Truth is that Katniss Everdeen has always been an example of what you have to do when your whole family is starving to death and you have to sit around and watch. We all knew about her hunting in the woods with Gale—not just because everyone was in love with him—mostly because it was hard not to admire them for doing it. Thank goodness that the peacekeepers turned a blind eye to that. everyone wanted to eat some fresh meat, right?
And now Katniss won. She won the 74th annual Hunger Games! I don't know if it took everyone by surprise but this time it wasn't like the previous years. This time the people of District 12 actually had hope. They rooted for her. Before her, everyone just watched because they had to, because they wanted to know how their sons and daughters would meet their creator.
She is more of a hero now than she's ever been and that's not just me talking. All of District 12 would agree. Even District 11—did you even see what she did for Rue? She didn't cross paths with Thresh except that one time but that doesn't count; she didn't try to kill him and he didn't try to kill her. There's no reason that District 11 would hate her—they sent her their bread, didn't they?
I don't know about Districts 1 and 2 though. We all know that Katniss had a lot to do with all of their deaths. Not to mention that her and Peeta's victory was a huge blow to their ego and self-esteem. They loathe her wholeheartedly.
I can't hunt. Not like Katniss. She started when she was little; she knows the woods better than anyone. She is as silent as a cat and she never has problems with game. I heard that the baker buys her squirrels all the time. It all makes me think so little of myself—how can I even compare me to her? I am entirely out of her league! She has no idea I even exist yet… Gale does.
I saw him a couple of times when I was on my way to the screens; he wasn't headed there. He went to the woods, outside the fence. One time I swallowed up my fears and I followed him. No, I'm no predator, I don't know how not to be as loud as I was but he was onto me within minutes and we hadn't even passed the fence yet.
"What do you want?" he said, his voice full of anger. His eyes were flashing daggers. I was so startled that I had no idea what to do, what to say, how to react. All that my mind could master were curses. When Gale saw my shock and the fear that made me tremble like a leaf in the wind he spoke again, this time more calmly. "Why are you following me?"
"I… I don't know," I said. It was the truth. Why did I say it again? I don't know. "I just…" I trailed off. I couldn't finish that sentence. Why had I followed him, really? Something… something had pulled me to him. Something made me do it. Great. Good luck explaining that to Gale, you idiot.
"Just go back and watch the Games with everyone else. Leave me alone," he said. It startled me. Not his words but the way he said them—his voice was full of what I could only describe as concealed anguish. It was real pain that resonated so clearly in his voice that I was sure I felt it for a moment. How, how, could I leave him now, after I felt that?
"No." It was as simple as that. It took him off guard and now I was in the lead. Then the words escaped my mouth before I had time to realize them. "Why don't you go watch? Katniss is your friend, isn't she? Don't you want to know what happens to her?" He didn't answer but it's not like I gave him enough time to. "I'm sorry, but every time I see you with this grim expression of yours… it just makes me feel all the worse, honestly."
Seems like he understood what I was saying. He looked at me with those piercing gray eyes of his and he shook his head as he turned away. "I can't. You don't know what it's like."
That struck a nerve. How dared he? So he didn't recognize me after all. How would he? After I hid from the stage and the pedestals every time.
"Don't I?" It was rage that was stirring inside me this time, not pity. "Don't I know what it's like? I know exactly what it's like—you're the one who doesn't have the slightest clue!" My eyes were starting to sting, my throat ached and my chest was burning with a pain both physical and mental. My hands were starting to shake and all I could do was breathe deeply to stay calm. I had to. I wasn't showing any weakness to Gale. Not now. Not ever.
"What?" he asked then, turning back at me. I don't know if it was confusion or anger that I heard in his voice. I wasn't thinking straight anymore. I suppose that's why the words just came out as they crossed my mind.
"Two years in a row I had to watch the Games like that. In constant worry and shock and fear. Three years ago my sister fought for her life, two years ago my brother did. Now it's just me and my little brother and my baby sister. You have no idea what that's like!"
He stared at me, his mouth agape and his eyes showing the shock that had frozen his whole body. I didn't care. Let him stand like that. He didn't deserve to feel sorry for himself. It wasn't his family in the games. It wasn't him that was picked even though I'd seen him so many times with the tesserae. I was openly crying now. What the hell was I supposed to do? For two years now I lived with the fear and expectancy that I'd be next. I wasn't. Why wasn't I? I'd have no problems with dying? So why didn't they pick me?!
