Hello everyone! In case you hadn't noticed, this is a One Piece/Fullmetal Alchemist crossover. Sound insane? Probably! But who cares. I'm just doing this for fun anyway.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or Fullmetal Alchemist. They belong to whoever they belong to – that is not me – and I'm too lazy to look it up. But whomever you are, thank you, you wonderful person.

Chapter 1

It just had to be today, didn't it?

If you were to ask him when his troubles started, Roy would most certainly tell you that they began the instant he received a phone call from one Edward Elric.

The Truth, however, is that Roy's day had already gotten off to a rather annoying start. More specifically, since his eyes opened to the blazing morning sun and a hangover he blamed fully on Maes Hughes. The distinct headache centered between his eyes was an attest to that, along with the general tiredness and every other wonderful symptom that came from a night out with the lieutenant.

What was it he called it again? Roy thought, rubbing the delicate ridge of bone between his eyes. Ah yes, "quality friend time". Remember to buy film tickets next time Hughes just wants to blab about his wife over several bottles of cheap whiskey.

"Maybe in the future, sir, you should think twice before drinking on a work night."

Roy grimaced, wondering how much evidence of the night before was showing on his face. It was just like Riza Hawkeye to patronize him about his life decisions while simultaneously sorting through and organizing his piles of paperwork.

Resting his head on one propped-up hand, Roy closed his eyes. Only for a moment, he told himself. Good thing Hawkeye was the only one in the office today, else he would have to deal with a whole slew of teasing remarks. "Your guidance is most appreciated," he muttered, too tired and cranky to refrain from his standard sarcasm.

Hawkeye didn't even bat an eye at his cynicism. "Just an observation, sir," she said, setting a very thick stack of papers on his desk. "I've collected all the documents that need to be signed, supervised, or filled out, the soonest of which was due four days ago. It you truly value you job, sir, I would suggest getting started."

The Colonel cracked open an eye and glared at the pile of mocking papers. It was already almost one o'clock. All it would take was one spark, one little snap of the fingers, and…

Before Roy had an opportunity to finish his thought, the phone on his desk rang loudly, driving a corkscrew right to the center of his cranium.

"What?" he growled after picking up the receiver.

The voice on the other end of the line was irritatingly familiar. "Jeez, Colonel, greet your superiors like that and you'll never get promoted."

"Fullmetal," Roy said, wondering if the young alchemist could hear his teeth grind together through the phone. "This is a surprise. I didn't think to get a report from you for another couple of days."

"Yeah, you and me both. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do today was have a conversation with my hung-over superior up at HQ."

Roy had begun to develop that twitch in his eyebrow he reserved for Hughes when the Lieutenant wouldn't shut up about his wife or the ever-insolent Edward Elric. "Do you have a reason for calling, Fullmetal? Or am I not giving you enough to do?"

"Actually, I do."

The gravity if Fullmetal's voice gave Roy pause. He sounded…grim, even for Edward. "Did something happen?" he asked in seriousness, reserving the smart remarks for a later time.

"You could say that," he said, before lowering his voice. "The investigation you assigned us took a …unexpected turn. There's something here I think you should see."

Roy sighed. "Fullmetal, I don't think asking me to come all the way to East City is-"

"We aren't in East City anymore," Ed interrupted. "Al and I took an overnight train west. We're in Central."

Roy furrowed his brow. He should have known that, and the fact that he didn't was only further proof of how off his game he was today. "Alright then, is there a reason you're calling instead of reporting directly to my office? I assume this is regarding the little project I assigned you last week."

"Yeah, about that…." There was a long pause, then, "look, Colonel, it would be better if you just came and saw this for yourself. I'm calling from a phone booth just east of Copper Street. Get here as quickly as you can."

"Edward, don't you dare-"

He hung up.

Roy didn't think it was possible to break a telephone receiver just by strangling it, but he figured now was a good time to try.

