Cigarettes on the Astronomy Tower
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters and places belong to J.K. Rowling.
A/N: I always had a weird liking for these two rather minor characters. And for the idea that they were actually friends as well as cousins.
So here is a one-shot in three parts focusing on Regulus's change concerning his loyalties to the Death Eaters. I tempered a little bit with the ages but otherwise it is pretty canon. By the way, I'm a strict non-smoker.
I hope you enjoy & review.
1.
Regulus exhaled slowly. All this smoking was a rather bad habit, really. Not really improving his skills as Slytherin seeker, a muggle thing on top of all. He knew his mother and aunt would not be too please if they walked round the corner right now. He was pretty sure that this was precisely the reason why Narcissa had started to smoke in the first place.
She was standing beside him now, leaning against the rough brick wall, while the cool night air was rippling through her long blonde hair. He knew she was freezing in her gorgeous but ridiculously thin dress-robes. He also knew that she would downright refuse his cloak if he offered it to her. She always did. To Narcissa two weeks down with flu were preferable to one night letting down her pride or being underdressed.
Even in school she could not be persuaded to wear her winter cloak when they met up for their weekly cigarette on the Astronomy Tower.
They had started this tradition when Narcissa was fourteen and he just thirteen years old. She had introduced him to this very addictive vice. At first it had been their little rebellion, an adventure, breaking the rules every Saturday. Later it had become more: A safe haven, a place where all their daily struggles could be forgotten, where everything was allowed to be said. Regulus would pour out all his thoughts and secrets to his older cousin and she likewise would confide in him. They never talked about the Saturdays on the tower to anyone else. Of course people picked up on it – two Slytherins stealing out of their dormitories each Saturday – but Regulus and Narcissa ignored all questions. Many fellow students assumed they had a love affair; they were Blacks after all, right, and didn't those purebloods marry their cousins anyway?
The rumors just amused them. Both of them knew that romance was something far below them and their relationship.
"You are rather quiet tonight." Narcissa observed and lighted a new cigarette. "Not your kind of party?" Her blue eyes met his. She was slightly worried, he saw that. It upset him, because he had hoped she would be in a light-hearted and cheerful mood, when he broke his news.
"I've been thinking." He said slowly, looking down on the gleaming cigarette in his hand. She waited patiently for him to find the right words.
"I talked to Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers. I think it's the right thing to do. The opportunities I'll have are countless. I've thought it through; I'll join the Death Eaters." Regulus glanced up into his cousin's face. She didn't look surprised. She just stared blindly into the night.
"Lucius wants to join the Dark Lord, too." She stated after a long silence and took a deep drag.
"I know. I talked to him as well. You are not happy." It wasn't a question.
Narcissa slowly shook her head. "It's not that I'm not happy for you two. I just feel a bit uneasy about it all. What if the Dark Lord fails?" She bit her carefully painted lower lip.
"He will not fail." Regulus stated soothingly. "He cannot fail."
"Don't underestimate the danger of it all. It's not dueling in the corridors or jinxing mud-bloods between classes anymore. It's the real thing. People die." Something about the way she said this rubbed Regulus the wrong way.
"I'm not a child, Cissy!" He spat out without thinking. Her eyes flashed dangerously as she looked up at him.
"Yes, you are." she said calmly. "You are sixteen and thoughtless and over enthusiastic. I don't doubt your courage or your skills, but your judgment is like a child's. Lucius is just the same." Narcissa threw her cigarette stub into the nearby pond. "I'm sorry." she said, blinking back angry tears, "I just don't -" He watched her struggling to find words. "Just be careful."
Then she turned on her high heels and vanished into the freezing night.
...
2.
Narcissa fumbled with her cigarette-lighter. She had bought it in a muggle store nearby. Stupid thing to do. She had felt embarrassed and out of place, afraid she might bump into an acquaintance. But lighting a cigarette with your wand felt just as stupid.
She risked another glance at her younger cousin. The bad trembling had stopped, but Regulus still looked very pale and stared at his hands as though he wasn't quite sure they were his own. He hadn't said a single word since he arrived almost two hours ago. So Narcissa just waited and smoked.
It was an almost painfully beautiful day. The sun was warm in the cloudless sky and by contrast Regulus had looked like a dying person. His appearance had shocked her deeply, but she had tried to conceal it for his sake as she had guided him on the porch, placed him on a chair and went to get him something to drink. Lucius had touched her lightly on the shoulder as she returned with a glass of water. "It's often a bit hard for the younger ones.", he had said, then he had returned to his library to give them privacy.
Dear Lucius, who was just twenty-five himself, only seven years older than Regulus. Who woke up gasping for air sometimes at night, had dark circles under his eyes and had lost weight. Narcissa noticed these things, but she pretended not to. She had had a crush on Lucius since she was thirteen; she knew him. He always tried desperately to keep her isolated from all dangers and worries, so she played along for his sake.
But with Regulus it was something else. He was the younger one, the fragile little boy, who had cried when his house elf had caught a cold, who needed to be protected.
It was several cigarettes later that Regulus finally spoke. When he did, his voice was barely audible and void of emotion. It scared her.
"Narcissa?" He was still watching his hands, not really speaking to her.
"Yes?" she answered and noticed that her voice, too, was little more than a whisper.
"Do you remember Marlene McKinnon?"
