Because You Loved Me
Author: Orrymain
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Author Website: http://orrymain.raikiri.net/fanfichome.html
Category: Slash, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 7 - December 3-6, 2003
Spoilers: None
Size: 32kb, short story
Written: October 25-27, November 1,3,8, 2003
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Summary: Just back from their honeymoon, Jack and Daniel face their first separation, and it simply isn't a happy time!
Notes:
1) Story stands alone but it does reference some prior fics -- "Wish Upon a Star," "Falling Star," and "Heart and Soul."
2) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Mama Beast, Tina, Starshadow!
--
Warning: I've been told this needs a hanky warning!
--
Because You Loved Me
by Orrymain
==== December 3, 2003 6:12 a.m.
"Be back in four days."
"I wish ...," Daniel nestled his head against Jack's right shoulder, his heart saddened because his lover was leaving, though he knew Jack had no choice.
This would be their first separation since their November wedding, and it was hitting both of them hard. They had only been back to work at the SGC for two days when Jack had received his orders to fly to Washington D.C.
Being their first Christmas together as a married couple, Jack and Daniel had planned to cut a tree that weekend, taking Bijou and Katie with them for the outing.
They had wanted the entire month to be festive, beginning with a jaunt to the woods to get a tree, and then spend the weekend decorating. They wanted all of December to be full of holiday merriment.
Unfortunately, Jack wouldn't be home until early Sunday morning and Hammond had insisted on getting a report as soon as Jack returned. Their plans had been totally squashed.
Jack had tried all the arguments, but lost them all. His expertise in covert activities made him an essential participant in a Pentagon operations meeting. Besides, he had just returned from several weeks off, and didn't have much of a leg to stand on when it came to trying to get out of the orders.
Thus, the newlyweds had spent the night before cuddling in front of the fire, holding each other. They had anticipated making passionate love, but instead the two found themselves simply holding on to each other, not wanting to let go.
They had kissed and touched, and nestled, cooing their love into the other's ear, speaking words of love that most people at the SGC would think was pure fiction. The Goa'uld could never imagine the feared Colonel O'Neill and the snarky genius Daniel Jackson whispering sweet nothings as they held hands and hugged each other close.
--
The dark of the night still looming overhead, it was several hours later when the Airman had taken Jack's bags in hand, and then been handily dismissed by the Air Force Colonel, wanting a few more minutes to say goodbye to his husband.
"I'll be out in a few minutes," Jack had barked, and now, he held his heart tugged close against him, hating what he had to do next.
With a kiss to his forehead, Jack said the fateful words, "I have to go now, Danny."
"I know," but Daniel didn't move.
Jack took his lover's hand that was caressing the warm material of his dress blues, and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it, and then shifted to face Daniel. He hated ending their closeness.
With a final kiss, a touch on his cheek, a sorrowful look into Daniel's alluring blue eyes, Jack backed out of the house, the door still open as Daniel slowly walked towards it, his arms crossed, and a single tear falling down his right cheek.
"Gawd, sometimes I hate the Air Force," Jack said just loud enough that Daniel could hear.
"Me, too."
Out of time and options, Jack turned and walked to the staff car. Daniel watched, not closing the door until two minutes after the car had disappeared from his sight.
With a heavy heart, Daniel went back to their bedroom and got ready to go to the SGC where he planned to lose himself in artifact after artifact for the next four days.
==== December 5, 2003 8:55 p.m.
Daniel had worked late the night before, not coming home until 10 p.m., and the only reason he had done so was because of Bijou and Katie. He would not let his need to lose himself in work to forget Jack's absence impede the love and care for the precious beagles that Jack and Daniel called their children. So, on this night he had made sure he was home by 7 p.m. to attend to the two canines.
He had played with them and told them about his day, and they had shared theirs by cuddling against him. As Daniel had laid on the sofa, Katie had curled up on his stomach and Bijou had snuggled in between the sofa cushion and Daniel's left thigh.
It was almost 9 p.m. when Bijou went into protective mode, standing with her tail pointed, her smile off her face. She ran to the door as the doorbell rang, Katie on her six, and sniffed.
"Friend or foe?" Daniel asked as he approached the entrance way of the house.
Bijou woofed lightly, with her tail wagging.
"Cool," Daniel said, trusting his beagle's instincts totally.
"Hey Daniel," Sam said with a smile, kneeling down to acknowledge Bijou and Katie for a moment.
"Wow," Daniel said without realizing it.
While he had seen his friend dressed up before, he couldn't recall seeing her look quite like this.
"Hot," Daniel said, again without realizing it.
Sam blushed, "Um, thanks ... I guess."
"Oh, sorry Sam, I mean ... oh, you know what I mean. You look great!"
"Thanks."
"Come in," Daniel scooted aside.
"Actually, I can't ... I, ah ..." Sam nodded towards the street and the waiting car.
"Your boyfriend?"
"Yes, and don't start Daniel, and stay right where you are."
"You're no fun, Sam."
"Yeah, well, I'm trying to keep this one alive for a while."
"Sam."
"I know. Listen, I promised the Colonel I'd bring this by at precisely 2100 hours," Sam extended her hand with a small, thin package, roughly 5x5 inches.
Daniel took it, "What is it?"
"I'm only the messenger, and now that I've done my duty, I gotta go!"
"Thanks Sam," Daniel called out to Sam's fleeing back.
"Lucky guy," Daniel thought as he watched to make sure Sam safely entered the car and drove away with her mystery boyfriend.
With Bijou and Katie on his heels, Daniel walked to the sofa and opened the package. He hadn't sat down, but was standing at the edge, leaning slightly against the arm of the couch.
The package was a CD and attached to it was a note with instructions:
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
I love you so much, and I hate that I'm not with you tonight, but I want you to do something for me.
I want you to put on your blue silk pajamas and bring the blue quilt downstairs with you. Then, get the girls comfy on their beanbag, and serve yourself a glass of the St. Julien's ... the good stuff .. the 1959, and then I want you to make sure there's a fire in the fireplace and turn the lights down low. Then, and only then, put the CD in the player.
Then, My Love, sit in our favorite spot in front of the fire and listen, and know that it comes from deep within my soul.
