Disclaimer: None of the characters from DAT belong to us; Parker belongs to Lucie; Ken belongs to his Momma.
A/N: So, we're sitting at Lucie's, watching Jeopardy and we're getting a little out of control. Well…you'll see….
"What is a cicada!" Laura Chapman shouted, pressing her thumb down on the side of her index finger, simulating a buzzer.
Jason Evans frowned and looked over at the brunette. "My buzzer must be broken." He mumbled, looking down at nothing. "I knew the answer."
Parker Hall stared at her boyfriend with a stunned look on her face. "What are you smoking?" She questioned, deadpan. "What buzzer?" Many things came to mind, but none that explained what Jason was talking about.
Jason looked at the blonde. "Hello, we're on Jeopardy." He gestured toward the television in front of them. "You need a buzzer to answer the questions."
If it were at all possible, Parker looked even more stunned. "What?" She questioned, trying to figure out what he was saying. "We're watching Jeopardy," She corrected. "You're not actually playing."
Jason looked at her. "If we're not really playing, then why is Laura winning?" He motioned toward the brunette, who was watching the screen intently. "And why is Sam keeping score?" It was true, Sam was jotting down numbers under five columns on a sheet of notebook paper. "And why does Jack think he's Alex Trebeck?"
Parker looked over at her father, who tried not to look as though he were sitting rigidly in his chair beside the television, with a look on his face, studying the "contestants" in his living room. She rolled her eyes. "What is wrong with my family?" She grumbled. "You guys make me look so normal." She rested her chin in the palm of her hand and studied the people before her.
The next question was asked on the show and Laura answered instantly. "What is the XYZ affair!" She cried, giving the correct answer to the question.
Parker looked at the girl with wide eyes. "What the f-" She stopped herself before she could finish, remembering that her father was in the room and her father still thought she was an innocent little girl who didn't use such language. "Whatever." She waved her hand dismissively. "If I have to watch this stupid show, then there have to be some rules; Laura, shut your mouth and stop answering questions. Sam, stop keeping score…it's a television show. And Jason, stop pressing the fake buzzer! It's never going to work."
Sam glared at his sister, unwilling to throw away his score sheet. After all, he had spent a great deal of time on it: drawing hearts around Laura's name and a smile face in the a of his name. There were also devil horns on Parker's name. He didn't think he could part with his paper, so he attempted to nonchalantly fold the paper up and stick it in his pocket.
Everyone in the room seemed content, for the moment, to settle into silence. Laura looked away from Parker, avoiding eye-contact with the blonde, as she gave all of her attention to the television screen. Sam watched his girlfriend, sensing that it was only a matter of time until the silence was broken by the girl that he loved.
On the screen, the host was reading off the next question on the screen. "This garden tool is also the name of a loose woman." He looked expectantly at the contestants actually playing the game.
Laura, however, shouted out her answer before even Ken Jennings. "What is a hoe!" She cried, almost triumphantly, pleased with herself and seeming to forget Parker's decree of silence. Sam looked at his girlfriend, a grin on his face; he never thought he'd hear her say such a thing, and it was even sexier since that wasn't even what she had meant.
Parker also started laughing, but stopped as soon as Ken Jennings gave the same answer. She glared at Laura, unwilling to believe that the brunette had gotten the right answer yet again. Sam reached into his pocket in an attempt to pull out the score sheet and add yet more points to the column under Laura's name. Before he could unfold the paper, the unthinkable happened: Ken Jennings was wrong.
Laura looked shocked, frowning slightly. Parker grinned. "Ha, you're wrong." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. She doubted that she would ever get the chance to bask in Laura's failure to answer a question and she wasn't going to let the opportunity pass.
But before Parker could further rub in the fact that Laura had shouted out the wrong answer, the question on the screen was one that she knew the answer to. "What is a lion!" Parker shouted at the same time Laura yelled out, "What is a cougar."
Silence filled the room as the trio of men turned to look at the girls; it was like some sort of competition had started and only one girl could be right. Sam knew that there was no easy way out of this situation; if Parker won, there'd be no living with her but if she was wrong, then she'd be just as bad.
On the screen, Ken Jennings was giving his answer. "What is a lion?" The Mormon man answered.
"That is corrected." Alex told him, looking toward the camera. "And with that, we go into our first commercial break." Music played and the screen faded to black.
Parker's eyes went wide as she realized that her answer had been the correct and she slowly turned to look at Laura. "Lion, Lola, a lion." She told the brunette, who was doing her best to act like she was far away from the living room. "Haven't you seen The Lion King? It's the Circle of Jeopardy and you have been kicked out!" She shouted, leaping to her feet. "I'm right! You're wrong! You are so wrong!" She looked at Laura and made growling noises that did little but creep the other girl out.
