My obsession song for the past few weeks has been The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert. I was thinking about this story while listening to the song for the millionth time. Not one of my best stories, but enjoy. =)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
-The House That Built Me, Miranda Lambert
I've been on my solo tour for eight months. I just arrived in Washington last night, Seattle to be exact. I'm performing two shows this weekend. Since I have all day today, I rented a car to explore. I didn't quite know where I was going until I turned onto a familiar street a few hours away. I took in the changes. The siding on the Banner house had been replaced, the Weber's lawn was fenced in, and there was no swing set on the side yard at the Stanley's house.
I'm not quite sure why I came back here. I mean they do say you can't go home again. But I was in the area and I was feeling really lost. I guess my mind felt the need to come back. As I pulled up to the fourth house on the block, the one with the deep beige siding and the beautiful wrap around porch, my heart began to beat faster and my eyes blurred with tears.
The house looked just like it did the last time I was here, fifteen years ago. I sat parked outside trying to decide what to do. I was so homesick. I missed my family. I couldn't just knock on the door of this house though because it isn't our house anymore. Mom and dad moved New York when all of us kids did. They couldn't stand to be so far away from their children.
The heartache of missing my family was really getting to me, and I felt that maybe if I did take a look in that old house it would take away a little bit of the pain. At that moment, I decided to get out of the car and knock on the door. There was a car in the driveway so I assume someone would be home. I would knock on the door, explain who I am, if the person did not want me to look around, I can at least say I tried.
As I walked up the steps to the porch, I looked down. The steps were cement and on each step was a handprint, each one a little bigger. The middle step was my handprint. I remember the day those handprints were put there.
Dad was replacing the front steps because the old steps were falling apart. I was playing on the side yard with my older brother Emmett and our little sister Alice. Dad walked away to grab something from the garage, so we walked over to the steps and looked at the wet cement. Emmett had the bright idea that we should write something in the cement. He was seven years old, I was five and Alice was only three and since he was the oldest Alice and I wanted to be just like him so of course we agreed.
"Each of us can have a step. I'll take the top one because I'm the tallest and the bestest. Eddie you can have the middle one because you are the middle kid and Alice you can have the bottom because you can't reach the other one very well," Emmett said.
"Ugh Emmett! Don't call me Eddie!" I grumbled. I don't like being called Eddie. That name is for babies and I'm a big boy. I'm in kindergarten for Pete's sake
"Ok Emmy!" Alice chirped.
We all looked at each other, not sure, what we wanted to do on our steps.
"We should put an imprint of our butts!" Emmett boomed. Alice and I giggled, nodding our heads.
Just as we were getting ready to do it, I saw dad walking out of the garage.
"Emmett, dad's coming back!" I said.
Emmett looked over. There wasn't enough time to pull our pants down and put our butts in the cement so Emmett threw his hand into the cement.
"Come on! Hurry up!" he said. I followed what he did and put my hand in the cement on my step while he helped Alice put her hand on her step. Then we ran back around the corner to the side yard.
We ran over to the hose on the side of the house to wash off our hands. Just as we turned on the water, we heard dad.
"EMMETT! EDWARD! ALICE! COME OVER HERE NOW!" he yelled. Uh oh, we were going to be in big trouble.
Alice went running. "Yes daddy?"
"Did you guys put these handprints here?" dad asked Alice.
"Yes daddy! We were helping make the steps look pretty. Do you like it?" Alice asked with her little girl smile.
Dad looked at her and smiled. "I'm upset you three didn't ask to do this, but I'm not mad. Now the handprints will be here forever and you all can look back at your childhood."
I place my hand on my handprint and smile. Dad was right. Those handprints did bring back memories. As I reminisced in the past, the front door opened. A woman in her late sixties stood at the door.
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice you standing at my step. Can I help you with something?" she said politely.
"Hello ma'am, my name is Edward Cullen, this is the house I grew up in," I said pulling my hand off my handprint, to shake her hand.
"It's nice to meet you Edward. I'm Sandra Cope," she said taking my hand. "Is there something I can help you with?"
"I-I'm not sure. I've been away from home for eight months now on tour. I arrived in Seattle last night, went for a drive, and ended up here. I've been missing my family. I feel like I've lost myself out on the road. I thought if I came back maybe I could find myself," I said with tears in my eyes.
I cannot believe I just got emotional in front of this woman. I don't even know her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you. I'll just leave," I said turning to walk back down the steps.
"Come back here son. Please come in if you have a little time. I have nothing to do today and I can always use a little company," she said smiling.
