First off, let me say this: While I'm absolutely devastated that Cote de Pablo is leaving (I will miss Ziva horribly!), I fully support Cote's decision. I can't imagine it was an easy decision to make. I wish her the best of luck in the rest of her life!
Hopefully the show will leave it open for her to guest star/return. I hope that the show gives Ziva a wonderful, sad, touching, heartfelt, bittersweet goodbye. And now I'm starting to cry :'(
This piece came to me as I was trying to fall asleep and thinking about how Ziva is going to leave. I'm sure the show's version will be much better than this, but I hope you enjoy anyways! I apologize for any and all grammar/writing mistakes—this is the first time I've tried writing in present tense. (oh! And I wrote this before I saw the promo, so it doesn't have anything to do with what's shown there.)
Disclaimer: As much as I wish that I'd created the lovable characters of NCIS, no part of it belongs to me.
Thanks for reading! Enjoy!
Ziva looks around the apartment. All that is left are the bare bones furniture. No photographs, no books on the bookshelves. The boxes of these things are in her car. It surprises her how many she's collected over the years
She walks through the rooms, remembering. The movies she and Tony had watched, sprawled on the couch. The soups and traditional meals she'd managed to make in the tiny kitchen.
She'd been happy here. The realization comes over her slowly, like honey dripping off a spoon. She'd been happy at NCIS.
Abby always smiling and coming with hugs and laughter. Ziva had never encountered someone like Abby before. Abby always seemed so innocent. She didn't let the shadows in the world cover her light. Ziva had always been attracted to this bright purity, even while she knew it was a foolish way to go through life. In Ziva's version of the world that got you killed.
McGee was a friend. A geek, it can't be denied, but that didn't define him. He was the scapegoat of their teasing, day in and day out, but he didn't let it get to him. McGee, she remembers, was the one who refused to believe she died. He was the reason Tony had come for her in Somalia. Too often it was easy to forget to give him part of the glory.
Ducky with his stories and caring feel about him. She wonders how many stories he has, if he is even close to exhausting his supply. She will miss those stories, she decides. It gave her a look into how this old man worked, and she is grateful for this small gift he gave, without him ever realizing.
Palmer, too, she will miss—if only for his attempts to avoid Gibb's stares.
Gibbs.
Her hands involuntarily close tightly on the chair in front of her.
Gibbs who had been like another father. One who didn't send her on suicide missions or expect her to be a soldier all day, all night. The feeling of knowing he'd be there, that he'd always be there when you needed him… it had comforted her through so much. More than he knows, she is sure. His blue-eyed stare can never be forgotten. Now, he is the only father she has. The grief hits her, as it always does, with a sharp stab in the heart. Her real Abba was gone.
And Tony. Words to describe Tony fail her. He was just… Tony. She smiles remembering his endless quotes and attempts to shrink work. Remembering how it had often ended with a head slap from Gibbs that he never saw coming. The games they'd played make her laugh to this day. He'd made her freer.
Ziva turns and he is there. Her eyes widen and she bites back a gasp of surprise. How had she been so far back along memory lane she didn't hear his approach?
He looks at her, soaked by the steady rain falling outside, his eyes full of haunted disbelief. "Ziva?"
"Tony. What are you doing here?" She hasn't seen him, any of the team, since the night they placed their badges on Vance's desk.
"I… McGee said that he saw boxes in your car… when he drove past." Tony is gasping for breath. He must've run from wherever he'd been.
"So you came here? Perhaps I was getting rid of old things."
"Perhaps?" The word was said in vain. It is obvious from looking about that 'getting rid of old things' isn't true.
"This chapter of my life is done, Tony—"
"Don't say that!" He takes a giant step forward and grabs her by the shoulders. "We're not done! Gibbs will come back. There are other things that we can do. You can't leave, Ziva. What about the team?"
"I was never originally part of that."
"You are now. Eight years! You can't just walk away from that."
Ziva can see the pain, the panic rising in his eyes. She knows exactly when he's made the decision. And she doesn't stop him.
Their lips meet, soft and hungry. There has always been tension between them, she knows, but it never came to anything. Had their moment passed too long ago? She can't say for sure. She knows it would never have worked, not for long. Not with her.
She loves him. She loves all the team. She doesn't want to hurt them. She doesn't want to hurt him. Not anymore than she has to.
Yet she can't stop. Her fingers rise to his wet hair, running through them, pushing off excess drops. His explore her face, tracing gently over her eyes and cheekbones.
"Ziva," he whispers. "My ninja assassin." He tries to smile, but it doesn't work, slipping from his face too quickly.
Then they are kissing again. She doesn't want this… or does she? Not when it will hurt his heart all the more. Not when it sends hot lances of pain she won't let herself feel through hers.
She lies awake, listening to the pounding of cold droplets against the window pain. Thunder rumbles in the distance.
Her father had been the thunder and the dark clouds. Oppressive and angry, standing over her until she did as he said. If so, then she'd been the lightening, striking quickly here, then there, never remaining in one place for long. She had loved him—she still did—even if he'd been rumbling and busy, and a director as well as a father.
She had never had a chapter before in her story of life. Only pages. Pages of never ending trials.
Now there is another storm, and the lightening has to move on.
Ziva shifts and turns to get off the bed.
Tony grabs her arm, his grip weak in sleep. "No, Ziva. Don't go."
She pauses then leans back, gently prying his hand off. She puts her face next to his ear and whispers, "I'll never leave you, Tony."
She stands in the dark and gets dressed; the flashes outside so constant she doesn't need to turn on a light.
Silently, like the ninja Tony calls her, she slips out of the room. She leaves her purse on the table, only taking out her wallet and keys, slipping them into her jacket. She removes the phone, typing in a quick message, before placing it face down on the table.
I'll never leave.
It will be the last lie she tells him.
She will never see him again.
Tony wakes up the next morning, his hands searching for the warm body he knows isn't there. He blinks away tears because Dinozzos don't cry.
He doesn't want to get up and face the reality that she's gone. He doesn't want to break the news to the team that he wasn't able to get her to stay. He rubs his face with his hand. He'll have to tell Abby and face her fury. And Gibbs, what was he going to tell Gibbs?
He gives himself five minutes for self-pity then rises and dresses. She is amazing, absolutely amazing. How is he supposed to get her out of his head? With a sigh, he leaves the room. He'll call McGee and get him to trace her phone. She won't escape easily.
He would've walked right past the table if it weren't for the purse. Seeing it, hope lifts his heart. Has she stayed? Just gone out for a run?
He grabs it and the hope vanishes just as quickly as it had come. Her wallet is gone, but she'd left her credit cards. She is going off the grid. The sight of her cell-phone face down cements the truth.
Tony picks up the phone. The last thing of hers. He turns it around to see if she had wiped it clean and activates the screen. The words: "I'm sorry, Tony", flash across.
A tear skids down his cheek.
"Damnit, Ziva!" He throws the phone hard across the room where it hits the wall with an ominous crack. "Damnit, Ziva," he whispers, head falling into his hands. "Why'd you have to go?"
Before she steps out the door she gives herself a moment. A moment to feel remorse and despair. A moment to miss the team and all that she's losing. She hopes they all know how much she cares. Then she takes a deep breath and walks away. Her steps are sure and strong. They never falter or hesitate.
This chapter of her life is closing and done.
With each step she takes she tries to feel the sense of closure she usually does when she leaves a place or a person. With each step she forces them out of her mind. Palmer, Ducky, Abby, McGee, Gibbs, Tony. NCIS.
She forgets them all.