Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.

Part One-

Carlos had been in love with Kendall since the fifth grade, probably longer if he really thought about it, but fifth grade was when he realized that he always wanted to be with Kendall. He would do anything and go anywhere the blond asked him to. Despite being in love with a boy, he never considered himself gay because it was just Kendall. Kendall could have three tentacles and one eye and Carlos would still love him. And it wasn't like he didn't still like girls. He did. He thought they were pretty, soft and smelled really nice.

It was just the way Kendall made him feel safe and just accepted him that had him falling for the other boy. He didn't expect Carlos to change or be anything he wasn't and when Carlos was around Kendall, he just felt happy. Nothing made him happier than spending time with Kendall. The fact that Kendall would never love him the same way didn't really bother him either as long as Kendall remained his friend. He could be content with that if Kendall was happy.

Except Kendall wasn't happy. Not anymore. And it tore at Carlos not knowing what was wrong. The blond had just stormed into the apartment and disappeared into his room without saying anything to them. "Should one of us go check on him?" He turned towards the other two boys worriedly. Their eyes snapped to him from staring at the spot Kendall had disappeared from view.

"Well, yeah, probably," Logan started then glanced at James as he shifted back on the couch.

"But he looked really pissed off," James added, with a side glance towards Logan before suddenly shouting, "One, two, three, not it," as he flung himself back into the cushions.

"Not it," Logan echoed and Carlos' eyes widened in surprise before he punched them both in the arm.

"You guys are jerks," he said as he pushed himself up from the couch. It wasn't like he wouldn't have gladly gone to check on Kendall if they didn't want to.

When he got to their bedroom door, Carlos turned the knob, not at all surprised when he found it locked. He knocked and waited, but when there's no response from the other boy, "Kendall," he said, knocking again. "Open the door."

"Go away, Carlos."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you get into another fight with Jo?" He waited for a response but when nothing came, he prodded, "Kendall?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it, Carlos!" Carlos jolted in surprise at Kendall's angry tone, "Why do you always have to be so fucking stubborn!"

Carlos scowled at the door after the initial shock. Kendall must have been extremely upset to snap at him so quickly. He usually had more patience with Carlos, another reason why he adored Kendall so much. "Fine, be that way," he said and kicked the door, "But this is my room too, you have to let me in sometime."

He turned around and stalked off, but only got about halfway down the hall before he heard the door open behind him. "Wait," he heard Kendall say and turned to see the blond looking out at him between a crack in the door, "Carlos, I'm sorry."

Carlos took a few steps back towards the room and frowned as he noticed that Kendall's eyes were red, proof that he had been crying. "What happened?"

"Jo broke up with me."

Carlos' eye widened in surprise, "What? Why?"

Kendall sighed heavily and leaned on the door, "I don't know. She said that a lot of things were changing in her life and she didn't want to be tied down and lose out on any opportunities or whatever."

"I'm sorry, man."

Kendall shrugged and let the door swing open wider, "Me too."

Carlos stood there wondering if hugging Kendall would be welcome but before he could decide Kendall turned away, walking back into the room but leaving the door open. Carlos immediately followed after him, closing the door behind him. The room was dark except for the small lamp on Kendall's desk. Carlos frowned as he watched Kendall crawl back into his bed, chest tightening as he tried to imagine what Kendall was feeling. He walked over to sit on the edge of his own bed facing Kendall's. The blond was lying facing the opposite direction and Carlos' eyes drifted along the length of Kendall's back until he was staring at the back of Kendall's head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kendall's shoulders heaved in a sigh, "No," was all he said and Carlos sighed in response.

"Okay," he said, nodding gently. He got to his feet and leaned over Kendall, reaching down to squeeze the other boy's shoulder gently, "If you want to talk though, you know I'm here for you."

Kendall glanced up at Carlos, corner of his mouth lifting in a brief wan smile, "Thanks, man."

The next day, Carlos hung out in James and Logan's room, letting Kendall brood by himself in their room. He'd tried getting Kendall to talk again that morning but he was shut down once more. He hated that Kendall was in pain and he couldn't do anything to fix it. "Jo is stupid," he suddenly said, punching Logan's mattress.

