Authors Note: First off this story goes out to Emmy. It's an emotionally intense story, but I've never really seen this concept done to my liking so I wanted to try and tackle it with honesty and depth. Hopefully I did that.

Things To Know: I picture this story roughly around season two, though it does not follow the SPN or OTH per say. I picture Dean about 27. Haley, Sam and Brooke about 23. And Jamie is 4. Yes, Dean and Haley got together and got pregnant when she was young, hope that doesn't bother anyone. Jamie does play a big part in this. So hopefully you like the little guy. And there will be some quotes you recognize but they were too perfect to pass up. Any questions... just ask!

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Lead Me To The Truth And I Will Follow You With My Whole Life

Haley James Winchester was the wife of a hunter. Most would never understand her decision. Most didn't even know what her husband did for a living. To the outside world he was like anyone else, except his job kept him from home more then he ever actually called it his residence. That's the part few could understand. Why Haley would stay with Dean when they were apart more then they were ever together, but Haley knew the truth. Her husband was a Hero. He wasn't just out on the road, he was saving lives. That was just one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with the damaged goods known as Dean Winchester.

She had given him a family and a home to come back to. The greatest gift beyond her love that she could give, and in return he gave her him. All of him, well almost all of him. There would always be hidden chambers in Dean that held back. That felt he was too screwed up, too unworthy of a woman as amazing as Haley. Afraid if she ever saw his true infected insides that she'd kick him to the curb where he belonged. Dean also tried to hide the horrors of his job from her. Not wanting to taint her beauty with the ugliness of his life. This makeshift family, this almost dream come true, it worked for them. While only Haley's closest loved ones could fully wrap their mind around the commitment, for them it made sense.

Haley had broken her way into Dean's heart. To this day he still wasn't even sure how she managed to wrangle his attention and affection for almost two months before she gave herself to him body and soul, but that was the Magic of Haley. Everything moved at lightening speed with her. He was like a lost sheep finally found, following his Sheppard until the road ran out. Dean couldn't get enough of Haley. So it was no surprise to anyone when she became pregnant before the honeymoon feeling could slip from their minds.

With Jamie on the way there was no turning back, but Dean could still feel the electric charge of those days, and how he swam in it, got drunk off it.

To this day he loved no one above Haley, and when she gave him a son, Dean thought his heart could burst it felt so full in his chest. Everything she had given him was everything he had secretly craved his entire life, and that terrified Dean to his core. Even wrapped in her love he wasn't sure he deserved any of it, but Dean would never tell Haley that. To Haley the stars had aligned, she had the world at her feet. A home, a husband she loved with every breath she took, and a child that came forth from the beauty of their love. He couldn't pull the curtains back for her, he couldn't bare it.

Whatever makes you happy, Whatever you want

You're so fucking special, I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,

What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here

Until a few months ago, Dean's secret life had come back to haunt him. When a demon had found his family, his home. He had protected them, kept them safe like no one did better, but for a time it still turned their world upside down. They had to move, grown more secretive while only holding onto those that mattered most in their life. Slowly everything went back to normal, or so they thought, but that incident was a catalyst even if they didn't know it at the time. Everything was good as they say, too good to be true, because after his family had been put at risk because of him, Dean wasn't the same. As if somehow what happened proved that he wasn't worthy them, that his darkness would only destroy them all one way or another. Once that feeling took hold, consumed his soul, it was only a matter of time before Dean's self destructive, self doubting demons came forth and ruined it all.

Dean had been on the road close to a month when he finally found his way home. Haley and Jamie welcomed him with open arms as they always did, then the family settled into their own little routine like they always did upon his return as if he had never been gone, but the job always had a way of finding him. Not a week home Dean got a call from Jo. She said she was a town over, working a case. She said she could use his help making sense of this puzzle she had stumbled upon. Sam was clearly the brains of the outfit, but it didn't take a genius to figure out why Jo called Dean instead.

