The doctor's office is a small room, adjacent to the examination room. It's cold, and smells like bleach. I'm waiting for the doctor to come back, staring at the pictures of three little kids framed on the wall, reminding me that I too have children waiting for me at home. Peeta must be exhausted, having to look over our two little monsters all day. If only I could tell him why i'm here...
The doctor comes in, interrupting my thoughts. He has my medical chart in his hands, and when he sits, he starts flipping through it.
" Mrs Mellark" he Says my name, and I jump. " I got your labs back" he says softly, and I swallow hardly. " why don't we sit" he gestures to the chair, and I sit at the hem. He sits behind his desk, clears his throat and speaks:" The tests reveal a growth on your liver" It's clear, and direct. That's how I wanted it To be." We don't know if it's benign or not until we do a biopsy." The look on his face tells me it's most likely to be cancerous.
" I have some pamphlets, and I Will settle an appointment for the biopsy... You should go home and rest, mrs Mellark" I shake his hand, smile, and make my way out of his office.
I make my way home, thinking about how selfish it is that I'm keeping this secret away from my family." It's for the best",I think to myself. I don't want to worry them for nothing. Except it might not be nothing.
Entering my house, I am attacked by my daughter, climbing on my back, tugging my braid, begging for hugs. I can only think about how much my abdomen hurts. I chase these thoughts away, Bending to hug my children.
" mama, daddy Made us cookies!" Willow cannot contain her excitement. She grabs my hand, pulling me to the kitchen.
" He did? Yummy!" I exclaim, my stomach churning. I don't feel like eating at all. " where is your daddy?" I ask, and my daughter points to the staircase. I slowly creepy up the stairs, leaving my girl alone downstairs with her cookies. My Man is in our son Rye's bedroom, trying to get him to sleep. He is rocking him, humming a lullaby every district twelve's baby has heard. I stand in the frame for a solide five minutes, until He notices me.
" jeez, how long have You been standing there?!" He exclaims, surprised. Rye wails, and Peeta shushes him.
" Here, let me hold him" I entend my arms, and my husband gently places my toddler in my arms. " big boy" I whisper to my son, rubbing his back. " Mommy's here, Rye." I rock him a little, before Placing him into his crib. We stand over his crib for a while, holding eachother.
" Real or not Real, You Love me?" He asks, his lips on my forehead.
" Real. " I answer, snuggling into him even deeper. I should Tell him. But it would ruin such a perfect moment. Instead, we go downstairs, and prepare dinner for a very hungry Willow.
It's not until my daughter is tucked into her bed, and Peeta snoring next to me that I dare to open the pamphlet the doctor gave me. It does absolutely nothing to Help me. I Can't Tell my husband I might have cancer, that would be an interesting pamphlet to read.
Few days later, I'm back into the doctor's office for my biopsy result. I still haven't told Peeta anything. The doctor's lips are flapping, but I can't seem to hear anything, except those two words:
" I'm sorry,"
Here it is, the result. I am dying. I, katniss Mellark, born Everdeen, had Cancer. It was almost funny. Having survived two Hunger games, and a rebellion, I was dying because of something so stupid. Stupid, but unstoppable. I felt betrayed by my own body, as if I hadn't been through enough. How would I Tell my husband? My five year old daughter? My toddler son?
The truth is, I knew it. Deep down inside of me, I knew Since the moment the doctor mentioned it. I knew it, but couldn't admit it to myself, much less to my family.
The doctor is still talking, apparently about something called chemotherapy. I just nod, not listening a Word. My World is shattered.
I awake one morning, the sun about to rise. I stretch lazily, still tired. Nausea gets me out of bed, and on the floor of the bathroom. I don't even have to think why, I know the reason to my sudden vomitting.
Peeta enters the bathroom, surprised to see me hugging the toilet." What's wrong honey?" He asks, holding my hair. He quickly braids it, just like I taught him to.
" nothing, what makes You think something's wrong?" I mutter, sarcasm dripping in my voice.
" hey, just asking" my husband retorts, kissing my head. He sits on the edge of the bathtub, caressing my back while I dry heave into the bowl.
" don't look at me while I puke" I mutter. " that's gross" I throw up again, shivering on the cold tile. Peeta grabs a blanket off our bed, and wraps it around my shoulders.
" in sickness and in health." He whispers, showing his wedding band.
Ouch. That hurt. I suddenly feel like I'm cheating on him. As if, I was the worst wife ever for not telling him my secret. He'd Tell me, if it was him. He'd want to Help me.
" We need to talk" I say, as I take my head out of the toilet bowl. " like, right now." I plead. He takes my hand, and leads me to our room.
" I think I know what You want to say?" Peeta says, a smile in his voice. Really? He knows? Then why haven't He said a Word? Why make me come to him?
" You do? " I Ask, not sharing his tone. He nods.
" We're having another baby?" He grins. I am shocked. " We're not?" He pouts. " i just thought... The sickness, and ... Not eating much, the swelling..." He rambles, and hugs me close when He notices the tears rolling down my cheeks. " hey, hey, it's okay, I'm not angry" He shushes me.
" honey..." I trail, getting out of his embrace. This is it. Now or never. " I did experience nausea, swelling and loss of appetite" I say, taking a deep breath. He looks at me expectantly. We did talk about having another kid, but that was months ago. I didn't actually think he'd want to. We certainly weren't trying, hell. But right now, as much as pregnancy is tough on me, I'd rather be pregnant than dying. I so wish I could tell him that I was going to make him a father for the third time. But my news weren't happy, and that's the way life is. This is it, Tell him. Now or never, Katniss.
" Peeta, I have cancer."