Oh my goddess! I cannot believe that I finally finished this Roll-A Drabble for the Hermione's Haven group of Facebook. This was the hardest challenge that I have faced in my short writing obsession. This month's theme is Crack Fics! Our most outrageous drabbles based on a Hermione/HP Character pairing and not one, but TWO tropes mixed together. It could only be 1000 words and unfortunately I was only able to cut it to 1019 and it still makes sense. I tried! My pairing was Hermione and Theo Nott, Muggle Alternate Universe and F### or Die. As you can see it was almost impossible but I think that I cracked it! Or myself, I am still unsure. Anyway, I hope that you all enjoy it!

Now I Lay Me Down

Hermione Granger was an outcast, she had always been so and being admitted to the Hogwarts Sanatorium for Truly Helpless and Mildly Criminal Cases had not helped. Her fanatical need to study and learn had earned her an OCD diagnosis, her need to be constantly right had earned her a psychosis diagnosis and her inability to remain seated and quiet even when not being spoken to had earned her, her own bipolar diagnosis. Her parents, unsure of how to help or accept the child of their hopes and dreams had left her to the tender mercies of the Hogwarts Sanatorium and its director Albus Dumbledore.

Hermione had been moved around the Sanatorium by the director and his assistant director Minerva McGonagall, trying to find the perfect place for her that would allow her to grow and continue to learn at a safer pace. However when budgets were cut and false accusations were made against the director and his assistant, many things changed. The most frightening change was the addition of the newest director, Ms. Dolores Umbridge.

Director Umbridge made Hermione extremely nervous and her nervousness caused her idiosyncrasies to be even more pronounced. Her nerves caused her to speak out of turn more often and when addressing the director, instead of calling her Director Umbridge, it came out Director Umbitch.

Dolores, believing that this was a deliberate insult, decided to move little Hermione Granger to another part of the ward, that dealt with more of the criminal element of the institution. This is where little Hermione Granger met Theodore Nott and Bellatrix LeStrange.

Theo Nott caused Hermione to stand up and take notice. His presence demanded the attention that Hermione had never cared for in the past. He seemed to be well educated, was thoughtful and waited for her to be seated before he would seat himself at meal times. He listened when she spoke of the things that interested her. The only problem was, he had a very bad problem with his short term memory. He remembered her face daily and said hello, but unfortunately could never remember her name or what they had discussed previously.

From what Hermione had been able to gather in regards to Theo Nott, he was an esteemed student turned professor of Eton that had been in a devastating accident one night on his way home from his girlfriend's flat.

He remembered his girlfriend vividly, but could not recall if he had seen her recently or even how long he had been visiting the sanatorium. He spoke to Hermione often of his girlfriend and was loyal to her, however she who remembered each day knew that his girlfriend Daphne Greengrass never visited him and within a very short period of time of had been featured in the newspaper celebrity pages as being courted by Music Mogul Draco Malfoy.

So they continued on, day by day with the reintroductions, long talks about their schooling, job choices, relationships and lack thereof and he would walk her back to her room and bid her goodnight.

The staff of the sanatorium thought it sweet with the exception of one Director Umbridge, so she decided to have a talk with one of the less sane residents of the ward to see if something could be done about the little know it all Hermione Granger.

Hermione was late joining Theo for breakfast the next morning, coming up beside him as he sat down to eat. Spotting a well known face but unable to place her name, he invited her to sit down beside him by introducing himself. Smiling widely at him, Hermione introduced herself once again, before noticing that someone else was seated at their table, currently pouring tea for her and questioning how she took hers.

"Just a bit of honey." Stated Hermione, remembering the lessons her parents had instilled upon the dangers of sugar.

Smiling brightly, if a little manically at the girl Bellatrix set down the cup of tea on its saucer and handed it quietly off to Hermione.

Smiling gently at the older woman, Hermione gratefully took the cup with both hands and took a sip of the tea, noticing that the taste was off a little bit, but wanting to be polite she continued drinking it while speaking to Theo and trying to draw the older witch into their conversation. After about an hour of light conversation over breakfast, Theo excused himself politely to the loo and left the women to continue without him.

After he left Hermione felt a bit ill herself, thinking back to the off tasting tea, she looked at the woman before her with suddenly clear eyes. "What did you do?" she asked.

"My dear itty bitty Granger, I have just given you a little bit of help. I have seen how you have become fixated with Mr. Nott and now you will have to act on it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that if you don't get him to fuck you, you will die." Replied Bellatrix rather crudely.

"What!"

"I didn't stutter you little freak, get him to fuck you or else you are dead by midnight."

Running from the room, scared out of her wits Hermione went searching for Theo Nott. Finding him in the library she ran up to him and grasped his hands, panting and slightly breathless.

"Theo, that evil witch has poisoned me with something dreadful. She told me that if we do not have relations right now, I will die by midnight."

Not quite believing her, he grasped her hands and looked into Hermione's tearful eyes before speaking. "I am sorry that you believe her to be capable of this atrocity, but I simply do not know you well enough to be together with you like that, and I have a girlfriend that I truly love. I am sorry."

That night, despondent and convinced of her eminent death, Hermione Granger died in her sleep at midnight.

Theo awoke the next morning, remembering that his girlfriend was Hermione Granger and he had not seen her in a long time.