Dean tried to worm his way out of it, but Haley with a supportive smile told him to help his old friend. The goodness of his wife's heart got him to agree. There she was in all her glory, His Perfect Haley. Brilliant, kind hearted, beautiful Haley who deserved so much more then a husband broken in way he thought couldn't be fixed, tangled up in a job that stole him from her, and put her at risk. It was in these moments when he lived by her side that completed Dean the most, and scared the hell out of him too, because he knew he wasn't enough for her. He had never been good enough for her. It was those very feelings that would be their down fall.

Can you lie next to her And give her your heart,

Your heart, As well as your bodyAnd can you lie next to her, And confess your love,

Your love, As well as your follyAnd can you kneel before the king, And say I'm clean,

I'm clean

A spur of the moment, good intention mission had Haley driving thirty minutes to the town over. It was mid-afternoon and she thought it would be nice to surprise the pair with lunch. While Haley had never met Jo, if she was anything like Dean work had a tendency to come in the way of food when the objective was extra juicy. A paper bag sat in the passenger seat. Full with two double-bacon-cheeseburgers, and hot fries from Dean's favorite local joint in town. Jamie, their four year old son was strapped safely into his car seat in the back. He had been begging to go see daddy all day, and Haley couldn't think of a better chance to make her baby and her man happy. Her two favorite people, like hitting two birds with one stone.

Thirty five minutes later she stood on the door step. After her knocks had been unheard for too long, she decided to just go in figuring they were busy with the task at hand, and just hadn't heard her. Opening the front door, Haley slowly stepped inside. Entering the generic looking apartment that lacked individuality, she found the living room empty as was the kitchen, but the distinct sound of life came from down the hall.

Warm lunch bag in hand, her young son on her heels Haley made her way down the hall. "Come on baby, I think they're back here." Haley quietly called to her son, bouncing playfully behind with each tiny step.

Eager to hear how the hunting investigation was progressing Haley walked down the shabby carpet covered hall. Excited to surprise them with a warm lunch time meal, figuring her hard working team wouldn't stop for little things like hunger.

"Hey it's me, just thought you guys could use…" Haley spoke up announcing her arrival, only to have her words die mid-breath. Entering the open doorway to the only bedroom in this small apartment Haley stalled, feet freezing. Sending Jamie bumping into the back of her legs with the abrupt stop.

Pupils dilating, heart pounding so hard in her ears it was all she could hear, Haley watched helpless as Jo's frantic hands tugged Dean's flannel shirt off his shoulders. Their lips locked in an intimate embrace. Her husband's hand's sliding along Jo's figure as his mouth came at her, just as hungry as Jo's.

Like an explosion, Dean and Jo shot apart, their startled eyes darting for the door. Jo's orbs filled with shock, before she turned away in mortified disbelief.

The paper bag slipped from Haley's numb hand, crashing to the floor. Jamie clung to his mommy's legs with confusion in his little inquisitive eyes. "Daddy?" His squeaky voice questioned with confusion.

Dean's dilated eyes fell to the tiny voice of his young son first, the realization of who was there, less then two feet away, stunned him mute. His horrified eyes shot up to Haley next as he fumbled to pull his flannel shirt back into place, her eyes breaking in the iris as her face crumbled, the moment taking her captive. "Haley," Dean blurted out breathlessly in shock. His heart pounding in his chest so hard he thought he'd have an actual heart attack any second. The devastation in his wife's eyes was blinding.

What had he done? Dean had never been into Jo before. But it wasn't about that. When she first caught him by surprise, crashing her lips into his, Dean's first instinct was to push her away, but he didn't. Because Jo was there, she wanted him, and she was screwed up, screwed up like him. He didn't have to feel bad for not being perfect with Jo, because Jo was anything but perfect. She wanted the screwed up mess he was. All those deep seeded feelings that told Dean he was never good enough for his perfect Haley, allowed him to prove them right as Jo's kiss felt hot on his lips, but stung in his heart.