"Thank you Ms. Cope," I smiled and followed her into the house.
"So you grew up here? Tell me a little about it," she said as we sat at her kitchen table. The house had the same old style, lived in look like it did when I was younger. However, it had Ms. Cope's furniture and stuff obviously.
"Wow, where to start? Well I lived here for the first 18 years of my life along with my parents, my brother Emmett, who is two years older than I am, and my little sister Alice, who is two years younger than I am. You know the little back bedroom upstairs?" I asked.
"Yes, there are built in shelves so I use that as my library," she said.
"It used to be the study. However, no one else really used it so it was kind of my sanctuary. I used to do my homework in there and that's where I learned to play guitar," I smiled.
"You said you've been on tour for months. I guess you really picked up on that guitar. Please, tell me more. That tree house in that oak tree, did your father build it for you kids?" She asked.
"Yeah, Emmett and I begged dad for a tree house when we were seven and nine. We thought it would be awesome to camp out there over night. So dad built us one."
That camp out is something mom, dad and Alice will never let Emmett and I live down. The night we decided to camp out, we packed a bag full of games, comic books, a pillow and blanket and food. As we walked down the stairs to go out back to the tree house, Alice was standing at the bottom of the stairs with a bag and her blankie and a pillow.
"Alice, why do you have a bag packed, and your blankie?" I asked.
"Cause I'm camping out in the tree house with you guys, duhhh," she said.
"No you're not. You're only five. You'll get scared and cry for mommy and daddy. Plus you're a girl! No girls allowed," Emmett said.
"I'm a big girl! I'm in kindergarten! And girl's are better than stinky boys!" she said.
All the yelling brought mom and dad down stairs.
"What's going on down here?" mom asked.
"Eddie and I were on our way out to the tree house for our camp out when Shorty informed us that she wants to come. But she is too young and a girl."
"STOP CALLING ME EDDIE!" "STOP CALLING ME SHORTY!" Alice and I cried.
"Emmett, stop calling your siblings names they don't want to hear. And let Alice sleep over with you in the tree house tonight and then tomorrow, you and Edward can sleep up there alone," mom said.
"But mom!" Emmett and I whined.
"No whining or no one gets to go to the tree house tonight"
"Fine. Come on Shorty" Emmett said. Alice followed, grumbling about her nickname.
That night started off okay. Alice was the first to fall asleep. We expected that. Emmett and I stayed up late reading our comic books. When we were ready, we lied down and turned off the lights dad hooked up for us. That is when we realized how dark it was outside. Neither of us wanted to admit we were scared but we both were. The sounds of the creatures of the night scared us even more.
By the morning, Emmett and I both woke up in our own beds. When we walked down stairs, we were teased by our five-year-old sister who spent the entire night outside while her two big brothers were scared little babies.
That oak tree holds a lot of memories. My first kiss was up in that tree house, with Jessica Stanley from down the street. She forced me to kiss her when we were nine. My favorite dog, Rascal, is buried under that tree. He died when I was 15. He was an important member of our family. My siblings and I had a funeral for him. Alice made us all dress nicely, I played taps on the trumpet, and Emmett said a eulogy.
"Seems like you and your siblings had a good relationship," Ms. Cope said.
"Yeah. As we grew older, we grew even closer. Emmett and I have always been pretty close because he was the big brother always looking out for me. And Alice and I have always been pretty close because I was the big brother always looking out for her. She idolizes Emmett and me. She wanted our approval for certain boys, including her now husband."
"That's how it should be. It's great to see siblings get along so well," Ms. Cope responded. "Now I've been meaning to ask, in the plans for this house, it says that everything was renovated 25 years ago. Did your parents come up with the design? Or did someone come in to make them up?" she asked.
"Oh my mom always talked about what she wanted in her house, and my dad made it happen," I smiled.
Mom and dad have always been a Do-It-Yourself couple. Mom was always looking in Better Homes and Garden magazines. She would pull out the designs she loved.
Dad worked extra hours at the hospital to afford the renovations. The house was done in parts, a new wall here, and a floor there, a new window there. Nevertheless, he gave life to mom's dream.
"The house is beautiful child," she said.
"Thanks," I said.
"So your family is in New York now? When did you move there?" she asked.
"Yeah, all of my family is there now," I said. "When I was eighteen I graduated high school. I was very involved with my music and was accepted to attend Julliard as a classical guitarist.
