A/N: (Chaps, just revised, no real need to re-read) Thankyou for giving this a chance! I'd appreciate any/all feedback as this is my first foray into fanfic. Hope you enjoy!

SMeyer owns Twilight!

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Chapter One: Inside of me and such a part of you

[4:45]

I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my face into the pillow with a groan. The demonic red numbers beamed from my alarm clock, taunting me with the knowledge that dawn would soon break and I was still awake.

The nights in Phoenix had been hot and dry and I'd been lulled to sleep with the gentle hum of cicada's. Here in Forks, the deafening drum of rain was beating a tattoo on the inside of my skull and the cold nipped at my toes each time they dared to peek out from beneath the blankets.

My parents had separated when I was eleven and I'd moved with my Mom to sunny Arizona. Living with Renee had forced me to mature beyond my years, our roles almost completely reversed. She was essentially a scatterbrained, impulsive teenager, abandoning fads and hobbies as fast as she picked them up. I was the one who remembered which bills were due, knew when the drycleaning needed to be picked up and made sure our clothes were clean and ironed.

Two years ago Renee had met Phil Dwyer, a minor league ball player from Seattle, they had fallen hard in love and married only a few months ago. Renee practically radiated joy whenever he was around and I'd felt immensely guilty that she'd have to stay home with me, limiting all contact with Phil to phone calls during game season. A short talk with Charlie had proved him ecstatic at the idea of me finishing out my final year of high school in Forks. The decision hadn't been entirely self sacrificial, there was a tiny part of me that resented Renee. She'd pushed me into becoming steady, reliable Bella; wall flower extraordinaire, who could always make sure your socks were washed. The idea of starting again, learning to be carefree and sociable with others my age before I began college had been appealing to say the least. Not that Forks was a lively and thriving hub of entertainment, it was a gloomy isolated town with a population of fewer then five thousand, but I'd figured that it was probably best to start small after all.

Riding in the cruiser back from the airport with Charlie had been a promising experience. I was used to diligently monitoring the speedometer while music blared, music being no exception to Renee's whimsical phases and I'd been subjected to everything from rap to industrial booming from the stereo. Charlie wasn't one for music and neither of us were the type who needed constant chatter to feel comfortable. It was incredible to just sink back and relax in silence, watching trees and headlights fly by in a haze. I'd only seen Charlie three times each year since the separation, now over six years ago.

{I crouched in the hallway, hugging my knees with tears streaming down my cheeks as I listened to the shouts from the bedroom. The guilt gnawed at my insides, I had done this.

"I'm leaving Charlie and you CANNOT keep me here, I need my own life, my own space, I need to get OUT of here"

"Renee, I didn't mean… this can't all be because of the goddamn phone bill. I mean, this is ridiculous…"

"Just DON'T. Your looking at the result of YEARS of oppression Charlie, but oh yes, that was certainly the catalyst for this. This place and you have been CRUSHING me, it is not ENOUGH anymore, you were never supportive, and now I know that I obviously wasn't enough for you either."

"For the last time, I DID NOT call…"

"ENOUGH, this is it. Bella and I are leaving by the end of the week and…"

"She is MY daughter too, Renee. You can't take everything away from me."

"This way Bella will have choices she'd never have, opportunities I never had. There's no way in hell I'd leave my daughter to rot in this place. "}

I smirked wryly at the memory, I'd moved back to Forks for just that, opportunity. I rolled over again, twisting the blankets between my legs, desperately trying for comfort on the new, unforgiving mattress. My bedroom hadn't changed much since I was a newborn, same light blue walls, same faded neon star stickers peeling from the roof. But Charlie had updated a few things in preparation for my return as a 'young adult'. A worn computer and slightly dusty keyboard now sat upon my desk, the shiny digital alarm clock now mocked me from the bedside table and since my old bed had been designed with seven to ten year olds in mind, a king single now took up residence against the back wall. It was only a little smaller than a double and sheets far more difficult to find, but of course a double bed implied accommodation for more than one. Most definitely a concept my father would not have been able to handle.

