Author's Note: Here's an odd little piece I found myself constructing in my head. I got the name from the name of a chapter of someone else's piece, can't remember who or what but it was one of my favourites. If it's yours, drop me a line in a review and I'll give credit where credit is due! Thanks for the inspiration!
Enjoy!
Denial, Thy name is…GINNY felt a bittersweet wrenching in her chest as she watched her husband speaking quietly to their son Albus on the platform.
"Mum," Lily whined, "can I please go to Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione's?"
Ginny sighed, looking down at her daughter doubtfully. Maybe this was a good idea after all. This morning, she had almost decided to make Lily stay home – after all, with both the boys at school now, their daughter was the only buffer between herself and Harry. But… maybe they needed to talk about this – thing.
"I'll talk to your father about it," Ginny said, her tone making it clear that the conversation was over.
Lily merely smiled and turned back to talk to Hermione.
Ginny grinned despite herself as she heard her daughter whispering.
"He always gives in. I'll be allowed, you'll see."
Hermione caught Ginny's eye and raised her eyebrows, grinning. Ginny shrugged.
Harry had finished talking to Albus, and was now ushering him onto the train.
"Tell James not to send home any toilet seats!" Ginny called, which earned her a nudge and an eye-roll from Ron.
The train moved out of sight and Ginny felt an arm wrap around her. She turned her head, surprised, for a moment, to see that the arm belonged to Harry; it felt foreign and somehow detached. However, she quickly realised that Harry was keeping up the pretence for the benefit of Ron and Hermione. She met Harry's eyes and gave him a look that he immediately understood. He nodded, and they smiled at each other, the pain they both felt disguised too deeply for anyone but each other to see.
"Lily, I understand you'll be going to Ron and Hermione's house for a sleepover tonight," Harry began, as Lily squealed in delight, "we'll have to make some muffins this afternoon for you to take over, what do you think?"
"Great idea, Dad!" Lily said, beaming.
"Yes, that's a good idea, Harry," Ginny said sincerely, "it'll be a good chance for us to all spend some time together.
They said goodbye to Ron and Hermione, politely declining the invitation to have dinner at their place and arranging for Ron to collect Lily by Floo at five o'clock.
Lily chattered happily on their way home, barely pausing to catch her breath. Clearly the prospect of having a sleepover with her favourite Aunt and Uncle had chased away any lingering sadness regarding Hogwarts.
Harry heard the telltale whoosh of the floo rushing to life and called out to Ron from the kitchen.
"Just getting the muffins out of the oven. Come in."
"Where are the girls?" Ron asked.
"You have got to stop calling them that. If Ginny heard you-"
"Heard what?" Ginny came into the kitchen, grinning. Ron looked uncomfortable, and chose wisely to remain silent.
"Lily's upstairs packing," Ginny commented, clearly willing to let it go. Ron looked at her suspiciously; this was not typical behaviour. Ginny's gaze flickered uncertainly to Harry, and Ron suddenly understood: they were having problems again.
He sighed, thinking back to the time Harry had burst out of their kitchen fireplace, sobbing his eyes out at 2am just over 10 years ago. Hermione had been up, unable to sleep from the vigorous kicking she was receiving to the inside of her stomach. She had taken one look at him and immediately sent her patronus to wake Ron, simultaneously fixing him a hot chocolate and urging him to sit down.
"Harry? What's wrong?"
"Oh. Um, it's – it's about Ginny."
"Is she okay?"
"Oh, yeah. She's fine. It's just. We've been having some problems, and I…"
"Oh, Harry," Hermione murmured, pulling him into a hug as he began to cry again.
"What is it, mate?" Ron prompted, completely transformed into caring best friend mode, despite the fact that he was barely awake.
"I… I… I don't think we're in love anymore… And – there's this… guy, at work. He's been flirting with me, and I – I almost-"
"Listen, Harry, it's no use feeling guilty about what you almost did. The point is, you stopped yourself. So don't beat yourself up about that," Hermione said reasonably.
