Title: Dear Diary
Character(s): Lily Luna. P
Summary: Today was a long day at school and I haven't really eaten anything yet today... but... I guess that's good. I just wanted to write something really, before I was off to bed, so here it goes... Dear diary...
Notes: Well, this is part of the song-fic bootcamp challenge, using the song 'Born this way' by 'Lady Gaga'. It may not sound like it's actually like the song, but it's... it's there - I swear! Reviews are appriciated guys! Take care!
Warning: Rated 'T' for the mention of Anorexia and Bulimia.
Dear Diary,
Today was a long day at school and I haven't really eaten anything yet today... but... I guess that's good. I just wanted to write something really, before I was off to bed, so here it goes...
Dear Diary:
As you know I'm Lily Luna, the daughter of the wizarding hero 'Harry Potter' and I'm the youngest of three children. I'm fourteen, and I always feel so nervous. I mean is there anybody out there who can tell me why everyone else in the world is so perfect? I'm always feeling so worthless these days and everyone I know – see – in school, Hogwarts, are just so happy. Lately for me however, my mood is always down and I always feel so depressed – so empty.
I don't know when, but I've started to believe all of the things I've read in 'witch weekly', and other magazines, even T.V, about all these perfect beings. I'm never able to pick out anything wrong with them at all! All these models have perfect everything, they have curves and the hair styles! I think I would just kill, just die, to live a day in their shoes.
I've been trying to lose weight over the past couple weeks diary. And though it's a shame to admit, I throw up after meals on the rare times that I eat. But truthfully, all secrets between us diary, this isn't enough – I've got so much more to do. I want this guy – Lysander Scamander – to notice me. I'm not sure he ever will, you see, hot boys like him never take the time to even glance at obese girls like me.
I think when my friends ask me about why I have a crush on him, that they don't really want to listen diary.
There's so much room in my stomach, waiting to be filled by food, but diary if I don't stick with this diet I'll fail. I'm hungry though, and I don't find it funny – I just want to be thin.
People are pushing me around in school, being mean and insulting me a lot. I don't want to be a toy for them to toss around though, and I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I hope you understand Diary, because no one else does and I feel so lonely.
I spend a lot of time in my dormitory now, alone, just thinking to myself. I think about anything and everything. I hope I get skinny soon. I mean, Merlin, is this hunger worth it, or do I need some help?
Thanks for being here diary, you seem like my only friend at the moment, and you're an inanimate object. All the guys I know have used me for one reason or another, and all the girls try to hurt me. The people I had once thought were my friends hex me a lot now, and over all the world just plain old curses me every day.
That's why I've been losing weight diary – I want to be perfect. Maybe if I am, then people will start being nice, you know? I'm just waiting until someone tells me I'm actually good enough...
Lily.
Dear Diary,
I'm twenty-three now, and earlier today I was in the basement looking through boxes where I found my old diary. I'm not sure why, but I opened it up and while I sat on the floor of the basement I started reading. Page after page brought tears to my eyes. I guess I had never realised how lost I had been during those years of my life.
That guy I mentioned back when I was fourteen, Lysander Scamander, well it seems like I'm stuck in a dream because he's my fiancé now. We've got a small house, a nice muggle car and a good life together... but I'm still not as happy as I used to be as a child. I do admit I'm a whole lot happier than I was as an adolescent, but my arms will forever remain scarred from using curses on my skin.
But Lysander accepts me how I am, and he knows all about my past, and after all of that – all of the terrible truth – he still says that we're going to last as a couple.
Diary, I want to make it clear that I love him, I love Lysander, I love the know-it-all with all of my heart. I think I might fall back into my old depressive stage again if the two of us ever got pulled apart, forced to live lives without the other. I wouldn't mean to of course, but I probably would.
If I could say one thing to myself at the age of fourteen, use a time turner and go back, I would tell myself that you'll end up finding a guy who treats you like royalty – like a queen. I'd say it gets better then it is, and that you shouldn't worry about your size. Never think you're alone because anyone can help you out. Anyone has the capability to hear you're cries. After all Merlin makes us all the way we are. We're just born this way.
You're not alone.
Lily