Choices
He felt as though he had hit a brick wall at full speed in his Camaro. Because there was no way – no fucking way – that Elena was in transition. And yet here he was, Meredith pushing at his chest, repeating those words over and over again.
She needed my help. I helped her.
He knew precisely what that meant. But that didn't mean it hurt any less. Elena, his sweet innocent Elena, had really died. He was too late. He hadn't been there to help her. It was his fault. He should not have let Stefan go back on his own to protect her. He should've known his baby brother would fuck up – even the one thing he couldn't fuck up.
He wanted to rage, scream, yell. He wanted to kill something, someone. But he was just . . . Numb.
Elena was in transition.
She was turning.
His eyes widened as he remembered compelling her. Dying would undo that. She would remember everything.
Holy shit.
She was going to kill him.
His already shattered heart seemed to break into even smaller pieces. She wouldn't complete the transition. He knew she wouldn't. No one knew she'd been fed vampire blood but him and Meredith. And Stefan. But even then, Elena would not turn.
She would never choose to become the one thing she despised most. She would rather die than be a vampire. She'd wanted this to happen on her terms, not someone else's.
Slowly, he managed to emerge from the swirling pool of all-too painful emotions and turned his attention back to Meredith. 'Where is she?' He repeated, surprising himself with the calmness in his voice. But then, he knew he wasn't calm. He just didn't know what to feel anymore.
He'd never loved like he loved Elena. She had been his primary reason for existence and he knew she would die.
How was he supposed to move past that?
Meredith eyed him warily before leading him further into the hospital, through crowded corridors and empty hallways. He hardly even noticed.
All he could think of was Elena. He remembered how broken she had sounded on the phone earlier. He never thought he would be the reason she would cry like that.
Then again, he had never thought anyone would be able to make him feel the way he did about her.
After a ten-minute silence, he noticed they were heading for a very different part of the hospital. He frowned. 'She's in the morgue?' He nearly growled.
Meredith nodded and sighed. 'By the time Stefan managed to get her out of the car, someone had already called 911. They pronounced her dead on the scene. Stefan's with her now.'
He nodded curtly, trying not to think about his former promise to his brother. There was absolutely no fucking way he was leaving now. He didn't think it was physically possible to leave.
He had no idea how he was supposed to live on if Elena would choose to die. He wasn't even sure if he could. He seriously doubted it.
Finally, they reached the morgue, and the dread set in. He still felt the dreadful urge to murder his brother on the spot, but tried to refrain from it. Elena had chosen Stefan, after all, and after everything that had happened tonight, he doubted whether she would want to re-awaken to the image of him ripping Stefan's head off.
Meredith stared at him, obviously trying to read him. He nearly snorted. Good luck with that, he thought. He himself had a hard time comprehending everything he was feeling right now, and flipping that humanity switch seemed just too damn tempting, but he wouldn't.
Not now.
So, manning up, scolding himself for being such a goddamn pussy, he squared his shoulders and threw open the doors to the morgue; being greeted with the most puzzling scene he had ever experienced in his entire existence. And he had seen quite a bit of crazy stuff.
Elena was sitting up, holding his brother up by the throat, a murderous glance in her normally kind eyes. For a moment, he actually believed he was looking at Katherine instead of Elena.
'Um…' he frowned, still not sure what to make of this, 'Did I interrupt something?' Stefan made a little choking sound that normally would've had Damon rolling on the floor laughing, but Elena's gaze had snapped up to meet his – and then suddenly everything changed.
The warmth he loved returned, and before he, Stefan or Meredith had even contemplated what was happening, she had shoved Stefan to the floor and launched herself into Damon's arms. He staggered back a few paces on impact, trying very hard not to get his hopes up. She had chosen Stefan. She was just confused.
Yeah. That was the reason she was clinging onto him as if she never wanted to let go.
She nuzzled her face in his neck, and for a moment, he would've sworn he heard her purr. He felt beyond confused. He was just positively baffled. Not that he was complaining – he had Elena in his arms, so all was right in the world – but it still didn't make sense. She seemed to have strengths that a normal human in transition didn't have, otherwise Stefan would've been able to shake her off, and Damon wouldn't be having such a hard time at peeling her away from his body carefully.
His gaze met Stefan's. 'Okay,' he declared, 'What did I miss?' Stefan shrugged and glanced at Elena, hurt displayed all over his features. 'You tell me. The first thing she said when she woke up was your name.'
Damon tried – and failed – to stop a smile from finding its way to his lips. She said his name? Not Stefan's? He shook his head slightly and looked down at the shivering girl in his arms.
'Elena,' He muttered, 'Sweetheart, let go for a moment.' In response, she only tightened her grip on him, and he nearly growled in pain. She was way too strong for a new vampire. And she hadn't even fed. She shook her head stubbornly.
'No,' she finally said, 'I let you go before, and I'm never doing it again.'