I love you, my beautiful falling star.
J"
Daniel traced the words with his fingers, "Gawd, Jack, I miss you," but then he set out to do as Jack asked, though he was tempted to put the CD on right away.
Jack had gone to such trouble, though, having Sam deliver it at a certain time. There had to be a reason, so Daniel decided that he'd wait, and do as directed.
"Funny isn't it, Jack? I'm finally following your orders," Daniel mused aloud as he changed into the silky pjs that they had purchased two years ago.
Jack had gotten a burgundy pair, and Daniel the blue. They both had a thing about the feel of flannel on the other and had several pairs of the flannel nightwear, but by accident, they had also discovered that silk seemed to do it for them too, the soft delicacy of the fabric sending shivers through their spines and souls.
Barefoot, Daniel carried the blue quilt downstairs, and filled his goblet with the smooth red wine he loved.
Jack always made sure Daniel had the exclusive wine that they had discovered once at a wine tasting. Daniel had loved it, and since then, Jack had made sure there was always some in the house. It hadn't always the best years, but often, Jack had been able to get the better vintages from the late fifties and early sixties for his lover.
As he sat down onto the spot where he and Jack so often cuddled in front of the fire, Daniel pressed "play" on the remote control, not knowing what to expect.
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
I love you so much, so very much, and geez, I ... I miss you. I know it's only been two days, but I swear Angel, they've been the longest two days of my life.
I'm used to you being my warm blanket at night, to waking up to your blue eyes, to hearing you say my name. Gawd, I miss that ... touching you, feeling you, hearing you.
My Precious Angel. Our wedding day was perfect because you were there. You were so beautiful. You took my breath away. Being away from you now is breaking my heart. And, for crying out loud, it's for ... geez, the stuff they ... no, forget that. I only want to think about you, and how lucky I am to have you.
You've filled up my life with love and happiness. I want ... What I'm trying to say is ... Ah, Angel, you know I'm bad with words. I just love you so much. Sounds like a broken record, doesn't it? Or should I say broken CD? Do CD's break?
Anyway, since our wedding, the one thing you've nagged, nagged, and more nagged me about is ... well, you know ... the one thing I had never done until our wedding, and swore I'd never do again ... but ... I want you to have all of me, just as you've given me all of yourself, so ... you can stop nagging now.
This is for you, La Mio Bello Stella Cadente ... Gawd, I love you ...
And ... by the way, you owe me big time for this, and I intend to collect. You have NO idea what I had to go through to arrange this little ... session ... no, wait ... scratch that. You don't owe me ... I owe you ... forever and always, no matter how many miles ... or stars ... separate us."
The music began to play. It was a Karaoke version of their wedding song, "Because You Loved Me," the song Jack and Daniel had danced to during their reception.
As Celion Dion had sung her hit song, Daniel had been totally floored when his husband had begun singing the song softly into his ear. Jack had been good, and Daniel had never imagined that his soul mate was such a good singer. Since then, Daniel had failed in all attempts to get Jack to sing to him again, but now, there he was, on the CD, singing to a Karaoke rendition ... his Jack ... and Celine.
Daniel's heart was full of such love, and at the same time, it ached from missing his husband. He wanted him, to feel him, so much. He couldn't stop the tears that flowed as he listened to the words of love and devotion in their wedding song, and when it ended, and he was about to replay it, he heard Jack's voice again.
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
Don't touch that remote! Not yet.
Angel, take a sip of your wine, a full sip, let it go down smoothly, slowly, the way it's meant to be tasted. Do it for me, Love. I'll wait.
pause ... only the music of their wedding song playing softly in the background ...
Now, put the goblet down, and for a moment, let the quilt fall to the ground. Close your eyes, Love. I want you to close your eyes and imagine I'm there with you, because I am, Angel. I'm right there, beside you.
You are my heart and my soul, and where you are, is exactly where I am, so feel me, Angel. My right arm is around your shoulder, caressing your back, soft motions as I touch you with my love. My hand goes to your nape and massages it for a few moments, as I lean over and kiss your beautiful, beautiful head.
And then I pull you close, so close to me, Angel. I want you so close that we are joined together. Your head is snuggled into my shoulder, safe, loved, and warm. I'll always protect you. You'll always ... always ... be safe with me. No one hurts you Angel, and gets away with it.
I'm holding you, my arm dropping to your waist, tugging you even closer to me. I want to touch you, Angel, so I'm lifting up your pajama top and my fingers are massaging your skin. Gawd, you feel so good. I love you so friggin' much.
Feel me, Angel. Feel my fingers on your skin, my arm warm against your back. Feel your head leaning against me, my face leaning into your silky hair. Feel my left hand holding yours, our fingers entwined. Our wedding rings commingling, like we are doing.
We're warm in front of the fire. We hear the crackling of the wood, and watch the flames burn. The girls are sound asleep, content, peaceful. Our family is happy and together.
Now, Angel, take the quilt and lift it over us, so that as we nestle together, the quilt will keep us even warmer, protecting us from the chill of the night. Keep your eyes closed, don't lose me ... feel me, Love ... let the quilt keep us warm.
La Mio Bello Stella Cadente, my beautiful falling star, always, my Angel, My Love, My Heart and My Soul, My Everything ... I love you and I'm always with you. You know I'm there. Feel me ... feel me. Hear my voice, listen to my song of love. It's my heart and my soul, and both belong to you, only to you, forever to you ... La Mio Bello Stella Cadente.
I love you."
Daniel had tears flowing down his cheeks, but he could feel Jack. He played the CD over and over, never opening his eyes, feeling Jack, letting himself get lost in the sensations of his lover's voice, the memories of his touches. He shivered from the imaginary connections of their bodies.
"Love you so much, Jack," Daniel choked out each and every time Jack sang their special song.
The young man finally sank down prone to the floor, half asleep as the fire roared ... but the tears were still falling. He hated himself for crying, but he was happy, truly happy for the first time in his life, and the reason for that was on the other side of the country. He wanted him back. He needed him, and that was the truth of it. Being separated was causing him mental and physical pain.
