Disclaimer: I didn't invent Babylon 5 or any of it's characters.

Summary: AU in which Anna Sheridan is alive and living with John on the station during the war with the shadows. Focuses on their relationship. Delenn will come into the story eventually. And probably John will go to Z'Ha'Dum and die. Other than that, I have no idea.

A/N: This is very much a work in progress. Any comment, suggestion, constructive criticism would be welcome and highly appreciated. Non-constructive criticism will not be appreciated in quite the same manner, but send it along anyway.

English is not my native language.

War

by

Miranda2

Chapter 1

"So, what have you been doing today?"

She hated the way he said that.

It sounded condescending, and it was getting harder to convince herself that he didn't mean it that way. But of course he didn't. They hadn't seen each other all day, and he just wanted to have a conversation. They used to be interested in everything the other did, take delight in it, accept the other's big and small adventures as a gift.

Other times. When being apart was only a joyous prelude of being together. When...

"Anna?"

"Yes?"

He looked up from the report he was reading.

"Uhm, doing? Well, nothing much. I worked a while on my thesis, but it's hard to get anywhere without the resources back home."

He ducked almost imperceptibly, as if dodging an invisible punch. That last remark had made him feel guilty, although she hadn't meant to. She sighed. It seemed the amount of things they said but "didn't mean that way" was increasing exponentially. Making an effort to change the subject, she smiled and said:
"I had lunch with Lennier down at the Zocalo."

"Really? Lennier? How come?" His head was already bending towards the report again.

"Well, why not? He was at the Zocalo, he was all alone, and he's- he's nice to talk to!"

What was it that made her so defensive around him lately?

"Sure he is. It's just that Lennier is not the first person I would think of to have lunch with."

(No, you wouldn't. I know who would be the first person. And I know who would be the last.)

Something in the quality of her silence made him look up again. With weary dismay, but not with surprise, he noticed the tears swimming in her eyes. She turned her head, pretending to brush a speck of dust from her sleeve, and when she looked at him again, sure enough, the tears were gone. They never touched her cheek, but he had seen them, and she knew he had.

"Well, it was interesting, anyway. We're going to meet again tomorrow."

She bit her lip, refraining from adding something like 'it's not like there are a lot of interesting things to do for me around here anymore.' John had not started the war with the Shadows, he had not put Clark in office- he had only acted as his conscience dictated under adverse circumstances. He talked with her about his decisions, and she had encouraged him all along. What could she have done? Say: no, John, I don't think it's a good idea to be independent from earth because my research is going to be compromised? No, I don't think you should get involved with the rangers or the war with the Shadows because that will make it really hard for me to find any interesting assignments in my field? Because I'm afraid that if you do, I'll lose you, I'm afraid I'm losing you already?

"That's good."

Absorbed again by strategies, figures, speculations, negotiations. She turned away to fix herself a cup of tea and get ready to go to bed. There would be no more tears tonight, and when he joined her, hours later, for three, four hours of rest, she would be asleep.

But as she moved toward the sliding door to the bedroom, she felt his hand on her shoulder, heard his voice say her name, low, intense.

"I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"Everything. That you have to have lunch with Lennier, instead of with me. That you can't work, do research. That you're isolated from your family, your friends. That you're stuck here, with me..."

Anna wheeled around, John's hand slipped from her shoulder.

"What do you mean, 'stuck with you'? Isn't that what marriage is about? Isn't that what we signed up for?"

He lowered his eyes, then looked straight at her.

"No, I don't think this is what you signed up for."

"Well, that's the beauty of it, isn't it? You never know exactly what you're signing up for."

Before he could open his mouth, she spoke again:

"Look, I'm all right. I'm just tense, we all are, aren't we? I didn't mean to accuse you of anything when I said that about my research. That's just the way it is, and I'm fine with it. And it was interesting to talk to Lennier, it really was, and I'm looking forward to meeting him tomorrow."

She put her hands on his shoulders and hoped her smile and expression were as reassuring as she needed them to be.

"You just concentrate on winning this war, and then we can start over. Ok?"

He nodded. She kissed him quickly and closed the sliding doors behind her.

John sat down at the table again, took up the report he had been reading. After a minute, he put it down and covered his eyes with his hands.