Logan chuckled, "You would say that," he said and Carlos turned his head towards the other boy. Logan sat at his desk, flipping through a magazine while Carlos lay sprawled on his bed.

Carlos scowled slightly, feeling his face heating up. "Shut up," he muttered. Logan was the only one that knew about his feelings for Kendall and not because he wanted Logan to know. Logan had figured it out on his own and confronted Carlos about it one day during lunch in the seventh grade. Carlos had been so worried that Logan hated him that he hadn't even tried to deny it. Fortunately, Logan hadn't hated him and Carlos had made him swear not to say anything about it. Even though Logan kept his promise throughout the years, he still tended to tease Carlos about it when he could.

"What?"

Carlos looked over at James to see the other boy looking at them in confusion. "Nothing," he muttered, feeling his face warm up further in embarrassment.

"Tell me," James insisted, pushing himself onto his elbows to try to stare Carlos down.

Carlos swallowed thickly and glanced at Logan, seeing him opening his mouth, "Shut up, Logan," he snapped, sitting up to glare at him.

Logan's mouth snapped shut and he looked at Carlos innocently, "What? I wasn't going to say anything," he said in a vaguely amused tone.

James sat up further and poked Carlos with his foot, one long leg reaching over the space between the beds to nudge at his thigh. "Tell me, Carlos, come on."

Carlos looked away, "It's nothing," he insisted, averting his gaze towards the ceiling. His face felt hot and he hated how embarrassed he was of how he felt about Kendall. But ever since he'd seen other guys being picked on for even seeming gay, he'd been afraid if anyone found out they'd hate him. He'd gotten lucky with Logan, but what if James stopped being his friend? He didn't like thinking that James would be that kind of person, but it was a risk he didn't want to take.

He heard Logan let out an exasperated sigh, "He's in love with Kendall," and his head shot up towards the other boy.

"Logan!"

Logan rolled his eyes and shrugged slightly, "What? It's James. He doesn't care."

Carlos glared at Logan for a moment before he turned back towards James. He licked his lips nervously when the other boy didn't say anything, "Do you hate me?"

James snapped out of his shocked state, "What, pfft, no.Why would I hate you? I was just thinking how that wasn't so perfectly obvious before now."

Logan laughed and Carlos blushed, "It is pretty obvious, right?"

Carlos huffed and crossed his arms before muttering sullenly, "I hate you guys."

Half an hour later and James threw his pillow at Carlos. "So, are you going to ask him out or what?"

Carlos sat up in surprise, hugging the pillow to his chest for a moment as he glared at James. "Kendall's not gay, remember? And he just broke up with Jo, why would I dump my feelings on him now," he retorted before throwing the pillow back.

It hit James right in the face but the other boy didn't get annoyed or angry like he normally would've. He just tossed the pillow aside before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed to lean towards Carlos. "Because he's miserable and needs to know that someone cares about him like that."

"But then Carlos would just be a rebound. You know those never last," Logan suddenly said from behind Carlos.

Carlos turned his head to glance at Logan briefly before he looked back at James, "Yeah, I don't want to just be a rebound for him."

"The best thing right now would be for Carlos to just be there for Kendall, help him through his break up until he's over Jo," Logan continued in his lecture voice. Carlos usually hated when Logan went into lecture-mode, but for once, he agreed whole-heartedly with what the other boy was saying.

But James just waved Logan's words off, "Pfft, I say Carlos goes out and buys a nice pair of tight pants and make him forget all about Jo right now."

Carlos exchanged a look with Logan before both boys turned to give James a bewildered look. "Tight pants," Logan questioned and Carlos could practically hear the arched eyebrow in his tone.

"Yeah, you'd be surprised how much a pair of tight pants can do," James explained, nodding his head in a sage-like manner.

"Somehow I doubt that."