Then the phone rang. Daniel blinked as he gathered his wits from his partial slumber. He looked at the clock. It was only 10:05 p.m.
He threw off the quilt and went to the phone.
"Jack?"
"Hey! You know, it could have been anyone."
"No, I ... I knew it was you."
"You sound .... you've been crying, Angel."
There was silence as Daniel returned to the fireplace and sat back down, reaching over to pull the quilt back over his shoulders. Bijou and Katie looked up for a moment. Katie put her head back down to return to her slumber, but Bijou had gone to alert mode -- still in her beanbag, but listening, watching.
"Angel, I love you."
"I love you, too. Thank you for the ... for ...," Daniel could barely speak, "Gawd, I'm a linguist for crying out loud," Daniel choked out.
"It's okay. Love, did you do everything I asked?"
Daniel nodded.
"Danny, I can't see you."
"Oh ... sorry ... yes."
"I love those silk jammies, almost as much as the flannel ones."
"Me, too."
"You're beautiful, Danny. Did you drink your wine?"
"Yes ... three glasses."
"Oh ... you aren't ..."
"No, I'm too sad to be drunk," Daniel tried to muse softly.
"I don't want you to be sad."
"I know. I'm sorry, Jack. I just ... miss you so much. But ... Gawd, Jack, it was so beautiful ..."
"Angel ... don't, please don't. Hey ... what would you do if I were there ... right now?"
"I'd kiss you ... I'd kiss you until you couldn't breathe."
"I don't know. Sounds like an empty promise to me."
"I'd do it. I would."
"Then why I am standing out here in the cold?"
Daniel's eyes opened wide. He dropped the phone, stumbling over it as he stood up. He tripped over the quilt he had flipped off his back, swearing as he picked himself up. Bijou ran past him to the door, smiling, tail wagging, as if she had been in on the plan from the start.
Daniel's heart was pounding, the beat and rhythm thundering as rapidly as his tears were flowing. He flung open the door and saw his lover, grinning the Irish smile that melted Daniel like butter on a hot stove.
"Well?" Jack asked, his arms outstretched.
Daniel jumped on him, his lips connecting with Jack's instantly, his tongue slipping into Jack's mouth, rubbing against his lover's. True to his words, the kiss went on ... and on ... and on ... until finally, Jack gasped, pulling back just slightly.
"Wow, Danny," but Daniel didn't stop, starting a new round of kissing, his arms keeping Jack close to him as they draped around Jack's neck, his right hand massaging the back of Jack's head, playing with his silver-gray hair.
Finally, Daniel's head leaned forward against Jack's, "My Silver Fox," was all Daniel could say.
They were still on the front porch, their hands now on each other's waist, and then they slipped into their favorite hold, Jack's arms wrapped around Daniel, caressing the young man's back, as Daniel's head rested against Jack's shoulder, Jack's chin snug to his lover's hair.
Neither spoke for a couple of minutes, needing the touch, the tactile sensation of the other, but then Jack felt Daniel shiver. He looked down.
"Danny, no slippers!"
"You were keeping me warm ... remember?"
"Come on you," Jack led his shivering spouse into the house and back to the fireplace.
He spent a couple of minutes greeting Bijou and Katie, exchanging kisses and licks, and then he returned to Daniel, and scooped him up into his arms. With his hands, he tried to dry the tears.
"I hate it when you cry."
"Being silly ... sorry," Daniel sniffled.
"No, not silly. I love you, Danny, and heaven help me, I love that you love me so much that you cry when I'm gone. Makes me pretty selfish."
"Na huh," Daniel croaked, his body so close to Jack that the older man thought for a minute Daniel had literally found a way to get under his skin.
"How? Four days ... you said ..."
Jack smiled, once again happy with himself for being the one and only expert in understanding the language of "Daniel."
"Yeah, well ... short reprieve."
"Short?"
"Yeah, ah ... I have to go back."
"Jack," Daniel pulled away to look into his love's eyes, "How long, Jack?"
"Six hours ... then the Airman comes back and I have to go again."
Daniel's eyes looked at Jack with such love that Jack thought he might just dissolve right now.
"You came home ... just for six hours?"
"I needed you."
Daniel blinked, desperately trying not to be some stereotypical overly emotional spouse, but he knew Jack had managed a minor miracle. The meeting in D.C. was at the request of the President of the United States, and in fact, the President had been scheduled to sit in on part of it. That's as much as Daniel knew ...
Except ... he knew that his Jack must have turned in a lot of IOU's to get out of D.C. during the summit.
"I love you ... love you so much. Make love to me, Jack. I don't want to waste a minute ... not one."
"I love you, too, La Mio Bello Stella Cadente."
"Caro Mio, My Silver Fox," Daniel whispered in their language of love.
Jack had learned Italian years ago, right after they had become a couple, wanting to be able to speak with Daniel in another language if others were around. The first phrase he had learned, and the one that had become one of the symbols of their love was the phrase that meant "my beautiful falling star." It referred to their first night together, when Jack had wished on a falling star that Daniel would love him ... and Daniel did.
With their arms around each other's waist, the newlyweds headed upstairs to celebrate their brief reunion.
The next six hours were rich with love, passion and tenderness as the Jackson-O'Neill's blended their bodies together, over and over, pleasing each other in a variety of ways. They shared a shower and a brief meal as the clock ticked towards 4 a.m., when Jack would have to leave.
They walked down the stairs holding hands. Jack was again dressed in his blue uniform, the one that made Daniel's heart flutter, and Daniel was back in his blue silk pajamas.
Jack said goodbye to Bijou and Katie, "You two take care of him for me. He needs you!"
Two little woofs answered, making Jack smile. He stood and walked over to his self-hugging lover, and again embraced him.
"Those girls of ours ... they have your brains."
Daniel smiled as his hands caressed the blue Air Force jacket, "Jack, did you know you'd get to come home?"
"Nope ... had to call in some favors. Why?"
"Bij ... just the way she acted."
"Well, I admit ... I told her that I was going to try."
"It's crazy ... they can't possibly ...," Daniel stopped, looking at their beagles.
