Disclaimer: I neither own InuYasha nor any songs by Blackmore's Night, so if you wanna sue me… ::sweatdrop:: ::runs off to Baffin:: Heh heh heh… suckers…
Author's Note: Hello~! I know I've been on and off with this story since, well, a year or so, but I think this is it! XD Anyway, I really hope you all like it! I worked on it for a while, because I didn't want it to come out bad (cough-please comment-cough), so remember that I did this for you!
Anyway, on a side note, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm STILL naming these chapters after Blackmore's Night songs. I'm estimating this story to be a little over ten chapters, so I'll try to be better about updates (that doesn't mean it'll be successful… it just means I honestly will put more effort into it). In any case, though, make sure to visit the following link to see the lyrics for the song this chapter was named after! (They're really pretty!)
Link: ht tp:/ www. blackmoresnight. com/moon(underscore) castle(underscore) pages/lyrics. Htm
Sorry for the inconvenient format of the link… God forbid actually allows us to put links on our fanfictions… stupids… ::a little resentful:: ::mutter mutter::
Chapter One:Ghost of a Rose
Stormy black clouds were swirling about them, creating an air of danger. Lightning streaked the sky as the thunder rolled over the distant hills, giving an ominous warning as to what was to come. Raindrops fell sparsely but heavily, signaling the torrent that was upon them.
They didn't notice.
"Keh! I'm… I'm fine, Kago… me. T-trust me… will… you?"
A girl with raven-black hair and shining brown eyes looked to her companion, thin tears rolling down her cheeks. Worry was etched in every line of her face, but he couldn't notice. His eyes were bleeding.
"InuYasha! Just stop talking, will you? You've got to save your energy, or did you forget about that, too? You're not just a little scratched, stupid! Now if you can do me the favor and just cooperate more properly—"
"Kagome… I'm… f-fine, I told… you!" InuYasha spat to the side, but rather than saliva, blood stained the grass beneath him. His arm that was looped around Kagome's shoulder tightened its grip as his step faltered, his strength deteriorating even more for the umpteenth time that day—the day that Naraku was finally killed.
Kagome assisted the limping hanyou, needing all her strength to carry his weight. Towards the end of the monumental fight between their side and Naraku's, InuYasha dove in the way of one of Naraku's tentacles in an effort to save Kagome, took the hit for her, and got his leg broken in the process. Although they won in the end, they paid many heavy costs, some of which were irreparable.
"InuYasha, if you were perfectly fine, you wouldn't be bleeding yourself out, limping, or straining every fiber of your being just to stay conscious-" Kagome's voice broke at the end as a small sob shook her body and a few more tears spilled, "–so would you please just shut up and stuff your stupid ego? We have to get out of here before you… before you die, InuYasha!"
The half demon remained silent after Kagome finished speaking, not knowing how to respond. 'She's right you know… she wants you to live, in case you forgot. Isn't that what she's always wanted for you, ever since the beginning? Maybe it's time you appreciate her concern…'
The two walked on slowly, oblivious to the downpour that was to come. The farther they traveled, the more blood trailed behind them, and by the time they reached the trunk of Goshinboku, InuYasha collapsed, pulling Kagome down with him.
"InuYasha––!" was all Kagome managed before she fell on top of him, which took the breath out of the hanyou, seeing as most of his energy had already been drained beforehand.
As they were, Kagome was straddling InuYasha's hips, face-to-face with him. She gazed at him, observing his closed and bleeding eyes, taking in the sight of the blood seeping out of his well-toned chest, leaving a path of thick, scarlet blood in its wake. Her tears went unnoticed, since InuYasha was unable to see them, and the scent of the upcoming storm overwhelmed their scent. He lifted his hand to her face, however, and touched her cheek with the pad of his thumb; felt her tears.
Instantly, his eyes went wide open, and Kagome winced. She knew he was angry at her for crying, but moreover, the sight of his golden eyes splattered with blood, almost making it seem as though he were in his demon form, pained her more than her own wounds. Her eyes traveled down to his right cheek, which had been nearly completely driven through by one of InuYasha's kongosouha spears that Naraku had used against him. Kagome had to take it out shortly afterwards, and seeing his claws dig into the ground with pain as the others bought time for them… It hurt her deeply, too.
