A Sweetly, Scruffy, Tuna Surprise
by ©SimbiAni™
Summary: Elizabeth has gotten herself into yet another situation that Will cannot save her from. Will Jack once again come to their rescue? Shark ahoy! Random, hilarious accident, chaos ensues. Giddy up, seahorsey!
Author's notes: Written under the influence of ChipsAhoy cookies, lots of spring water, obsession over "FantasticFour" and yes, I kno everything that happens in HP6 but no I have not bought/read it yet, and no I have not eaten tuna today but I was craving it earlier, LoL! But now I'm craving blueberries‼ I love blueberries! Oh, and I ate M&Ms the other day... hehehe...
Warnings: Did I mention random-ness?‼ And SharkParanoid!Will, Flirty!Jack, and Bossy!Indignant!Elizabeth. Muahaha.
Disclaimer: Nobody owns this trio, they are as free as the sea itself, and the ocean breeze, and the purdy sunset... ahem. Read on!
•§•
The adventurers known as the PotC Trio take on new aliases...
Jack Sparrow (ahem, Captain) herein known as Sir Scruffy, and his close friends Spunky Tuna (formerly known as simply Will Turner), and Miss Sweetly (formerly known Princess Elizabeth Swann) live in a quiet seaside town when they are not out to sea, searching for piratey drama.
One sunny day, Will ran into the mansion they were staying in. "Jack! Gah, I mean, Scruf-"
"That's Sir-"
"Ugh, okay, okay, Sir, ah... Scruffy. Guh. Um, come quick! Miss Liz- um, Sweetly, is in trouble!"
"Yeesh, what now, boy?"
"Well..."
"Alright, lead the way... Tuna..."
"Shut up...!"
"Hehehe..."
They arrive on the scene- the dock extended out into the deeper end of the bay to the ocean, from the boardwalk.
"Ah, Miss Sweetly, whateva is wrong with your lovely self today?"
Elizabeth glared at him. "Well, Sir Scruffy- guh- I seem to be- ah... stuck? And Will can't save me becuz he has a fear of sharks! And, see that one over there? He's been eyeing me for the past hour! HELP!"
Will looked desperate. "I only found her just now! She said she slipped on the boardwalk and her skirt is caught in the reef! I would go in- but I swear, that would just get the shark's attention‼"
Jack sighed exasperatedly.
Elizabeth whined nervously. "Jack- Scruffy! Must act quickly! Quickly‼ He's sniffing the water now, I can tell‼ ACT‼"
"Okay, okay, woman, hold your seahorses!" Jack began undoing his belt. "And that's Sir-"
"YES WE KNO‼" Liz & Will shouted at the same time.
Jack rolled his eyes, and muttered under his breath. "Blasted sissies... scared of a lil' blood-thirsty shark..." Jack shoved his belt and its effects into Will's hands and then jumped in the water quickly.
Elizabeth sputtered in annoyance as he inadvertently splashed her.
"Aw, it's not like you're not already soaked..."
She nearly hit him just then, with a piece of nearby driftwood.
Will shrieked from the boardwalk. "It's MOViNG‼ Toward you‼ I mean, here! Us!"
Jack was already under the water, and tugging at Liz's skirt, and wondering to himself why the bloody hell she insisted on wearing such ridiculous garments- until he felt his hair being pulled. Faintly, he could hear Elizabeth whining again, and her legs began kicking frantically. "Hold still!" he nearly yelled, before realizing, he was still under water. Jack surfaced and grasped Liz's shoulders. "Lady, hold still!" She was actually still sputtering, and could not make eye contact with him. Though he heard a giggle and Will was pointing at him.
"Um, Scruffy, your mascara's running..."
Jack growled. "Shall I pull you in and give you over to the shark then? You'd make a fine distraction..."
Will shut up.
Elizabeth cried out. "Fin! Fin heading this way! And it's weaving! Gah! I can't tell if its heading for me or you, Jack‼ I mean, Scruffy..."
Jack sighed. "Why cahn't you just take the dress OFF, luv?‼" he asked obviously.
Liz stared at him, his hands still clutching her shoulders, as they both floated next to the dock. "Um, well, becuz... I only wear one layer nowadays..."
Did that mean? Oh bugger...
Will was frowning. "What does that mean? One layer? Oh Jack- Scruffy- just hurry up and rip the damn skirt free!"
Jack was still eyeing Liz warily. Eventually he tore his gaze over to Will. "It happens to be a really strong fabric, Will! You can't just... I need something... sharp..."
