Title: Too close to comfort
Summary: When Serena tries to get Hanssen to open up, can she, or is she just too close for comfort? My first fan-fiction so please read and please please please review and I hope you enjoy! Xxxx
A/N: I haven't written a fan-fiction before so I'm really nervous about it! I have tried to keep the characters 'in character' but I've found it hard so let me know how I do! Please leave a review!xxx
"Conceited, OCD-ridden, egoistic, Big headed, Swedish, enigmatic..."
Serena thumped each key on the keyboard in front of her harder as each fresh insult ran off her tongue. She knew these insults were futile but it still made her feel better to give into her less-than-dignified sulks occasionally.
"You do realise 'Swedish' isn't an insult right?" A voice called from the door of the office Serena shared with Ric. A voice Serena immediately recognised to be a familiar American drawl.
"Really, Michael? Wow, if you're body's not to die for then we've now established you've a brain to go with it!" She sighed. God, he was insufferable at the best of times… That smug expression on his face was rapidly winding her up much more than it would on a normal day. But since her first day at Holby, Serena had learnt there was no such thing as 'a normal day' in Holby City Hospital.
"Come now Rena, no need to take on the 'little miss grumpy' attitude is there?! So, what's the Big Boss done now?" Serena sighed in irritation – both to the use of her highly annoying nickname and the thought of Hanssen.
"Just being so Hanssen-ish," She finally announced, unable to choose words appropriate enough to vent all her frustrations and anger out at once. So, using his surname and adding 'ish' counts as an insult now, does it?
"Oh, come on, this is Henrik Hanssen, insufferable is his middle name!" Michael grinned, stepping hesitantly forward and further into her office. In the time Serena had been banished to AAU, he had come to learn a lot about her moods. On a good day, she was like a sweet puppy who you could tease and joke with. On a bad day, she was a Rottweiler with a crowbar, ready to bite and attack anyone who came within a foot radius of her. He placed the take-away cup containing what this hospital passed as coffee on the edge of her desk in a hope to sweeten the worn-out woman before him.
"Thanks, Michael," She smiled sincerely. Insufferable or not, he's still like your big brother in this place! He smiled back and placed a reassuring hand on her arm.
"I'm here for you Rena, remember that." He drawled in his usual care-free tone. Serena smiled at the unexpected comfort his hand and words bought. She wasn't sure how, why or when it had happened, but her beautiful friendship with Michael had somehow crept up on her and in situations like this, she was glad to remember she had an ally in all of this. With a sigh, she reluctantly dragged herself back to the thing that had made her so annoyed. Facing her computer and the report that she'd yet to finish just made the anger build up more, the injustice of it all overtaking her for a moment.
"I mean this bloody report, I know sod-all about this rubbish! Half of this is just talking out my arse and hoping I picked the right word!" She admitted, quickly changing the word 'egoistic' she'd somehow typed (she was a bit ashamed to admit it had come from her childish rant) to a more appropriate term. "I had until tomorrow evening to hand it in. But that git has changed its due date to tonight!" She checked the little icon at the bottom of her screen announcing the date and time to her. "It's due in - two minutes ago!" She groaned, realising she would have to finish it and have an immaculate copy of it on his lordships desk in the next few minutes otherwise there'd be all hell let lose. The last thing Serena needed was a pompous and arrogant Hanssen on her back, breathing down her neck Ok, and avert thoughts about Hanssen being that close now and making smarmy comments like 'well, what were you expecting Ms Campbell? Naturally this new position would involve a lot of work.'
"Just because he's such a loner he has time to write a hundred and one reports like this doesn't mean I do!" Serena carried on her complaints, glad to actually be speaking to someone and not herself or her computer. She had started to worry lately, what with that mocking voice in the back of her voice telling her that speaking to one's self is the first sign of madness. "I mean, he's so pompous, arrogant, big-headed, insolent, aloof, buttoned-up," Jeez, woman, you're on a roll! Keep going – the more insults you can come up with the more convincing you'll sound! "Cold, heartless, obnoxious, presumptuous, insensitive, manipulative…"
Michael smirked knowingly at this round of insults and Serena rolled her eyes, knowing what was coming. He'd give the knowing look, she ask him what he was thinking and he would never answer fully – leaving Serena in a fouler mood than ever.