"Ka... Kagome! St-stop cry… ing…"
Heavy raindrops began to fall, seeping through Kagome's blouse, creating a watery-red color on her blouse as her blood and the rainwater mixed together, but InuYasha didn't seem to notice. His eyes were bleeding more profusely now, as he was straining them to look at the woman before him, but he didn't seem to care much for that, either. From what Kagome could tell from the look in those golden orbs of his, all he was thinking about was her.
"I'm… I'm sorry InuYasha. I just…" she trailed off, hiccupping as her tears started flowing faster– as the rain began to pour harder, drenching them in water.
"Kagome…"
She looked at him, wishing with all her heart that his cuts weren't real, that this entire day was a dream, that their friends weren't dead, that it wasn't InuYasha's blood staining her blouse…
Before she knew what she was doing, Kagome wrapped her arms securely around InuYasha's neck, throwing her body against his even more so than before, sobbing into the crook of his neck, leaning her face on his wet and bleeding shoulder, praying to all the gods that she wasn't hurting him.
Sighing, he wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back tenderly, the other supporting her lower back so that she could fit more easily against him. He hated to see her like this, but if he would have had more energy, more will to move, to stand… he might just broken down and cried along with her– crying for all their sufferings, for all their pain, for all their sorrows and hardships… for their friends…
"It'll… b-be okay… Kago… me…"
His voice soothed her– calmed her nerves, but it didn't help to pacify the indescribable mourning that was taking place in her heart. They had had to endure through so many trials and sufferings, and although they won in the end, they had to pay so much. What if she lost InuYasha? What then? Just the thought of losing him churned her stomach. Her already hurting body ached even more with every sob that escaped her, weakening her much too tired form. Why couldn't it all just stop…?
InuYasha brushed his lips softly across her cheek and pulled her closer to him– so close that she could feel his heart beating against her chest; feel the warmth of his body protruding through her clothing, lending her a solace she so desperately needed.
"Inu… InuYasha… why? Why did everything turn out like this? Where did we go wrong?" Kagome questioned madly, tears and blood mixing on InuYasha's shoulders, though he paid no mind to them. "Why did Kohaku have to die after Kikyou sacrificed herself and saved him? Why couldn't the Shikon no Tama just stay incomplete? Would that have been so terrible? Why did Sango and Miroku die? Or Shippou? Why did they all have to die, InuYasha…?"
Thunder overpowered the sound of Kagome's cry as she clung to InuYasha tighter, if it was even possible. Night was falling, InuYasha noticed, as the few remaining rays of orange and pink and red eased into streaks of navy blue and purple, slowly becoming dark as black. Night was falling, and he was bleeding to death. How fitting. 'We have to get help, or else…'
He let that thought drift for a second. Or else… what? He would die? That didn't seem so bad at this point. Kagome was in his arms, Naraku was dead, and he would be able to see his friends again, along with his mother, even. And who knew? Maybe he would even be able to meet his father for the first time ever, even if the first time meeting him would be in death.
But still, compared to his present pain, that all didn't seem so bad anymore.
'What about Kagome? She'll miss you– you know she will. She would suffer and cry – you hate it when she cries – and she would think about you and shed a tear every day if you die. Doesn't her happiness, at the very least, seem worth living for?'
'Kagome…? Kagome… she's strong. She'll make it. She doesn't need a dog like me around, always doing stuff wrong or getting into some kind of trouble. She should… she should be fine.'
'Are you stupid? She loves you! You know she loves you–'
And it's because she loves me that she needs to know that everything would have been for the best. Honestly, imagine if she had to choose between the two worlds– then what? I wouldn't be able to make her choose between her family and myself; that would be… completely unfair, especially for Kagome.'
'You do know that you would have followed her if she would have chosen her world, don't you? That you would follow her to the ends of the Earth if it meant making her happy?'