Carlos let out a small laugh and fell back onto Logan's bed listening to James and Logan argued the benefits of wearing tight pants. He slowly tuned them out, not sure where they had gotten the idea that he wanted to win Kendall over. While he had thought about it before and he would be happy if Kendall were to ever return his feelings, it wasn't about that. He just wanted Kendall to stop hurting and to be happy again.

Kendall kept himself locked in their room for almost a week, only coming out when they were needed at the studio and when Mrs. Knight forced him to come out and eat with the rest of them. Carlos felt like he was suffocating under the tension in their room the longer Kendall didn't talk about it. And no amount of prodding got him talking either and usually ended with Kendall snapping at Carlos and then apologizing right after. It hurt that Kendall didn't want to open up to him, but Carlos knew he just needed to give Kendall time. Waiting sucked but he knew in the end it would be worth it.

Carlos lay sprawled on the couch, one leg hooked over the back and one hand behind his head as he surfed through the channels. There wasn't anything good on and normally he would just go down to the pool to hang out but he was waiting for Mrs. Knight to get back so they could make dinner. She'd just recently started letting him help out in the kitchen but only when she was around to make sure he didn't cut himself with a knife, burn down the apartment or whatever else she thought might happen.

He was slowly drifting off to sleep when he heard a small clatter coming from the kitchen. He bolted straight up, looking around wildly, heart pounding. He only relaxed when he saw Kendall standing in the kitchen, one arm held up towards the shelves where they kept the cups. "You scared the crap out of me, man!"

Kendall winced, "Shit, sorry, I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn't wake you."

Carlos shook his head and smiled, "It's cool. I wasn't trying to sleep anyway. I'm waiting for your mom to get back."

"Oh, okay…" Kendall looked around slowly, "Right, well, I was just getting some water," he said, shuffling over to the sink. Carlos heard the water rushing into Kendall's cup before the blond shut the water off. Kendall raised his cup to Carlos as he walked out of the kitchen, "Later."

Carlos watched the other boy, heart aching for him. It was the first time he'd seen Kendall out of bed on his own free will and he didn't want to have to wait another week for him to come out again. "Wait," he called out urgently, one arm outstretched towards Kendall as if he could reach out and grab Kendall to keep him from leaving.

Kendall stopped mid-step and looked over his shoulder at Carlos, one eyebrow raised curiously, "Yeah?"

Carlos bit his lip, "Um, want to help me make dinner? Your mom said I could do it tonight, but she's not back yet to supervise and I'm bored," he asked and then put on his most pitiful expression to help persuade Kendall to stay and help.

Kendall looked at him in silence for a moment before shrugging and looking away, "Sure, why not."

Carlos grinned and scrambled to his feet, "Great! Come on," he said, bouncing towards the kitchen. He heard Kendall place his glass of water on the table and glanced back to see the blond joining him in the kitchen. He had already set all the stuff he needed to make dinner out on the counter beside the stove. He quickly grabbed two pans and set them on the stovetop before he reached back into the cabinet for a pot.

"Fill this up with water," he said, holding it out to Kendall.

Kendall nodded and grabbed the pot, walking over to the sink. Carlos watched as Kendall set the pot down and turned the water on. The blond turned around to lean against the counter as he waited for it to fill up, "So, what are we making?"

Carlos grinned, "Spaghetti," he said, holding up the package of pasta and waving it a bit.

"Cool," Kendall said with a nod.

Silence stretched out between them and Kendall turned around to turn the water off before carrying the pot back to the stove and set it on one of the back burners. Carlos turned back towards the counter, finger tapping against the cool surface before he ran his fingers along the edge of one of the cans of tomato sauce.

"So, what now?"

"Oh! Um, there's some hamburger meat in the fridge, take it out and brown it in this pan and I'll get started on the sauce."

Kendall nodded and did as he was told while Carlos rummaged in one of the drawers for a can opener. They both settled into a comfortable silence as they went about their tasks. Carlos opened the cans of various tomato products he had bought to make the sauce and added them to the second pan. He carefully added the other ingredients needed to make the pasta sauce, making sure to measure out everything perfectly.

"Is that it?"

