Severus Snape slumped into his office with the look of someone who was recovering from a particularly bad hangover. His dark hair, which had always been lank and greasy hung exhaustedly around his face, while his eyes were red and glazed from the tears he had been crying back at Dumbledore's office. With the speed of a zombie, he trudged into the backroom where his quarters were, and sat numbly on top of his bed.
There was once a time when Severus had believed the world had ended, and that was the day that the love of his life, Lily Evans walked out of his. He remember like it was yesterday, the agony of trying to get through each day pretending he never knew her, while inside, every nerve in his body ached to be with her, to apologize, to tell her everything, and yet he just couldn't find it in his right mind to do it. And the wretched bitterness he felt once that Potter got to her first! Severus then thought he had felt all there was to feel about pain, loathing and heartbreak, but he was sorrowfully mistaken. For just an hour ago, Dumbledore told him the news that would send his world crashing down on him forever.
Lily, his beloved Lily was dead.
Snape didn't know what felt worse, the guilt in knowing that he was to blame for her death, or simply knowing that now he would never have that chance to apologize and reveal his true feelings to her. He would never know how it felt to lock his arms around her, run his hand through her sleek hair, breathe in her scent or feel her lips upon his. It was all just a boyish fantasy now.
As he slouched on the edge of the bed for what seemed like hours, gazing unseeingly at the morning shadows appearing on the floor, Snape thought of every memory he had spent with Lily, from the first day he saw her playing at the park with her muggle sister, to the last confrontation they had outside her common room. He thought of her bright green eyes and red hair, and of her kind voice that had always been a comfort to him when he felt most alone. And now, thanks to him, he would hear it no more. There was nothing inside of him now, just an empty void, like Lily had taken his heart with her when she died.
"Lily," he said into the silence of the room. "I love you. I've loved you since the first day I met you. And I'm s-s…," He burst into tears before he could finish. After all, the words he had wanted to say to her since the beginning were now meaningless. How much he wanted to die and free himself from this purgatory he was now in!
Suddenly, a bright light appeared in the gloom of Severus's chamber. He looked up and was entranced by the stunning image of Lily, moving towards him with arms outstretched. He hungrily answered her embrace; with her head against his chest he stroked her long hair and tightened his grip around her, hoping that she would stay in his arms forever. But as dawn approached Lily's form began to fade. As she floated out of Severus's arms and through his window, he thought he heard Dumbledore's voice echo out to him like a vivid dream: "Help me protect Lily's son."
And suddenly, the sense behind this order dawned on Snape. He had let Lily down in so many ways, but he wouldn't fail him here.
"Don't worry Lily." he said as the last of Lily's ghost faded into the sunlight. "I promise."