He exchanged another confused glance with his brother and then shrugged. He just needed to know if she was okay. 'Okay, Elena, you're really sweet, but I promise I'm not going anywhere. Now will you please let go so I can make sure you're okay?'
Again, she shook her head, and he felt his already thinly spread patience wear down. 'No,' she whispered, 'I'll be fine as long as you hold me.'
'Elena,' Stefan tried, taking a few tentative steps forward, 'Do you remember what happened?' She nodded into Damon's chest, not once looking up.
'Yeah,' her muffled voice came, 'Rebecca. She showed up in front of the car, Matt crashed it into the lake. I asked you to get Matt out first, and then I died. But I'm here. So, I'm in transition, aren't I?' At this point, she leaned back a little bit, just far enough to be able to look at Damon's emotion-flooded face.
She'd never seen him look so expressive before. Confusion, relief, joy and sadness were all flashing across his features, as though he didn't even know what to feel anymore.
When their eyes met, another emotion bloomed there, an emotion she had known was there all along, but she had just chosen to ignore.
Now that she remembered though, she couldn't. She just couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to let go of him, in fear that he just might disappear on her. She held his gaze with her own, unwilling to lose the intimate contact just yet.
They barely heard Stefan's murmured, 'I'll give you two a moment.'
'I'm mad at you,' she whispered, tightening her hold on his waist slightly. The comment broke through his every defense, and he actually managed to smile. 'Is that why you're trying to squeeze me to death?' She rolled her eyes at him. The move was so familiar and so Elena, that he couldn't help himself. He leaned in and pressed his lips on her forehead, muttering, 'I'm so glad you're okay.'
He watched a smile flash across her features before she scowled and slapped him. He groaned softly and rubbed his cheek. 'Ouch. What did I do now?'
She growled at him – she actually growled – and huffed, 'You compelled me! Twice!' His eyes grew wider in surprise. 'You remember that? Already?'
Finally, she removed her arms from around his body and started pacing around, huffing angrily. 'Yes, I do! And I'm pissed at you for it.'
He rolled his eyes. 'Like it would've made a difference,' he muttered, feeling the tiny remains of his broken heart shatter even more when he remembered she had still chosen his brother.
Her head snapped up at those words and before he had the time to react, she grabbed the closest object and threw it at his head.
He caught it easily and turned it over, frowning. 'A wet sponge, Elena? Really?'
She groaned in frustration. 'Don't change the subject, Damon Salvatore!' He sighed and turned his attention back to the teenage girl that had held his heart in the palm of her hand and had smashed it not even a few hours earlier.
'Well, it wouldn't have, would it?' He shot back, throwing up his hands as a gesture of defeat. 'You said that,' he said accusingly, 'No matter what, it's always going to be Stefan.' He quoted her in a mocking high tone, 'Your words, Elena, not mine.'
Trying extremely hard not to let his anger and resentment get the upper hand, he clenched his fists tightly. 'So tell me,' he spat, 'What exactly would you have done differently?'
He almost felt bad when he saw tears sparkle in her eyes, but then remembered how easily she had broken his heart earlier, and the feeling disappeared for a split-second.
Of course, then she had to ruin it and yell, 'I would've chosen you, you stupid, big-headed, idiotic vampire! I always would have chosen you!'
He was slightly aware of his mouth falling open, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember how to close it. Of all the answers she could've given him, that was the one he never would've expected. Those were words he had yearned for all this time, but the words he never actually expected to roll from her lips.
I would've chosen you. I would've chosen you. I would've chosen you.
It was almost as if someone had pressed the replay-button in his head. Her words just played over and over in his head, and he honestly didn't know how to respond to it.
'Elena,' he whispered, words escaping him. He just couldn't form a coherent sentence, and she seemed to know that. Slowly, she advanced upon him. 'I don't know if I'm going to complete the transition,' she said, feeling that inexplicable need to be as honest with him as she possibly could be, 'but all I could think about in that car was that I hadn't said goodbye to you. And that I –' She paused for a moment, while he was still struggling to remember how to speak the English language – or any language for that matter –took a deep breath and whispered, 'I love you. I never wanted to admit that because it scared the hell out of me. It consumes me,' she whispered, watching a dumbstruck Damon's mouth fall open again.
'It consumes me just like you said, and the passion… I gave in to the possibility of us once. Just once was enough to tell me we'd be epic. One kiss was enough to convince me that I wanted you. I just didn't have the guts to take the risk.'
At that point, Damon finally found his voice again. 'Elena, don't,' he croaked, shaking his head. His pain had just magnified a hundred-fold. 'Don't say stuff like that when you're going to be running back to my brother. Don't say stuff like that when you're planning on dying anyway.'
She shook her head. 'I'm not going back to Stefan, Damon,' she whispered, and his head snapped up, watching her with rapped attention. She didn't continue the way he had hoped, even though he hadn't really thought she would.