He smiled, and he remembered the sometimes telepathic-like discussions he and Jack had shared from the beginning of their relationship. He also remembered the dream, that crazy dream that he and Jack had shared once, about ... ascending. He shrugged as he realized there was still a lot in the world that they didn't understand.
"... Maybe ... maybe it's not so crazy, Jack. The Nox said we were very young, and they're right. We are, and maybe ... maybe they do know."
Both Jack and Daniel were looking at their beloved beagles, who seemed to have knowing smiles on their tiny faces.
"Maybe ... just maybe Danny," Jack said kissing Daniel's forehead, and then taking a deep breath.
"I know ... you have to go."
"Yes, but ..."
"But you'll be back."
"Yes, and ..."
"And in the meantime, I'll listen to you sing to me, and I'll feel your hands, see your eyes," Daniel's hands cupped Jack's face, "and I'll ... I'll feel you Jack ... loving me, keeping me safe, and you'll feel me, because I'm part of you, too."
"The best part of me, Danny."
They held each other close and shared a kiss and then walked to the door. Jack looked out and saw the vehicle waiting, the Airman rubbing his forearms as he stood in wait by the car.
"He'll freeze to death if I don't get out there."
"Caro Mio ... My Love."
"Love you ... La Mio Bello Stella Cadente."
Jack kissed Daniel's ring finger, and then tasted his lips one more time. With another flash of the smile that filled Daniel's stomach with beautiful butterflies, Jack walked out the door.
Daniel went back to the fireplace. He was both warm from the last six hours and cold from the absence that was so deafening. He sank down into the sofa, wanting to feel happy. He replayed the CD once, but the sadness of the separation was overwhelming him.
Daniel felt thankful Jack had pulled off his miracle, but he wanted more, especially since Jack had another TDY scheduled in a few days that would take him away again.
"It's not fair," Daniel said to the air, not caring whether or not he sounded rational.
Bijou barked, drawing Daniel out of his self-imposed misery, and he heard the door open as Bijou flew past him, but then calmed.
"Jack?"
Daniel shot up as Jack reappeared in the house.
"Hurry up, Danny. Get dressed."
"Wha...what?"
"Angel ... no way in Netu am I leaving you. I don't friggin' give a ... I just don't. So, get dressed. You're coming with me."
Daniel's mouth was open, his eyes bright.
"Danny, we don't have all day. Give the girls a kiss and go get dressed, and while you're doing that, I'll get Bij and Katie settled in their house and make sure everything is okay. MOVE!," Jack smiled, jarring Daniel out of his stunned state.
Daniel said goodbye to the beagles and ran up stairs.
"Jack ... what do I ...?"
"Blue shirt, black pants, socks Danny ... don't forget socks ..."
Jack laughed at his wonderful genius as he attended to the girls, making sure their dog house was secure and insulated.
"You girls don't mind, do you? I know it's a cold out here, but you saw him ... okay, okay ... we don't need to tell him that I was doing the same sulking, moping thing, do we? Love you ... we'll be home in two days. I'll call Cassie or Carter so you won't be alone all the time. You two behave. We love you."
Jack petted the girls one final time, and returned to the house, securing the doors and windows, and making sure the fire was completely out.
"Danny, we have to go."
Daniel flew done the stairs, landing in Jack's arms ... literally.
"Whoa, Space Monkey," Jack said devouring his lover's mouth and sighing afterwards, just as Daniel had done.
"Won't they wonder, Jack?"
"Do you care?"
Daniel shook his head. They'd done their time, and if someone wanted to make something of it, tough. He might ... no, he knew he'd regret it later, but right now, he didn't care. They kissed as they walked to the door.
Jack grabbed Daniel's coat, but didn't put it on him. His eyes seemed to ask Daniel not to question it, so the young man didn't. They got into the back seat of the car and Jack laid out the coat, perfectly naturally, overlapping a part of both he and Daniel, and with a covert smile at his husband, Jack's hand took hold of his lover's, totally concealed by the coat.
Daniel smiled, looking out the window, the driver totally unaware.
As they reached the base and headed for the plane, Jack whispered, "Forever and always, Angel."
Daniel's smile lit up Jack's soul. The older man knew he'd have to come up with a cover story for Daniel's presence by the time they arrived, and that they'd have to call Hammond in the morning to explain Daniel's absence from the SGC since Daniel had volunteered to work Saturday once Jack had received the orders for the trip to D.C.
Still, Jack knew he was doing the right thing, for Daniel, and for himself. Every fiber of Jack's being told him that he and Daniel should be together.
As they reached the plane, Daniel hesitated, "Are you sure?"
"What are they going to do ... make me retire? They need us ... and ... Danny, I need you with me. I know I'm supposed to be the tough one. I know you probably think I came back because of the tears, but the truth is ... I couldn't concentrate without you there. I thought of you every second, and ... crap, Daniel ... it hurt ... I mean ... my head hurt, I just ... I thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke or ... or something. It's just ... too soon for us to be separated. I need you there with me. I love you so much."
Jack had never seen Daniel's smile so bright. It confirmed that what he was doing was the right thing.
His physical pain had been real, and it had ended the moment he had held his spouse in his arms, and it had started up again the moment he had gotten into the Air Force vehicle after leaving Daniel behind at the house. Jack didn't care whether anyone believed him or not, but he knew he was connected to his lover on so many levels that they might never fully understand their bonds.
Jack realized it had just been too soon. They hadn't been able to plan and adjust to the separation. They needed time, that's all. But for now, Jack returned Daniel's blissful look.
They'd go to D.C., and somehow, Jack would explain Daniel's presence, which Jack knew wouldn't be too hard to do. They'd make a weekend of it, maybe go to the Smithsonian. Jack smiled, visualizing cuddling with his husband in the elephant barn at the National Zoo.
Yes, they'd definitely have a good time during their brief getaway before returning to their lives in Colorado Springs. It may not have been what they had originally planned, but they'd be together.
Their hearts and souls sharing more than they could express verbally or physically at the moment, the two boarded the plane and headed for the nation's capitol, with no regrets or fear of what anyone might think, say or do! Their own personal nation of two was united, and no one would ever change that!