"What Michael?" She sighed irritably, hoping that – just once – she could skip this part.
"Nothing," Flipping heck he's bad at feigning innocence… "Just…ah…If I didn't know better I'd think you felt…you know… about…er…you know… Hanssen."
"You'd think what?" Serena asked, trying to still keep any emotion from her face and voice, wanting to look like she was still bored, even though her interest had suddenly picked up…Nope, absolutely not! Henrik Hanssen. Feelings…feelings for…for…Hanssen?! Jeez, you need to sleep more… Either that or give up the wine you've started to drink every night! Well, to be fair, what's every woman's bloody reaction when he's doing his ward rounds whilst wearing that waistcoat…?
"Nothing because I know better!" Michael grinned triumphantly.
"Good," Serena glared, although she couldn't shake the feeling. If he had thought that then….Absolutely no way! "Now, if you'll care to excuse me, I have an over-due report to complete. I can't believe I've chained to my desk all evening by Hanssen," She moaned, rubbing her forehead in a vain attempt to soothe the only-worsening headache. Oh Christ, another smirk She raised a quizzical eyebrow to Michael's poor attempts at covering his humour.
"Sorry," He spluttered, fighting – and loosing – a battle with the grin on his face. "Just 'chained to your desk'… Have you ever read 50 Shades of Grey? It, ah…sounds a bit like a Christian Grey thing," He admitted, now unable to stop the inevitable laugh at Serena's look of disgust. "Can hardly imagine Henrik Hanssen as a Christian Grey in the making, can you?" Oh flip…did you hear right? Henrik….Henrik Hanssen and Ch…Christian….Christian Grey in the same sentence? Michael, what the hell? Can I imagine Henrik as Christian Grey? Sweet Jesus Christ. Damn you Michael! Right, no, avert thoughts now, you don't even like the guy let alone fancy him. Play innocent, Michael knows nothing…
"I'd rather not," Serena replied, as dead-panned and cool as ever. "Now, please, I must finish this!" He took a hint and with one last smirk to say 'and I've managed to wind you up big time, girl!' he turned and left her to her report. Without the distraction in the form of an over-confident, over-arrogant American, she'd managed to finish her conclusion in record-breaking time. When it had finally spewed out of her printer, she grabbed it and practically ran to his office. Stopping at the end of the corridor, she proceeded to stand outside his office with total calm and cool (her slightly heavy breathing the only sign she'd ran). Knocking on the door and receiving the standard 'come in', she entered. It took a few moments for her over-worked and sluggish brain to realise he had vacated his normal position behind his chair and was occupying a different spot in his office. She finally located him to be standing by his window, the general low light of his office and the darkness having settled – oblivious to Serena – in the last few hours made only a silhouette of him visible. Quickly trying to banish all thoughts of Christian Grey and chains from her mind, she racked her brains desperately for something to say. However, his silhouette captivated her for a while. His tall, lean figure looked all the more powerful and dominant when his features were absent, however just the outline of him also made him look slightly vulnerable. She was quickly bought back to Planet Earth when he moved from his position and into the light to take his seat behind his desk. Oh, shit, he is wearing that waistcoat…
"Ms Campbell," He extended a hand, inviting her to take a seat opposite, which she obliged to eagerly, hoping he couldn't see what she was thinking. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" Don't ask…
"Er…this." She placed the thing that could hopefully pass as report on the edge of the desk which he glanced at gratefully.
"Thank you, however, I was beginning to wonder when it would turn up…" It took Serena a while to register this dig and when she did, she bristled angrily.
"Yes, well, I thought it was due tomorrow." She said, her voice low and soft. Dangerously soft. "I had no idea it would suddenly be pounced on me that it would be required in the next hour, did I?" Hanssen, clearly taking all the hints placed out clearly before him, nodded.
"Right, of course. Well if that's all?" Serena nodded and as she went to stand up, accidently knocked the spiky, silver fish ornament on his desk which had fascinated her so many times before. She barely noticed his visible wince and his jaw clenching as she went to straighten it.
"Sorry," She mumbled, placing it back to where she had hoped it had been before.
