Title: "The Nature of Grief"
Rating: T, just in case
Genre: Drama, Angst
Character(s): Douglas Davenport, mention of others
Pairing(s): none
Summary: 'This, he finds, is how to accept.' Inspired by the events in Bionic Showdown.
Notes: Another Showdown tag! This may or may not be a start to a series of one-shots. I'm still not sure. It features a different Douglas, wherein he's more attached to Marcus than what he was in the show. Should be interesting. ;) I hope you guys enjoy!
Ooh! And I forgot to mention. Thanks to 88keys and smackalicious for being my lovely, lovely betas! You ladies are awesome!
He can't quite quantify why he feels the way he does. After all, he has known all along that his invention was bound to die sooner or later. If not from wearing out, then he would have expired in an attempt to fulfill his goal. The boy was only a means to an end. He was disposable, unlike the other three. Yet, he cannot shake the thought that something could have been done to prevent what has befallen the pitiful creature.
He tries to convince himself that mourning is not necessary. It has no place in his plans, and it will not get him anywhere. But from the emptiness of his surroundings, his logic exposes the brunt reality that he has lost someone, and it should bother him.
He knows it had been a mistake from the start. He should have just designated a variable to him, just like he had for the other three, and let him choose what he would like to be called. However, necessity due to an opened opportunity caused him to neglect that intention, and he ended up naming the boy.
Marcus, meaning warrior. Any name that preceded and superseded that was not able to do. His features were strong, and his determination appeared stronger still. He could tell how stalwart he would be, especially in what was to come. He had reasoned that these were observations made objectively. Its purpose was to see the achievement of his plans, not to emotionally invest himself in an expendable decoy.
Over time, though, his outlook began to change, and his denial became more obvious. The boy built in him many habits—of being needed, of being asked for opinions, and ultimately of being sought approval from. He had also required affection from him. Admittedly, he had found this change difficult to adapt to. He had been in isolation many years prior, and to be suddenly obliged to care for both physical and emotional needs of a child became a challenge.
Yet, more and more, he grew accustomed to it. Not only did he have unwavering loyalty from the boy, but he also earned a title that many men found honorable.
Then in a matter of hours, that was taken away from him.
He decides that in the scheme of everything, what has happened should not set him back. He needs to acknowledge that the emotions running rampant in his head are purely out of his shock that they had managed to outsmart and beat him at the game he set himself. These will wear out soon, and he will carry on in what he had planned.
He strives to focus on his next move, but fails. Reality confronts him. In the end, his hands will continue to be empty. He may regain the wealth and the fame. He may even get his creations back. Nevertheless, he will still be alone. Money can only go so far. The three will keep him company, but it is not of their own accord that they will do this. He will need to force them to, and for some reason he does not find this acceptable anymore.
He struggles away from being irrational, but he can't. He has been coerced into a cramped situation by his own brother. His own brother. He doesn't understand why he always felt entitled to the better things, therefore leaving him in the ashes. Was he not content with what he already had? He held in his hands desirable things already: the accolades, the recognition. He even has the love of his wife and the four children not his own. Was that not enough?
He, on the other hand, had but one thing, and he guesses his older brother thought that he has a right to it, too. He can decide to take it whenever and however he wants to, regardless of how his little brother would fare afterwards.
He should have done something about it that night. Perhaps if he had factored in the many different possibilities, he wouldn't be suffering from this much loss. He should not have had underestimated them. Instead, he should have calculated how much impact a broken heart can play to their advantage.
The boy would have still been alive if he had thought of this.
Really, although, what's the use of exerting so much effort in leveling their playing field when he knows that his brother will always have the upper hand? All has been done, and there is no way back from it. His brother's callous decision has already cost him greatly, claiming a life that has mattered to him.
He tries again to understand why he felt the way he did. He recognizes now that the only way to appease these unreasonable feeling is to find a way to come to terms with what happened. He has to let these things run its course—and he will. Hopefully it will help him rearrange his faculties, finally let go of what he lost, and move forward.
So, upon instinct, he waits. He waits where his irrationality will beckon him, and there he goes.
Five weeks pass, and he finds himself sitting at the high school parking lot in a car that is alike to his brother's. He has studied their schedules and routines to find the perfect chance. Today, he knows that the older one is set on waiting for the youngest one, who has to meet with the members of his chess club. The middle one has left with her best friend for the mall. He saw her leave as he was pulling in.
He hesitates to follow through for a second, but the sentiment that he is where he should be solidifies his will to stay.
The boy comes out just in time. He's alone, just as he expects. He is too preoccupied with rummaging through his backpack that he fails to notice the discrepancies of his ride being too early and of the car not being stationed at its usual spot.
The boy takes the passenger seat and closes the door.
He locks it.
"Hey, Big D," the boy says, and from the tone of his voice he knows he's disheartened about something.
He smiles at him. "Hello, Leo," he says.
The boy looks up at him in surprise.
As horror fills the boy's eyes, it dawns on him how he and the boy he lost are actually alike in many ways. His bravery cannot even be questioned. He has that strength of will, and his loyalty towards his family is unwavering. He is intelligent, affectionate, and has also developed in his stepfather many habits that come with his role.
He wonders how his older brother will feel when he finds out that he will never see his youngest child again.
When he pulls away after throwing the boy's phone out of the window, he reassesses his view one last time. Finally, it has all fallen into place. He is not overly saddened anymore, and he sees the debt to him repaid. It is what he has needed all along, and he is satisfied.
This, he finds, is how to accept.
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