Save for the sound of thunder in the distance, his ears – and mind – were met with complete silence. The world had gone quiet, and Kagome had fallen asleep.
'Well,' he thought, as his mind began to slow and his body continued to weaken, 'if I die, at least, it won't be so bad. At least Kagome would be safe…'
He fell asleep smiling, knowing that all the wonder in the entire world was in the most beautiful person, and that she was here with him– beside him until the very end.
Kagome woke to a whisper on the wind, the soft breeze refreshing as the first rays of dawn lightly bathed her in their light, casting small shadows all around her. The first thing she noticed as her mind began taking notice of her surroundings was the proximity between her and InuYasha. Next came the sensation of being drenched to the bone– she hadn't slept through a downpour, had she? Immediately afterward, she felt InuYasha's clothes soaked through as well– but surely he couldn't have slept through a downpour as well?
No, he wouldn't have slept through a downpour. With that bit of information, she noticed one last thing, and that was the very vague hint of a heartbeat beneath hers, of the clammy skin wrapped around her, of the barely audible breathing escaping the body of the hanyou before her.
Smothering a small cry, Kagome backed up from InuYasha, taking in his appearance. Blood was smeared from his eyes to his neck –the rain had probably washed or diluted blood that had escaped his eyes– and his hair was matted down by more of his blood. Tears welled up in her eyes as the realization hit her: InuYasha didn't have much more to live, and it was all Kagome's fault. If she had just never agreed to come with him the first time he called her back…
'After finally deciding that everything that had happened beyond the well in Sengoku Jidai was all a dream, Kagome had gone downstairs to eat dinner. Having spent three days in Feudal Japan (or conveniently imagining things of that nature), Kagome took care to relish all the things her modern world had to offer, including a hot bath, comfortable clothing, a nice bed, and soon-to-be supper.
After going downstairs and starting to eat her precious oden, the sliding door slammed open with a very surly looking hanyou ready to kill. That's what she gathered from the look on his face, anyway.
Scowling at her, seemingly wishing nothing more than for her to possibly implode, he spoke, vehemence marked in every syllable of every word.
"You… who told you that you could come trotting home, eh?"'
Kagome's tears spilled over like crystals in the shining light of dawn as the memory faded away. How could she have come back? She came because InuYasha made her, didn't she? 'I'm so stupid… how could I have let this happen? How could I have done this to him…?'
"Kag… ome…"
Her head snapped up as she gazed InuYasha, wishing with all her heart that his suffering would be hers; that all her sins could be taken back.
It hit her that not all souls achieve salvation, and that some sins paid a price…
"Inu… InuYasha? Don't talk, okay? You're… not looking g-good…" she muttered, trying her best not to let her tears be heard, because that would only upset InuYasha.
He tried to sit up. She didn't let him. In response, he tried uttering somewhat of a weak growl, but that only served to worsen his condition, bringing him to cough up blood that trickled down the edges of his mouth, leaving scarlet trails along the edges of his jaw line, down his neck.
Kagome instantly rose to her feet, making sure not to hurt InuYasha in anyway possible, and yet feeling like she had ultimately been the cause of his inevitable demise. She claimed to love him, but what she did… it was unforgivable. All InuYasha had ever done was give her more and more, even if sometimes she was unaware of it. He always protected her, soothed her; healed her time and again. How did she thank him? She led him to his death, not so much as ever really trying to train herself in all the years she had been with him in order to properly defend herself; always counting on InuYasha to save her…
She tried her best to help InuYasha to his feet, the crazy idea that he still stood a fighting chance ravaging her mind, allowing no other thought to enter.
He tried to stand. He really did. His effort availed to nothing, however, as he grasped Kagome's hand and forced his body to move, only to collapse on the ground once more, prompting more blood to gush out of his eyes, mouth, and any open wound he had. Letting out a groan as the pain sent white hot flames coursing through his body, InuYasha squeezed his eyes shut as best as he could, praying to some divine entity to put him out of his misery.
Needless to say, that didn't really work.