"Leave it," He said sharply, no longer able to watch. She looked up in surprise at his icy tone and watched interestedly as he automatically straightened it for her. She heard things about his OCD (Hence her insult – OCD-ridden…) But she'd hardly ever witnessed it in person. Her curiosity got the better of her as she saw the visible relief in his face as he got it at an acceptable angle and she reached out again, tilting it a fraction anti-clockwise. Although she had only moved it a fraction, this clearly affected him and he immediately corrected it. Deciding to push him, she tried this once again, moving the ornament even less, barely touching the thing at all. He sighed in annoyance and shot her a warning glare and she watched his knuckles whiten as his grip on the arms of his chair tightened as he tried to show it didn't affect him… Unable to control it any longer, he reached out and quickly straightened it, much to the amusement of Serena.
"Good evening, Ms Campbell." At this dismissive comment he turned his attention back to the laptop on his desk.
"Goodnight, Mr Hanssen." She stood and left his office without another word.
When the lift she'd been waiting for finally arrived, she stepped in, still in deep thought about the moment of Hanssen's OCD she'd just witnessed. Selecting the appropriate button, the doors were about to close when a voice called "hold the doors, please." Reflexively, she automatically stuck out an arm to stop the doors closing and almost immediately regretted it when a tall figure entered.
"Mr Hanssen," She greeted, dreading to the next few moments she was going to have to spend alone with him in a confined space. "I thought you were-" She trailed off with a few hand gestures, her tired mind unable to find the words to ask him why he wasn't in his office.
"Mr Spence likes to summon me." Hanssen replied, holding up his pager. As if on cue, his pager went off again, alerting him his presence on AAU was urgent. He sighed in annoyance as he checked the message that flashed up. "Although I'm unsure why he feels the need to page me persistently, I will get there in the same amount of time whether he pages me once or hundred times." He added under his breath, more to himself than Serena. She smiled in acknowledgement of this comment, having been on the receiving end of relentless pages herself. They remained in silence while the doors closed and the lift started to move.
"So, what patient is it you need to look at?" She asked, desperate to break the silence.
"I believe you have already met her. Female, 37, heavily pregnant."
"Oh, yeah." She interrupted, recognising his description. "Almost full-term, isn't she? What's her name again? Katy? Katy-?"
"Wilson."
"Yeah that's right. Have Obs and Gynae been paged?"
"I believe so yes."
"Will she need surgery?"
"I'm not entirely sure until I examine the patient but we will try and delay theatre for as long as possible for baby's sake."
"Doors opening," The usual disembodied announced as Serena nodded in response to his statement. Just as Serena was about to move closer to the door, they plunged into a sudden darkness. In complete surprise, Serena's primary instinct was to move.
"Ow!" She heard Hanssen hiss when her foot came into contact with something soft. "That was my foot!"
"Sorry!" She replied, a sheepish grin he couldn't see appearing on her face. "What's happened?"
"I believe the lift has broken down." He replied logically. Of course, what else would it have been?!
"Right." She nodded. "What now?"
"We wait." She nodded again and went to move once more.
"Wait," He said quickly, grabbing her shoulder. "Don't step on me again!" Serena suddenly became aware of how oh so very small the lift was when she felt this unexpected pressure on her shoulder. Involuntary, her breath caught as he ran his hand down her arm and enclosed her hand in his. "It's probably best we sit down." He informed her and without warning pulled her down onto the floor next to him. When he let her hand free, Serena let out the breath she hadn't realise she'd been holding.
"How long do you think we'll be here?" She asked, desperate for a distraction from the strange feeling she was getting in the pit of her stomach.
"I'm afraid I know as much as you. Do lifts have signal?" He asked, pulling his mobile out of his pocket.
"Not usually." She replied, remembering the amount of times she'd tried to contact someone in the lift when that infuriatingly smug sign appeared reading 'no signal'.
"We're in luck then." He smiled, showing her the icon at the top of his phone saying he still had full signal.
"I'm going to call Michael," She pulled his phone out of the lose grip he had on it and flicked through his contacts.
"I'm more than capable of calling Mr Spence, thank you." He informed her huffily.
"Yeah, but you'd be too soft." She grinned, accidently flicking past the 'm' section and into the 'n' section. As she scrolled back up, an unusual name caught her attention. Nils. Guessing he was someone from Sweden as she'd never heard of him before she glanced at Hanssen, tempted to question him. Deciding it would be pointless seeing as though he didn't even want her on his phone, she dialled Michael's number.