Will looked puzzled for a second. "Then why didn't you just ask for your sword?" he commented casually, handing it over.
Jack's mouth tilted open, as he slowly reached up for it. "Oh. Yea. That'll work."
Elizabeth looked up at the sky. "I am surrounded by fools. Utter fools. NEXT time I venture out on my own, I bring my own sword! Or steal Will's... mine just had to be in the shop the one day I end up in some ridiculous situation such as this!"
Will was kneeling down on the dock to be as close to her as possible, altho he looked poised to run if the shark ventured any closer... Elizabeth had crossed her arms and was seeming very indignant indeed.
Meanwhile, our dear Captain was sawing at the hem of Liz's skirt, trying to free it from the annoying piece of sea earth it had caught onto. And its not like his sword was dull or whatever, but damn, what the hell was this skirt made of? The way it refused to break, he was surprised she hadn't been washed out to sea and placed at the bottom of the ocean! Well, she probly would have been if it hadn't got caught on this thing...
Suddenly, his grip slipped (well, being as how he was in water, a grip would be slippery to have in the first place) and he accidentally got a tiny cut on his other hand holding part of the skirt. Oops. The shark was sure to notice them now, if it hadn't already...
Elizabeth was kicking again. "OhmigoshWill! He's SNiFFiNG again‼ Why don't you try pulling me out- Will‼ Will?‼" Well, so much for being Spunky. He was halfway back to the mainland. "TUNA GET BACK HERE OR SO HELP ME I'LL- Ahhh‼"
Jack swum back up again. "Look, it's bad enough I just accidentally cut myself with my own sword trying to sever your blasted skirt, but to have you kicking me in the face while I'm trying to save your prissy life does NOT help at all‼"
Elizabeth looked at him with wide eyes. "You- you got blood in the water?î? How could you?î?î Somebody HELP ME‼"
Jack growled for the millionth time. "Look, Lizzie, darling, just take off the damn dress and make a run for shelter‼ You're risking your life to simply save yourself from some accidental overexposure? Is that really worth it?‼"
She scowled at him. "I am NOT gonna-"
Jack shrugged, well, as much as one could shrug floating in the ocean, and grabbed onto the dock. "Suit yerself then. I'm leaving, luv. Haven't drunk nearly enough rum to deal with this mess..."
Elizabeth paled, which was a feat considering how much she was already paled in fear of the ever-nearing sniffing shark. "Gah! JACK YOU GET YOUR SCRUFFY ARSE BACK HERE THiS INSTANT‼ If you don't free me I WiLL have your head‼"
Jack reluctantly turned around. "Well, alright, if you insist..."
As he eased back into the water, shaking his head with regret, Elizabeth nodded. "Now that's more like it!"
Under the water, Sir Scruffy was grumbling and tugging at her skirt yet some more. Then, he got an idea. And he snickered mischievously...
"Jack! What are you doing‼ Stop! Stop that‼ Oh! Hands! Get your hands off of my back- gah‼ Nooo‼"
As if out of nowhere, Will was behind her on the dock again. "Sorry, the ah, snack cart was going by. I had a craving for some fried dough... want some?‼"
Elizabeth would have narrowed her eyes at him, if she could have turned around. As it was, the ocean had to suffer her wrath.
A grinning Sparrow broke water again. "Oh, hello, dear William. May I borrow your blouse?"
Will pouted. "This is NOT a blouse."
Jack eyed him skeptically. "Are you quite sure? Becuz, it sure looks like one..."
"It is NOT!"
"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a-"
"I do NOT wear-"
"Whateva, mate! Just hand me the damn shirt‼"
"Why?‼"
"Why do you think?‼"
Elizabeth let out a scream. "Just give him your shirt, Tuna‼"
Will decided to finish off the rest of his fried dough first.
Jack waited huffily, while Elizabeth grew more agitated. "What's the holdup?‼" she demanded.
Will saw Jack's expression, then offered him the last bit. "Wahnt sfome?" he asked with his mouth full.
Jack's face scrunched up. "Definitely a no-thanks on that, mate..." Will then began pulling his blouse off, with powdered-sugar-covered fingers, and then he tossed it to Jack, who suddenly giggled. "Looks like someone has been working out, eh?" Will rolled his eyes. "Trying to impress your lady?- ah!"
Elizabeth had splashed him. "Shut your trap and- gimme the blouse! And get out! I can handle myself from here, I don't need you to continue undressing me!"