"Sir, please don't take out your aggression on the phone. Again."

All the anger seemed to boil over, and Mustang let out another sigh as he placed the receiver back in its place. As far as he was concerned, Fullmetal had been chasing down a rouge alchemist; someone who was dabbling in things he shouldn't. A nobody. But from the tone of Edward's voice, Mustang guessed that things had taken a turn for the complicated.

And in his job, complicated was never a good thing.

Roy stood up, paused to let his dizziness dribble down a bit, then looked over to see the Lieutenant was ready waiting for him. "Trouble, sir?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said grudgingly. "Looks like we're going to be taking a trip downtown. Time to see what Fullmetal has gotten himself into this time."

Of all the people on earth, Roy guessed that Edward was the easiest to find. Not only did he have on his trademark red coat, but all you had to do to spot him was look for the seven-foot, hulking suit of armor that was always at his shoulder.

Or, above his shoulder.

"Took you long enough," the young alchemist retorted when Roy stepped out of the military car. He had managed to gather Second Lieutenants Breda and Havoc on his way over, and they followed after him.

"Fullmetal," he said in return. Normally, this would be the allotted time Roy would make some insulting remark about Edward's height – especially after their little conversation on the phone – but today he wasn't in the mood to deal with an angry midget.

"Well this place looks welcoming," said Havoc, speaking around the cigarette stuck firmly between his teeth. Behind the two brothers stood an old warehouse that looked to be at the end of its rope. The windows were boarded up, and the roof sagged dangerously. Weeds that came up to a person's knees covered the grounds, concealing the remains of an old fence.

"Come on," said Edward, turning around swiftly and marching toward the abandoned shed. Everyone looked at Mustang for confirmation, but he just shrugged and stalked after the alchemist.

"Mind explaining what's going on here, Fullmetal?" Roy growled as he caught up. "Or why this couldn't have been handled by military police?"

Edward didn't answer. Instead he pushed through the crumbling doorway, disappearing into the dark interior of the building. Roy followed after him.

The air inside the large warehouse was musty with the smell of rotting wood, and Mustang covered his nose – left hand ready to create a spark should any danger present itself. Little rays of light filtered through the boarded up windows, but otherwise everything was dark. He didn't have to wait long, however, because a moment later a familiar clapping sound filled the air, along with the bright sparks of a transmutation.

Once Edward had completely illuminated the room, Roy took in a quick breath.

"Yeah, that was my first reaction too," Fullmetal said, crossing his arms.

Before them was a huge room, covered wall-to-wall with painted and chalked transmutation circles. The floor was scattered with broken cylinders and random items, from a toy doll to what looked like a cat skeleton. Books lay in piles all around, some ripped up and mutilated, while others were stacked neatly together. Near the back left was a worn mattress, however the bed sheets – which were also covered in transmutation circles – were strewn across the floor. In fact, Roy didn't think there was a single surface inside the warehouse that didn't have something alchemic written on it, including the ceiling.

"Oh wow," said Breda as he and the others pushed their way inside. Alphonse had to take his head off so he could fit through the broken doorway.

"I take it, Fullmetal, that the person I assigned you to bring in for questioning used to live here?" Mustang asked.

The youngest alchemist nodded. "Colbra Doran. Still don't know much about him though. Well, aside from…this." He gestured at the mess. "Anyway, Al and I lost his trail back in East City, but managed to find another one from several mouths back that led to this place."

"Do you think anyone's home?" asked Havoc, cautiously pushing a broken shovel with the tip of his boot.

"You don't have to worry," Alphonse said, walking to one of the walls and running his hand over a strange transmutation circle. "Brother and I inspected the place when we got here early this morning. No one has lived here for a long time."

"Glad to know you were having fun," Roy growled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Anyway," Alphonse continued, "both of us have been inspecting the transmutation circles, but not even Brother could make any sense of them. We thought the Colonel might be able to help, considering he's the only other state alchemist in area at the moment."