A white blank page and a swelling rage, Rage

You did not think when you sent me to the brink, The brink

You desired my attention but denied my affections, My affections

Gasping for breath against the assault her eyes and heart were receiving, Haley reacted instinctively. Turning on her heels, she scooped her son into her lovingly arms, and charged back down the hall, never looking back. Protecting her child from what he had witnessed, protecting herself from what she was pretty sure would completely destroy her if she watched for another moment.

Feet pounding behind them, Haley's heart raced as she dashed for the front door. Her skin flinching every time he desperately called her name from behind them. "Haley!" Dean's deep rough voice hollered frantically after her, urgent to reach her. He had never meant for her to see that. He had never meant for her to know. His intention was never to hurt her like that.

Dean had meant that moment to be his dirty little secret. A secret so filthy he wouldn't be able to live with himself any longer beside her. It would force him to distance himself until he could finally set her free. Something he couldn't have done without a torturous reason, because his heart loved her too much to leave her without cause. To let her go, and let her find something better then he could ever be.

Reaching the car with lightening speed, Haley quickly ushered Jamie in through the driver's side door before hopping in. Her mind moving a mile a minute, the moment too powerful to let anything latch on. Ordering her son to the backseat, Haley fumbled the keys out of her purse with shaky unsteady hands.

"Jamie get in your seat." Haley instructed with a haphazard breath, her mind barely forming actual thoughts in the midst of total destruction. Her heart felt too much for her mind to think coherently. Jamming the keys into the ignition, Haley turned the motor with a vengeance. The only instinct she was sure of in that moment was she had to get away.

Just then Dean's big hands slammed against the window, his breath panting from the chase.

"Haley! Let me explain, It's not what it looks like." His perfect pout babbled any excuse to make her stay, to give him a chance to stop the pain of this moment before it became anymore damaging.

Haley's cold chestnut eyes shot to Dean in disbelief through the window, as if daring him to say what she had just seen was anything other than what it was.

His strikingly handsome face fell as his orbs met her eyes. Like a shot to the gut Dean realized she had no confusion about what had happened, only anger and pain.

Offering him one more glare of disgust, Haley jerked the car into reverse, and hit the gas, speeding backwards from him.

Watching that car move away, Dean felt frantic not to lose them, not like this. Unwilling to accept defeat and ultimately the loss of his family, Dean raced after her, car and all. Pounding on the hood of the car as it backed up, he begged her to stop.

"Haley! Haley Wait!" His voice demanded desperate and weak.

"Daddy! Mommy stop, its daddy!" Jamie cried from the backseat, unable to comprehend the moment fully, but completely aware of how upset his parents were.

Her head already glancing back as she backed up the car in hast, Haley tried to reassure her son. "I know baby, but daddy's in trouble right now. Just hold on." She spoke calmly to her son trying to shield him from this as much as possible, while masking her own true feelings.

Stopping to change the gears into drive, Dean came up quick, frantically pounding on her window with his open palms. "Haley, stop the car! Haley, talk to me! Don't do this, baby! Please don't do this!" Heart racing as his gritty voice came out urgent and uneven as it all escalated around him.

Ignoring Dean, Haley knew the very sight of him right now could be her last. Tears slipped freely down her face now, her breath heaving under the pressure to not lose it, Haley slammed down on the gas pedal needing to get as far away from him as possible.

Watching the car speed past him down the road, Dean's legs jumped into motion. Taking off after her, he raced after his family that sped away to quickly for him to reach. Undaunted, he still ran down the street as the car grew ever further in the distance. Heaving and panting out of breath, Dean stopped exhausted in the middle of the road admitting defeat. Watching her car turn down another street he knew he couldn't catch up with her, stop her, and that finally broke him.

His body began to shake from the overwhelming feeling of loss. He had finally done it, proven how unworthy he was to have the gifts he had been given. Proven how they could do so much better then him. How he would only hurt them in the end, but Dean never could have imaged the pain that would come from losing the only things that made his heart worth beating. Because in that moment as he watched them literally and metaphorically slip away, he finally realized he never wanted to lose them at all.