"Yup, Mr Hanssen, how can I help? Are you on your way?" A strong American accent greeted.
"Michael, it's Serena-" She started.
"Alright Rena? Wait, why are you on Hanssen's phone? Is he coming?"
"Because we stuck in the lift. It's broken down." She glared and sighed in annoyance when she heard him laughing on the other end of the phone. "Shut up Michael! It's not funny!" She moaned.
"No, of course not."
"Well, Mr Hanssen won't be able to assist you with your patient just yet so I'd suggest paging another GS consultant." Michael sighed in annoyance, clearly needing the help of the Swede urgently.
"Fine! Jeez – the things I do for you…"
"Oh, yeah, like we optionally chose for the bloody lift to break down!"
"Calm down, stress isn't good for you!" He warned her in a slightly patronisingly way. "Do you want me to call maintenance?"
"Oh, no. I just thought I'd tell you and then sit in here all night." She replied sarcastically.
"Ok, chill out! I'll give them a ring and I'll ring back later." He informed her, still laughing slightly.
"Ok, thanks Michael!" She smiled triumphantly. As she hung up, Hanssen stretched out a hand to take back his phone. As his fingers brushed her hand, she found herself neglecting to breathe again. His skin was surprisingly warm against her own and made her feel…strange. They sat for a few minutes in silence, their eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness surrounding them. Using this opportunity to her full advantage, Serena found herself staring at the infuriatingly enigmatic man next to her. She was just able to make out most of his features now her eyes has adjusted to the gloom and she could tell he was looking straight ahead. His face looked so much softer in this low light and she silently cursed herself when she realised she was staring for much longer than was acceptable. She still was struggling to come to terms with the fact that deep down, she was maybe attracted to the man next to her. She knew she had always been drawn to him in a strange way, but she'd managed to convince herself it was nothing more than a mere fascination with his character. The way he was so closed off and protective of himself had always interested her. And, of course, as she got to know him, she realised he was exactly as it said on the tin; arrogant, pompous and damn right annoying. She was supposed to hate him, so why, when she stole another glance at him now, was she fighting off the feeling of strong butterflies fluttering fiercely in her stomach? A sudden ringing pierced the companionable silence, jolting both Hanssen and Serena from their thoughts.
"Hanssen," Hanssen greeted, answering the incoming call. Serena watched him expectantly throughout his brief conversation with the American and waited impatiently to find out what was going to happen.
"And?" She inquired eagerly when he'd finished the phone call.
"We may have been here a while longer had it not been for Mr Spence having an – ah, acquaintance in maintenance. The lift should start working soon." He informed her, a slight smirk playing around his mouth. Serena also wore an almost identical smirk.
"An acquaintance?" She snorted. "More like one of the many desperate girls he's shagged."
"I think we can conclude that's more than likely," Hanssen replied, the amusement apparent in his voice.
"He either punches below his weight or goes for someone way out of his league!" She sighed, but her tone held a trace of fondness.
"You seem very… attached to him." Hanssen observed.
"You'd be surprised how much you learn about someone when you are stuck in AAU together."
"Ah, yes, AAU." She loved the teasing tone in his voice but hated the fact it was aimed at her. "I did notice you back on Keller." He elaborated. Great, smart move, Einstein. Dug yourself into a nice, big hole there haven't you? Her self-authorised move back to Keller and out of the re-named hell AAU had been – of course – one of the first things she'd done as acting CEO. However, since Hanssen had returned from his little jaunt to Sweden, she been hoping to delay that topic for as long as possible.
"Yep," She had rather hoped this conversation would never have to happen. Well, what were you expecting, he wouldn't notice you were on a different bloody ward every day? But - dread she think it - Hanssen didn't seem overly bothered.
"So, you've made friends with Mr Spence? Before you know it, we'll find unicorns galloping through the corridors." He said as dryly and deadpanned as ever.
"Hey!" She protested. "I don't think I'm that bad to be friends with!"
"Of course not." She couldn't tell whether he was being serious or sarcastic and she tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind saying that she would rather wished it was the former.