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
Author: Orrymain
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Author Website: http://orrymain.raikiri.net/fanfichome.html
Category: Slash, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 7 - December 3-6, 2003
Spoilers: None
Size: 32kb, short story
Written: October 25-27, November 1,3,8, 2003
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Summary: Just back from their honeymoon, Jack and Daniel face their first separation, and it simply isn't a happy time!
Notes:
1) Story stands alone but it does reference some prior fics -- "Wish Upon a Star," "Falling Star," and "Heart and Soul."
2) Thanks to my betas who always make my fics better: Mama Beast, Tina, Starshadow!
--
Warning: I've been told this needs a hanky warning!
--
Because You Loved Me
by Orrymain
==== December 3, 2003 6:12 a.m.
"Be back in four days."
"I wish ...," Daniel nestled his head against Jack's right shoulder, his heart saddened because his lover was leaving, though he knew Jack had no choice.
This would be their first separation since their November wedding, and it was hitting both of them hard. They had only been back to work at the SGC for two days when Jack had received his orders to fly to Washington D.C.
Being their first Christmas together as a married couple, Jack and Daniel had planned to cut a tree that weekend, taking Bijou and Katie with them for the outing.
They had wanted the entire month to be festive, beginning with a jaunt to the woods to get a tree, and then spend the weekend decorating. They wanted all of December to be full of holiday merriment.
Unfortunately, Jack wouldn't be home until early Sunday morning and Hammond had insisted on getting a report as soon as Jack returned. Their plans had been totally squashed.
Jack had tried all the arguments, but lost them all. His expertise in covert activities made him an essential participant in a Pentagon operations meeting. Besides, he had just returned from several weeks off, and didn't have much of a leg to stand on when it came to trying to get out of the orders.
Thus, the newlyweds had spent the night before cuddling in front of the fire, holding each other. They had anticipated making passionate love, but instead the two found themselves simply holding on to each other, not wanting to let go.
They had kissed and touched, and nestled, cooing their love into the other's ear, speaking words of love that most people at the SGC would think was pure fiction. The Goa'uld could never imagine the feared Colonel O'Neill and the snarky genius Daniel Jackson whispering sweet nothings as they held hands and hugged each other close.
--
The dark of the night still looming overhead, it was several hours later when the Airman had taken Jack's bags in hand, and then been handily dismissed by the Air Force Colonel, wanting a few more minutes to say goodbye to his husband.
"I'll be out in a few minutes," Jack had barked, and now, he held his heart tugged close against him, hating what he had to do next.
With a kiss to his forehead, Jack said the fateful words, "I have to go now, Danny."
"I know," but Daniel didn't move.
Jack took his lover's hand that was caressing the warm material of his dress blues, and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it, and then shifted to face Daniel. He hated ending their closeness.
With a final kiss, a touch on his cheek, a sorrowful look into Daniel's alluring blue eyes, Jack backed out of the house, the door still open as Daniel slowly walked towards it, his arms crossed, and a single tear falling down his right cheek.
"Gawd, sometimes I hate the Air Force," Jack said just loud enough that Daniel could hear.
"Me, too."
Out of time and options, Jack turned and walked to the staff car. Daniel watched, not closing the door until two minutes after the car had disappeared from his sight.
With a heavy heart, Daniel went back to their bedroom and got ready to go to the SGC where he planned to lose himself in artifact after artifact for the next four days.
==== December 5, 2003 8:55 p.m.
Daniel had worked late the night before, not coming home until 10 p.m., and the only reason he had done so was because of Bijou and Katie. He would not let his need to lose himself in work to forget Jack's absence impede the love and care for the precious beagles that Jack and Daniel called their children. So, on this night he had made sure he was home by 7 p.m. to attend to the two canines.
He had played with them and told them about his day, and they had shared theirs by cuddling against him. As Daniel had laid on the sofa, Katie had curled up on his stomach and Bijou had snuggled in between the sofa cushion and Daniel's left thigh.
It was almost 9 p.m. when Bijou went into protective mode, standing with her tail pointed, her smile off her face. She ran to the door as the doorbell rang, Katie on her six, and sniffed.
"Friend or foe?" Daniel asked as he approached the entrance way of the house.
Bijou woofed lightly, with her tail wagging.
"Cool," Daniel said, trusting his beagle's instincts totally.
"Hey Daniel," Sam said with a smile, kneeling down to acknowledge Bijou and Katie for a moment.
"Wow," Daniel said without realizing it.
While he had seen his friend dressed up before, he couldn't recall seeing her look quite like this.
"Hot," Daniel said, again without realizing it.
Sam blushed, "Um, thanks ... I guess."
"Oh, sorry Sam, I mean ... oh, you know what I mean. You look great!"
"Thanks."
"Come in," Daniel scooted aside.
"Actually, I can't ... I, ah ..." Sam nodded towards the street and the waiting car.
"Your boyfriend?"
"Yes, and don't start Daniel, and stay right where you are."
"You're no fun, Sam."
"Yeah, well, I'm trying to keep this one alive for a while."
"Sam."
"I know. Listen, I promised the Colonel I'd bring this by at precisely 2100 hours," Sam extended her hand with a small, thin package, roughly 5x5 inches.
Daniel took it, "What is it?"
"I'm only the messenger, and now that I've done my duty, I gotta go!"
"Thanks Sam," Daniel called out to Sam's fleeing back.
"Lucky guy," Daniel thought as he watched to make sure Sam safely entered the car and drove away with her mystery boyfriend.
With Bijou and Katie on his heels, Daniel walked to the sofa and opened the package. He hadn't sat down, but was standing at the edge, leaning slightly against the arm of the couch.
The package was a CD and attached to it was a note with instructions:
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
I love you so much, and I hate that I'm not with you tonight, but I want you to do something for me.
I want you to put on your blue silk pajamas and bring the blue quilt downstairs with you. Then, get the girls comfy on their beanbag, and serve yourself a glass of the St. Julien's ... the good stuff .. the 1959, and then I want you to make sure there's a fire in the fireplace and turn the lights down low. Then, and only then, put the CD in the player.
Then, My Love, sit in our favorite spot in front of the fire and listen, and know that it comes from deep within my soul.