That realization was crippling as Dean threw his head back, and hollered into the empty street. Roaring like a lion, a broken, futile lion, which had just lost what was worth living for. Burning tears slide from his squinted, broken eyes. He had singled handedly just destroyed everything he loved most. What the parts of him that hated himself most had wanted, but only too late discovered wasn't what he really wanted at all.

But tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Oh tell me now, where was my fault

In loving you with my whole heart

Haley drove until the tears were so blinding in her eyes that the lanes of the road began to blur. Until her breathe began to hyperventilate it burst forth so painful and fast. Only then did she pull the car over. Haley had hoped she could make it until she was home. Break down in private where she could protect Jamie from her pain, but as the engine died the sobs began to burst off her lips, Haley knew that was impossible. Her mind couldn't even begin to digest what she had just seen, all it could do was play the moment over and over in her head like a knife stabbing her repeatedly in the heart. Her trembling hands gripped the steeling wheel tightly as her head bowed against it with the stream of warm tears that felt endless.

Haley felt herself drowning in a pain she couldn't get a grasp on, she couldn't even begin to wrangle until a tiny voice snapped her out of it. "Don't cry mommy. It's ok. I love you." Jamie's tiny voice picked up from the back. His big heart coming through in his little voice as much as possible.

Hearing her baby's voice, hearing his concern for her, the love that little boy had, Haley knew she hadn't lost everything. She still had Jamie, would always have Jamie. Easily the best part of Dean, and that perfect little boy needed her to be strong right now. Strong for him. Taking deep breath, Haley choked down her sobs, and sniffled back her tears. Taking a moment to compose herself, to find comfort in the love of her son, Haley wiped her face clean, and turned to the backseat with a forced reassuring smile on her face. "Thank You, baby. I'm ok now." She promised, with a slight nod. It took every ounce of strength she had to spit that out. Her will was renewed, Haley started the car, and carried them onward.

It's Water Under The Bridge

I was only looking for a shortcut home

But it's complicated, So complicated

Somewhere in this city is a road I know

Where we could make it, But maybe there's no making it now

Once Haley made it back into town the first place she went to was Brooke's. Some moments are so painful and raw that no one will do but your best friend. Brooke welcomed in two of her favorite people with open arms.

Her priorities straight, Haley tended to her four year old son, her baby first. Making sure he was ok emotionally and mentally. When the little boy who was wise beyond his years filled his mother's heart with reassurance he was fine, Uncle Sam took his nephew outside to play while the women had a moment.

As soon as Jamie was out of ear shot Haley's dam burst. The words flew off her fumbling lips like a torrential flood as warm tears and sharp sniffles consumed every other word.

Upon hearing the mind blowing news, like any good best friend, Brooke was ready to hop into the car and drive back over to Jo's so she could rip them both a new one. Brooke's fierce protective streak put a subtle comforted smile on Haley's face, and reminded her of how loved she was before she managed to talk her best friend out of first degree murder.

Taking Haley's hand in a tight grip as a show of support Brooke stood strong for her best friend as they took step by agonizing step together to figure out what Haley should do now, where to go from here. Brooke with fire in bosom wanted to tell Haley to kick Dean's sorry butt to the curb, but she knew that was a decision Haley would have to make on here own, but Brooke was there for her the whole way.

Painful conclusions had been drawn for Haley. She knew anything could be forgiven with a big enough heart and enough time, but some things can never be forgotten. Haunted memories are like road blocks on the path of life and in sacred bonds. Her and Dean now had so much water under the bridge, Haley wasn't sure the wooden beams wouldn't collapse if she tried to cross it, and send her crashing into the frozen waters below.

She had always felt they could overcome anything. If his job couldn't destroy them, nothing could, but after seeing the man who held her heart passionately kissing another woman Haley wasn't even sure she wanted to try and overcome this. If he could do that to her, to them, she wasn't sure what was worth salvaging.