'The very second you hung up on me, I realized I would never be able to live without you. I can live without Stefan, but there's no way I'd be able to face my life when you're not in it.' He thought she might actually have jump-started his undead heart. 'But I don't know if I want to be a vampire,' she whispered, 'even if I'd have you by my side forever.' He watched helplessly as tears formed in her eyes and started rolling down her cheeks. 'So, until I decide…can you just … Just hold me? Please?'
He couldn't refuse her.
They both knew that. So he did the only thing he could. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her as close as he could and buried his face in her hair, wishing that she would change her mind about turning. He should be downright pissed off at her right now, but for some reason, he just couldn't be. She said she loved him.
She loved him.
How did anything else in the world even matter anymore? It didn't matter that his baby brother was standing outside, it didn't matter that Matt was probably going to be in the hospital for a long time – all that mattered was that Elena was in his arms because she wanted to be, because she finally realized that was where she'd belonged all along. Then he remembered the scene he'd walked in on. He pulled back slightly, frowning as she pouted. 'Why were you trying to choke Stefan before I walked in? And how the hell were you able to hold him there?' She frowned and her eyes darkened slightly. 'He tried to kiss me and then told me I had to feed. But I don't know why I was stronger at that moment.'
Damon couldn't help but chuckle. 'Let me get this straight,' he grinned, 'You tried to choke my brother – your boyfriend of choice – because he wanted to kiss you?' She sighed, slid her hands underneath his jacket and around his waist, burying her face in his chest. 'I made a mistake, Damon,' she breathed, 'I just came back to tell Stefan face to face that it was over.'
He sighed. 'You're probably stronger because you're the doppelganger. Katherine was.' She stiffened in his arms for a moment and he realized his mistake instantly. Then he groaned. They didn't have time for this conversation. He didn't want to waste the little time they had. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her too and buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.
He had absolutely no idea how long they'd been standing there like that – for all he cared, it could've been a million years, it still wouldn't be long enough – but then Stefan had to ruin the moment and open the door, announcing that Jeremy and Bonnie were meeting them at the Boarding House. Neither Damon nor Elena noticed the sad smile Stefan shot them as he found them wrapped around each other in the morgue.
Even when Elena had chosen him, he had known she wanted Damon more. Maybe yesterday, he would have been mad about it – he might even have thrown a few punches at Damon – but today, he did not have the energy to do anything but accept this.
He knew as well as Damon did that, no matter how much she loved either of them, she would not want to turn. It was something she never wanted.
He had already accepted that they would've been doomed to end, he thought as he led his brother and Elena back to Damon's Camaro, whilst Damon had gone everywhere, researching every single legend and myth he could find, to see if there was a way to become human again.
And that was why Stefan couldn't hate his brother for falling in love with Elena. He knew Damon loved her far more than he ever had. Stefan doubted if he would've given up his immortality for her without a second thought. Of course, Damon would, and despite what everyone seemed to think of him, Stefan knew that was the reason Damon and Elena should be together, even if he still loved her.
Secretly, he even hoped she wouldn't complete the transition – it would mean he would have his brother all to himself again, and he would be able to just enjoy his brother's company. He realized though, that it was selfish and vain hope. If Elena died, it would only be a matter of time before Damon would follow her.
And that was a thought that scared him. If Damon were to die, he would be all alone. And he was not ready for that. He needed to fix that. He clenched his hands around the steering wheel. He wasn't going to let his brother go just yet. He needed him. He'd find a way to keep him.
Elena sighed softly and groaned – her muscles ached all over – as Damon helped her into the backseat of the Camaro, surprising her by sliding in with her, tossing his keys at Stefan.
As soon as he'd slammed the door shut, he pulled her back into his embrace. If she would decide not to turn, at least he'd have these moments with her. She chuckled softly and buried her face in his shirt, gripping the lapels of his jacket tightly.
'You're letting Stefan drive your baby?' She muttered softly, knowing he'd hear her anyway. He responded by wrapping his arms around her even more tightly and whispering, 'I seem to recall you begging never to let go again. Now you've got complaints?' She could hear the smirk in his voice, and for a moment, she forget everything that had happened, and they were just Damon and Elena – bickering away as they always did.
She smiled into his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent over and over again. 'I'm not complaining. I'm just surprised. You love this car.' He flashed a smile and pressed his lips to her hair. 'I love you more,' he finally replied, unaware of Stefan's whitening knuckles as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. Knowing Elena and Damon were head over heels for each other was one thing. Knowing they hadn't figured it out until an hour ago was another. Actually seeing it and hearing it was something Stefan had not been entirely prepared for.
He swallowed his anger when he caught sight of Damon in the rear view mirror. He had only seen his brother cry once before – when their mother had died.
But now, Damon's eyes were filled with tears and emotion, and his jaw was set firmly – Stefan could tell he was trying to hold back the tidal wave emotions that was building up inside of him.
He nudged the pedal down another inch. It was all he could do to prevent himself from pulling over and demanding that Damon would let go of his girlfriend.
Deep down, Stefan knew he was kidding himself – he and Elena had been over for a long time – but that didn't mean the possessive streak in him didn't keep on shouting at him in his head.