I love you, my beautiful falling star.
J"
Daniel traced the words with his fingers, "Gawd, Jack, I miss you," but then he set out to do as Jack asked, though he was tempted to put the CD on right away.
Jack had gone to such trouble, though, having Sam deliver it at a certain time. There had to be a reason, so Daniel decided that he'd wait, and do as directed.
"Funny isn't it, Jack? I'm finally following your orders," Daniel mused aloud as he changed into the silky pjs that they had purchased two years ago.
Jack had gotten a burgundy pair, and Daniel the blue. They both had a thing about the feel of flannel on the other and had several pairs of the flannel nightwear, but by accident, they had also discovered that silk seemed to do it for them too, the soft delicacy of the fabric sending shivers through their spines and souls.
Barefoot, Daniel carried the blue quilt downstairs, and filled his goblet with the smooth red wine he loved.
Jack always made sure Daniel had the exclusive wine that they had discovered once at a wine tasting. Daniel had loved it, and since then, Jack had made sure there was always some in the house. It hadn't always the best years, but often, Jack had been able to get the better vintages from the late fifties and early sixties for his lover.
As he sat down onto the spot where he and Jack so often cuddled in front of the fire, Daniel pressed "play" on the remote control, not knowing what to expect.
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
I love you so much, so very much, and geez, I ... I miss you. I know it's only been two days, but I swear Angel, they've been the longest two days of my life.
I'm used to you being my warm blanket at night, to waking up to your blue eyes, to hearing you say my name. Gawd, I miss that ... touching you, feeling you, hearing you.
My Precious Angel. Our wedding day was perfect because you were there. You were so beautiful. You took my breath away. Being away from you now is breaking my heart. And, for crying out loud, it's for ... geez, the stuff they ... no, forget that. I only want to think about you, and how lucky I am to have you.
You've filled up my life with love and happiness. I want ... What I'm trying to say is ... Ah, Angel, you know I'm bad with words. I just love you so much. Sounds like a broken record, doesn't it? Or should I say broken CD? Do CD's break?
Anyway, since our wedding, the one thing you've nagged, nagged, and more nagged me about is ... well, you know ... the one thing I had never done until our wedding, and swore I'd never do again ... but ... I want you to have all of me, just as you've given me all of yourself, so ... you can stop nagging now.
This is for you, La Mio Bello Stella Cadente ... Gawd, I love you ...
And ... by the way, you owe me big time for this, and I intend to collect. You have NO idea what I had to go through to arrange this little ... session ... no, wait ... scratch that. You don't owe me ... I owe you ... forever and always, no matter how many miles ... or stars ... separate us."
The music began to play. It was a Karaoke version of their wedding song, "Because You Loved Me," the song Jack and Daniel had danced to during their reception.
As Celion Dion had sung her hit song, Daniel had been totally floored when his husband had begun singing the song softly into his ear. Jack had been good, and Daniel had never imagined that his soul mate was such a good singer. Since then, Daniel had failed in all attempts to get Jack to sing to him again, but now, there he was, on the CD, singing to a Karaoke rendition ... his Jack ... and Celine.
Daniel's heart was full of such love, and at the same time, it ached from missing his husband. He wanted him, to feel him, so much. He couldn't stop the tears that flowed as he listened to the words of love and devotion in their wedding song, and when it ended, and he was about to replay it, he heard Jack's voice again.
"La Mio Bello Stella Cadente,
Don't touch that remote! Not yet.
Angel, take a sip of your wine, a full sip, let it go down smoothly, slowly, the way it's meant to be tasted. Do it for me, Love. I'll wait.
pause ... only the music of their wedding song playing softly in the background ...
Now, put the goblet down, and for a moment, let the quilt fall to the ground. Close your eyes, Love. I want you to close your eyes and imagine I'm there with you, because I am, Angel. I'm right there, beside you.
You are my heart and my soul, and where you are, is exactly where I am, so feel me, Angel. My right arm is around your shoulder, caressing your back, soft motions as I touch you with my love. My hand goes to your nape and massages it for a few moments, as I lean over and kiss your beautiful, beautiful head.
And then I pull you close, so close to me, Angel. I want you so close that we are joined together. Your head is snuggled into my shoulder, safe, loved, and warm. I'll always protect you. You'll always ... always ... be safe with me. No one hurts you Angel, and gets away with it.
I'm holding you, my arm dropping to your waist, tugging you even closer to me. I want to touch you, Angel, so I'm lifting up your pajama top and my fingers are massaging your skin. Gawd, you feel so good. I love you so friggin' much.
Feel me, Angel. Feel my fingers on your skin, my arm warm against your back. Feel your head leaning against me, my face leaning into your silky hair. Feel my left hand holding yours, our fingers entwined. Our wedding rings commingling, like we are doing.
We're warm in front of the fire. We hear the crackling of the wood, and watch the flames burn. The girls are sound asleep, content, peaceful. Our family is happy and together.
Now, Angel, take the quilt and lift it over us, so that as we nestle together, the quilt will keep us even warmer, protecting us from the chill of the night. Keep your eyes closed, don't lose me ... feel me, Love ... let the quilt keep us warm.
La Mio Bello Stella Cadente, my beautiful falling star, always, my Angel, My Love, My Heart and My Soul, My Everything ... I love you and I'm always with you. You know I'm there. Feel me ... feel me. Hear my voice, listen to my song of love. It's my heart and my soul, and both belong to you, only to you, forever to you ... La Mio Bello Stella Cadente.
I love you."
Daniel had tears flowing down his cheeks, but he could feel Jack. He played the CD over and over, never opening his eyes, feeling Jack, letting himself get lost in the sensations of his lover's voice, the memories of his touches. He shivered from the imaginary connections of their bodies.
"Love you so much, Jack," Daniel choked out each and every time Jack sang their special song.
The young man finally sank down prone to the floor, half asleep as the fire roared ... but the tears were still falling. He hated himself for crying, but he was happy, truly happy for the first time in his life, and the reason for that was on the other side of the country. He wanted him back. He needed him, and that was the truth of it. Being separated was causing him mental and physical pain.
