Getting a Backbone
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this story, besides Ella.
_
"You'll never be good enough!"
"I couldn't handle life if I was as ugly as you."
"I pity you, no boy will ever like you."
These are the words that I'm told everyday of my life. These words just make me want to disspear and come back as a brand new person. But not just any person, a perfect person. That's near impossible though because perfect is something I will never be. Well, that's what I keep telling myself at least. It's tough to think anything else when your world is filled with such hatred.
I don't understand why people treat me like this because all I ever wanted was to fit in. All I do is mind my own business and stay quiet, but does that mean someone needs to be considered worthless? I don't see what I'm doing that is so wrong. I don't deserve this pain, nobody does.
Friends are something that I don't have a lot of and I certainly don't have a boyfriend. I don't even think I really have feelings for anybody. From what people tell me, no one is ever going to love me. To tell you the truth, I don't even think my parents love me. They shipped me of to Hogwarts as soon as they could and I don't hear from them at all until I go home for the summer. Even when I'm there I'm treating like crap, I don't belong anywhere.
I think a lot of people think I pity myself and I'm always complaining about how hard my life is, but I'm really not. I realize that I'm not the only lonely person out there, I just wish I had someone who understood me. And now as I wander out of the Gryffindor common room my eyes are plastered to the stone floor. I just kept trudging around, not paying attention to anything until I banged into something hard, a person.
Words were circling around in my head, I didn't know what to say. The boy that I hit sighed and bent over to collect his books that had made a loud smack as they fell to the ground. I opened my mouth to speak but I released a sentence with a stutter. "I-I-I'm sorry." I was going to offer to help him pick up his books but he had already finished. I think my words would have came out quite jumbled anyway.
I hadn't acknowledged who the boy I had ran into was until he looked me straight in the eyes. I wasn't great with eye contact, I found it very uncomfortable. I quickly became very interested in the tiles on the floor and began to blush. The boy was no other than the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Oliver Wood. He towered over me, but it wasn't hard to do since I was only 5'1.
"It's okay." My eyes lifted a little from the floor as he reassured me, "Don't worry about it." He patted me on the shoulder as he passed by to get to his class. It looked as if he had Potions, that was the book that had slipped from his hands. But what was getting to me was the jolt I felt when he touched me. I had always thought Oliver was a little cute, just like all the other girls at Hogwarts. But just like everyone told me, no guy would ever like me. Besides he was a seventh year and I was only in my fifth year. It could never work. I was silly for even thinking of such thoughts. What was happening to me?
I eventually left my spot on the floor and went to get my Divination text book. It was the last class of the day and all I wanted was to be free, especially since it was finally Friday. I was not in the mood to gaze intently into crystal balls and get no response all at for my future. All I needed right now was people mocking me because nothing showed up in the ball.
As I took my seat, next to no one, I began picking at my nails. I always do that when I'm nervous or scared. Professor Trelawney slowly arrived to the classroom and told us today's assignment.
"Good evening," Professor Trelawney quietly said. "Today we are going to do the act of Palmistry. Is everyone aware of this?" Most people in the class nodded their heads, but I wasn't paying attention. "Do you understand, Miss Burden?" I slowly rose my head up and glanced at her.
I spoke very quietly and asked, "What?" Everyone began to giggle and whisper.
"Once again, do you know what Palmistry is?" I didn't know anything about what she was talking about, all I knew was I wanted to leave. I shook my head quickly.
"Of course she doesn't know what is it, she doesn't know anything!" Karla Peters yelled from the other side of the classroom. The class roared in laughter and began to mock me once again. I sighed and realized that for the rest of the class I would remain in my own world.
Finally the bell rang and I was out of there. All I wanted was to get in my bed and cry. I know that I sounded sorry for myself but I wasn't, I just feel hopeless, I feel as if nothing it ever going to work out of me. I just want someone to be there for me, tell me that everything is going to be okay.
I practically sprinted to the common room and when I was there I decided to take a break before I made the effort to climb the stairs. I was still hopelessly crying when someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder. "Are you okay?" I turned around to see who it was and my mouth dropped.
It was Oliver once again. His hand stayed on my shoulder and I was lost for words, which wasn't something that was different for me. "Uh," that was all I manged to get out. Wood gave me a strange look, he removed his hand.
"Is it a yes?"
"Yes."
"You don't look okay."
"Well, I am."
Something strange was occuring, I didn't have any trouble talking to him. Maybe it was because he was so welcoming and comforting. But from what I heard all he cared about was Quidditch. "If you're okay, then why are you crying?"
"It's none of your business."
Oliver rolled his eyes and put his hand out. "I'm Oliver." He shook my hand but he did most of the shaking, I was just staring which was beginning to look creepy. There was an ackward silence between us and then he suggested, "Aren't you going to tell me your name?"
Oh yeah. "Ella."
"Well I have to go back to making plays for the big game tomorrow. Are you going?"
I shook my head since I was tired of talking.
"Why not? You'll miss out."
I'd miss out. I always missed out on everything because nobody wanted me to be a part of something. It actually felt nice to have someone tell me that I should go to something for once. I had to look away because I felt hot tears burn my eyes. As fast as I could I got out of that room. I couldn't take it anymore.
The first thing I did when I got into my room that I shared with many vicious girls, was empty. It was and the second thing that I thought of doing was getting in my bed and crying myself to sleep. I was almost there when thoughts kept popping up in my head. Why was I so happy but I was still crying? Were these tears of happiness? Why did I keep thinking about Oliver? He would never care. What was happening to me? Why was I beginning to feel some hope?
But I pushed those useless thoughts out of my head because, once again, I told myself that there was never any hope when it came to me.