As if on perfect cue Sam came barging through the back door. Jamie with a lack of full understanding over what he was saying had told his Uncle what happened with his Daddy earlier that day. Sam had noticed Haley was torn up when she arrived, that's why he had given her alone time with Brooke, but this was never an option that crossed his mind. He knew his brother loved Haley without a shadow of a doubt. He also knew is brother had a way of getting nose deep in his own dirt, and destroying everything around him in the process.

Sam and Haley's eyes met, their pupils exchanged a message that spoke louder then words. In seconds Sam was racing to his sister in-law and best friend. Engulfing her in his strong arms, tight like a bear hug.

One hand held her deathly close, while the other comfortingly soft stroked her long silky hair. Haley clung to Sam, her family and best friend besides Brooke. The only person who knew her husband as well as she did. There was comfort in knowing Sam knew things about Dean she'd never have to explain. In that moment Sam held onto Haley giving her a silent promise whatever happened he was there for her.

Brooke scooped Jamie into her arms. Holding her favorite little guy close, giving him comforting reassurance, because while he may not understand what was going on quite like the adults she could see in his sensitive green eyes that looked just like his dad's, he was hurting too.

Haley left Jamie at Brooke's when she finally found the nerve to go home. Whatever exchange she and Dean were about to carry out was not something his little eyes needed to behold. Like a good mother, Haley protected her baby from the things within her control.

Going through the garage, Haley spotted a box on her way to the door. Her feet stilled for a moment. That empty box screaming at her silently, metaphorically. Confirming the conclusion she had already come to on her own. As painful and difficult as her decision was that empty box standing there just where she could see it stood like a neon sign, like the hands of fate. Saying as hard as her choice was… It was the right one. Only one she could make. Snatching that light cardboard box with one hand, Haley took a deep breath. Praying for strength, she walked inside.

Dean was already in the living room waiting for her. As soon as he saw her figure out of the corner of his eye he shot off the couch onto his feet.

As Dean turned to face her and catch her eyes, Haley felt his image like a shot to the heart. He still looked just like the man she loves. Not that she expected him to suddenly look like a monster, but it would have been easier if he did. Dropping her gaze, she spoke up quickly trying to move things along before she broke. "Dean…" Haley began with a thick burdened breath.

That look in her chestnut eyes just before her gaze darted from his terrified Dean. He couldn't even pinpoint everything that held in her iris, but that look had sent shivers running down his spine. She had never looked at him in such a way. Stepping closer to her, only to watch her move back, Dean cut Haley off before she could say something he knew would be his end. "Hear me out, because I'm want trying the whole honesty thing here…" Something begged in Dean's husky voice that was thick from the emotion of the day. Haley wouldn't meet his eyes, but silently she nodded in agreement.

I was only trying to bury the pain

But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying

Was only trying to save me, But I lost you again

Now there's only lying, Wish I could say it's only me

Taking a deep breath, swallowing the growing lump in his throat Dean forced himself to be brutally honest in a way that neither came naturally to him, and down right made him feel uncomfortable to his core, but if he had a prayer of keeping her he knew he'd have to lay it all on the line. "I was trying to hurt us, to hurt me, I admit that, but I never wanted you to see it. I wanted to protect you from that…. Hales, you deserve so much better then me. I'm… I'm screwed up. I thought I was holding you back, but I let you down instead… I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you go… How can I? How am I supposed to live without you and Jamie…" Dean's eyes blazed on his wife, his breath growing thicker and more clogged by emotion with every word.

When Haley finally glanced up she watched as tears filled his guarded emerald eyes. His broken words sent them cascading off his eyes to drizzle down his face before his strong callused hands quickly wiped them away.

Haley felt her heart breaking in her chest for the hundredth time that day, but not for herself or even the family she was losing, but this time it was for him. In that moment as she met Dean's devastated eyes, and heard the painful truth about the broken insides of the man she would always love, Haley felt herself crumbling for him. Part of her wanted to tell her husband it was ok, they'd get through this, but she knew that wasn't true. As much as her heart went out to him it didn't change what he had done, and how she couldn't get passed it. No matter how much empathy her heart felt for what Dean had gone through in his life.