Yes, Narcissa remembered her. A pretty girl, her age, with amber eyes. A member of the Order of the Phoenix. "Yes.", she said and in an attempt of cheerful conversation she added, "She was Chaser on the Gryffindor team, right? She was in my year, at Hogwarts."
"We killed her last night, you know." His voice and face remained expressionless. "Her and her brother and her whole family. She wouldn't tell us anything about the order, so we tortured her. Her brother and parents were already dead." Regulus took a deep breath.
"She has a little niece, did you know that?"
Narcissa shook her head, no, she didn't know; but Regulus wasn't paying her any attention anyway. "They tortured her, too, made Marlene watch. She didn't last long. After the first curse she just lay whimpering on the floor. When they used crucio a second time she just twitched feebly, once or twice, and then she became all limp and still. She can't have been more than five or six years old."
And Regulus's voice finally broke. He was sobbing violently. Narcissa had grasped his hand tightly, to support him as much as to support herself. She saw a mental image of the little girl on the floor, with auburn curls and eyes just like Marlene's. She stroked her cousin's thick black hair as she tried to block out all thoughts. She was glad Regulus had spared her the details about who it was that tortured and killed the little girl. She wasn't sure she could stand to look into the eyes of that person. And really, it could be anyone; old friends of Lucius and herself or even worse, her own sister.
"I don't know who I am anymore, Narcissa."
Regulus sounded so lost, so childlike, that Narcissa immediately regained control over herself.
"But I know who you are.", she said softly. "You are Regulus Black, you are eighteen years old. You love to spend time in the library, reading history novels or down in the kitchens, watching the house elves. Your favorite food is Kreacher's cherry-pie. You like swimming or just sitting by the water. Your favorite color is light pink, though you would never admit that. You are an amazing wizard. You are intelligent and you are handsome. The girls are crazy about you, but you are totally oblivious to that fact. You are very loyal, you never missed one meeting at the tower or if you did, it was because you were literally bed bound.
You are my cousin, you are a Black. You will always look out for me. You love me."
She trailed off. There was a long silence in which Regulus looked at her intensely.
Then he said, "So, the girls are crazy about me?" The ghost of a smile crossed his face.
"Don't get conceited, I was talking about two or three girls; and you are too stupid to pick up on it!", she snapped, but couldn't suppress a giggle.
"Oh? Who is conceited? "You love me" ", he mimicked her voice cruelly, "no, that's not conceited at all."
"Well, you do.", she said airily, relieved that she had managed to cheer him up.
"You're right, I do.", he said fondly. "But no offense, Cis, I'd still like to have the addresses of these two or three very interested girls."
...
3.
Regulus had left her for last, because she was the most important after all. Or maybe also because he couldn't go back anymore now. If he had met with her earlier, she might have been able to change his mind. She had always been good at it.
Regulus took his time, smoking up his cigarette – his last one – before snipping the stump into Lucius Malfoy's rose bushes. He looked down onto the little, old elf beside him. "Wait here, Kreacher, okay? I'll be back in ten minutes. Then we'll go."
The elf bowed and nodded and Regulus pushed open the gates, walking up the familiar path to Malfoy Manor.
She waited for him on the porch. Pale and sickly, she seemed to him, but still a golden haired beauty. The swell of her belly was very distinctive by now. Narcissa gave him a small smile and nodded wordlessly towards the chair beside her. Regulus hesitated for a moment, then decided to sit down.
"How's our mother to be?", he asked calmly. He had made his decision, there was no need to fret or panic anymore.
"I'm fine.", she said. Regulus distinctly heard the unspoken words in her sad voice: I know you are not.
He cleared his throat. "There's something I need to do. –"
"There's always something to do.", she interrupted him gently. "But most of those things don't necessarily need to be done, Reg."
He touched her belly lightly. "It's something else, Narcissa. It's something that I need to do for myself. But I'll have to leave – so I came to say goodbye."
Regulus stood up abruptly. Her blue, blue eyes were fixating him again. He knew he had to leave. He had to leave now, before leaving would become impossible.
Narcissa caught his wrist. "My son, the baby, I want you to be his godfather. Would you, please?" There was unhidden desperation in her voice this time. She knows, Regulus thought. She knows I mean to die. It had been a bad idea to come here after all. He should have written a letter. A letter explaining everything, like the one carefully folded, in the inside pocket of his cloak: To the Dark Lord –
"That honors me, truly. But I don't think, I'd be any good. You know me, Cis. Smoking, sneaking up to the Astronomy Tower in the middle of the night… I wouldn't be much of a shining example."
The shadow of a smile crossed her face. "Even I managed to give up smoking."
"Well, you've always been the responsible one."
Narcissa gave an unconvincing little laugh that died all too quickly. She stood up as well. Her hands were clutching his wrist so tightly, that he started to lose feeling in his fingertips.
"Please.", she said hoarsely. "Whatever it is you intend to do –"
"You will understand someday, I hope. It is my chance to show responsibility." He gave her a half-smile. "You'll do brilliantly, I know it. You will be a perfect mother. I need to do something meaningful as well. You understand that, don't you?"
She held his gaze for what seemed to be long, strangely peaceful hours. Then she nodded slowly, but firmly.
"Goodbye then." Regulus kissed her softly on the forehead.
"Goodbye.", she said, finally letting go of his wrists.
That's it. Thanks for reading, folks.