Kagome kneeled beside him, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks, shimmering in the golden rays of sunlight. Her sobs racked her body, but she refused to succumb to them– to allow InuYasha to hear her despair as he fell apart before her. The once strong, arrogant, invincible hanyou now could not so much as stand on his own two feet. 'And it's all my fault… all my fault he's going to die…'
Without even thinking, Kagome wailed, cried, screamed InuYasha's name as her world fell apart right before her eyes. In the blink of an eye, InuYasha was on his knees, his bleeding arms wrapped the crouched girl as his body trembled with the unexpected– and highly undesired –movement. He rubbed her back gently, wanting nothing but her happiness, her peace of mind. He wanted her to know that it was okay– that he was able to keep at least one promise to someone he loved –that he was able to protect her, even if it cost him his life.
Straining his eyes to open, InuYasha looked at Kagome as though he had never truly seen her before. Raven locks cascading gently over her arms, creamy skin glowing in the warm light of the sun, sparkling tears revealing her heart as his name spilled off her lips time and again…
He had never seen her more beautiful.
Knowing that he was about finished and that he had no time to lose, InuYasha rubbed the pads of his thumbs gently across her cheeks, wiping away her tears; her sorrow. He looked at her solemnly, cupping one of her cheeks in his hand, forcing her to look at him. He saw the fear in her eyes– the fear that she would lose him; he saw the longing in them, too– the desire to go back to the way things were, when all was well. Most importantly, however, he saw the love in her eyes– the deep-rooted love that he had seen in her eyes every time she looked at him, talked to him, yelled at him, smiled at him– and that was all he wanted.
"K-Ka… Kagome," he rasped, his voice weary, worn.
Successfully gaining her attention as her eyes clouded once more with tears at the sound of his voice, he continued, wishing he could look into her eyes forever but knowing he was quickly losing time.
"I-I… need you t-to promise m-me."
She nodded mutely, and he knew she was doing everything in her power not to start crying again, if only for his sake.
"Don't.. d-don't ever forget me, Kagome."
And he kissed her. His lips met hers slowly, softly, as though nothing in his lifetime could ever be more precious to him– more dear to him than this one kiss he would have with Kagome. Her lips trembled slightly under his, her movements stuttered as though she were caught in a nervous stupor. It occurred to InuYasha that his kiss might have been the first kiss Kagome had ever received. The mere thought goaded him and pleased him, the knowledge sending a surge of pride through his veins while his baser instincts knew that it could have been so much more with her– that everything could have been perfect with Kagome, if only destiny had granted him that opportunity.
Just this one kiss, however, was enough for InuYasha. It was all he could have ever dreamed of having– everything a dirty, filthy, tainted half-breed like himself never deserved.
Coaxing her gently, pressing his lips firmly against hers to let her know everything he could never say, he kissed her with a fervor that had long since infused itself within his being. She relaxed against him, her lips fluttering under his like the wings of a butterfly: gently, gracefully, matching his tempered passion with her own.
Finally breaking apart with naught but their own quiet breathing surrounding them in the early morning of the day, InuYasha smiled and looked at her: her wonder, her beauty, her gentle blush– his Kagome. 'Sounds like someone's finally being honest to himself…'
'I'm about to die. What's the point of hiding it anymore, right?'
'I never said to hide it in the first place…'
Kagome looked up at InuYasha, a timid smile brightening her already graceful features. Locking her eyes with his, she healed him like she always had. Maybe he was tattered and broken, his flesh wounds refusing to heal, but his heart… His heart that had been torn over the passage of time– broken to pieces with all his sufferings… she healed it, mending it in that subtle way of hers, teaching him to laugh and smile and live– everything that he never thought he could ever do again. She gave him her implicit trust, believing that he could save her from any wrong in the world, never so much as doubting his ability to do the impossible when the impossible was at hand.
She reached out her hand, gently touching his face, the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes as a bittersweet smile replaced her previous one. "InuYasha, I… I…."
For the first time since before the battle with Naraku, InuYasha felt his lips turn up in a genuine, completely natural and radiant smile. "I kn-know, Kagome," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper as his demise rose thick in the air. "I know, and I-I… I love you, too."
