Hello! This is my very first story! I got the idea from the TATE song under the same name, but I changed it up a bit. It is short, but it is my first attempt at fanfiction so be easy on me ha ha! This is told from Edward's point of view, and this Edward is broken so it will show in his inner musings. When you add alcohol to BrokenWard it will also show in his inner musings, so if he seems slightly different in one part, I'm sorry. I tried to stay in character as much as possible! But enough rambling, hopefully you like it, and please tell me what you think!
SM owns all things Twilight related
The lights are dimly lit in this room, casting a soft glow around each guest. Everywhere I look, I see men in suits holding a drink and speaking in small groups. Beside each one is his date for the evening, wearing gowns of various colors, chatting away as well. There must be around three hundred people attending this charity event, as a doctor, I didn't think twice about attending. Nothing pulls at your heartstrings more than children in need, so I had no issues handing over a large amount of money in support of this charity.
There is soft music playing from the speakers at the front of the room surrounding the small stage where there was a podium set up, and a large screen behind it playing a slideshow of pictures of various smiling children. I like that these pictures do not focus on the fact that they are sick, rather just a close up of their sweet, smiling faces. It feels more like a "thank you for your support" rather than a guilt trip to me. I've been to plenty of charity events where they would do slideshows or videos that showed nothing but their illness, or the children crying or sad. Both ways work, but it seemed to be a little much when they did the latter.
I looked around the room, taking in the dance floor in front of the stage, the round tables that would usually fit about six guests; each had a centerpiece of flowers and small envelopes and pens sitting around them for you to put your donations in. At the sides of the room, there were long thin tables holding various kinds of food, drinks, and snacks, and at the back of the room was a bar. While it was elegant looking, it wasn't over-done and stuffy; it felt a little more relaxed and less intimidating. To my left was a life-sized ice sculpture of an angel that was donated by the company that made it, apparently they also donated five thousand dollars. I figured with this many people in the room, and everyone seemed to be pretty well off, this charity event should be an easy success.
I noticed my sister in the distance, chatting with a woman that was wearing the same strapless purple gown that she had on. I smiled knowing that it must be killing her. Alice isn't a bitch about being original, but she is a shopaholic and she spent an entire week trying to decide which gown to buy. I had to hand it to her though, the way she was speaking with the other woman was nothing but friendly, they even clinked their glasses together in a cheers, no doubt for their excellent taste in fashion.
I walked over to the bar in the back of the room to grab another beer, and tipped the man before turning to go back to the table I was sitting at before. As I was half-way there, a group of people moved out of my line of sight and what I saw next stopped me dead in my tracks.
My stomach seemed to drop and then a fluttery, warmth swept through causing my limbs to feel just a bit shaky. My heart, which seemed to stop the moment I saw her, was beating so hard that I felt like the people beside me could surely hear it within my chest. I nearly collapsed in a nearby chair, but I found my footing and continued slowly on my path.
She looked like an angel in her white gown with the lighting giving her an almost ethereal glow. Her beauty clearly surpassed that of any of the other woman here, and I just noticed how much attention she was getting from the men around the room. Her long mahogany hair was clipped at the side but fell in soft waves around her face and down to her exposed shoulders. Her gown hugged her body, showing off her perfect hourglass figure. Curves that were submitted to memory, I could pick out her body in a room full of woman, even if I were blindfolded. A man stopped to converse with her briefly, and I watched with rapt attention as she spoke with him. She held herself with such confidence, though it was a front. As soon as the man told her how beautiful she looked, her eyes cast downward and a slight blush crawled its way across her cheeks. She recovered quickly enough for the man not to notice, she was always terrible at taking compliments. He said something else too low for me to hear, but she smiled brilliantly at him rendering me breathless and leaving me quite weak in the knees. As much as I wanted to go to her, I couldn't. I turned to walk away, but it was too late.
"Edward?" She asked softly. My eyes closed when she spoke my name, it did strange things to my heart to hear it fall from her lips once again. I turned a little too quickly and the room started spinning. We stood there awkwardly for a second before I took a step toward her, she knew me well enough to know my intention because she too stepped forward into my embrace.
When I inhaled her scent of freesias and a hint of strawberry, I was taken back a few years. We were lying in our bed, me on my back and she was on her side with her head on my chest. My hands running slowly down her naked side from her breasts to her hips as I lean down and kiss her head softly. She pulls away from the hug and I instantly miss the way her body fits perfectly into mine.
"How have you been?" I ask timidly. I should be angry at her; I should feel more than this incessant pain and longing. Our life together was perfect, we were happy. The honeymoon period never ended for me, even after our second year together, which is why I was so confused by how it ended.
