Ahsoka's POV
"We have to do something! We can't let those people die! We are Jedi; we are supposed to be peace keepers, not warriors. We are supposed to protect the helpless, not ignore them like this!"
"Enough, Padawan Tano." Windu's voice echoed in the Chambers Room. "The Council has its reasons. Are you against our judgment?"
Pffff, sure I am! It isn't obvious?
"No, Master Windu."
Liar, liar, liar.
Oh Ahsoka, why are you such a coward when it comes to saying what you think?
But what can I do?
After all, I'm just a Padawan.
I look at my left and start to count. One, two, three, four, five, six…Interesting, six chairs are empty. I look at my right. Seven, eight, nine. Nine chairs are empty. Nine Masters, nine Council Masters are out fighting a war that has been here for too long.
Too long.
"Feel great discomfort, from you, I feel Padawan Tano. Tell us, you can." Master Yoda says.
Liar, liar, liar.
"It's nothing, Master Yoda. I'm just troubled that people count on us and we are betraying them. We are failing them." Their eyes, cold and unrecognizable eyes. Eyes that one time had warm, understanding and…filled with emotion lay on me. This is their way, their unconscious way to make others feel intimidated, insecure.
"Be careful with your words, young one. Do I need to remind you that former Padawan Offee used almost the same words that you are using right at this moment?"
Barriss.
A lump forms in my throat, suffocating and hurting me every time I think about my former friend. The backstabber, the betrayer. Thinking about her made my blood boil. I only wish to put my hands on her neck and… and? And what? Kill her? Hurt her?
No, I'm better that. I'm better than her. I shake my head, taking my dark thoughts away… for a while.
"Yes, Master." I bow. I'm such a hypocrite. Taking a full view, I see my master at my side with a concerned but at the same time a disappointed face.
Ouch!I hate when he is disappointed of me.
"Dismissed you are." Master Yoda says. Anakin and I bowed and leave the Council Chambers. My fist clenches as I think about what we have become…it isn't fair! It isn't our way! It wasn't our way…
"Ahsoka! What happened there?" Anakin Skywalker, my master says.
"Master, I was saying what I was thinking! Is it a crime now?" A frustrated voice leaves my mouth.
"I'm not saying it's a crime but… just listen to yourself! You sound like Barriss! I don't want to make the Council distrust you, Snips." He puts a hand on my shoulder. "When you decided to come back to the Order, you don't know how glad I was because I don't know what to do without you, Snips. You are like the little sister that I never had and I don't know what would happen if I ever lost you… I just don't know."
I came back to the Order but under what point?
The Council gave me their backs but I knew how to forgive. Everyone can make a mistake, even the most powerful, but something that I learned is that you can be even more powerful if you forgive.
So many times I've felt so… alone…sometimes even rejected. Now, more and more people are against us, the Jedi.
I know we aren't what we used to be, I know that maybe… just maybe we have lost our way…our light, our spirit. I always wanted to be a hero, to be someone who people look up to. But how can I be that if we have lost our way?
"Master, I wouldn't ever leave your side, ever."
Liar, liar, liar.
What would he do if he ever knows the truth? The truth that I was thinking about leave his side after the trial? Stop being a Jedi, to be a normal teenager? To be able to love, feel and care. What would he do?
But no, life isn't that easy. I would be selfish and it would be a mistake… a big, big mistake.
My reasons are classified, my thoughts are private and my dreams are special. I've been under doubt…the doubt of what would happen.
What could happen if…?
I'm missing my present, remembering the past and maybe… trying to avoid the future.
"Master, I will be in my quarters… if you need me."
He needs me; he needed me and always will. I'm not being arrogant, no. I'm just putting things in their true light.
"Alright Snips, I will be in the training rooms." He turns on his heel and starts walking away from me.
I watch his back, my older brother's back, knowing that someday we will separate one way or another. We can't live forever… we can't wait forever.
"Seeds of the Dark Side planted by your master… do you feel it?" Those words have been running through my head for two years since Mortis.
Is it true?
"Be warned, you may never see your future if you remain his student! Leave this planet!" My future-self had told me.
What did she mean? Should I believe in her… me? I don't know what to think anymore…what to feel or what to trust. After all, that planet was a "hell paradise" and it showed us distorted things.
I hear a small voice in the back of my head saying, "Or it showed you your true self."
I shake the voice out of my head. I can't put my finger on fire but maybe that voice is telling me the truth. It doesn't matter how hard the true is. At least, I can believe in this voice and believe in myself.
I don't want to fail, I just can't. Is it normal to feel this emptiness inside me? Feel like I'm not complete? My future-self told me about my master's dark side…I can't believe that, either.
Am I also dark somewhere inside me? Will I control it or I will be controlled by it? I shake my head.
Too many questions, and so few answers.
And they are incomplete answers.
I walk down the hallway to my quarters, saluting some Knights, fellow Padawans and younglings, who were enjoying the Temple's peace but in a near future, they will be fighting in a war.
In a war that they didn't begin with.
Or we; The Jedi, started with either.
But we had to be under our title of 'peace keepers' and help the others; or better said, help this war.
I lay on my bed, feeling my eyelashes become heavy and start to shut down but before I slip in a peaceful dream, I think to myself, "I have to keep a close eye on Anakin."
A/N: So here is a new story! I hope you like it and I have to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH Katierosefun for Beta this. I'll always be grateful for that :) R&R please.