All too soon, they reached the Boarding House, but no one was there yet. Elena sighed softly in relief. She wasn't sure if she was ready to face the cavalry just yet.
Damon noticed it, of course, and smiled, shaking his head slightly. Before she could utter a single word of protest, he swept her off her feet – pun intended – and carried her up the stairs bridal style.
'Damon,' she giggled, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, 'What are you doing?' He smiled at her, softly stroking a lock of hair from her face. 'Taking you upstairs so you can sleep. You're exhausted. Believe me, I get it.'
She hadn't even realized they were in his bedroom until he softly set her down on his bed. 'I'm not tired,' she protested feebly, knowing he'd see right through her anyway.
To up her game of trying to resist going to sleep as long as she could, she pouted at him. 'Damoooon,' she whined softly, giving him her best doe eyes ever.
His eyes glazed over for a split-second, but then he shook his head furiously, as if trying to shake off the trance he had resided in.
'Oh no,' he purred, 'Don't you 'Damooon' me. You need to sleep. You're tired. Now why won't you?' She pouted for a moment in defeat and then whispered, 'Because I don't want to waste the last moments I have with you sleeping.' His heart clenched at her words.
'So you've decided not to turn then,' he said softly, trying to force back the uncomfortable burning behind his eyes. She bit her lip.
'Damon…'
He shook his head, stood up and paced around for a moment, struggling to get the upper hand on his emotions again. He finally got the girl – she chose him, and now she was dying.
How was that fair? He knew life sucked, but this was really a bitch.
'Damon, listen to me,' she said sternly, drawing his attention back to her. She was sitting up straight, an angry glitter in her eyes. 'It's not that I don't want to be with you forever, because believe me,' she managed to smile, 'I do.. I just… I don't want to turn because … Because I'm scared I'll be like Katherine…' her voice quivered at the end, and he immediately rushed back to the bed, dropping back onto his knees before her. She would never be like Katherine, she had to know that.
If only he could make her see that.
'Elena, that's not going to happen,' he said desperately, reaching for her hands, lacing their fingers. He ignored the usual bolts of electricity her touch sent through his body, lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. 'You could never be like her,' he repeated, looking straight into her eyes, hoping she would listen to him.
Of course, she didn't. She shook her head stubbornly. 'You can't know that. You told me Stefan changed the moment he first drank human blood. He became a monster. How can you be so sure I'll be any different?' He could see the logic in her question – how could he be sure? Truth was, he wasn't. But he knew that he'd rather stake her himself than let her turn into Katherine.
So, he leaned up, brushed his lips past hers ever so softly and replied, 'Because I'd never let that happen.'
She smiled half-heartedly before asking him the question he'd been dreading ever since he'd heard she was in transition. 'What do you think I should do?'
'I can't tell you what to do, Elena. If you do this, I want you to do it for the right reasons, and not because you think I want you to.'
Her bottom lip quivered slightly. 'So you don't want me to?' He sighed. Leave it to the emotional teenage girl to take his words the wrong way. He caressed her cheek softly and replied, 'Let's not pretend that you and I don't know that I want nothing more than to have you by my side for eternity –' Her face lit up with joy '–But I don't want you to do this for me or Stefan or Jeremy or even Bonnie and Caroline. I want you to be selfish for once in your life. Because I can't let you live with the regrets I've been living with for the past century and a half.'
He looked down momentarily. 'I can't let you live with pain like that.' When he looked up again, tears were brimming in her eyes, and she was chewing her lower lip so hard, he was afraid she might actually bite it off. 'But if you do decide you don't want to turn,' he nearly choked, unable to actually imagine a world without her in it, 'I'm not going to be far behind you.'
She stared at him, before shaking her head, gripping the collar of his shirt so hard, he thought she'd rip it. 'No,' she pled, 'No, Damon. Don't. Just because I . . .' He let out a mirthless laugh. 'Elena, what purpose does my life have without you? I don't want to live without you. I can't. You said you couldn't face you life without me. Don't ask me to face mine without you.' He stressed on the last part, willing her to understand. He could tell she was close to tears, but she nodded nonetheless.
'I have to talk to Stefan,' she whispered after a short silence. His heart shattered. After everything, she was changing her mind? Again?
She seemed to follow his line of thoughts and forced him to look up into her eyes. Reluctantly, he met her gaze. 'I'm not changing my mind again, Damon. I had my mind made up the moment you hung up on me. I had Matt turn around the car, but then Rebecca turned up and … I need him to understand.'
She swallowed, and his heart swelled a little as he saw the warmth in her eyes as she looked at him. 'I love you, Damon. I've been waiting for far too long to tell you that, but I was just so scared and I –' He cut her off by crashing his lips onto hers. Once again, he was baffled by how perfectly their lips mold together, and passionate she could be when she wanted to be.
Three times he had kissed her before now. Three times his lips had moved against hers, and even their most passionate kiss, a few weeks ago, was blown out of the water by this one.