"Or one we trust," Edward muttered.

Roy nodded at Alphonse, then turned back to the rest of his men. "Alright. Spread out and see if you can find any clues to Doran's whereabouts."

His subordinates saluted him before they began rummaging through the disaster area. Despite Alphonse's assurance, however, they still kept a close hand to their military-issued firearms.

After stealing a moment to close his eyes and retake his bearings, Roy turned to the small alchemist shuffling through a dusty stack of books on the floor. "Ok, Fullmetal, fess up. Why couldn't you tell me about this over the phone?"

Edward was silent for nearly a minute, then he shut the book he was looking over with a loud snap and mumbled something Roy couldn't hear.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

"BecauseIneededyourhelp…."

One of Roy's eyebrows arched up. "What was that again?"

"Because we need your help, OK?" Ed snapped.

Despite his pounding head, Roy felt a smug grin tug at the corners of his face. "Oh? This must be something truly confounding in order for the great Fullmetal Alchemist to beg for my help."

"Who's begging?" Fullmetal ground out between his teeth.

"Oh please, Fullmetal," Roy said, waving his arm casually as he walked past, enjoying the feel of Edward steaming behind him. "If you didn't want the whole military to hear you asking for help over the public line, you could have just said so."

Ignoring the stream of cussing coming from behind him, Roy ran a hand over a large circle on the wall. Alphonse had been right when he said the symbols didn't make any sense. Though the circle in front of him was even on all of its six sides, there was no clear indication of what it was transmuting. Twisting lines of various lengths pointed toward the circle's center – a small oval inside what appeared to be a star.

But that wasn't even the most interesting part. Instead of meeting, the bottom part of the symbol split off from the main body – running down the wall and onto the floorboards as two parallel lines.

Roy walked over to the where the paint disappeared under a pile of books. Using a foot, he shoved then to the side, upsetting a layer of dust. The lines had stopped and spread apart from each other once again, nearly identical to the way it had done so on the wall.

Two…combined transmutation circles?

Roy tossed more books out of the way, trying to get a better picture of what Doran had created. He touched the chipped paint, trying to sync with the circle. Where is the energy going? He wondered, closing his eyes. What are you trying to accomplish?

But something was blocking the flow. Frustrated, he pushed at it, willing the energy to circulate, to show him its destination.

"Hey, Coronal, what are you doing?"

Roy's eyes snapped open, and he paled. The whole room was glowing a bright purple, and it was coming from the transmutation circle beneath his palm.

W-what?! he thought frantically. I didn't activate the circle! I didn't even think it could be activated! However, something else was calling for his immediate attention.

Edward was standing right on top of it.

"Fullmetal!" Roy shouted, waving for him to get clear. "Get off the circle!"

Edward had been looking at the glowing symbol on the wall, but now he glanced downward and yelped. "The hell?!"

Stupid kid! He's not going to be fast enough!

Managing to get a foot under himself, Roy launched off the floor and straight toward the younger alchemist. He wasn't fast enough, however, because as soon as his boot touched the cement, the circle finished activating.

Looking back, Roy he could never recall what really happened in that instant.

One second he had been trying desperately to reach Fullmetal, the next, everything exploded into white.

One second he was there, and the next, he was gone.

It was like he was flying, or simply standing there, as everything – his own life, Amestris, existence itself – passed by. Thoughts and feelings whipped past so rapidly that Roy felt like his mind was given whiplash.

Then, things slowed down.

He was standing in a white room. Here, he didn't have a shadow, nor was there a floor that he could see. In front of him was a hole in existence, and inside he saw a ship.

It was a small, funny-looking vessel. Roy had never seen the ocean before – or a real ocean ship, for that matter – but he had never imagined it to look so…friendly. Dark clouds had gathered, and the sea stormed with a fury Roy didn't think possible as lightning flashed all around. The people on board scrambled around like chickens with their heads cut off; the only organization he could see was the crew members yelling and waving frantically to each other. It was almost comical, really, and from Roy's military-hardened perspective, it looked utterly disastrous.