Then the phone rang. Daniel blinked as he gathered his wits from his partial slumber. He looked at the clock. It was only 10:05 p.m.
He threw off the quilt and went to the phone.
"Jack?"
"Hey! You know, it could have been anyone."
"No, I ... I knew it was you."
"You sound .... you've been crying, Angel."
There was silence as Daniel returned to the fireplace and sat back down, reaching over to pull the quilt back over his shoulders. Bijou and Katie looked up for a moment. Katie put her head back down to return to her slumber, but Bijou had gone to alert mode -- still in her beanbag, but listening, watching.
"Angel, I love you."
"I love you, too. Thank you for the ... for ...," Daniel could barely speak, "Gawd, I'm a linguist for crying out loud," Daniel choked out.
"It's okay. Love, did you do everything I asked?"
Daniel nodded.
"Danny, I can't see you."
"Oh ... sorry ... yes."
"I love those silk jammies, almost as much as the flannel ones."
"Me, too."
"You're beautiful, Danny. Did you drink your wine?"
"Yes ... three glasses."
"Oh ... you aren't ..."
"No, I'm too sad to be drunk," Daniel tried to muse softly.
"I don't want you to be sad."
"I know. I'm sorry, Jack. I just ... miss you so much. But ... Gawd, Jack, it was so beautiful ..."
"Angel ... don't, please don't. Hey ... what would you do if I were there ... right now?"
"I'd kiss you ... I'd kiss you until you couldn't breathe."
"I don't know. Sounds like an empty promise to me."
"I'd do it. I would."
"Then why I am standing out here in the cold?"
Daniel's eyes opened wide. He dropped the phone, stumbling over it as he stood up. He tripped over the quilt he had flipped off his back, swearing as he picked himself up. Bijou ran past him to the door, smiling, tail wagging, as if she had been in on the plan from the start.
Daniel's heart was pounding, the beat and rhythm thundering as rapidly as his tears were flowing. He flung open the door and saw his lover, grinning the Irish smile that melted Daniel like butter on a hot stove.
"Well?" Jack asked, his arms outstretched.
Daniel jumped on him, his lips connecting with Jack's instantly, his tongue slipping into Jack's mouth, rubbing against his lover's. True to his words, the kiss went on ... and on ... and on ... until finally, Jack gasped, pulling back just slightly.
"Wow, Danny," but Daniel didn't stop, starting a new round of kissing, his arms keeping Jack close to him as they draped around Jack's neck, his right hand massaging the back of Jack's head, playing with his silver-gray hair.
Finally, Daniel's head leaned forward against Jack's, "My Silver Fox," was all Daniel could say.
They were still on the front porch, their hands now on each other's waist, and then they slipped into their favorite hold, Jack's arms wrapped around Daniel, caressing the young man's back, as Daniel's head rested against Jack's shoulder, Jack's chin snug to his lover's hair.
Neither spoke for a couple of minutes, needing the touch, the tactile sensation of the other, but then Jack felt Daniel shiver. He looked down.
"Danny, no slippers!"
"You were keeping me warm ... remember?"
"Come on you," Jack led his shivering spouse into the house and back to the fireplace.
He spent a couple of minutes greeting Bijou and Katie, exchanging kisses and licks, and then he returned to Daniel, and scooped him up into his arms. With his hands, he tried to dry the tears.
"I hate it when you cry."
"Being silly ... sorry," Daniel sniffled.
"No, not silly. I love you, Danny, and heaven help me, I love that you love me so much that you cry when I'm gone. Makes me pretty selfish."
"Na huh," Daniel croaked, his body so close to Jack that the older man thought for a minute Daniel had literally found a way to get under his skin.
"How? Four days ... you said ..."
Jack smiled, once again happy with himself for being the one and only expert in understanding the language of "Daniel."
"Yeah, well ... short reprieve."
"Short?"
"Yeah, ah ... I have to go back."
"Jack," Daniel pulled away to look into his love's eyes, "How long, Jack?"
"Six hours ... then the Airman comes back and I have to go again."
Daniel's eyes looked at Jack with such love that Jack thought he might just dissolve right now.
"You came home ... just for six hours?"
"I needed you."
Daniel blinked, desperately trying not to be some stereotypical overly emotional spouse, but he knew Jack had managed a minor miracle. The meeting in D.C. was at the request of the President of the United States, and in fact, the President had been scheduled to sit in on part of it. That's as much as Daniel knew ...
Except ... he knew that his Jack must have turned in a lot of IOU's to get out of D.C. during the summit.
"I love you ... love you so much. Make love to me, Jack. I don't want to waste a minute ... not one."
"I love you, too, La Mio Bello Stella Cadente."
"Caro Mio, My Silver Fox," Daniel whispered in their language of love.
Jack had learned Italian years ago, right after they had become a couple, wanting to be able to speak with Daniel in another language if others were around. The first phrase he had learned, and the one that had become one of the symbols of their love was the phrase that meant "my beautiful falling star." It referred to their first night together, when Jack had wished on a falling star that Daniel would love him ... and Daniel did.
With their arms around each other's waist, the newlyweds headed upstairs to celebrate their brief reunion.
The next six hours were rich with love, passion and tenderness as the Jackson-O'Neill's blended their bodies together, over and over, pleasing each other in a variety of ways. They shared a shower and a brief meal as the clock ticked towards 4 a.m., when Jack would have to leave.
They walked down the stairs holding hands. Jack was again dressed in his blue uniform, the one that made Daniel's heart flutter, and Daniel was back in his blue silk pajamas.
Jack said goodbye to Bijou and Katie, "You two take care of him for me. He needs you!"
Two little woofs answered, making Jack smile. He stood and walked over to his self-hugging lover, and again embraced him.
"Those girls of ours ... they have your brains."
Daniel smiled as his hands caressed the blue Air Force jacket, "Jack, did you know you'd get to come home?"
"Nope ... had to call in some favors. Why?"
"Bij ... just the way she acted."
"Well, I admit ... I told her that I was going to try."
"It's crazy ... they can't possibly ...," Daniel stopped, looking at their beagles.