We had moved in together after a year and a half, and she insisted on splitting rent and bills still, even though I could easily afford them all on my salary. I was set in my job, and she had just gotten her big promotion at the editing company she worked for. We made love nearly every night, everything was bliss. As natural progression happens, I found myself wanting more. I wanted to put a ring on her finger, I wanted her to bear my name, and I wanted to have beautiful children with mahogany hair and emerald eyes. Turns out, she didn't share my dreams.
After a beautiful night with a grand gesture and elaborate proposal, she bawled her eyes out and told me no. That was the first time we went to bed without speaking to each other. My world seemed to be falling down around me but I promised myself I wouldn't push her into talking right away. The next morning, she was gone before I was, as usual, so nothing seemed abnormal. When I came home from the hospital to find all of her stuff gone and an envelope with the next month's portion of the rent and bills, it completely gutted me. There was a small piece of paper that read "I'm sorry" but nothing else. I hadn't heard from her since then, and now, here she was standing right in front of me.
"I'm okay. How are you?" She asked softly. There wasn't a good way to go about this. There were no helpful books or courtesy lessons on how to speak to the woman that broke the very heart you trusted her to take care of.
"I'm okay," I lied. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I still wouldn't move to her side of the bed, I still had an almost empty bottle of her shower gel in my shower that I would smell when I had a terrible day, and I still had the engagement ring that she refused to take. I hadn't been able to move on, and I knew she wasn't the type of girl you get over.
"That's good, I'm glad to hear that." She said looking anywhere but at me. I didn't know what to do after that. I needed to walk away, the pain was becoming more than I could take. She was able to stand here, looking beautiful and so put together and here I was, just a shell of a person that was falling apart.
I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but I caught the way her cheeks were flushed. It wasn't her normal blush, she was crying, and trying her hardest not to show it.
"Bella," I started. I took a step forward to comfort her because no matter how much she hurt me, my instincts still screamed at me to make her pain go away, but she cut me off shaking her head. She took a deep breath and finally faced me, her eyes had unshed tears gathered at the bottom and her face was slightly pink, but she still looked so devastatingly beautiful that it hurt to look at her. I hated myself for being so emotional.
"I'm so sorry," She whispered and turned away quickly. This time when she walked away from me, I got to watch her go.
I feel like I have just taken a punch to the gut, and I'm breathing hard trying to fight the onslaught of emotions that are running at me full speed. I blink rapidly to get rid of the tears that are threatening to fall and I somehow make my way back to the bar for another drink. I've already had a few beers, and I'm not much of a drinker, so I know any more will make this night a little more bearable. I know I can't leave until Alice is ready, and I cannot bring myself to tell her what happened. I down the beer quickly, earning an alarmed look from the bartender, and order one more. He reluctantly hands it to me as I slap the money down on the bar. I mutter a "thanks" already starting to feel the effects of the alcohol.
I find the side door and make my way outside feeling sloppy. Downing that last beer seemed to quicken the effects because I'm already stumbling a little, and my vision is slightly off. I can't bring myself to care once I feel the cool night air hit me. I walk a little towards the alley, but I stop and lean against the wall and drink half the beer in one long pull. The faster I feel this, the better.
My mind is racing, reliving moments that I've shared with Bella, and then I realize where I went wrong with everything. Bella had told me from the beginning that she had issues with marriage, she had not only come from a broken home, but every family member she had had never stayed happily married either. Her outlook on the whole constitution of marriage was marred by her family experiences, and I knew that. I had believed that I could change her mind, and selfishly, I didn't even speak to her about it. I just popped the question with no warning. That had to have been it.
I down the rest of the beer, and stumble to the trash bin near the alley and throw in the bottle. I hear it shatter from how hard I threw it in, and I smile. I seem to break everything I touch. Before I can even think of what I want to do next, I hear someone crying in the alley. I listen closely, and realize that I know that cry. That cry breaks my heart, and through all my fuzzy thoughts, I decide that I have to go fix it.
When I round the corner, I see my beautiful Bella crying in the arms of another man. How many times can a heart be broken in one night? She hasn't noticed me yet, so I take this time to size up the man that's taken my place. He's taller than I am by a few inches from what I can tell, he has sandy blonde hair that is a little long, and he seems to be a bit more muscular than I am. Instantly I hate this man, he's better looking and more muscular than I am, which is a definite blow to my ego.
He's holding her in his arms tightly and whispering something to her, no doubt trying to sooth her. She is still shaking in his arms, and while the small rational part is screaming at me to leave, the large alcohol- impaired part is telling me to make her better like only I can.
