thank you to swarm012 and alexissa2 for pointing out my mistake...
I read this story back in high school when my friend lent me a copy, you can't help but cry or feel like crying afterwards (it really has that effect, unless you're made of stone that is)... well anyway, while thinking for a shiznat story last week, this one suddenly popped into my head after a few years of not even remembering it, luckily I found a copy of it on the net (just type the title on google/yahoo), with a few adjustments I made it into a shiznat story. I wasn't suppose to post this since I think most of you have read the original story but hey, no one's the boss of me and I won't take credit for the story so I posted it none the less… Listen to mariah carey's "one sweet day", it relates to the story and to really get into drama mode...-.- To the real author, karen tuazon-regala, thank you for writing this story, all credit goes out to you!…
And now that you're reading this, i wanna say thank you for clicking and hope you enjoy the story...
Lastly, -hands a box tissue- you'll be needing that. . .
Disclaimer: Don't own mai hime and this story…
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Send my love to heaven
What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten... that I love the way she blushes at my teases, the way she fusses over my "faked" crying and her silly mistakes. Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there's no hope in doing so. For now, it's rather too late- too late for me to do so.
She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she blushes and the way she sees life and love.
I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with since Reito, Haruka and Yukino. Haruka and Yukino moved to Tokyo and Reito and his family just moved out to America. And so I climbed up our tree house and saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a car was following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time, a tomboy, but she was really beautiful. She had long dark straight hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had skin like porcelain and green eyes which could make anyone lose their heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. She smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she blushed and answered, "May I?" she looked really cute especially with that blush on her face. So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Natsuki Kuga, what's yours?" I answered, "My name is Shizuru Fujino but then you can call me Shizuru, Natsuki-chan." She smiled and said, "Well I like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, "Thanks. This used to be our "office". We used to play student council, I am the president and Reito is the vice president while Haruka and Yukino are the executives. They were my only friends and I really miss them…" At those last words, it made me sad to think that my only friends left me. She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with them and I could be your new best friend. I never had a girl for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play that student council thingy and I have a bicycle so we could also go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it started.
So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like playing house and tea but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she spilled tea at my dress and I started to "cry", she panicked then and kept apologizing for her clumsiness. I remembered the time when I tripped and sprained my ankle when I tried to rescue a puppy because Natsuki was near to tears when she saw the helpless little pup. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.
The lake behind the shrine was our favorite place to hang out. I would pack us food and later eat them under the big sakura tree. There was a special spot in the tree over looking the lake which the two of us would sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a racer and she knows my dream of becoming a business woman and owning my own corporation. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once, when we were at the shrine hands intertwined together, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.
Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feelings hidden.
We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Natsuki grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys and girls glance her way. I want to strangle them as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.
Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Takeda, a popular captain of the Kendo club. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with this guy.
Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn't know that I whisper the words "I love you Natsuki."
Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.
So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days, going to the shrine and eating at our special spot beside the tree.
So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.
It was a week from the School Festival, we were seated at the bench near the shrine when she said, "Hey Shizuru, I was wondering if you would like to go with me on the festival?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "Of course, I would love to but aren't there are so many boys and girls who dreams of being with Natsuki?" She blushed and quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to be just like them Shizuru?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be you Natsuki." Then she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head.
The festival night came. I bought a new kimono as it was a special occasion and I get to spend it with her. Her mother greeted me when to their house and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a light blue yukata with pink cherry blossoms. Her hair was tied into a bun and I pulled some hair at the side of her face and put a cute puppy designed hair clip on it. "It looks beautiful. Natsuki is the loviest girl in the whole world." She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she blushed and I smiled back.
It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly walking toward the lake to watch the fireworks. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling emerald eyes. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the fireworks started. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it.
We walked towards the shore and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. My fangirls kept on bothering me so it took me a long time to get one and when I returned, she was gone. I asked her friend, Mai, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and searched for her.
As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the yukata Natsuki was wearing that night. I just turned and left the area. Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Takeda and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.
The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up the offered scholarship for a business major in France, I was to go there the next week. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. There was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.
So I moved out the next week as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her.
It was two years after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought two years is too much for me not to see her and during the past years I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.
I reached their house; I saw her mother and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lady just like my dear Natsuki. I then asked," Good afternoon Mrs. Kuga, I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Natsuki. I really miss her. . . have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me."
I was confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questioned briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same sakura tree Natsuki and I used to spend most of our time together. I smiled upon remembering the kiss she gave me when I agreed to come with her. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Natsuki more than I thought. The Mrs. Kuga stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Natsuki."
I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.
I stared at her in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the hair clip that I gave her that night. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading...
I know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Shizuru, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to full myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love.
I know you might be thinking of Takeda but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Takeda and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When school festival came, you just don't know how happy I was when you gave me that hair clip and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were walking, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Takeda came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just a friendly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.
Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.
P.S.
Think of me sometimes... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.
I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."