[5:15]

If only the rain stopped I could get to sleep. And Denial's a river in Egypt, Bella.

Once we'd arrived back from the airport, a quick inspection of the pantry had shown that Charlie kept only the most basic ingredients for meals, literally translated: bread, eggs, fish and frozen hamburgers. So we'd ordered a pizza for dinner, after agreeing that I would be the one to handle all kitchen duties and meals from that point onwards. He watched the end of a game and I read a little before deciding to turn in at ten.

"It's great to have you here Bells' Charlie had muttered giving me a gruff hug before wishing me a good night.

I was halfway up the stairs before he'd called after me "I'll probably be at the station before you get up, but I'll leave the Cullen's number for you".

The Cullen's. My stomach had twisted at the name and even now refused to unknot.

Esme Cullen and Renee had been practically attached at the hip since High School and as a result I'd grown up alongside her three children.

Emmet, who was two years older than me and loved to tease me over my chronic blushes and penchant for falling flat on my face. His ribbing was all good natured though and I'd thought of him as an older brother.

Alice, who each year had been in most of my classes, I remembered countless sleepovers, tearing around the playground and giggling in class with her. She used to love plaiting my hair and dressing me up in Esme's clothes.

And then there was her twin brother, and my best friend since age five, Edward Cullen.

He had been the one person I could always talk too. When Renee drove me over to the Cullen house for a playdate with Alice, I'd always end up spending half the time with Edward. Alice would pout and huff a little but it wasn't in her nature to be truly jealous. Whenever we had sleepovers Edward would spend the night on the floor of Alice's bedroom, whispering with me long after she had fallen asleep.

Other times when Renee had driven over in tears after a fight with Charlie, I would run straight to Edwards room and we would play our game to distract me from my parents' earlier argument.

By the time we were eight we were playing together at school too. Edward staunchly ignoring the teasing and warnings of cooties he received for hanging out with a girl and his sister at lunch time.

When Renee had told me we were moving I had cried for days at the idea of leaving my room, school, friends and Dad behind. Then I sobbed even harder knowing that I'd leave Edward behind too.

The Cullen's had seen us off at the airport. The first time I had seen Edward cry was when he'd hugged me goodbye and our mothers had needed to pry us apart.

"Kids, Bella has to go now."

Edward stared at me with desperate red eyes and blotched cheeks. "I'll keep sending you letters and I won't forget you I promise."

"You'll always be my bestest friend" I choked through my sobs

"You'll always be mine too" he sniffled quietly.

"Kids, Bella really has to get on the plane now."

"I know it's my fault your leaving, I'm really sorry and I'll never forgive myself" he hissed in my ear as Esme began to tug him off me gently.

"No, I did it" I whispered back.

Renee had insisted on Charlie coming to Phoenix to visit me in the holidays, I knew that arrangement was set up because she was afraid that if I went to Forks I might refuse to come home.

Charlie always brought letters from Esme with him and up until I turned fifteen there had always been a letter from Edward for me too.

After a year without letters Renee suggested I email him, but sitting down at the computer I was too embarrassed to actually send anything. Having no clue what to say to the boy immortalised in my mind as my twelve year old best friend.

I knew that I would be seeing them all again once school started in a few days and I was nervous as hell. We'd only been kids then, how different would they be now? How different was I? Would we even like each other? What if I couldn't stand a grown-up Edward? Or worse, what if grown-up Edward couldn't stand me?

I tossed again and wrapped my blankets tight around me at the chill that idea had brought.

[5:15]

I could hear Charlie starting to move around and the rattling of pipes as the shower was turned on. I'd give it another ten minutes before heading downstairs and making him breakfast. I wasn't going to sleep and morning TV probably held a little more interest than the dilapidated stars on my ceiling.