And he fell backwards, the radiant smile never leaving InuYasha's face as his eyes fluttered closed and his shining silver hair spilled around him on the dewy grass, practically glowing in the sunlight.
It didn't register in her mind. Kagome's countenance showed nothing short of dumbstruck, as though her reality stopped five seconds before. She stared blankly, staring at the form of InuYasha sprawled on the ground before her, sincerely wondering when he was going to get up again.
She bent over his form, staring at his lips, his smile. She caressed his cheek softly, the blood on them staining her fingers as she prodded him to wake up. He was… just sleeping, right? Of course he was sleeping! He was… exhausted, and being such, he just wanted rest… the rest that came with slumber… the kind of slumber that…
She stifled a cry, the reality of what happened seeping into her, her body shaking violently in reaction to this undesirable truth. 'The kind of slumber that lasts forever….'
She screamed. She wailed. She shook InuYasha's shoulders, demanding that he wake up, that his idea of a joke wasn't funny, that she wanted to see his eyes one more time…
Then she heard it– she heard her heart break, felt her soul tear; saw her mind reel with unwanted memories. She clutched herself around her stomach, her body racking with sobs, her tears unstoppable. How could this have happened? How could her destiny end like this? Her dreams? Her hopes? Her love?
An ugliness the likes of which Kagome had never before felt entered her, seeped into her blood, riled her mind. Her gaze rested on InuYasha– her InuYasha: the man she had loved since the beginning, the boy who learned to trust her, the being she gave herself to time and again.
She leaned down; kissed his cheek. Her face contorted into one of irrepressible pain– into one of a girl who had lost everything she had ever dreamed of having, everything she had hoped to achieve.
Her sin had finally been paid, Kagome realized, as another wave of sorrow shook her crumpled form. The price of her iniquity lay before her, with silver hair, scarlet blood and a radiant smile– a smile that would be engraved in her memory forever. Before she could help herself, she ripped the Shikon no Tama from her neck, the reason all the misery and suffering had begun in the first place. She stared at it in the palm of her hand, her eyes welling with tears the longer she gazed at it.
Memories– so many memories –began hitting her all at once. From the first time she laid eyes on InuYasha on Goshinboku to the night she had seen InuYasha and Kikyou kiss, to that day he had promised to protect her with his life not long before the final battle with Naraku…
Her tears fell, dripping onto the Jewel of Four Souls, the Shikon no Tama. Without warning, the jewel began to glow, a white essence of some sort swirling within the depths of it, slowly turning the once bright pink jewel to a snow-white hue.
Kagome stared at it, wondering what was happening, her tears never ceasing. Suddenly, her heart felt peaceful. Her head stopped aching, and her tears stopped flowing. An incomprehensible warmth and calm permeated her soul, soothing it gently, carefully, as though it understood her pain and suffering.
"Thou shan't make a wish with thy soul troubled as such, my lady."
Kagome was startled by the voice that spoke, looking around and waiting for someone to appear. No one did, however, and she was left at a blank.
The voice chuckled softly, her feminine laughter like the gentle tinkling of bells, as though music. "My body cannot be seen physically like thine, my lady. Thou may be wondering whom it is that speaketh to thee, however, and of that I will enlighten thee, Priestess Kagome."
Kagome was stunned, her mouth dry. Who was this? How did she know her name? "I'm… sorry that I don't know who you are, but how do you know who I am?"
"My dear lady… thou art my savior! How can I, one who hath been trapped within the realm of the Shikon no Tama, not be familiar with she who hath freed my humble soul from that hellish imprisonment?"
Kagome's eyes went wide, two tears falling silently down her cheeks. Was she speaking with… Midoriko? The priestess who had been fighting inside the jewel since its birth? She had to know.
"M-Midoriko-sama…" Kagome's voice whispered tentatively, hoping she didn't sound as meek as she felt, "How did… I mean… well… what happened?"
