This is a direct result of a very bored, very twisted, very annoyed mind who is experimenting with the characters from her favorite book series/movie!
ENJOY!!!
30 Things That Carlisle is Not Allowed to Do
1. He is not allowed to suck the blood out of his patients.
2. He is not allowed to call himself a "Pimp." No matter how hard he wants to fit in!
3. He is not allowed to make a recording of himself acting like a pimp!
4. He is not allowed to audition for American Idol singing "Don't Trust Me" by 3Oh!3
5. He is not allowed to inappropriately touch Edward! That is incest and not only frowned upon in many cultures, but is also illegal and he could go to jail.
6. Or Jasper!
7. Or Emmett! Heeee may not tell… but then again, he may go bragging at school…
8. And then Carlisle would still go to jail…
9. He is not allowed to chase after Aro begging him to take him back!
10. When Aro says that it never happened, nor will it ever happen, he is not allowed to cry and then start stalking Aro…. again…
11. Carlisle may NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, mentally rape Edward! No matter how much James, Emmett, and Jasper tell him he likes it!
12. He is not allowed to buy Bella off of Emmett!
13. He is not allowed to sell Jasper to a creepy pedophile who lives in the U.S!
14. Or Canada!
15. Or Europe!
16. Or any other human in the world! Jasper is not allowed to be sold to any living human!
17. Or Mike!
18. Or any VAMPIRES!!!
19. He is not allowed to make a video of himself and Esme in bed, then leave it under Edward's pillow…
20. OR IN HIS PIANO!!!
21. He is not allowed to copy Edward and watch Bella while she sleeps.
22. Or is in the shower!
23. He is not allowed to brag about how he swam to France from England while holding his breath the entire way!
24. He is not allowed to force Jasper to swim from Forks to France while holding his breath and giving him a piggy back ride!
25. And Carlisle may not ENJOY the piggy back ride… otherwise he will be arrested!!!
26. He may not start a band (playing Jasper's guitar or Edward's piano) in which they light their instruments on fire!! This is dangerous and will only get him murdered by one or both of his sons.
27. Carlisle can not combine the funky chicken and a lap dance and do the result to Edward!
28. OR JASPER!!!
29. If he does any or all of the listed above, we will get the very nice men with a very big net and a very big needle, and he will wake up very confused… in a small town in Wisconsin… (Author grins evilly)
30. Did we already say that Carlisle can not mentally rape Edward?… 'cuz we lied…
(All Cullens, minus Carlisle, Esme, and Edward are laughing like crazy)
Keri: Hope you all liked it! Especially you Emmett… CUZ YOU'RE NEXT!!!!
Emmett: YAAAAY!!!
Carlisle: Emmett, that's not a good thing!
Emmett: Yes, but they are guidelines telling me what not to do! So naturally, I'll do them!
Carlisle: Did you pay attention to anything that just happened on my list!?!?
Emmett: Not really, no. So them picking me is not a good thing?
Gypsy: Nope. (grins evilly)
Keri: So, Emmett, you're. Next!
Edward: Ha ha!
Carlisle: Why would you say that!? I would never do that!
Edward: (is lying on the floor screaming and rubbing his temples)
Carlisle: Edward?! What's wrong!? Get up...
Edward: (finally stands. Walks over and punches Carlisle in the face.)
Carlisle: Ow! (Runs out of the room)
Alice: Edward?! What happened?!
Edward: He was thinking of doing numbers 5 and 11...
(All Cullens look back at the list. Laugh at Edward's misfortune. Esme comes over and gives him a hug)
Gypsy: Remember, Emmett! You're next!
Keri: (turns to readers) Please! Please review! If you have any ideas for ANY of the Cullens… or Charlie… or Jacob… or any of the Bad Vamps… send a review with it.