Chapter 1

(Sara)

I was sitting in the locker room, I couldn't get my self to go to the break room, I have been sitting on this really hard bench for the last fifteen minutes, crying my heart out, I still can't believe what that idiot said, when he is coming back home from where ever he is going I'm going to break up with him, I'm not even sure I love him, and have had that doubt for sometime now but after this morning I have made up my mind, I need to find someone who will love me know matter what and will let my dream come true, and there is one person I wish would love me, but he probably doesn't and never well.

I hate that man, how can he say something like that to me, I can't believe he would use my past against me, I really thought I could trust him, I told him everything, I should have known that at some point he would be just like every body else I have told my secret to, most of them just left right after I told them, he asked me out instead and now we have been together for little over a year, how can I have been so stupid he was probably only asked me out because he was feeling sorry for me, now I wish I had turned him down.

I was so deep in thoughts and my crying I didn't hear the door to the locker room open and close again, I first noticed when a pair of strong arms was holding me around my shoulders "What's wrong sweetie?" he sexy Texan voice said, I don't think I can tell him what's wrong, because then he will know about Grissom and me, and when I will never have my dream come true because than I would be dead, I just don't understand why he wants it to be a secret.

"Not…nothing…is wrong…I'm…fine" I said out between sobs, why do I have to cry so much, I hate crying I have always been told that crying means you are week and maybe I am.

"Sara we both know you are not fine, please tell me what's wrong" Nick said, I wish I could tell him every thing, about Gil and me, and about what we where talking about this morning before he left, well it wasn't really that much talking it was more him yelling at me.

"I…I… can't" I said hoping he would droop it and just let me be, maybe I shouldn't have come in tonight, I should have called in sick.

"Why can't you tell me, did someone tell you not to?" he asked me, I didn't answer him with words, I just nodded my head to tell him yes.

"Who told you that Sara…..does this have something to do with Grissom going away for four weeks?" he asked me, well he is heading the right way so far.

"Yes" I told him, hopefully he doesn't take that the wrong way, I don't want him to think it's because I miss him, because I don't I want him out of my lift and if it wasn't rude to break up over the phone I would have made the phone call hours ago.

"Please tell me Sara, Grissom isn't here and I promise I wont tell him, what ever you say stays between you and me…Okay?" he asked, he is so sweet, it's him I want to stand the rest of my life with, but I know that will never happen.

I took a deep breath before starting to talk "Grissom and I are together… but I'm not sure I really love him…and I don't think he loves me eater after what happen this morning….." I stopped, and a new round of tears started to fall down my cheeks, Nick pulled me closer to him and he started to rock me back and forth.

"Take your time Sara…Why don't you think he loves you?" he asked me, how in the hell do I tell him about my dream without telling him about my past.

"I have a dream and I told him about it this morning before he had to leave… and when I was done telling him about my dream… he started to yell at me and tell my he would never give it to me and no body else would do it eater…" I let out a sob.

"What's your dream Sara?" he asked me, God I really want to tell him every thing, about my past and every thing Grissom said this morning.

"I…I…want a…kid… but he is…probably right…I will never have it" I said breaking down once again.

"Don't ever say that Sara, when you find the right guy you will get a kid… or maybe you could use a sperm donor" he told me, I haven't really thought about a sperm donor but that will probably never happen because I want my kid to know it's father, I want my baby to have the best family since I never really had any, one day maybe soon I will tell him about my past.

"I probably will not use a sperm donor, since I want my kid to know its father" I told him, he dried the rest of my tears of my cheeks and gave me his big Texan smile.

The door to the locker room swung open and in stepped a mad Catherine "What the hell are you guys doing in here the shift started over 20 minutes ago get your asses to the break room now" she yelled at us and that just made my cry again, since I hate when people yell at me.

"Catherine eater you stop yelling or else you leave until we are done in here" Nick told Catherine, I like it when he goes against Catherine, me and Catherine have never really gotten along and we all know why, because I came in from the outside to investigate her best friend and Holly Gribbs murder.

"You don't have a say in how I'm talking since it's me who is running the team wile Grissom is gone" Catherine said but she wasn't yelling any more.

"I wish he would never come back" said Nick in a whisper, I have a feeling he didn't mean to say that out loud but he did and now Catherine is looking pissed at him.

"What is wrong with you two, first you aren't in the break room when shift started and now you don't want Grissom to come back, what is going on?" Catherine asked, I really don't want Catherine to know every thing, but she will at some point.

"You may like him Catherine but he's an idiot" said Nick; calling Grissom an idiot didn't help on Catherine's pissed of look.

"Why is he an idiot Nick, and why in the hell haven't you said anything Sara?" Catherine asked, I don't think I can say anything, and I don't understand why she hasn't seen that I'm crying, she can tell miles away when something is wrong.

Nick looked over at me and I knew he was asking if it was okay he told Catherine why Grissom is an idiot, and I nodded my head yes, and Nick started to explain everything to Catherine I had told Nick just before she came in.

I heard her move but I didn't see where she was going, not until she was sitting beside me holding my hand in hers, "Sweetie has you thought about a sperm donor?" Catherine asked me the same question Nick did not even 15 minutes ago.

"Yes…but I want my kid to know its father" I told her the same thing I told Nick.

"Well when I'm sure Nicky here would happily give you some of his" Catherine said and gave me a pies of paper with our case on, when she was getting up from her seat beside me, and before me or Nick could answer her she had left the room, living Nick and me alone.

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