The voice sighed, something akin to a sound of resignation. "Thou may not understand presently, my lady, but perhaps one day thou might comprehend the mannerisms of this foul and wretched jewel." Midoriko sighed again, her tone sounding weary. "Because this abomination was created at a time of mine own desperation, it reacts accordingly to the desperation of others– humans and demons alike. However…"
Kagome thought back to InuYasha, his form drenched in his own blood. She smothered a cry with the back of her hand as she patiently waited for Midoriko to resume her explanation. 'Desperation… if only…'
"Lady Kagome, thou art currently suffering a great loss due to the untimely demise of thy precious hanyou. The jewel, along with myself, its creator, can read the hearts of any mortal being, whether it be a demon, hanyou or human. And currently, my dearest lady… thy heart is so vulnerable and in so great a need of comfort and solace that the jewel is drawn to thee– to thy pain, suffering and tears. That is why–"
"That's why…. that's why it responded to my tears that fell on it…" Kagome whispered, her eyes gazing into the depths of the jewel still being held in her palm. She stood up, not waiting to see whether or not Midoriko was going to speak again, clutching the jewel tightly.
"So you're saying this thing likes my suffering or whatever, right? Maybe that's why Kikyou couldn't really wish on it herself, because she wasn't desperate for anything. Maybe that's why everything happened the way it did. Maybe…" Kagome paled at the thought, the idea sickening to her stomach. Was that the only reason she was destined to go to the past? To rid the world of the jewel? Her time and effort, pains and sorrows… they were all for that wretched jewel?
"So that's it, huh? It never mattered that I love InuYasha or that I'd die for him a thousand times. Of course it doesn't matter!" Kagome let out a terse, hallow laugh. "My heart means nothing, doesn't it? It's only some weak, mortal's heart, right? So now what? I wish for something, the jewel disappears, and then… what?" The bitterness in the priestess' voice was startling, completely uncharacteristic of her.
Midoriko, having been trapped in the jewel for such a long time and being purified by so many, had been able to hear the whispers of desires and malice of every being that had been in possession of the jewel. Kagome was no different in that Midoriko had been able to hear her desires and wishes as well. There was something different, however, about the girl herself: all she had truly wanted was the happiness of the silver-haired hanyou, InuYasha. The maiden's heart was pure, and though she was angry and sorrowful and hurt now, Midoriko knew better. She knew that Kagome, far more than any of her other caretakers, deserved the peace that she so needed.
"Kagome," Midoriko interjected, interrupting the girl's tirade, "thou may think thy heart is unimportant to this jewel, but I assure thee it is not so. Thy heart is pure in its wish, and despite thy bitter words, thy soul remains untainted. What wish, then, my lady, do thy lips deem worthy of speaking?"
Kagome's response died on her lips. The jewel was granting her a wish? What would happen afterwards? Where would she go…?
'It doesn't matter,' she thought to herself stubbornly, 'All that matters is that InuYasha gets one more chance, right? Because… because his first chance was no real chance at all…' At once, the young woman looked up, staring at the sky above her, allowing herself to cool down, if for nothing else than InuYasha's sake.
Quietly, slowly, she kneeled on the ground, clasping the jewel in both of her hands and began to pray. Gradually, she felt her heart calm, her soul rest, and when she felt she was ready, she opened her eyes once more, resilient hope lighting the depths of her brown orbs.
"Midoriko-sama."
"Thou hast thy wish, child?"
"Midoriko-sama," Kagome began, staring intently at the jewel lying still in the palms of her hands, "I wish for InuYasha to live."
There was silence, then Midoriko spoke. "Art thou certain, Lady Kagome?"
The tone in Midoriko's voice gave Kagome pause, but she waved it aside. "Yes, I am certain."
"No matter what price thou may have to pay, my lady?"
"Yes."
A sigh of sadness tinged with regret filled Kagome's ears before Midoriko spoke again. "Then child, so be thy fate."
And in the blink of an eye, Kagome was gone.
Author's Note (2): Ah! She's gone! Again! (By again, I mean for like, the third time I write and post this story.) Yes, I know… I'm horrible. Oh, and I might just be using parts of my previously written chapters for my upcoming ones, because honestly, they weren't written too badly (especially the second one).
In any case though, please, please, please let me know what you think!