"Well you got what you wanted. You hurt us. So now your going to have to figure out how to live with your choice, because I can't tell you." Haley whispered, her heart bleeding with his as tears swelled in her chestnut colored eyes that use to shine with the sight of him.

Dean's head shook from side to side as he sucked in a heavy shuttered breath that shook his chest. "I see now that's not what I want at all. What I want is you and the kid. Haley, I'm saying I'm sorry… for everything." The apology came from every fiber in Dean's body. It wasn't possible for him to mean those words more. Too bad it had taken hindsight and hurting the people who meant the most to him to discover the truth.

Hearing that ugly word… Sorry. A word he had said too often in the course of their time together. Dean was always sorry for something, for the job, for his lack of emotion, for the risk he brought to their family, for all of it. It was that word that sent the fire back in her belly. Haley knew Dean meant that word with every ounce of his being like he always did, but for once it wasn't enough, not anymore. Her gaze burned into his as Haley's iris pinned him with the ugly truth.

"Aren't you sick of saying that? Because I've finally realized I'm sick of hearing you say it." Her voice was still thick with emotion, but now it held bitter strength, because he had finally caused damaged that couldn't be fixed with I'm sorry. No matter how much he meant it.

Haley's words stung his heart. Dean could see it in her eyes, the betrayal, the rage. He could feel it in that moment like wind as it rushes past him, she was slipping away from him. He was losing her if he hadn't already. "You don't mean that. You're upset and mad and I get that." Dean's voice pleaded, mostly with himself, but her too. To not throw them away. To not take this somewhere they couldn't turn back from. To give him one more chance to prove to her how she was everything to him, and how he'd never take it for granted again.

Hearing Dean dismiss her stand, and try to talk her down Haley finally let the fire inside her explode. "You're damn right I'm mad, Dean! You cheated on me! When are you going to stop making bad choices that threaten everything we've built!" Haley hollered at him. All the outrage over why they were standing there having this fight resurfaced in her, and Haley was never more sure of her choice.

He could see it in her orbs as they pinned him with her fire, the finalization of it all, of them. It was enough to make strong, fearless Dean beg like the scared little boy he was inside, not to send him out into the cold world without her. "Haley…" His deep rough voice came out like a plea.

Hearing the pain he was in Haley couldn't stop the empathy that swelled within her. She was breaking his heart like he had broken hers. Knowing she was hurting him, wounded her too, because like it or not she stilled loved Dean, but Haley also knew they couldn't go back. Taking a deep breath to calm the anger within, because she had never wanted this to be a war of words, an ugly battle, not with him. She loved him too much for that. Haley held Dean's gaze with empathy, and gave her verdict with the strength and grace that came so naturally to her.

"I've been thinking over the past few hours… I knew who you were when I married you, and what I've realized is I haven't been fair to you. I thought I could change you… It wasn't right of me to try and change you…" Admitting that was a big step for Haley. To finally see them and what they were for the truth. Finding her inner most strength, Haley gave the final word that would close one of the greatest chapter's of her life as she placed that cardboard box that was still in her hand on the couch cushion in front of him. "And now… Now I'm done trying. We're over. I want you out." Her words weren't cold or loud, but rather quiet and full of resolve. She wasn't trying to hurt him anymore then the pain he was already in, but they were done.

Too long we've been denying , Now we're both tired of trying

We hit a wall and we can't get over it

Nothing to relive , It's water under the bridge

You said it, I get it, I guess it is what it is

Life House "It Is What It Is"

Mumford & Son's "White Blank Page"

Note: I wanted to explain my choice to use Jo in this. I don't know how you feel about Dean/J,o but my intention is not to make her a villian. In fact I was orginally going to use Taylor, but I felt fooling around with your wife's sister is truly unforgivable. So I had to pick someone else who fit. I picture Jo about 21 in this story. Season two Jo. And I could see how being as young as she was, and so into Dean, how this could happen. But this is not about making her a villian. It's really not about her at all, it's about Dean's issues and their impact on his family. Hope that makes sense