Owning Castle? I wish
They still expected him to fall apart at any given time. Especially now, because everything would remember him of her. Alexis had insisted that he should not go. Afraid that her father would spiral back into the dark cavern that he had finally managed to crawl out of.
But he wanted his, said he needed to give her a proper goodbye. That he couldn't let these words go unsaid, even if the person they were meant for would never hear them.
And so it was that the writer walked into the hall where the book party was going to be held. Gina had gone all out to promote the conclusion to the Nikki Heat series. Alexis and Martha had hated her for pushing Castle to go to the party, but agreed to come with him, to support him. He smiled, waved and acted his usual self, but his presence seemed to lean on his daughter more than it ever had. As if he had trouble keeping himself upright. The ring around his neck weighed him down, behind the smiling eyes a vacancy that would forever rest there.
They still expected him to fall apart. But he wouldn't. Tonight was not about him, tonight was about her.
"It is the conclusion to the Nikki Heat series we've all read and loved." Gina's upbeat commercial voice sounded through the microphone. "All coming from the magic hands," –she winked, something that made both Alexis and Martha nauseous, "Of Richard Castle." She stepped backwards and Castle stepped onto the stage. He lifted his hands and the camera's flashed like a sea of lights. Exactly like they had when he came to promote the ending to the Derek Storm series.
Only this time he didn't come to promote a book, this time he came to say goodbye.
The crowd was silent, waiting for the writer to say something. Perhaps to read a part, give a summary or just use his usual charm. The cameras were on him, dozens of reporters watching him, and he said nothing. He looked at the book in front of him, the very last Nikki Heat book he'd ever write. He swallowed and realized how hard this was going to be. Then he picked up the book and opened it.
Started to read.
To Kate.
This will be the longest dedication I will ever write. It will also be the last. Because this dedication is everything I wish I could have said to you, but didn't. Everything I know I should have said, but was too scared for. Just as this book is everything I wish we could have become. This is the ending we never got, and I'm so sorry for that.
But I want you to know this.
I love you.
How could I not? You are the most extraordinary person that I have ever met in my life, you inspire me, challenge me and changed me for the better. I meant what I said that first dedication, and even though you do not remember, I meant what I said that time at the graveyard. If only I had leant my lesson that time.
There are so many things I want to tell you, so many times that I just wanted to burst out my love, that I wanted to kiss you, hold you and never let you go. I wish you could now how much I wanted to wake up next to you and bring you coffee in the morning. This is a secret I never told you; but I always assumed we would be all right in the end. That everything was eventually leading up to a happy ending.
I never expected us to end up like this.
I wear your mothers ring around my neck. I've never taken it off since your father gave it to me. I understand now. That's why the last thing I want to tell you is that I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry for digging up your past, for getting you in trouble, for making us end up here. I didn't understand before, but I do now, because I now know how it feels to lose someone you love.
This is the last Nikki Heat book I will ever write, I hope you like the ending.
Kate,
I've missed you since the moment your heart stopped beating.
I will never forget you.
I love you
Always
His last word was no more than a whisper and the whole crowd was silent as the writer exited the stage.
He wasn't seen for the rest of the evening.
Somewhere, miles away from the city lights and the book party, tears were streaming down the face of Katherine Beckett.