Neither part of my brain wins, because the man that isn't me notices that I'm watching. Bella must feel him tense up and she turns to see what happened. I stand there stupidly, not knowing what to say or do.
"Jasper, can you give us a minute?" She asks quietly. What kind of name is Jasper anyway? Jasper nods and walks passed me to give us space, he stays in sight though, which annoys me. I turn my attention back to Bella, and she is frantically wiping the tears from her cheeks. I want to tell her to leave them, because they sparkle under the streetlight and it's beautiful, but I don't.
"You keep walking away from me," I say quietly, and I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Are you drunk?" She asked, clearly concerned. I shrug, and that seems to upset her further.
"I shouldn't have proposed, I knew you didn't want to get married but I did it anyway," I said, apparently my rational part is gone; I shouldn't be having this conversation. Bella steps forward and grabs my hand lightly, and my heart skips a beat.
"I was stupid, I'm sorry," She whispers. She doesn't think I'll remember this tomorrow.
"Was I not good enough though? Didn't you love me?" I asked. The tears were going to fall if I wasn't careful, and I didn't want her to see me cry.
"Edward, please-" she starts, but I cut her off. I take her hand that is gripping my own, and I place it on my chest over my heart.
"This is yours. It always has been, and it always will be." I say softly. More tears fall down her lovely cheeks and I use my other hand to wipe them away. I cup her cheek, and she leans into my hand which makes my heart soar.
"Edward, you're drunk. Did you come with someone? I can help you find them," She offered, but I shook my head hard enough to make me dizzy.
"There's no one else. I couldn't move on," I found myself saying. She looks like there are a thousand different things she wants to say, but she remains quiet.
"How can you want him," I ask, moving my eyes toward Jasper, "when I'm right here?" I whisper. And as soon as I felt my own tears falling on my cheeks, I seemed to wake up from my drunken stupor a bit. What the hell am I doing? I was hurting her, surely making her feel guilty, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
"It's not like-" Once again, I cut her off. Apparently I was a rude drunk, because I seemed to be doing that a lot. This makes me feel even worse.
"I'm so sorry; this is none of my business," I smile at her wryly and start to walk backwards so I can go find Alice and get the hell out of here. I stumble a little, and I feel two hands steady me. I look back, and see Jasper looking at me with concern. Don't be concerned for me, I don't deserve it.
"Are you okay?" He asks me. I nod and look back at her once more. I will not let this happen again, she didn't want me, and she should be able to move on without me making things harder on her.
"Take care of her," I say quietly, and I quickly make my way back toward the door. I hear Bella calling after me, but I don't stop. It kills me to do so, but this time, I walk away from her.
The next morning, I wake up feeling like death. My head is pounding, my tongue seems to be stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I swear off drinking for the rest of my life. I'm not young anymore, I don't bounce back from hangovers as quickly as I used to.
I don't remember all of what had happened the night before, but I remember the gist of it, and that seems to magnify how shitty I feel. I drink a few cups of coffee, take a boiling hot shower, and brush my teeth twice.
I thank the heavens that I do not work today, as I grab a bottle of water, down an Advil, and sink into my large couch, intent on taking a nap, even though I had woken up two hours ago. Just as I get comfortable, I hear a light knock on my front door which of course sounds like a wrecking ball from hell.
"Go away Alice!" I yell, and then groan in pain. Last night, I walked up to her and rudely told her that we were leaving. I was prepared for the bitch slap I would surely get for being an ass, but she searched my face, and nodded without any question.
The knocking continued, and I growled as I pulled myself up from the couch and stomped to the door. I ripped it open, fully intending on murdering my sister, only to find Bella standing there, looking uncomfortable. My stomach did that rolling thing that only happened when I saw her, and I just gawked at her like an idiot.
"I'm sorry, am I disturbing you, because I can come back," She says it so quickly that I have to make sure I heard her correctly. She mistakes my hesitation, and apologizes again, and turns to leave. I lightly catch her hand, and pull softly so she turns back to me.
"I'm a little out of it this morning, I'm sorry. Do you want to come in?" I ask, hoping to God that I'm doing the right thing. Her large doe eyes search mine for a second, and she nods. I move to the side, and gesture her to come in. I lead her to the couch we once shared, and we both sit down. She looks around for a second, taking in the change of appearance in the house.
"I think there is a lot of stuff that I should clear up," She says. I recognize the look in her eyes, and my heart starts to pound. She used to look at me this way.
Thanks for reading! Please tell me your thoughts! I am not above begging! PLEASE! Ha ha ha