There was a small voice in my head every year at the reaping that kept telling me, convincing me to volunteer—it was only normal to follow the family tradition, right? Now I cursed as I wondered why I didn't listen to it. Both Alyna and Bax. Both people I loved most in the world. Both dead…
As I shook from the sobs, that I desperately tried to keep quiet, I felt pressure on both my shoulders. It was warm and it was helping with the shaking. It wasn't as violent now. It was like a power had flown into me. It was like…
Gale wasn't looking at me. He was only holding me now. I felt stupid—I was the little girl who cried and was scared and hurt, and vulnerable, and weak. I hated being weak, weak was everything Alyna and Bax weren't. How could I let them down like that?!
"I'm so sorry, Ranna," he said quietly and I froze for a moment. I lifted my head and managed to look at him through the tears. I hurried to wipe my face dry with the sleeves of the vest my grandmother had knitted for me. I bit my lower lip for a moment.
"You know my name?" I said. My voice was hoarse. It sounded alien.
"Bax and I were in the same class at school. I'm so sorry," he said again. "I never imagined it was you…"
"It was me though," I said quietly. He nodded.
"I know. I'm sorry I said that before," Gale said and took a step back from me. I took the time to compose myself and lock my brother and sister back up in my memory. I can't have breakdowns like that all the time. I had to compose myself, to be strong for Drenn and Kellen. I had to be strong for my mom and dad. I had to be strong for me.
"Well, now you know," I noted. It didn't make me feel good. It just made everything awkward. I hated that feeling of pity everyone had when they looked at my family. I hated it. And now it was written all over Gale like the pain was earlier. "Will you go to watch the games or will you escape to the woods?"
"I'll go to the woods," he said simply. "I have to see if I've caught anything. I still have a family to feed after all."
It was what I hadn't thought of. Even with everything that was going on—Katniss in the Games, the absolute orders that we had to go watch the Games every day… Gale still thought about his family. He never lost sight of what he had to protect.
It was beautiful. It was inspiring. It was all I aimed for. It was why I had seen him so many times, taking tesserae, I had been doing the same. But it was never enough. That was the sad truth.
"Mind if I come with you?" I asked in a moment. Whatever intimacy was shared a moment ago when I was still weak was over. I had put on the iron mask again; it was the one I put on for whenever I walked the streets of District 12, the time when people stared and pitied.
Gale didn't take long to agree and soon the two of us were walking side by side towards the "electrified" fence. I hesitated for a second before I crossed. It was the first time I had done something like that. It felt… strange. Adrenaline, that's what Alyna had called it once. Adrenaline was what you felt when there was danger around you but you weren't scared. It was adrenaline that I was feeling now. And it felt amazing.
"Ranna, come on," Gale urged me. "I don't want to get caught by the peacekeepers!"
He was right, of course, why were we still here. I crossed and the adrenaline coursing through my blood took a stronger hold of me. The feeling was amazing. I ran after Gale and we hid in the woods. It was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. He must've noticed that in my expression because he nodded. "Glad you like it."
"Thank you," was all I could say. It was peace that I felt now. It was beautiful, quiet, serene. It was a sensation that I hadn't experienced ever since I turned twelve. It felt like forever although it had been just five years. Gale let me relax while he took care of his snares. Now I could see why he and Katniss loved spending time here so much. The very air here was different—fresh and alive.
Soon enough Gale sat close to me but he looked reserved and he kept to himself. He didn't talk much. It was okay because I didn't talk either. I was overwhelmed by the woods and he just didn't trust me enough to start sharing his life stories.
It was a strange day, that one. After Gale and I got back I promised to never bother him again. He had reminded me of Bax and Alyna and that had given me hope. Maybe not everything was lost. Perhaps one day I would be as fearless and determined as him and Katniss. Perhaps one day I would find someone of my own to take me out of District 12. Maybe we could even escape together.
I wished Gale to be safe as we separated. He looked at me for a moment but he knew that I meant it as a friend. He knew that he'd probably never see me again. He nodded.
"You too, Ranna."
Thank you Gale, for everything.