Two of the members, Roy noted, were trying to pry a third person off a large refrigerator. The third one, a young man with a straw hat, had his teeth sunk into an enormously huge chunk of meat. They were yelling at the straw hat kid, but their words were lost to Roy in his silent universe.

As the scene played out, Roy noticed a change all around him. The white world was slowly darkening into an inky black. As the blackness rose up from below him, Roy felt like he was sinking, but somehow didn't think to panic. It was so peaceful here…

KaBOOOM!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Roy looked up just in time to see one of the two men, a green-haired man in a white shirt, come hurtling through the portal and crash head-first into the flame alchemist.

Oh, Fullmetal was so going to pay for this.

Waking up felt like he was dying. Roy groaned, wondering what Hughes had dragged him into this time in order for him to feel this horrible. Opening his eyes didn't help anything, and neither did the rush of questions coming from the cute nurse at his bedside.

Ok, maybe the nurse helped a little bit.

"Colonel? Sir, can you hear me?"

Colonel? Who the hell is she calling a Colonel? Then, oh yes, that's my title. I should probably know that.

The person leaning over him wasn't the nurse anymore. Pity, he thought to himself, before recognizing the tight bun and concerned expression. "Hawkeye?" he asked groggily.

For a second, Roy thought he saw relief flash through her eyes, but it disappeared just as quickly. Boy, I must still be drunk if I thought Hawkeye was that worried about me.

"I'm right here, sir. Do you remember what happened?"

"I don't…." Roy placed a hand on his head. What was wrong with his brain? All he could remember was something about a ship…and that he owed Fullmetal enough remarks about his highest to drive Edward to the moon.

No, that wasn't quite true. He remembered lightning. A very painful bolt of lightning, flashing like a brilliant steak of fire that split the sky in two. He tried to sit up, but Hawkeye gently pushed him back down from her chair beside his bed. "You shouldn't be sitting up just yet, sir. You've been hospitalized for more than twenty-four hours."

His eyes widened. Twenty-four hours? Roy knew he ought to be worried, but all he could think was, well, at least now I have a valid excuse for not getting my paperwork in on time.

"I feel like I went drinking again with Hughes," Roy muttered, closing his eyes. He tried to breath in deeply – a technique his master had taught him to clear his head – but the fuzziness clinging to his thoughts refused to lift.

"That's not surprising," Hawkeye said, resting her hands in her lap. "The doctor issued you a moderate dose of painkillers only a couple of hours ago. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Painkillers, huh?"

Then a thought suddenly struck him. "Fullmetal!" he gasped, sitting up. Hawkeye tried to convince him back down again, but he grabbed her arm. "What happened to Edward? Is he alright?"

Hawkeye looked surprised. "Edward? He's…"

Just then, someone inside the hospital let lose a strangled yell. It was a noise of pure terror, and it sounded startlingly like Edward Elric.

"Fullmetal!" Roy threw off his sheets and sprang from the bed, carelessly ripping the IV from his arm. He staggered to the door and into the hallway, just in time to see the Fullmetal Alchemist come stumbling out of his own room.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ARM?!"

Edward was in hysterics, holding his automail as if it had come alive and was trying to strangle him. Then he noticed his own metal foot and proceeded to yell about it as well until he crashed into the wall.

"Brother!" Alphonse was beside his sibling in an instant, but Edward just shoved him off, clinging to the wall as if it was the only stable thing in the room.

"Nami? Robin? What the hell is going on here?! Where am I?!"

"Love-cook?"

Everyone in the hallway froze. Then, slowly, turned to look at Mustang.

Roy blinked. Had he just said that?

But Edward's eyes grew wide with recognition, and he answered:

"...Zoro?"