Tess Tyler stared into the mirror, running her hands through her long blonde hair. Final Jam was over and, as usual, they were staying one extra night at camp. And they were also having their annual big Camp Rock bash with their parents, which was held after Final Jam. Of course, as usual, her mother wasn't staying, but this time she had actually came to watch Tess perform for once, and Tess had messed up.
She trailed her fingers over her blonde hair, her breath hitching in her throat, and tears threatening to spill over.
It isn't supposed to happen like this. She is supposed to be the star. She has been trained to be the best onstage and off and damn it, for once she is supposed to be able to live up to her mom's expectations. Just once. Really, couldn't she even get that?
But no, instead that Mitchie Torres, the beautiful brunette with the amazing voice had to steal her one chance of glory.
Jerking her head back up, Tess stares at her miserable expression in the mirror. She wiped away tears and tried to make it seem as if she had never been crying. Her mother expects her to be strong and confident. With a long sigh, Tess finishes crying.
She knows that when most people look at her, they see a cold-hearted bitch, but when she looks at herself, she sees a broken person, a person who can never be good enough for her mother, a person that needs to be good enough for her mother.
She remembered how she had ran off the stage and cried alone for a while. She had gained her composure and had come out just in time to hear Peggy singing. God, even Peggy was better than her.
After watching Mitchie and Shane sing together, a part of her wanted to run back inside and cry some more, but she had to make things right. She apologized to both Peggy and Mitchie and had hoped that her mother would still be proud of her, even though she had messed up big time. She sits on the wooden floor of her cabin now, remembering what her mother had said to her and how she was far from being proud of her daughter.
--
She bites her lip gently. Her mom is lecturing her alone in the mess hall after Final Jam while everyone else is being congratulated by their parents.
" . . . I came all the way here to see you perform . . ."
Tess tries to drown out her mom's voice.
" . . . when you make a mistake, you do not run from it . . ."
Tess pretends the floorboards are the most interesting things she has ever seen.
" . . . look at me when I am talking to you!"
Tess reluctantly meets her mother's blue eyes, which match her own. She hopes to see forgiveness, maybe even a bit of kindness in her mom's eyes. But instead, cold, cruel disappointment glares at her.
"Please," she whispers, feeling and hearing her voice breaking with pain. "I'm so sorry Mom, please-"
"I am so disappointed in you!" snaps TJ Tyler.
Tess breaks. The tears boiling behind her eyes spill over. She runs and the sad thing is that her mom doesn't even follow her.
--
Now, she stands at the mirror of her cabin, sobbing uncontrollably, her eye makeup streaming down her face along with the tears. She can't even remember a time when she has cried this much, except when she was six and her mother told her that her father had left them. Or when she was thirteen and her mother promised to be there for her school play – they were doing Grease and she had been Sandy - and she had looked out into the audience, only to find her mother's assistant with a video camera.
But nothing tops the waterfall of salty tears streaming down her cheeks as she remembers her mother saying how good Peggy was at guitar, and how good Peggy and Mitchie were at singing, and why Tess couldn't be as good as them.
Tess Tyler is alone. Alone in her cabin, alone crying while everybody else is singing songs and eating and being part of a family Tess will never belong to.
"Damn it!" She screams at her reflection, still sobbing. She threw a gold gilded handheld mirror that her mother gave to her for her fourteenth birthday at the wall. It shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Why doesn't she love me? Why am I never good enough for her?" She punches the wall mirror, breaking it, embedding shards of glass in her fist. Tess falls to the floor, pulling her legs close to her body. She is like both the mirrors. She is in thousands of pieces like the handheld mirror and she is broken like the wall mirror. And nobody wants to help put those pieces back together.
"Tess?" Someone opened the door of the cabin. It was Nate, the guitarist and singer for Connect Three. "Connie said dessert is read--" He stopped short when he saw her bleeding fist and the shards of glass surrounding the once confident, now sobbing blonde girl.
"Tess," he says gently, making his way over to her. He steps carefully through the jagged shards of broken glass. Nate clears some glass away and sits down next to her. "Tess, what's wrong?" Tess opens her mouth to speak. "And I'm not as stupid as Ella or Jason, so I'm not going to take 'nothing' as an answer," he added sternly before she could even say anything.
"I . . ." she tried to speak, but felt her voice breaking. "I . . . uh . . ." Nate glanced at her with a worried expression. " . . . My mom doesn't love me," she managed to choke out before yet another waterfall of tears cascaded down her cheeks. "I'm so stupid to ever think that my performance would ever have been enough for her."