"But, I wanted to! I want to! I feel terrible. But I know Ginny's been feeling the distance between us too. I really wanted it to work out between us, but… I don't know, I just can't see it happening."
"Harry, listen," Ron began, "why don't you go home and talk to Ginny about this? If you say she's noticed that things aren't right between you, don't you think she deserves to know everything that you're feeling? She won't hold it against you, mate. I know her. She is, first and foremost, your friend."
"Okay, Ron. Hermione. Thanks." Harry left immediately.
A week later, in the midst of a trial 'mental' separation (they were still living together but sleeping in different beds for the sake of James and Albus – who was 1), Ginny discovered she was two months pregnant. Ron and Hermione had not heard anything further about their problems.
Ron looked at Harry, who was busy stacking the dishwasher, and sighed, motioning for Ginny to follow him into the lounge room. He cast a silencing spell on the room, before he turned to Ginny.
"You know, Gin, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better for you two to split when you had problems the first time."
Ginny looked surprised. "Ron, we were having another baby. We both agreed that it would be better for everyone involved if Harry were around to help me take care of her. To watch her grow up."
Ron sighed. "I know. It probably was for the best. Oh well, good luck tonight. And, whatever you do, make sure you are still on good enough terms to be in the same room with him. I couldn't choose between you."
Ginny smiled, despite herself. "Ron, you know there's no danger of a messy break-up. Harry and I will still be friends, no matter what happens. We've always been good at that, at least."
"Yeah, you have," Ron agreed, ending the silencing charm and heading upstairs to get Lily.
"What was that about?" Harry asked, poking his head in the doorway.
"Just making sure that we won't have to take alternate Christmases with the family," Ginny said, laughing.
"No danger of that," Harry said, grinning and coming to join her on the couch.
Ron reappeared at the top of the stairs with Lily in tow.
"Muffins are in the kitchen, ready to go," Harry said.
Ron nodded and went in search of them.
"See you tomorrow sweetheart," Harry said, giving Lily a hug and kiss.
"Bye," Lily replied.
"Don't stay up too late," Ginny said, pulling Lily into a hug.
Lily rolled her eyes at Harry and Ron over her mother's shoulder and they both stifled their laughs.
"See you tomorrow!"
Ron gazed at them both sadly, then nodded once and took Lily through the floo.
Harry and Ginny remained on the couch in silence for several long minutes.
Finally, Ginny said: "Should we get some dinner organised?"
Harry laughed. "Ever the practical one, Gin."
While they cooked together, there seemed to be an unspoken agreement not to talk about anything too serious, but once they were seated at the table, it was clear to both of them that they could not put it off any longer.
"I hate this," Harry confessed, looking at Ginny with saddened eyes.
"Me too. But, Harry, this isn't working. We both know it."
"The children are all old enough to be able to see that something's wrong," Harry added.
"Do you think that's why Lily likes spending so much time at Ron and Hermione's? Because they have a happy marriage?"
"No bad vibes. Yeah, maybe," Harry said, looking at his plate.
For a few minutes, neither said anything.
"Should we try a separation?" Harry suggested, and Ginny started to cry.
"Probably a waste of time, Harry. I think we both know that we've grown too far apart to ever have a hope of rekindling our love."
"How did this happen?" Harry asked, reluctant to comfort her incase it was awkward.
"I don't know, it's so easy to just ignore it. Well, you know."
"Yeah. It's not easy to ignore, but it's easier than actually facing it head on."
"Well, we're brave," Ginny said, and giggled a little. Harry recognised it as an attempt to cover her crying and moved over to hug her.
"We'll still be good friends, you know," he said, smoothing her hair.
"Yes, I'm so glad we haven't lost the ability to have fun together and to talk properly."
"That would make this a lot more difficult," Harry acknowledged.
Ginny didn't reply, but turned to face Harry and return his embrace.
