Disclaimer: All characters from The Lord of the Rings belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I'm just borrowing them so I can stick them in absurd situations.
Sexy
Grima felt sexy.
He thought he was too sexy for his shirt and stripped it off so he could pose for the Rohirrim Gone Wild magazine. He was hoping to be voted Rohan's Sexiest Man Alive.
Unfortunately the photographers mistook him for a living corpse and submitted his sexy photos to Necrophiles Monthly. He was voted Sexiest Man Dead.
"This is an outrage," muttered Grima. "Whoever was voted Sexiest Man Alive shall feel my wrath!"
It was Shadowfax.
"But that's not even a man!"
Shadowfax had, in fact, successfully photoshopped a picture of Legolas' face onto himself. Everyone thought he was a centaur and went wild.
"It's okay, Grima," whispered the orc who had been eyeing him up for the last several weeks. "I still think you're sexy."
Grima threw a shoe at him.