Will didn't look to happy at that. "He was what?‼"
Jack grinned again. "Oh, but we were having SO much fun..."
"OUT‼" Liz started slapping him.
"Okay, alright, I'm gone!" He relinquished the blouse to her, then dipped under once more to fetch his sword and then hefted himself back onto the deck. "Will, sure is one lovely firecracker you have yourself there..."
Will smiled shyly. "Yes, I do..." Liz had snuck under the water to slip out of the dress, and Will realized Jack was trying to sneak his own peek. "Hey‼" He exclaimed, pulling Jack back by his dreads.
"OwwwwOkayIgetthepoint! No peeksies‼... but she is quite lovely..."
"Indeed." Will rolled his eyes.
Lizabeth just then came up gasping. "You could've at least finished the job‼ You kno hard it is to undo fastening on the part of my back I can't reach?‼ I nearly drowned trying to get it-"
"You told me to stop, luv. Never asked me to finish..."
"Hmmph." She was now wearing the shirt, altho, seeing as how it was relatively thin and it was soaking wet...
Jack was trying not to stare, honest...
Elizabeth realized she couldn't pull herself out without taking her arms away from her front and revealing herself regardless of the blouse. Bloody hell. Grumbling, she tried to order the boys to look away.
"What's that, luv?" Jack questioned dumbly, clearly having heard every word of what she asked.
"Turn around or suffer the consequences, Scruffy!"
"Aww, but c'mon, Sweetly, aren't we close enough friends and all?"
"I said, turn around!"
"Fine, fine! Try to save yer life for the millionth time and yer wont even let me see ya treasure... women."
Will swatted Jack's head. "And stay turned!"
Elizabeth grabbed the dock, preparing herself to pull up out of the cold ocean water (which seemed to be getting colder by the minute)...
Will leaned down to help Elizabeth out, and as he grabbed her hands... The board he was standing on cracked and he fell in too.
The shark fin began zooming towards them.
"Oh boy, luvs, looks like you got even more company..."
"Jack! I told you not to look!"
"Well, ya cahn't blame a man for trying to see a beauty such as yourself-"
"SHARK‼ AHHHH GEMMEEOUTTAHERE‼"
Jack sighed. "Oh for Pete's sake, you just HAD to have put a ton of powderedsugah on ya dough, didn't ya? Dontcha kno sharks LOVE the scent of sugar? It reminds them quite a lot of... cakefish. Very dangerous."
Will hooked his fingers into the laces on Jack's boots. "Get us outta here‼"
"Well don't pull me in with you lot! I don't wanna be shark dinner anymore than you do!" Elizabeth pushed Will out of her way, grasped Jack's hands, and yanked herself up out, while he tried to stand steady. "Ah, and finally, I'm rewarded with this precious sight-"
"Say one more word and I will blind you!"
"Hey‼" Will cried meekly. "What about me?î?î?î"
Jack snickered. "Looks like you're Tuna surprise for the shark, mate... He'll love tonite's dinner special!"
Will's face was overcome with panic. "Not funny! Not one bit of humour in that, you numbskull of a so-called pirate‼"
"Ah-ah-ah, insults aren't gonna help your case!" Jack relished teasing Will so much. But his smile was wiped from his dirty face when Elizabeth pinched his arm.
"Help him out or I push you back in! And I'll make sure to CUT YA before I do‼"
Jack raised his hands in surrender. "Yes, milady, your order is my uh, well yea..." He bent over and within minutes Will was safely back on the dock, panting with delirious fear so strong, he could barely breathe.
"Shark- there- so close- gonna EAT ME‼"
Elizabeth held him. "There, there, dear William. You're safe now."
Jack shook his head disprovingly. "And you call yourself a pirate, mate. Hah."
Just then the fin came right up to the dock. And it rose up. And up.
The trio stared at Joshamee Gibbs' face. "Why you're absolutely right, Jack! This was the best prank ever‼ I just about gave it up a few times, I was laughing so hard under there‼"
Miss Sweetly and Spunky Tuna turned to their so-called friend and looked at him in bewilderment. Sir Scruffy had been making motions for Gibbs to shut up and abruptly stopped when his friends glared at him.
"Um, happy April Fools?"
They pushed him back into the water.
-•The End•-
"Guess that means you won't be treating me to that pint of rum, huh?î?î"
•§•
PiRATES of the CARiBBEAN™ is copyright of Disney, etc. ˆ-ˆ
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