Their lips moved perfectly together, and though he had had every intention of keeping this kiss perfectly PG, Elena seemed to think otherwise. His hands rested on her hips, and he dug his fingers into the soft flesh there, trying to keep himself under control when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him onto the bed with her.
Before he really caught on to what was happening, they were falling back onto the bed, their limbs tangled together, his weight pushing her deeper into the soft mattress. Every inch of her delicious body was pressed against his, tantalizing him, testing his self control.
And then she ground against him.
Fuck it, he thought, and let his tongue slide against her lips, all thoughts of keeping the kiss innocent thrown out of the window. His hands roamed all over her body, making her moan and gasp in response. She parted her lips and he slipped his tongue in her mouth immediately, rubbing it softly against her own. When he changed the angle, she nearly purred against his lips, twisted her fingers in his dark locks and yanked his face closer to hers. He was pretty sure he could hear angels singing and there were stars dancing before his eyes as Elena responded to his caressing and ministrations with so much passion, he was almost convinced he was dreaming.
Almost. But he knew that even he did not have an imagination that was this extended and detailed.
Slowly, he pulled away searching her face for any sign of regret or doubt, but instead, he was treated with a sight he never thought he'd see. Elena lay before him, her hair spread over his pillow, her cheeks flushed and her lips red and swollen from his kisses.
'Holy shit, Elena,' he breathed, 'You have no idea what you're doing to me here.' She smiled at him. 'Same here, love,' she replied. He smiled as she called him love. He could get used to that. And then he remembered the rest of the world. He would never get used to that. Though it pained him, he managed to untangle his body from hers, ignoring her whine of protest, and got up from the bed. 'You wanted to talk to Stefan, Elena,' he reminded her, trying his best to ignore how her pouty red lips looked too damn kissable to just walk away.
When she saw he wasn't going to budge, she let out a groan and muttered, 'Oh fine.'
He laughed at her expression and opened the door so she could get past him to get down the stairs to the living room, where his brother would be brooding, no doubt.
As she brushed past him, she tiptoed and pressed her lips on his in a short, soft, sweet kiss. He nearly cursed when she leaned back, a smile on her lips that told him she knew precisely what she was doing to him.
And she was actually enjoying it.
Damn it.
.
.
Elena grinned to herself as she skipped down the stairs. For some crazy, messed up reason, she didn't feel scared or depressed anymore. From the moment she had admitted that she loved Damon rather than just cared about him, it was as though the weight of the world had fallen from her shoulders.
Even the fact that she was in transition, and that she only had a few hours to make the choice between life and death, didn't dampen her spirit. She had made her choice, and though it hurt to know that Stefan would be hurt by it, she didn't feel bad about it.
She found him in the parlor, looking out of the window. 'Stefan?' She asked tentatively, though she knew he had heard her come in anyway. Slowly, he turned to face her, and she let out a small gasp at his appearance. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his face drained from all color.
'Elena,' he croaked, taking a few steps closer to her before stopping so suddenly, she thought he might actually have hit an invisible wall. 'So it's Damon, is it? I thought you came back for me.' She bit her lip. This was more difficult than she thought it would be.
Honesty was her best option right now, she decided.
'I thought I came back for you too. Until Damon actually let go.' She opened her mouth to continue, but she just couldn't find the words.
She took a few steps forward. 'I would've chosen him in the end, Stefan. I don't know how or why, but I can't live without him. I can't stand the thought of having to live my life without him in it.'
Something in Stefan's eyes changed. She wasn't sure what it was, but suddenly he was in front of her, pushing her back against the wall. 'This is payback, isn't it?' He slurred in her ear, making her shiver. 'No, Stefan,' she heard herself say in a firm voice, 'It's not payback for anything. You didn't do anything wrong. But … I … I love him. I can't stay away from him. I need him.'
His arms were at either side of her, trapping her against the wall. Her heartbeat – that was already faster due to the transition – sped up, and for the first time, she was scared as she looked at her ex-boyfriend. The only time he had scared her like this was when he had threatened to drive her off Wickery Bridge. 'Stefan, don't be like this,' she whispered, gently pushing at his chest.
He laughed hard and humorless. 'Like what, Elena? The girl I love just left my for my brother!' She swallowed. 'Stefan, I'm sorry…' He cut her off, pressing his finger to her lips. 'But see, here's the thing; you don't want to turn, do you? You want to die.' She glanced down, unable to meet his gaze. It had been hard enough to tell Damon she didn't want this. She didn't want to repeat it to Stefan.
When she finally gathered the courage to look up again, Stefan's entire demeanor had changed, and fear surged through her. He looked like Ripper Stefan.
She opened her mouth to call Damon, but Stefan moved so fast, she never got the chance. He slammed her back against the wall, pressing his hand over her lips, silencing her cries for help. He smiled crazily. 'If you die, Elena, Damon will follow you. I'd be all alone. I'm not ready to let my brother go just yet. So…' He drawled, his lips drawing back, revealing his fangs, 'I'm going to make sure he doesn't have to.'