This went on for the entire commercial break, with Parker prancing around the living room shouting 'lion' every time she could draw a breath. Laura stared at the blonde with a look of disbelief, trying to figure out just what the hell had gotten into her. Sam obviously felt the same way and had taken to drawing a devil tail coming out of the 'r' in his sister's name.
When the game came back on, Parker dropped to the floor. "Everyone be quiet." She commanded. "I have to answer more questions right." She looked at Laura. "At least one person in this room is smart."
Laura rolled her eyes and pressed her face against Sam's shoulder. However, as soon as Alex started talking, her head snapped back up. "It seems that there's been a mistake." The host was saying. "The correct answer to the question before the break was 'cougar', not 'lion.'"
Parker deflated. "Oh damn." She mumbled, looking away from Laura before the girl could even realize what was going on.
Laura brightened. "What was that?" She looked at Parker. "A cougar. Did he say cougar?" Parker glared at the floor. "Because that would mean that you were wrong, my friend! So wrong!"
Sam grinned and added double points to his girlfriend's column and minus 1,000 to Parker's.
"Shut up guys," Parker told the group. "Ken and I thought it was lion."
"So?" Laura replied, "That doesn't make you right. That makes you both wrong."
"It only matters what Ken thinks. He's my boyfriend, and I love him." The blonde informed the room.
Jason looked at the girl with a look of disbelief. "What?" He questioned, staring at her. "When did this happen?"
Parker flashed Jason a grin, fully intent on messing with the poor man's mind. "Well, he's just so smart and sexy." She informed him, unaware that her poor father had begun banging his head against the wall. "And he's so much better in bed then you are."
Jason just stared at her, unable to come up with anything to say. Jack was still banging his head, harder now, at the thought of his daughter in bed with anyone. Laura was giggling and trying to watch Jeopardy and Sam was drawing bigger hearts around his name and Laura's.
With a devilish grin, Parker launched herself at the television and wrapped her arms around the screen. "Oh Ken." She cried seductively, kissing the screen, tongue and all.
Jack got up and hurried out of the living room as quickly as he could, trying to get the images out of his head. He was never going to watch television with his family again.
Parker didn't notice that her father had fled the room, she was too busy air-humping the television and yelling Ken's name over and over again. Jason had his face buried in his hands; Laura was trying to see the picture past Parker but wasn't getting very far. Sam was writing the word slut under his sister's name in different styles of writing. The whole thing was almost amusing to him...but not quite.
Finally, Laura jumped to her feet and grabbed Parker's hair pulling her to the floor. "Sit down!" She commanded, after she had tossed the girl to floor. "I am trying to watch Jeopardy!" She glared at the blonde, who was staring at her with wide eyes. "Stay on the floor until the show is over."
Parker stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out just how to react; Laura had never yelled before, especially not at her. Finally, a grin spread across her face. "On the floor with Ken." She smiled.
"Whatever." Laura threw her hands up in defeat and stalked back to the couch. "Just stay there."
Jason tried to give Parker what he hoped was a sexy grin. "I'll join you on the floor." He offered.
"Please don't." Parker said quickly, not looking away from the television. "Stay right there."
Sam slipped his arm around Laura's waist and pulled her close to him. "I like this angry side of you." He whispered, kissing her neck.
Laura wrestled away from him. "Five minutes, Sam." She told him, gesturing toward the television. "Keep it under control for five more minutes."
The final Jeopardy question was asked and, of course, Laura was the only person in the room who was even close to getting it right. Parker had long since lost interest for anything involving questions of any kind and would have been more then willing to watch Maury for the rest of her life. However, Sam had other ideas, not willing to let his sister forget her nearly humiliating attempt at playing the game.
Sam pulled out his score sheet. "Does anyone want to know who won?" He questioned, opening his mouth to read off the score.
Parker snatched the sheet away from her brother and ripped it into pieces; Sam stared at the paper with wide eyes, his mouth dropping open. With the paper little more then confetti, Parker turned to look at Jason. "Come on, Jason, let's go." She commanded. "I've got better things to do with my time."
Jason stood and wrapped his arms around her waist. Parker elbowed him in the chest and stepped away. "Better things." She remarked and headed out the front door, with a disappointed Jason in tow.
Laura looked at Sam, who was still mourning the loss of his paper. She gave him a smile and patting him lightly on the shoulder. "It's okay, honey." She told him. "I'll get you a new sheet of paper."
Sam nodded slowly and smiled slightly. Laura looked at him for a moment before asking, "But I did win, right?"