiful... that is the only word I find in my meager tongue. Beautiful.
Silver weaving, entwined above her brow, twirling down. Her eyes, endless depths of soft blue, locked with mine. I don't believe I could look away if I wanted to. She gazes up at me, a myriad of feelings in her eyes. I see how much she's been hurt, I see her tears, the bated breaths taken in anxious silence, the long journey to hope. It steals the air from my lungs, the way she looks at me, with that same intesity in her eyes, the same wanting, as rises within me.
She stops, and everything is lost in the stilling of her movement. She looks at me, almost... timid. As though she is uncertain what I will think of her. A flicker, a moment of uncertainty, and then her head dips in a gesture of honouring and respect. I have dreamed of nothing but this moment, wished within the farthest reaches of despair for what I had deeemed impossible: that she would come despite my words and actions. And this? Respect?
My fingers catch beneath your chin. Let me see your eyes, memorize your face, know the touch of your warmth beneath their grasp, look into the reaches of your soul and see myself mirrored there. You smile. You see it, don't you? The same longing in my eyes. A feeling rushes through me, as though I had been holding my breath since the moment I had left.
All heisitation, all doubt vanishes as I dive forward, capturing your soft, sweet lips with mine. Rational thought vanishes as your taste, the feel of you in my arms, takes over. How did I ever think I could live without you? Twirling around, entwined, together. Pulling away, your face, your laughter, embracing once more. I never want to let you go again.
Cheering, clapping. I realize that there are more people in this world then merely you and I. Somehow I had forgotten. You smile, and join me, walking at my side, through the crowd. Everything is a beautiful, glowing dream, like you beside me. I fear, almost, that I shall awaken, and this wonderous thing fade into nothingness, but still it would be worth it, for this moment, of the promise of forever with you.
You turn, smiling so brightly, and I lose myself in the shining depths of your eyes. No, this is no dream. No fantasy could ever capture such loveliness, for no memory of you was ever so precious. You are here, and you have chosen to remain with me, to whatever bitter end. For you love me. And today there is laughter.