She struggled against his grip, but even though she was stronger than she had been before, she couldn't throw off the older vampire.
She kicked at him, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get him to let go of her. Tears were spilling down her cheeks as she watched Stefan pull a blood bag seemingly out of nowhere and she realized what he was going to do.
He was going to force her to feed, like he had Damon. From what she had heard before, it only took one drop of blood to send her into a frenzy. Caroline swore that she almost couldn't stop. She didn't want to turn, not like this. She doubled her efforts and her struggles, and finally, she could see something change in Stefan's face; he didn't seem cool and collected anymore. Her struggling was throwing him off balance.
She saw her chance and gladly jumped at it, reaching for the hand that was covering her mouth, yanking it back with such force she nearly felt bones break, and cried, 'Damon!' at the top of her lungs, before Stefan managed to pin her back against the wall. He ripped off the top of the blood bag, and instantly, she felt different. The smell coming from the bag was like the most delicious food she had ever smelled, mixed with an alluring scent that she had always pegged on Damon.
It was irresistible.
She felt her face change, her fangs elongating, cutting the skin of Stefan's hand. All she could think of now was the blood. She wanted it like she had never wanted anything in her life. She ached for it. She wanted it even more than she had wanted to see Damon when she woke up.
She could see Stefan smile evilly, but she no longer cared. She just needed to get out of his hands to get the blood bag. The moment she managed to throw Stefan's arms off her and lung for the blood bag, Damon flashed into the room, threw Stefan across the room and snatched the blood bag from her hands before she could even take a sip. Red anger flashed before her eyes and she pushed at his chest, growling. 'Elena,' Damon groaned, and she stopped moving, snapping out of the haze that had held her.
Damon's hands were cupping her face, and he was keeping her pushed against the wall, so she couldn't go for the blood bag again.
Realization at what she had almost done struck her hard, and she felt tears burning behind her eyes. Not because she had almost fed, but because it had been Stefan trying to force her. 'Oh my God,' she breathed, tears sliding down her cheeks by now.
'It's okay,' he breathed, 'Elena, it's okay, I'm here. He's not going to make you do anything you don't want to.'
She started crying for real now. She had decided, and it was going to kill Damon as much as it was going to kill her. She didn't want this. She couldn't. She couldn't submit herself to being a vampire. She'd rather die.
'I can't, Damon,' she sobbed against his shirt, gripping the lapels of his jacket tightly, pulling him closer to her. 'I just can't do this. . . Please,' she cried, feeling his heart break along with hers, 'you have to understand. . . I can't do this.' She felt his arms tighten around her for a moment before he whispered in a choked voice, 'I get it, Elena, I do.' He breathed in deeply, 'But I'm not sure if the others will too.'
She just shook her head and buried her face in his chest, refusing to let go of him just yet. As long as Damon was here, she wasn't afraid of the end of the night. But she knew he would have to let her go eventually, even if in order to open the door for her brother and Bonnie. She shuddered at the thought. Damon was right, they would never understand.
'I don't know what to say to them,' she admitted, breathing in his scent, never moving from his embrace. He pressed his lips to her forehead and replied, 'Say goodbye. Give them closure.' She sniffed. 'I don't know if I can do that.'
He swallowed difficultly. 'Of course you can. You held your ground before murderous Original vampires. If anyone can muster up the strength to say goodbye, you can do it.' She bit her lip and pulled back to look at him. 'Will you stay? Please?' He let out a shaky laugh and brushed his lips past hers.
'Do you really think I'd be able to leave you?' She chuckled softly. She looked over Damon's shoulder only to see the room empty. 'Where did Stefan go?' She frowned. His eyes darkened with rage and he growled, 'He was wise enough to leave as soon as you came to your senses. I would've killed him for nearly forcing you to do what he did to me.'
She shook her head slightly and held onto him tighter when she heard a car door slam. Damon stiffened and she whispered, 'They're here, aren't they?' He nodded slowly. 'Are you sure you want me to stay here? I mean, they are your friends…' He hesitated. He had no intention of actually leaving, but he had to offer her the opportunity to say goodbye to her friends at least.
She nodded and pulled away from the hug, but laced her fingers with his nonetheless. 'And you are the love of my life,' she said – his heart seemed to swell – and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. 'I don't want you to leave. These are your last moments as much as theirs.' He shook his head. 'How are you so calm? I'm pretty close to freaking out,' he admitted, frowning slightly. She shrugged and pulled him towards the door. 'I don't know. I just know that as long as I'm holding your hand, everything will be okay.'
He shook his head at her blind trust, but decided not to press the matter. Once she had made up her mind, he knew there was no way to change it.
She breathed in deeply and opened the door, revealing the witch and little Gilbert, both looking as though they had just died themselves. Witchy took one look at his and Elena's appearance and burst into tears.
