Kurt wandered around the apartment, a brown blanket draped around his shoulders and dragged behind him on the floor. He was clutching a steaming mug of tea in his hands, but he wasn't drinking any of it. He walked through the living room, passing by a wall where numerous pictures hung of him and Sebastian, their arms wrapped around each other. In most of them they were dancing, pictures that friends had taken on cell phones that they had loved too much to care about the crappy quality and had framed anyway, and in others they were doing all different things together, a failed attempt at indoor rock climbing, where Kurt remembered that Sebastian had falling right onto his butt before they even started climbing. In another they were standing in front of the Eiffel Tower for a classic tourist selfie.
Nothing new hung on the walls though. The empty spaces they had intended to fill with more pictures still were empty, and they reminded Kurt of gaping holes, wanting to swallow him whole. He couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't bear those pictures of them going on adventures together, it felt like they were mocking him, now that he couldn't do those things with Sebastian anymore. The holes mocked him too, reminding him he might never be able to fill them.
Sebastian had noticed Kurt staring at the pictures and had suggested taking some pictures to fill the holes with, but Kurt had refused. He didn't want pictures of him in this state, he didn't want to remember any of this.
Weak, fatigued, tired, he was everything and he didn't know why. About a year ago he had gotten a flu, and had never quite recovered. He didn't feel sick, but even a tiniest amount of physical labor resigned him to bed rest for the next week.
He knew that after making the tea and wandering around he would end up needing to sleep for the next several days, but he didn't care. Their bed was so boring. When he had moved in with Sebastian that bed had been used for sex, late night conversations, and for falling drunk onto after a night of partying, but since he had become ill he hadn't had the strength for them to do any of those things.
He spent a lot of his time worrying that Sebastian resented him for it. Lots of times Kurt would wake up in the morning and find Sebastian curled up on the couch. When he awoke he would tell Kurt it was because he didn't want to risk waking Kurt up getting into bed. Wrapping his arms around Kurt and holding him close he would tell Kurt how much he loved him, and hoped that he would get better soon.
The doctors didn't know what was wrong, they had checked everything, and the only thing left to do was wait. Kurt hated waiting. He had spent the last year in bed waiting for the strength to do anything. He didn't care what. He wanted to clean the apartment, Sebastian had been doing his best, but Kurt felt bad that he had to do everything. He wanted to make Sebastian dinner, some form of a thank you for all that Sebastian did for him, but he could barely make food for himself most days.
Kurt's days were all a long wait. Some days he was waiting for a doctors appointment, or for test results, but a majority of the time, like now, he was waiting for Sebastian to get home. That was when he felt the most normal. They would curl up on the couch, Sebastian's arm protectively around Kurt, and watch a movie, or read books to each other.
Kurt liked to pretend he was the hero in the movies, swinging from vines and rescuing Sebastian from evil scientists who wanted to experiment on him for their evil plans. Sebastian liked to pretend that everything was normal, until it got late and he would tuck Kurt into bed, slipping in beside him.
A key jingled in the lock and Kurt looked up to see Sebastian opening the door. He knew Sebastian would be upset to see him up, he didn't want Kurt to over-exert himself, but Kurt had to talk to him. He loved Sebastian, of course he wanted to be with him, but he knew Sebastian deserved to be with someone who could go traveling with him, someone who could show him they loved him, someone who didn't get dizzy trying to open the peanut butter jar.
Sebastian took off his shoes and ran over to Kurt, instinctively pressing the back of his hand to Kurt's forehead to check for a fever.
"I'm not sick Seb." Kurt said, pushing his hand down.
"How are you? Are you feeling better?" Sebastian looked worried.
"I still feel the same." Kurt said.
Sebastian took his now cold tea and set it on the coffee table, coming back to hug Kurt tight. "I'm sorry I worry so much." He mumbled into Kurt's un-styled hair.
"I wanted to talk to you about that." Kurt said, gathering courage. They say if you love something let it go, he thought. He looked Sebastian in the eyes and set him free. "You don't have to stay."
Sebastian stared at the computer screen, the numbers making his head dizzy. He looked up at the clock hanging on the cubicle wall, and luckily it was time to go home. Sebastian hated his job. Accounting was boring, and he was surrounded by uptight coworkers who didn't know how to laugh. His boss he was sure hated him, always ready to yell at him if he messed something up or wasn't fast enough, and Sebastian hated him right back.
He gathered his things together and left, wrapping his coat tighter around him as the wind chilled his bones. He made his way home, wondering how Kurt would be when he got there.
He put the key in the lock and opened the door, setting his bag onto the floor and taking his shoes off. He planned on making Kurt some food and reading to him. They had been reading through the Artemis Fowl series, which was one of Sebastian's favorites as a child.
When Sebastian looked up though, he saw Kurt standing on the other end of the room, a blanket clutched around his shoulders and a mug held to his chest as he stared at the pictures on the wall. Sebastian remembered suggesting they take them down, or replace them, but Kurt had insisted they stay. This wasn't the first time he had caught Kurt staring at them, and it made him worry.
He went over to Kurt and checked his temperature, something that had become a habit for him in the past year. Kurt pushed his hand away.
"I'm not sick Seb." He said, and he sounded kind of frustrated and Sebastian wondered what was wrong.
"How are you? Are you feeling better?"
"I still feel the same." Kurt said.
Sebastian took his now cold tea and set it on the coffee table, coming back to hug Kurt tight. "I'm sorry I worry so much." He mumbled into Kurt's un-styled hair.
"I wanted to talk to you about that." Kurt said, his voice shaking. "You don't have to stay."
Sebastian was confused. "What do you mean?" He asked, but soon he realized what Kurt meant. He fell down to his knees, his head in his hands as tears threatened to spill over. "Why?" He mumbled. "Why?" he felt Kurt kneel down in front of him, and put his hands on Sebastian's knees.
"You don't deserve this, Seb." Kurt said. "You deserve someone who can actually do things with you, someone who can go to France with you, and go sightseeing. Someone who can have sex. Sebastian, I'm just holding you back."
"No! No no no no, Kurt, please I don't want to go. I want to stay." Sebastian began crying in earnest now. Was Kurt trying to break up with him?
"Oh, Sebastian." Kurt said, taking his head in his hands. "Look at me - just breathe, okay?
Sebastian nodded weakly.
"I love you so much, and I want you to be able to live your life and not be stuck taking care of you." Kurt said, trying not to cry as well.
"I love you too. That's why I don't care what I'm doing as long as I am here with you." Sebastian replied, pressing a kiss to Kurt's forehead.
"But you deserve so much more!" Kurt said.
"No, you do. I may spend a lot of time worrying about you, and God do I hate my job, but I wouldn't want to come home to anyone else. Tell you what," Sebastian said, wiping tears from his eyes. "let's eat and then we can sit at the table and see if we can find a new job for me, Okay? I am not going anywhere." Sebastian got to his feet and helped Kurt up, wrapping him in a giant hug.
"We are going to be just fine."