Carlos glanced up and saw Kendall just staring down at the hamburger meat in the pan. He laughed, "You can chop up some garlic for me, if you want," he said reaching over to grab two of the three white bulbs and holding them up for Kendall. "Well, actually, you kind of have to. Your mom doesn't trust me with sharp knives yet," he added with a chuckle.

Kendall laughed softly and nodded, "Right," he said and walked over to the other side of Carlos, grabbing the garlic from his hands as he walked passed. He set them down on the counter and went searching through the drawers. "So, what do I do?" He turned towards Carlos curiously after he found what he was looking for, a knife and cutting board.

"Cut them up into really tiny pieces," Carlos said as he stirred the sauce.

Kendall nodded then reached for the third little clove, "What about this one?"

"We're saving that one for later," Carlos said with a grin.

Kendall nodded then proceeded to peel the skin off of the cloves. Carlos turned towards the hamburger meat checking to see that it wasn't sticking to the pan. He poked it with his spoon, moving it around some before he covered it with a lid and made sure the heat wasn't too high. He then turned the burner on under the sauce and glanced over at Kendall. The blond looked intently down at the cutting board, hair falling into his eyes.

Carlos bit his lip, wondering if he should try to get Kendall to talk to him. It was too quiet and he didn't like it but he didn't want to annoy Kendall by being his usual energetic self. He just wished Kendall didn't seem so down. He understood why but Kendall wasn't being very Kendall-like and he didn't know what to do about it.

"How's that?"

Carlos shook his head slightly to rid himself of his thoughts and smiled widely, looking down at the cutting board, "Perfect," he said, reaching over to pull the cutting board towards himself. He lifted it carefully and pushed it all into the sauce, stirring it all in. "Now cut that last one up too but not as small," he ordered.

Carlos watched as Kendall silently did as he was told and licked his lips nervously, deciding to just go for it. Kendall could get annoyed with him all he wanted; Carlos was just worried about him. "So…how are you feeling?" His voice came out soft and hesitant, not sure how the other boy was going to react. But he wanted to know and even if Kendall ended up getting angry with him for prying, he had to try.

Kendall paused for a short moment and if Carlos hadn't been watching Kendall so intently, he probably wouldn't have noticed it. Kendall cleared his throat and shrugged, "Okay, I guess. I mean, I've been better, but I'll be okay," he said offering up a small half-smile.

Carlos didn't believe Kendall for a minute and he felt the familiar pang in his chest thinking about what Kendall must be feeling. He wished he could just take away Kendall's pain and replace it with something better. "You know that I'm here for you if you need me, right? If you want to talk or whatever."

Kendall smiled again and this one was a little more genuine which made Carlos smile in turn, "Yeah, I know. Thanks, man," Kendall said, giving a small nod of acknowledgement. He cleared his throat again and turned away from Carlos, looking back towards the cutting board, "So, what's with the garlic? Why are we waiting to put it in the sauce?"

A wide grin spread across Carlos' face and he couldn't help the giggle that escaped him. "If you put it into the sauce like right before everything's done then it's like little, mini explosions in your mouth every time you bite into a piece. It's awesome."

Kendall let out a small chuckle and arched an eyebrow in amusement, "Yeah?"

Carlos nodded excitedly, "Yeah and if you don't tell anyone it's even better," he said with a laugh, "I can already see Logan and James' face. It's gonna be hilarious."

Kendall chuckled before he reached out to smack Carlos on the shoulder, "Dude, my mom and sister are going to eat this too, you know."

Carlos stared. "Oh. Right," he said, biting his bottom lip before he grinned sheepishly, "Uh, we can tell them about it before dinner. Or, oh, we'll just put some aside for them before we put it in."

Kendall nodded, "That sounds good," he said, an approving look on his face. They fell into a comfortable silence where Carlos unashamedly stared up at Kendall, tracing Kendall's features with his eyes. Kendall didn't seem to notice, his eyes downcast towards the pile of garlic pieces he chopped. Kendall eventually glanced up but the small smile that had been spreading across his features quickly disappeared as his eyes widen, "Carlos! The sauce!"