She surged forward and wrapped her arms around Elena, who managed to hug back with one arm, refusing to let go of his hand. Finally Bonnie took a step back and took in Elena's appearance and Damon's closeness to her best friend. Then it clicked. 'You chose him?' she spat, and Elena took a step back involuntarily. 'Why would you choose him? Do you remember what he's done? He's compelling you, isn't he? I swear, I'll–' Jeremy had already tried to get her to back down, but it was Elena's cry that silenced Bonnie once and for all.
'I'm in transition, Bonnie!' She yelled, and Damon winced at the undiluted pain in her voice. 'I'm dying, and all you can think about is who I chose? Of course he didn't compel me! This was my choice, not yours. I'm not asking you to like it.' Damon stared at Elena for a moment, feeling the ache of his broken heart start again. Of course she had to remind him that she would only be his for a couple of hours. Jeremy saw the tortured look in Damon's eyes and put the pieces together.
'But.. Elena, if you're in transition, why haven't you fed yet?' Elena gulped and glanced down at the tips of her shoes, her silence screaming louder than a thousand words ever could. Bonnie merely shook her head and turned on her heels, running away, and Jeremy's eyes grew large in horror. 'No; No, 'Lena, I'm not going to let you die!' He turned to Damon. 'Why the hell haven't you convinced her yet? You said you loved her, you'd do anything for her! Make her turn!' Elena cringed, but Damon merely shook his head. 'I was forced to turn and I still feel the pain of that every single day. I love her, yes. I'd do anything for her, yes. Including letting her go if she wants me to.' His voice was choked. 'And besides, I'm not going to be Stefan.'
His rage filled him again, and this time, he couldn't suppress it. He turned to Elena and shook his head. 'I know I promised to stay-' She shook her head and gave him a look that told him she knew he was on the verge of breaking down. 'Go,' she whispered.
He nodded, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then flashed away at vampire speed, trying to get as far away as he could before he'd kill something. Or someone.
He'd lost his best friend today and was about to lose the only person in his life that mattered. There was only so much he could take – and he had just about reached his limit.
.
.
Elena sighed and finally raised her gaze to meet Jeremy's. Her eyes were all glossed over, and she knew why Damon had left. If he hadn't, he probably would have ended up snapping Jeremy's neck again. But despite that, she missed him already. Without him here, all of it seemed so much scarier and downright frightening.
'Elena, you can't do this,' Jeremy whispered, pulling her into his arms. 'I can't lose you.' She sniffed softly and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her brother closer. 'You already did, Jer,' she whispered, her tears wetting his shirt, 'but this time you get a goodbye.' He whimpered softly and she buried her face in the crook of his neck, as she had done so many times before when she needed his comfort.
A fatal mistake as it turned out.
She could hear it. She could smell it; hell, she could almost taste it. Jeremy's blood was calling to her.
She felt her fangs elongate again; but this time she was ready for it. She pulled away from Jeremy as fast as she could, flitting to the other side of the room. She had no idea she could move that fast, but in the moment, all she could think of was to stay away from her brother, before she would hurt him.
'Jeremy, go,' she pleaded, tears running down her cheeks as she braced herself against the wall of the Boarding House, breathing in fast. 'I love you, and I wanted to give you a goodbye, but you have to go… Before I do something.'
Her voice broke, and Jeremy saw the pain in her eyes. It felt as though he was dying himself, as if a part of him was dying along with her. He bit his lip and nodded slowly, drinking in the sight of his older sister one last time as tears spilled from his eyes. 'Goodbye Elena… I love you too, sis,' he whispered, before turning around abruptly and nearly ran from the Boarding House.
Once she was sure he was gone, she let her back slide down the wall and felt the tears that she had been holding back all day fight their way to the surface. Loud, wet, heartbreakingly painful sobs spilled from her lips and tears ran down her cheeks as she wove her fingers in her hair, tugging roughly at the silky strands in desperation.
For once, she felt truly and completely lost.
.
.
.
Damon found her like that, hours later, dried tears on her cheeks, her skin pale and bags under her eyes. Somehow, seeing her like that made it so final. She was dying. And there was nothing he could do about it.
'Elena,' he breathed, ignoring the ache in his chest that threatened to destroy him. He sank onto his knees before her, slowly and softly untangled her fingers from her own hair and cupped her face in his hands.
Her chocolate brown eyes met his cerulean blue ones and she swallowed. 'I'm dying,' she whispered, and he winced as she pronounced the words. Hearing her say it … It made everything even more real. It made him feel even more useless, knowing there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.
'I'm dying,' she repeated, 'And I know I chose it… But why do I–' she broke off as a new wave of tears washed over her.
Damon just sat speechless, unable to form thoughts coherently enough to know what to tell her. So he did the only thing he could. He pulled her into his embrace, comforting her with his love without uttering a single word. He'd love her no matter what; whether she chose to turn or to die. He would always love her.