"Tess, you can never think that," said Nate, gently wiping some of her tears away. "That was a good performance," he added. "And I don't lie."
"Thank you," mumbled Tess, reaching a hand – her injured left hand – up to swipe some tears away.
Nate winced slightly as he looked at her bloody hand. "Ugh, your hand looks disgusting. Come on," he helped her up. "We have to get you to the nurse."
"Everyone will see me like this," she weakly tried to protest.
"Everyone is in the mess hall," he said. "Come on," he said, taking a hold of her good hand and guiding her outside. "Okay," he said as they paused at the door of the mess hall, "the nurse is probably eating now as well, so we're going to have to get her."
"I don't want to go in there," Tess protested. "I mean look at me!" Her makeup was smudged, eyeliner and mascara all down her cheeks and she looked miserable, not the mention her bloody hand.
"Okay," Nate sighed slightly, "I'll go in and the nurse and tell Brown what happened." He looked at her curiously. "What did happen?"
"I was crying and there was broken glass everywhere, Nate," she mumbled, looking down at the grass. "And my fist is bloody and the mirror is broken and has blood on it. What do you think happened?" When he didn't answer, she drew in a great, shuddering breath and went on. "I punched a mirror and threw another one at the wall."
"Okay," said Nate, "you wait here." He went inside to find Brown.
Tess waited outside the door, glancing in the window. She spotted Peggy and Ella talking with Mitchie and Caitlyn and their friends. She sighed slightly. They weren't even looking for her, let alone worrying about what had happened to her. She saw Nate talking with Brown. Nate came outside as well as . . . Brown. Oh no! She couldn't let anyone see her like this.
"Tess?" It was Brown. "Tess, we're going to get the nurse to come outside and take a look at you. It might be a while, one of the girls got stage fright and Nurse Adele is busy comforting her, I think."
"Its okay, I can wait," she mumbled. She raised her eyes to look at him, taking in his surprised and slightly worried expression as he took a look at her face and at her broken expression. "Um . . ." she began hopefully, "is my mom . . . is she still here?"
"No Tess, I'm sorry," he said, remorse filling his voice. "She had to leave early because she has her concerts and her tour."
"Figures," Tess mumbled under her breath. She could feel tears brimming in her blue eyes and didn't want Brown to see her crying.
Nate noticed and quickly said, "Brown . . . um . . . we're going to wait in the infirmary," he said to Brown. "Could you tell Nurse Adele to meet us there?" Brown nodded, so he and Tess made their way to the infirmary.
Tess had silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Nate also noticed that her body was shaking slightly – not from the tears – and that her skin was pallid. Her hand – the injured one – was also shaking and the blood was all over her hand, some of it dripping down to her wrist.
"Tess?" he asked putting his arm around her shoulder to try to keep her from shaking.
"Th-th-there's . . . so . . . so much . . . bl-blood . . . I hate blood," she stammered in a weak voice, still shaking.
"Okay, I'm going to go and get you some juice or something to get your blood sugar up," he said, as they entered the infirmary. Tess nodded and took a seat on the couch. Just then Shane walked by the infirmary and Nate rushed out the door.
"Shane! Hey, Shane!" he shouted trying to get his friends attention.
Shane turned around. "Hey dude, where were you?" He asked. "And what," he raised his eyebrows at Nate, "are you doing in the infirmary?"
"Could you maybe get me some juice or something?" Nate asked, ignoring both of Shane's questions.
If Shane noticed, he didn't let on. "Uh . . . sure . . . you like the blue kind, right?"
Nate did, but he knew that Tess liked the pink kind. "Uh, actually, Shane, could you get the pink kind instead?"
"Really, Nate? You always said the pink kind tastes like cough medicine."
"Its not for me, its for Tess," said Nate.
"Oh so has the blonde bitch graduated from bossing around Peggy and Ella?" Shane scoffed slightly, remembering how rude Tess had been to everyone. "So are you her servant now?"
"No," said Nate angrily, "she's hurt and she just needs some juice to get her blood sugar up!"
"What?" Shane asked, caught off guard at Nate defending Tess.
"If he doesn't want to get me juice, he doesn't have to Nate." It was Tess. She had heard enough and had gotten up from the couch and was walking – rather unsteadily; she was dizzy because of the blood – towards Nate and Shane who were standing at the door. She was still shaking and pallid, but also looked sick and in a cold sweat. Her hand was still bleeding a lot and there were still jagged shards of glass embedded in her fist.
"Oh my god," Shane breathed, taking in her injuries and expression. "What happened, Tess?"