Carlos blinked in confusion before he turned around to see what Kendall was talking about. His eyes widened when he saw that the sauce was boiling over, splatters of red tomato sauce going everywhere. He instinctively reached for the handle of the metal pan, feeling little pinpricks of sauce splash onto his face and arms. The handle was hot and he winced loudly but kept his fingers wrapped around it as he quickly removed it from the burner. The sauce sloshed against the side, spilling over the side and onto the counter as he set it down quickly.

Kendall immediately grabbed Carlos' wrists, cradling Carlos' hands in his own as he looked down at them, "Are you okay?" He glanced up at Carlos worriedly as he ran his fingertips along the palm of Carlos' hands.

Carlos swallowed thickly and suppressed a shudder at the touch, nodding shakily, "Yeah, I-I'm fine…" he breathed out, staring up at Kendall. He tried not to concentrate too hard on the feel of Kendall's hands around his own, taking a deep breath to calm his rapidly beating heart.

Kendall suddenly laughed and Carlos' stomach flipped at the sound. It felt like forever since he'd last heard Kendall laugh like that, loud and raucous. Kendall reached forward and swiped his finger down Carlos' cheek. Carlos blinked in surprise and watched fixated as Kendall slid the finger into his mouth and sucked on it. "It's good, though," he said with a small smirk.

Carlos flushed slightly, "Your mom's going to kill us for this mess," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly as he turned away from Kendall to survey the mess on the stove top. It wasn't much but it was still going to be a hassle cleaning up all the little droplets of sauce that had splashed across it. "And she's never going to let me cook again," he added forlornly.

"Well, let's clean up before she gets here and she doesn't even have to know about it."

Carlos looked up to find Kendall smiling at him reassuringly and he nodded, smiling back, "Okay."

Kendall grinned and grabbed the paper towels, handing a few to Carlos. Together they quickly cleaned the mess and Carlos went to wash his face and try to get the small splashes of sauce out of his shirt in the sink. Kendall pressed along his side as he washed his hands as well and Carlos was surprised at how much lighter the air around Kendall felt as they playfully tried to push each other out of the way.

They were waiting for the water to boil to cook the spaghetti noodles when Mrs. Knight walked into the apartment. She stopped at the doorway when she caught sight of Kendall and Carlos in the kitchen. Her eyes immediately went to the stovetop, "Carlos, I thought I said to wait until I got back," she said as she closed the door behind her.

"Don't worry, Mom, I supervised and look- nothing blew up," Kendall said, spreading his arms to encompass the entire apartment.

Mrs. Knight laughed lightly, "Well, it's good to see you out and about. How are you doing, sweetie?"

Carlos glanced up at Kendall just in time to see his expression shut down and the tight smile Kendall sent his mother had Carlos' chest tightening. "I'm fine, mom. Don't worry about me," he said with a shrug.

Mrs. Knight smiled sympathetically and Carlos could see how much she wanted to comfort Kendall. Carlos could relate. He just wanted to pull Kendall into a hug and make him feel better. "Okay, well, since you two have dinner covered I'm going to go rest for a bit," she said, smiling at both of them as she disappeared through the doorway by the table.

He heard Kendall give a small sigh and glanced up at him, biting his bottom lip as he tried to decide if he should say anything or not. He hated not knowing what to do. "You okay?"

Kendall forced a smile, "Yeah, I'm fine," he said then pointed to the pot of water. "It's boiling."

Carlos' eyes widened slightly and he lurched forward, lowering the heat a little before he grabbed the package of pasta and tore it open. Settling the noodles carefully into the water, he watched Kendall out of the corner of his eye, mind whirring with ideas to make Kendall smile and mean it. Carlos needed Kendall to be happy and honestly, he felt a little lost without Kendall being the strong, confident boy he looked up to. But he didn't know what he could do other than just be there for Kendall when he needed him. And Kendall wouldn't even let him do that since he wouldn't even admit that he was hurting.

He let out a tiny sigh and glanced at Kendall as the blond put the cutting board and knife into the sink and resolved to find some way to help Kendall get over Jo, whether the blond wanted it or not.