'It's gonna be okay, Elena,' he whispered. He lied. She was dying, of course it wasn't going to be okay. She would his heart with her, take half his soul with her. He wouldn't last two days without her and he knew it. Everyone did.
She sighed against his shoulder. 'Does it hurt?' she whimpered, involuntarily tightening her grip on his neck.
He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly, willing himself to remain calm. He had to be strong for her. Slowly, he pulled her onto his lap, pressed his lips to her forehead softly and shook his head. 'No. It won't. It'll be like falling asleep. Just without…' he choked for a moment at the thought of her cold, dead body laying before him, '…Without waking up.'
She stiffened in his arms for a split second before she whispered, 'Will you stay?' He stopped breathing at that point; willing himself to get a hold on his emotions before replying. Finally, he choked, 'I'll always stay, Elena.' She let out a dry chuckle and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
'I love you,' she whispered, the words and her breath washing over his skin giving him goose bumps. 'I love you so much,' she continued when he was about to reply with the same words, 'But I just can't. I can't be a vampire. I'd do anything for you… Anything… But I can't do this.'
He didn't think the shattered remains of his heart could be smashed to bits any further, but as usual, she did it, even though he knew it was the last thing she wanted to do.
She needed to be honest with him, and he understood why; the same reason he made every single decision concerning her; they loved each other.
It was consuming, passionate and dangerous. Most of all, it was eternal.
He knew that for sure. He would never recover from losing Elena. And he honestly didn't want to either. He didn't want to live without her. And he wouldn't.
He had the vervain and the stakes ready. He'd wait until after her funeral, but he wouldn't live without her longer than that. He still wasn't sure he was going to be able to cope that long.
'Damon?' Her soft, weak voice broke him from his musings. 'Can we move?' He bit back the tears burning in his eyes when he listened for her slow, sluggish heartbeat.
It wouldn't be long now.
'Sure,' he replied in a tight voice, getting to his feet swiftly, keeping her shivering body close to his. Slowly, savoring every moment of holding her, he carried her up the stairs and into his bedroom, carefully laying her on the bed.
She looked up at him with tears in her big doe eyes. She was pleading for him to just hold her – she didn't have to tell him for him to know that was what she wanted.
He crawled onto the bed with her, snuggling her really close to his body, almost willing himself to believe the night was actually going to end well.
'You know,' Elena breathed, her voice awfully faint, 'we seem to have all our defining moments either in here, in your car or on my front porch.'
He chuckled. 'Yeah… I guess you're right.' She smiled a little. 'I'm serious. I mean, I even kissed you in here for the first time.' She frowned slightly. 'I think that was the first time I actually realized how much you mean to me.'
He watched a tear roll down her cheek. 'I should've told you then,' she whispered, 'I don't even know how sick and twisted the universe is for putting us in the same position again, but this time with the rolls reversed.'
He snorted. 'I know, baby, I know…' he sighed and buried his nose in her hair, vaguely catching the scent of her strawberry shampoo. 'I love you, 'Lena,' he muttered, tightening his arms around her. He heard her heartbeat slow drastically and prepared himself for the worst. This was going to destroy him.
'I love you too Damon, 'she whispered in reply, leaning up to capture his lips in a sweet, yet passionate kiss just one last time.
Tears were running down both their cheeks when they finally broke apart, and Damon choked slightly when he whispered, 'Go to sleep, love. I love you.'
She sniffed and nodded. 'I love you too.' She settled against his chest, snuggling deep into his embrace, her tears drenching his shirt, but he didn't care.
He was listening to the slowing of her heartbeat, torturing himself with the knowledge that he himself was slowly dying on the inside.
And then it was there. The moment he had feared all night. The halting of her breathing, the faltering of her heart and then the deafening silence.
Elena was gone.
The love of his life, his reason for existence just died in his arms.
And he did the only thing he could.
He cried.
He screamed.
He yelled.
He thrashed the room.
But nothing he did brought her back.
Slowly, he pulled his phone out and dialed a number.
'Mr. Salvatore?' the voice on the other side of the line asked, the British accent already annoying him, 'To what do I owe the pleasure?'
'Elena's dead,' he rasped. 'She just died in my arms. In my fucking arms, Elijah!' Tears found their way down his cheeks again. 'I need you to do something for me.' Elijah was surprisingly compassionate. 'Anything, Damon. It is the least I could do for you, after … Everything.'
Damon swallowed again. He closed his eyes and breathed in a few times, glanced at Elena's body on his bed and whispered, 'I need you to kill me.'
.
.
.
So, I am aware that you must all hate me for ending it here, but I've been writing this thing for weeks, ever since I first saw the final and I just couldn't continue anymore. It felt right to end it here.
I don't know why it turned out so un-happy-ending-ish, because it's the opposite of what I usually write, but I actually kind of feel good about it. I'm not sure why, though.
It's just a feeling...
Anyway, I am dying to know what you guys think about this :S Actually, I'm anxious and might just die of a cardiac arrest due to nerves or something :S
So, please Read & Review!
Xx Annaelle