"Would it be too weird if we kept living together? For the sake of the kids?" Harry asked.
"Probably not at first," Ginny responded, "but Harry, it would be really awkward when we started to see other people. I don't think that's a good idea. But maybe during the holidays we can all live here, so the kids don't have to switch between two places."
"That's a good idea. I swear, Ginny, Hermione's practicality has definitely worn off on you," Harry said, and Ginny grinned.
"I always hoped it would," she confessed in a whisper, and they both burst into laughter.
Harry slept in the spare room that night, and in the morning, when Ron and Hermione came to drop Lily off, Harry took her into the lounge while Ginny spoke quickly to Ron and Hermione. Harry heard Ron's last words:
"I'll talk to George right away."
"Lily," Ginny said softly as she entered the lounge room, "your Dad and I have something we need to talk to you about."
"Lily," Harry began, then paused, looking at Ginny. She nodded meaningfully at him, and he breathed deeply. "Lily," he said again, "there's no easy way for me to say this. Your mother and I love you and James and Albus so much, and we care for each other a lot too. But we're not in love anymore."
Lily looked at Harry and said quietly, "I know, Dad."
Harry was surprised, but when he looked at Ginny, she seemed quite calm.
"We're going to split up, darling," she said softly, moving forward to take Lily into her arms.
Lily began to cry. "I don't want to choose! I love you both, I don't want to choose between you!"
"Oh, no, darling, you won't have to. Harry and I have talked this through. Harry?" Ginny said.
"Lily, I'm going to stay with uncle George for a little while, but only at night time, okay? I'll be here during the day so we can all spend time together. Is that okay?"
"How long will you stay with uncle George?"
"Just until I can get my house at Grimmauld place set up well enough for me to live there."
"But I thought you didn't like that place," Lily said.
"I know, sweetheart, but it's time for me to let go of the past. I'm going to fix it up and live there, and you'll be able to come and stay over when ever you want."
"When you go to school, during the holidays Harry will come and stay here with us, so we can all be together, okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
Harry and Ginny got permission from McGonagall to have James and Albus over for the weekend. They both seemed wholly unsurprised and Harry was proud of them for being so aware and so mature about the whole thing.
However, on the Saturday night, when Harry had just settled down in George's spare bed, he heard a soft call from the floo in the living room.
It was Albus.
"Dad?" said the head of Albus.
Harry could see that Albus had been in bed, but he was wide awake and had obviously been waiting for the rest of the house to fall asleep before making this call.
"What's up, Albus? Do you want to come through?"
"No, it's okay. I'll go to bed soon, it's just…"
Harry didn't interrupt; he knew it was better to let Albus speak when he needed to.
"Dad, can I come live with you? During the holidays, I mean. I – I want to see mum too, of course, but… I'd like to live with you. Most of the time."
"I'd really like that, Albus," Harry said quietly, feeling his heart lighten a little. "I'll talk to your mother tomorrow, okay? You go back to sleep, now. Good boy." Harry kissed Albus' forehead, ignoring the tickle of the green flames on his face.
"Goodnight, Dad."
"Goodnight."
"Of course that's fine," Ginny said, wiping her forehead as she bent over the stove, stirring scrambled eggs with her wand. The children were upstairs, getting dressed.
"Are you sure? Do you think it's okay to separate them?"
"Harry, they're old enough to make these kinds of decisions for themselves. Personally, I think it'll be good for Albus to have some time apart from James. And I don't attempt to deny that there has always been a special connection between you and Albus that I couldn't begin to understand."
"It's his Slytherin side," Harry joked, secretly touched that she would acknowledge that without resentment.
"Ah. In that case, I don't want to know," she said and they both laughed.
They were still grinning when the children walked in.
"Aren't you supposed to be upset?" James said, scowling as he took his seat.
"No, James. We're doing what we do best," Harry said.
"Oh? And what's that?" James asked, still scowling.
"Being friends," Harry said, smiling at Ginny.
End of part one