A/N CRACKFIC!
Disclaimer: I don't own...anything. At all. Except for my pink earbuds and incomplete homework and the prospect of plummeting future grades. And butterscotch Dum-Dums.
"MWAH DARLINGS!" Garcia ran around the bullpen blowing kisses at everyone. She grabbed Morgan and kissed him right on the mouth.
"Penelope?" Morgan looked extremely confused.
"HOW QUICKLY YOU DISMISS OUR LOVE!" Garcia burst into tears. Morgan rushed over to comfort her.
"ERMAHGERD MORTAL INSTRUMENTS REFERENCE!" Emily screamed suddenly.
JJ jumped up and down. "CLACE IS LIKE THE BESTESTEST THING EVERRRR!"
"I OBJECT!" Rossi jumped over the railing. "MAALEC IS CLEARLY THE UNIVERSAL OTP!"
"NUH-UH!" Hotch countered. "SIZZZZZZZYYYYY FTW!"
"OH MY GODS HOTCH YOU USED INTERNET SLANG!" Garcia threw a butterscotch Dum-Dum at his face.
"PERCY JACKSON REFERENCE!" Reid yelled.
"IT'S A DAM LOLLIPOP!" JJ fell on the floor laughing.
"NOOOOOO ZOE!" Emily started sobbing. Soon everyone joined her, and they help a coffee cup vigil for everyone who died in the Percy Jackson series, which is like a candlelight vigil except with coffee cups, duhhh.
"I WANT TO AVADA KEDAVRA KRONOS IN THE FACE!" Hotch brandished his lollipop fiercely.
"NO FIRST CRUCIO HIM!" Rossi told him. "HAS MAD-EYE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?"
"HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, HOGGY WARTY HOGWARTS
TEACH US SOMETHING PLEEEEZE!" Everyone sang.
"I WANT TO BE REAPED TO GO TO HOGWARTS!" Emily yelled.
Garcia smacked her upside the head. "NO WAY I'M SOOO GONNA VOLUNTEER IN YOUR PLACE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" She blew a raspberry.
Strauss stormed out of her office.
"OH MERLIN IT'S UMBRIDGE- QUICK! FETCH THE CENTAURS!" Morgan commanded.
"THE PARTY PONIES ARE HERE!"
"YOU'RE A PANSYCAKE!"
"NOT EVEN A DEMENTOR WOULD KISS YOU!"
"GET DEMON POX!"
"FALL INTO TARTURUS!"
"CRUCIO!"
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
"EAT NIGHTLOCK!"
"GET BROWN URINE FROM DEHYDRATION!"
"FALL INTO THE PIT!"
As the BAU and Strauss screamed insults at each other, they never noticed what was creeping up upon them, until...
"OH NO! IT'S THE TWILIGHT SAGA!" The books and movies were so terrible a poisonous mist was seeping from them. Whoever it touched became overwhelmed by the badness of it and fell unconscious.
"QUICK! EXTINGUISH IT!" The fire extinguisher proved to be useless.
"I KNOW!" Reid screamed. "LET'S THROW GOOD BOOKS AT IT UNTIL IT DIES!"
"GOOD IDEA REID!" The team yelled.
So they threw books. Harry Potter. Percy Jackson. The Hunger Games. Divergent. The Mortal Instruments. The Fault In Our Stars. If I Stay. Anything and everything written by John Green.
"YAYYYYYY! IT DIED!"
"LET'S HAVE A PARTY!"
So they pulled out the cake and the butterbeer and the blue food and the lamb stew and bad cheese sandwiches and of course coffee, black, like my soul, obviously.
And so they clapped and sang, "CUZ THE PLAYERS GONNA PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY THE HATERS GONNA HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE I'M JUST GONNA SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAE IT OFF SHAKE IT OFF!"
A/N I sincerely apologize.