"I hope he finds the right woman soon, he's not had much luck in whole relationship area." She sighed thoughtfully.
"He never seems short of admirers." He stated, his mind replaying memories of the last 2-day seminar Serena, Michael and himself had attended. Michael had been sitting happily at the bar all night, receiving numerous free drinks from a number of different women.
"There's a difference between flirting and a relationship in real life." She said firmly, and he could immediately tell she was talking from a personal level. If he remembered correctly, then the aforementioned seminar was also a night where Serena had some, ah—admirers, as well. "Flirting's easy. You just – go with it. A few words, a glass of wine, a smile, that's all you need. Anyone's willing for a night. But it takes some luck to get someone who will stick through thick and thin." She felt Hanssen tense and shift uncomfortably at these words, and for a fleeting second she wondered why. When he cleared he throat slightly, she knew this wasn't a normal reaction, those words had stung something deep, something still raw. "What's wrong?" She finally asked, unable to contain her curiosity.
"Nothing." He replied, his face quickly returning blank again.
"When someone says 'nothing' like that, it means their lying." She informed him, nudging his foot friendly with hers.
"Oh, does it now?" He asked, trying to hide an exasperated sigh as he moved his leg out of Serena's range.
"Yeah." She hesitantly shuffled closer and was surprised when he didn't brush away her foot again this time. "Sometimes I feel like I can't trust you any further than I could kick you." She informed him matter-of-factly. His eyebrows shot up in protest but he seemed more amused than offended.
"Thank you."
"Let me finish!" She tutted, poking him for his interruption. "What I was going to say was sometimes I feel like I can't trust you and I know you feel the same about me." He gave an involuntary snort at this and quickly tried to cover it up with a cough, but no one, especially Serena, would have been fooled. "But you can. Trust me, that is. What happened, in Sweden?"
"Ah, so is Ms Naylor still refusing to talk?"
"Mmm…She's, for some absurd reason, remaining loyal to you for the time being."
"Why do you want – or need – to know? It was a personal matter, so why are you interested?" She tried to ignore the feeling of hurt that she felt when he said this.
"Actually, the hospital was left in the lurch so technically, I have a right to know."
"A right!" He scoffed at the severe misuse of the word. "Anyway, I'm surprised you weren't singing from the rooftops I'd gone."
"What?"
"Well, with me gone, that left you with no obstacles to reach my job, didn't it?" She bristled angrily at this and she had no room left for hurt over the anger and unfairness.
"You idiotic git." She hissed, not caring what his reaction would be. "You bloody …you bloody git! My actions to step-up where purely in the interests of the hospital!" She jumped to her feet and started to pace up and down in frustration, turning sharply when she reached the ends of the lift. "In case you have forgotten, I didn't piss off to Sweden!" Ok, shut up now. You're annoyed but you're trapped in a lift with him, don't say anything else "How could you say that! Oh, and for the record, I wasn't asking on a professional level. I was asking as a colleague. As a friend. Not that you would know what that is of course." Oh, shit, shut up…just shut up "I was asking because I care about you. I was asking because I hoped you could trust me with the things you trusted Jac with." Oh you bloody idiot… As she reached the wall of the lift, she turned sharply only to almost loose her balance when she walked straight into something she had not anticipated to be there. Hanssen reached out to stop her falling and held on tightly to her arm after it was obvious she had regained her balance.
"Sorry." He whispered. "I shouldn't have said…I shouldn't have said what I did."
"No, you shouldn't of you infuriating, closed up…idiot." She finally replied, unsure of whether she was angry or understanding, unsure of whether she wanted his grip on her or not. "It was unfair and untrue. I would never-"
"I know." He interrupted. "I just-"
"Just what? Look, I'm not going to judge. What happened in Sweden. It has affected you deeply hasn't it, Henrik? Jac knows but she won't spill. If you can trust her, you can trust me." He remained silent and she stared into his still-blank face, trying to gauge a reaction. "Trust me." Her voice was pleading and she looked into his eyes again, deeper this time. It was at this point she saw how affected he actually was. She could see the pain and hurt for the first time and this made her more eager and desperate than ever to help him. "You and Jac. Your past. Sweden. Tell me. Why won't you trust me?"
So, that was my first attempt…How'd it go?! Please leave a review and I hoped you liked it!xx