"Oh really?" She scoffed slightly. "Are you sure you care about how 'the blonde bitch' is feeling?" She glared at him. "I know that I have been rude in the past, but I am trying to change."
"I . . . I . . . uh, realize that now," mumbled Shane. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she mumbled. "Even I would drive myself crazy."
"The pink kind, right?" Shane asked, ready to head over to the mess hall. Tess nodded, surprised that he was being so nice. "Okay, one pink juice coming up," he said. "I'll get you a blue one too Nate," he added as he left.
"Thanks," Tess called after him. She smiled slightly. "Nate, I know that people think I'm a bitch. I want to show them that I'm not one," she said. "And," she added, her voice getting stronger, "I want to show my mom that she can be proud of me. I just want her to love me." Her voice hit a higher note, expressing her pain.
Nate nodded. "Good. But, honestly Tess, you're talented and competitive - though maybe you should tone it down. Your mother should be proud of you no matter what."
"Thanks Nate," she said. "I just want her to love me . . ." her voice trailed off.
"A daughter should not have to earn love from her mother. It should be unconditional," Shane's voice came from out of nowhere and Tess jumped in surprise. "Sorry," he apologized, handing her the cup of pink juice.
She reached out with her injured, bloody, left hand, giggled and then extended her right hand, wrapping it around the cup. She drank it slowly. "Thanks," she mumbled. Nate drank his juice as well.
"Okay Miss Tyler, lets see what we've got here." Nurse Adele said. Tess showed her the injured hand. Nurse Adele winced and then got the glass out. "I just have to clean the wound with some rubbing alcohol," she said. "This might hurt a little," she added as she gently wiped the wound with the towel soaked in rubbing alcohol.
Tess gasped in pain, biting her lip. "Oww! Motherf--"
"Okay, maybe it'll hurt a lot," interrupted Nurse Adele. She finished cleaning the wound and tightly wound a tensor bandage around Tess's hand. "This should stop the bleeding and you should be alright. Its not too tight is it?"
"Its all right. Thanks Nurse Adele," she said. Nurse Adele nodded and headed back over to the mess hall. "I'm going to go to the bathroom to wash my face and then to my cabin and just listen to my iPod and read," she said to Nate and Shane.
"Are you sure you don't want to come to the mess hall with us?" Shane asked. "Connie's desserts are amazing."
"I don't know," Tess hedged, biting her lip gently. "I mean, I don't think anyone really cares that I'm not there. And its not like anyone actually wants me there either."
"I do," said Nate. Tess raised her surprised blue eyes to look into his soulful brown ones. "And I'm sure that once people see the real you, they'd want you there too."
"Okay," said Tess. They left the infirmary and headed for the bathroom, so that Tess could wash her face. Then they headed to the mess hall.
"Tess!" Ella shrieked. "Come on and try some of the cookies and brownies! Connie may not have cooked for Jessica Simpson, but they are amazing!" She looked down at Tess's hand. "Tess, what happened to your hand?"
"Yeah, what happened?" Peggy had come over as well. "I mean, you didn't have that tensor when I saw you at Final Jam."
"I . . . uh . . ." she glanced at Nate, who nodded slightly. " . . . Uh . . . punched a mirror," she said, finally choosing to say the truth.
"You what?" Peggy asked.
"Punched a mirror," Tess repeated. "And before that, I threw the one my mom gave me at the wall."
"That one was like 14 karat gold!" said Ella. "Why'd you do that?"
"Um, well, you see . . . " Tess led her friends over to a private table in the crowed mess hall to tell the story to them.
"My mom came for the performance," Tess explained to them. "And I saw her in the audience and I was so happy, you know?"
Peggy and Ella nodded. Of course they knew. Their parents came to all the Final Jam performances, even though their daughters were only singing background to her.
"Well, I was dancing and singing my heart out . . . and she went to call someone on her cell phone, so when I looked up, she wasn't in her seat, but in the corner talking on her cell phone. I got disorientated and missed a couple of steps . . . and then one of the mirrors almost hit me and I nearly fell off the stage."
"Oh my gosh," said Ella. "I saw you singing and you looked good, so I went backstage to go see where Peggy was. I must have just missed that."
"Yeah, probably," said Tess. "So then I just ran off the stage and straight into the dressing room and started crying." She took a deep, slightly shuddering breath and went on. "Then after I came out, I watched the rest of the performances and then after the whole show was over, I went to see if my mom was still there. And she was. And she told me that you" – she nodded towards Peggy – "and Mitchie were much better singers than me. And that she wished that I could play guitar like you . . . and then she said that I was disappointed her and she came all the way out here for nothing." A few tears spilled over onto her cheeks.