He smiled, and he remembered the sometimes telepathic-like discussions he and Jack had shared from the beginning of their relationship. He also remembered the dream, that crazy dream that he and Jack had shared once, about ... ascending. He shrugged as he realized there was still a lot in the world that they didn't understand.
"... Maybe ... maybe it's not so crazy, Jack. The Nox said we were very young, and they're right. We are, and maybe ... maybe they do know."
Both Jack and Daniel were looking at their beloved beagles, who seemed to have knowing smiles on their tiny faces.
"Maybe ... just maybe Danny," Jack said kissing Daniel's forehead, and then taking a deep breath.
"I know ... you have to go."
"Yes, but ..."
"But you'll be back."
"Yes, and ..."
"And in the meantime, I'll listen to you sing to me, and I'll feel your hands, see your eyes," Daniel's hands cupped Jack's face, "and I'll ... I'll feel you Jack ... loving me, keeping me safe, and you'll feel me, because I'm part of you, too."
"The best part of me, Danny."
They held each other close and shared a kiss and then walked to the door. Jack looked out and saw the vehicle waiting, the Airman rubbing his forearms as he stood in wait by the car.
"He'll freeze to death if I don't get out there."
"Caro Mio ... My Love."
"Love you ... La Mio Bello Stella Cadente."
Jack kissed Daniel's ring finger, and then tasted his lips one more time. With another flash of the smile that filled Daniel's stomach with beautiful butterflies, Jack walked out the door.
Daniel went back to the fireplace. He was both warm from the last six hours and cold from the absence that was so deafening. He sank down into the sofa, wanting to feel happy. He replayed the CD once, but the sadness of the separation was overwhelming him.
Daniel felt thankful Jack had pulled off his miracle, but he wanted more, especially since Jack had another TDY scheduled in a few days that would take him away again.
"It's not fair," Daniel said to the air, not caring whether or not he sounded rational.
Bijou barked, drawing Daniel out of his self-imposed misery, and he heard the door open as Bijou flew past him, but then calmed.
"Jack?"
Daniel shot up as Jack reappeared in the house.
"Hurry up, Danny. Get dressed."
"Wha...what?"
"Angel ... no way in Netu am I leaving you. I don't friggin' give a ... I just don't. So, get dressed. You're coming with me."
Daniel's mouth was open, his eyes bright.
"Danny, we don't have all day. Give the girls a kiss and go get dressed, and while you're doing that, I'll get Bij and Katie settled in their house and make sure everything is okay. MOVE!," Jack smiled, jarring Daniel out of his stunned state.
Daniel said goodbye to the beagles and ran up stairs.
"Jack ... what do I ...?"
"Blue shirt, black pants, socks Danny ... don't forget socks ..."
Jack laughed at his wonderful genius as he attended to the girls, making sure their dog house was secure and insulated.
"You girls don't mind, do you? I know it's a cold out here, but you saw him ... okay, okay ... we don't need to tell him that I was doing the same sulking, moping thing, do we? Love you ... we'll be home in two days. I'll call Cassie or Carter so you won't be alone all the time. You two behave. We love you."
Jack petted the girls one final time, and returned to the house, securing the doors and windows, and making sure the fire was completely out.
"Danny, we have to go."
Daniel flew done the stairs, landing in Jack's arms ... literally.
"Whoa, Space Monkey," Jack said devouring his lover's mouth and sighing afterwards, just as Daniel had done.
"Won't they wonder, Jack?"
"Do you care?"
Daniel shook his head. They'd done their time, and if someone wanted to make something of it, tough. He might ... no, he knew he'd regret it later, but right now, he didn't care. They kissed as they walked to the door.
Jack grabbed Daniel's coat, but didn't put it on him. His eyes seemed to ask Daniel not to question it, so the young man didn't. They got into the back seat of the car and Jack laid out the coat, perfectly naturally, overlapping a part of both he and Daniel, and with a covert smile at his husband, Jack's hand took hold of his lover's, totally concealed by the coat.
Daniel smiled, looking out the window, the driver totally unaware.
As they reached the base and headed for the plane, Jack whispered, "Forever and always, Angel."
Daniel's smile lit up Jack's soul. The older man knew he'd have to come up with a cover story for Daniel's presence by the time they arrived, and that they'd have to call Hammond in the morning to explain Daniel's absence from the SGC since Daniel had volunteered to work Saturday once Jack had received the orders for the trip to D.C.
Still, Jack knew he was doing the right thing, for Daniel, and for himself. Every fiber of Jack's being told him that he and Daniel should be together.
As they reached the plane, Daniel hesitated, "Are you sure?"
"What are they going to do ... make me retire? They need us ... and ... Danny, I need you with me. I know I'm supposed to be the tough one. I know you probably think I came back because of the tears, but the truth is ... I couldn't concentrate without you there. I thought of you every second, and ... crap, Daniel ... it hurt ... I mean ... my head hurt, I just ... I thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke or ... or something. It's just ... too soon for us to be separated. I need you there with me. I love you so much."
Jack had never seen Daniel's smile so bright. It confirmed that what he was doing was the right thing.
His physical pain had been real, and it had ended the moment he had held his spouse in his arms, and it had started up again the moment he had gotten into the Air Force vehicle after leaving Daniel behind at the house. Jack didn't care whether anyone believed him or not, but he knew he was connected to his lover on so many levels that they might never fully understand their bonds.
Jack realized it had just been too soon. They hadn't been able to plan and adjust to the separation. They needed time, that's all. But for now, Jack returned Daniel's blissful look.
They'd go to D.C., and somehow, Jack would explain Daniel's presence, which Jack knew wouldn't be too hard to do. They'd make a weekend of it, maybe go to the Smithsonian. Jack smiled, visualizing cuddling with his husband in the elephant barn at the National Zoo.
Yes, they'd definitely have a good time during their brief getaway before returning to their lives in Colorado Springs. It may not have been what they had originally planned, but they'd be together.
Their hearts and souls sharing more than they could express verbally or physically at the moment, the two boarded the plane and headed for the nation's capitol, with no regrets or fear of what anyone might think, say or do! Their own personal nation of two was united, and no one would ever change that!
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~