A Life of Hiding

Author: Leta McGotor

Okay, this story is a reaction of HBP. I know I should finish 'I need a mother' and 'His Daughter' first and I'm sure I will regret it, that I haven't done it, before starting with a new one but to write this is like a force. I hope you enjoy what my head thought up.

Disclaimer: I own nothing because JKR does and I'm not her.

Chapter 1 The last Night between my heart and me?

It was night in and around Hogwarts. Most students had gone home because of their Christmas holidays and only a few had stayed. Although there were barely students around the whole staff had stayed at the school because of the near danger. Now it was quiet in the castle. The students had gone to bed because it was far beyond curfew. A few teachers patrolled the corridors looking for things which are not supposed to be there. Other teachers had their free night. They had patrolled the evenings before and had now a few nights to sleep.

One of these teachers were for example Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House. She lay in her bed but didn't sleep but turned around and around, stood up, layed down and turned around again. She had slept barely one hour and she wondered why sleep wasn't to come now to her. She felt that her whole body was exhausted of the day, of the whole term lying beyond. Nevertheless she sat upright in her bed and stared at the ceiling.

She sighed. In her despair to get some needed sleep she had tried all in the last hour but nothing seemed to help. First she tried it with some fresh air, then she had started to count sheep and not to forget she had remembered Albus' advice to drink hot cocoa, but all was in vain. She sighed again and turned around still far away from her sleep.

"What are you doing there?", asked a harsh voice in her ear. "Do you want to modify your bed?"

"No, I can't sleep.", she answered grumpily.

"I cannot sleep, too, because there is someone turning and turning around in her bed beside me." He said staring at her back while she refused to turn round and face him.

"If you have a problem with that you can leave and sleep in your own bed." Minerva answered more and more grumpy. The man next to her sighed but said nothing. They lay in comfortable silence and Minerva thought that he must have fallen asleep before he started to speak again.

"Minerva, you know I love you." She wrinkled her forehead and turned around to face him.

"What are you talking about?" She asked with curiousity and - what was it? – a little bit fear in her voice.

"I have said that you know I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what happens." She gaped at him.

"And, Severus, you know that I love you, too, but I don't understand - not that I'm not enjoying hearing that - but I wonder why you say it with that tone in your voice. Now and with that look on your face." In fact his face was stern and like a mask. Never did he have such an expression when saying her that he loved her. And his voice seemed far, far away like an old memory of words spoken once with passion and now as a simple repetition.

"Minerva,…maybe there will be a time when I can't be here, by your side. There will be a time, when you'll hate me for what I have done."

"Severus, never, never will I be able to hate you. You can do nothing to make me hate you, nothing. But what are talking about" What do you mean with 'there will be a time'?"

"I can't, mustn't explain it, Minerva. All I can say is that it will come sure enough."

He turned towards her, his dark eyes meeting her green ones. Slowly he touched her cheek and stroke it, slowly and carefully as if she would break by a touch of him. She took his hand in hers and kissed it, her eyes still locked with the ones of her lover.

"Never can you do something horrible enough that I hate you, never."

"And what if I do?" Closing her eyes she shook her head and sighed.

"Severus, I only tell you this for only this one time and never again. My love is strong, stronger that everything I knew. This love has already seen bad days as well as good ones and it is still here, isn't it? There can't be something stronger that my, stronger that our love. That is impossible. Do you understand? Impossible. If you want I do the Unbreakable Vow that I will always love you, no matter what has happened." By her metioning the Unbreakable Vow his face lost all colour but Minerva didn't see it because of the darkness in the room she only could make out the outlines of his face. He swallowed.

"Minerva, don't say something like that. I can't explain it to you but there are things… you can't understand it now, but you'll see, Minerva. Sometimes I hate myself for it and ask me if I had another choice. Maybe I had one but I decided to go this way. I'm sorry, Minerva." He said sadly looking at her as if he would see her for the last time. She smiled.

"I don't know what is going on with you but like you have said I will see. But now let us speak about other thinks, for example, how I get some sleep this night." Her smile vanished at the still sad look on his face. A single tear left his eyes but he made no attempt to wipe it away. The first followed a second. Worried Minerva stared at the man she loved about all other.

"Severus?"

She pulled him in a comfortable embrace trying to calm him. Severusstarted crying in her arms. Never had he cried. Surely as a very little child but that was long ago. He wanted to stop but noticed that he can't. He knew after it his beloved Minerva would never hold him like that again.

Okay, I know this chapter is a little bit short but I promise that the others are longer. Of course you encourage me to write more if you click on the small button on the left side and say me what is good, what is bad and what I have to improve.