I had a girlfriend at the time. She is Alice's age. Actually, she is her best friend. Her name is Bella. At first, Alice was a little hesitant about me going out with Bella. What happens if we break up? What would that mean for them? But we went for it. And soon, Alice was on board and was excited that her best friend was going out with her brother.
Anyway, I left for Julliard that fall. Bella is really smart, so she graduated high school a year early, applied and was accepted to NYU a year later, so she joined me in New York. Bella and I just got closer and closer. At Alice's graduation party the summer after my second year, I took Bella up to the old tree house, where we first kissed, and asked her to marry me.
She agreed, and a year later, we were married. Even though we were married and wanted to start our lives together, school was still an obligation. It was hard but we made it work. Alice was attending FIT and moved into our apartment. Even though Bella and I were newly weds, we loved having Alive around.
Emmett had been attending University of Washington and met Rosalie Hale his second day, freshman year. They were very serious but marriage was not even brought up until they were both out of college. We had Christmas dinner with Rosalie's family when Alice was a junior in college. It was the first time we had met her twin brother, Jasper. He had been in the military and was finally done with his service. Alice and him connected quickly, and he followed her back to New York. At first, Emmett and I were hesitant about her dating Jasper. He was four years older than she, and she was our baby sister. But quickly we realized he was great for her. He has a calming effect to her hyperness. They moved in together and the day of her college graduation, Jasper popped the question.
Emmett and Rosalie, and Alice and Jasper both married a year after college graduation. Being twins, Rosalie and Jasper wanted to live close together and since my siblings and I have a close relationship, Emmett had no problem joining us in New York. Mom and dad didn't like living 3000 miles away from us to the bought a house on Long Island. It's just close enough to us but also far enough away."
"I think it is so great that you all found love and your family relationship is so great," Ms. Cope said. "I assume you and Bella are still together?"
I smiled thinking about my Bella. "Yup, we're still together. Still going strong," I got a little teary-eyed again.
"What's wrong son?" Ms. Cope asked.
"I'm just missing Bella and my baby girl. We found out six months ago that she was pregnant again, with a baby boy. I haven't been there for her basically this whole pregnancy. I'm such a bad husband!"
"Shh, you're not a bad husband. You need to follow your dreams. From what I can tell from you've told me, it seems like your family would agree," Ms. Cope said.
"I know my family wants me to continue following my dreams, and actually after this tour is over, I'm not going on any more tours, at least not for a while. I want to watch my children grow up. My baby girl, Harmony, will be four in two months and my son will be born soon. I just want to be there for them. It's just so hard right now," I said, giving up on hiding my tears.
Ms. Cope passed me a tissue.
"Where does your tour lead you after you leave here, sweetie?"
"I play in Seattle this weekend, then I move on to Phoenix next weekend, Austin the week after, Nashville, Philadelphia, and my final show, in six weeks, will be in New York. My whole family will be at that show," I said, sniffling. My tears finally subsiding.
"That's wonderful. I'm sure your family cannot wait to see you!" Ms. Cope said excitedly.
I looked down at my watch. I'd been here for over two hours! I definitely over stayed my welcome and it was going to get dark soon and I needed to drive back to Seattle. That will take me a few hours.
"I'm sorry to have wasted so much of your time Ms. Cope. I should get going; it's quite a drive back to Seattle."
"Oh sweetie, it was great to meet you. You didn't waste any of my time. I hope you had some comfort visiting your childhood home."
"I did, thank you. I still miss my family, but the memories of this home are very comforting. I think when I get back to my hotel room, I will make a phone call home. I need to hear Bella's and my baby girl's voice." I said getting up and walking toward the door.
"I'm sure they miss you as much as you miss them. Enjoy your conversation, and try to enjoy your last few weeks on tour. It will make time go faster, and before you know it you will be back with the loves of your life," Ms. Cope smiled, walking out to the front porch with me.
"Oh I have something for you, Ms. Cope!" I said, rummaging through my wallet for what I was looking for. "Here it is!" I said, passing her a piece of paper.
"Oh sweetie, you didn't have to give me this!" Ms. Cope said.
"It's the least I could do. You let me barge into your home, unannounced, let me sit and talk and get emotional. I talked a lot about my music, so the least I could do was give you a ticket to see my show. Consider it a thank you present," I said. She did not have to let me into her home, let alone sit and my conversation with me.
"Thank you, Edward. This means a lot. If you are ever in the area, or any of your family is, please stop by. I would love to meet everyone," Ms. Cope said.
"Thank you, Ms. Cope," I said. "For everything."