"Tess," said Peggy, "none of that means anything. You did a good job. I was watching from backstage. Apart from almost falling, it was an amazing performance. You just need to tone down the competitiveness a little, and be nicer. Then more people would like you and want to be your friend."
"Yeah, I agree. Stop treating people like they're below you and start treating them like they're your friends," said Ella.
"Thanks guys," said Tess with a smile, almost the first real, genuine smile she had in ages. "That's what Nate said too."
"Oh, so is there anything we should know about you and Nate?" Peggy asked.
"What would we need to know about them? We know Tess and we know Nate. Gosh, and they call me stupid," said Ella with a giggle to her best friend. Peggy and Tess both rolled their eyes and burst out laughing. "What? What's so funny?" Ella asked.
"Nothing," said Peggy with another laugh at Ella's confused expression.
"Whatever," said Ella with a smile, forgetting about it instantly. "Try the triple fudge brownies Tess. They're the best!"
Tess ate some of the brownies. "Hey these are really good. I'm going to go get some more," she said, heading over to the table that held all the food. She reached for the last brownie at the same time as another person. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, turning around to face the person, only to look into the eyes of Nate. "Oh hey Nate! You wanna share?" She asked, holding up the plate.
"Sure," he said. They walked over to Peggy and Ella. "So did you tell Peggy and Ella about the mirrors and your mom?"
"Yes, I did. And I feel so much better now," she said. "I guess all those years of keeping my feelings all bottled up inside just made me a coldhearted person. I'm glad you talked to me and made me realize that I could change for the better." She smiled at Nate. "Thank you."
"No problem," said Nate as they took a seat at the table with Peggy and Ella who were now sipping hot chocolate and talking.
"Hey Tess," said Ella, pushing a mug towards her friend. "Connie brought it out, so we got you one." For the first time, she noticed Nate. "Oh, sorry Nate. We don't have one for you . . . we didn't know you'd be coming."
"That's all right," said Nate. "I can go get one." He stood up and turned to go to where Connie was standing with a tray filled with mugs of hot chocolate. "And Tess," he said, turning around slightly, "don't finish the whole brownie without me or I might just have to kill you," he added jokingly.
Tess giggled and broke off a tiny piece of the brownie eating it. Peggy was staring at her. "What?" She asked. "Can you still see my messed up makeup? Did I not wash my face properly or something?" She swiped her hand over her face.
"Hello? I need details about you and Nate!" said Peggy excitedly.
"Peggy, we've already been over this. We know Nate and we know Tess. Why do you need details about them?" Ella asked.
"Oh my god Ella! Because I think they like each other!" Peggy finally lost it and exclaimed that with a laugh.
Ella's eyes widened and she gasped. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Tess, we really need details, like now!" Peggy rolled her dark eyes and laughed.
Tess giggled. "Details . . . okay . . . um well . . . he was the one who found me crying amidst a bunch of broken glass. And he talked to me about my mom and my feelings and all that and brought me to the infirmary. He also defended me in front of Shane . . . and that's it, I suppose."
"Aww, that is so cute!" Peggy squealed. "So, then he's the one who made you realize that you should change?" she asked.
Tess nodded. "Yeah, I suppose so," she mumbled, blushing slightly.
Ella noticed immediately, which was a surprise, considering that she was usually so oblivious. "Oh my gosh Tess, you're blushing! You totally like him!" Ella squealed. "Nate and Tess sitting in a tree!" She sang.
"Shut up, he's coming!" Tess exclaimed. Sure enough, Nate was coming back armed with hot chocolate and his own brownie, fresh out of the oven from Connie.
"Hey guys, what are we talking about?" he asked, taking a seat next to Tess.
"Nothing," all three of them said at the same time. They caught each other's eyes and all burst into a fit of laughter.
Nate took a bite of his brownie. "Ookay then." Tess felt happier than she had in years, just laughing with her friends.
--
Ella and Peggy had gone to go talk with their parents and fellow campers and their parents for winning the Final Jams contest were also congratulating Peggy.
Tess smiled as Peggy shook hands with people and thanked them, proud for her friend, a feeling she hadn't really felt much except with her own pride. She smiled wider, liking the feeling.
"Hey, do you wanna go and sit on the dock and talk?" Nate asked when he saw that Tess was done with her hot chocolate. Tess nodded, so they got up and headed out the mess hall to the dock. They both sat down on the dock and Tess kicked off her pink Juicy Couture platform flip-flops and let her feet dangle in the cold water. She had gotten changed after her performance and was wearing white Hollister sweat pant Capri's and a pink tee with 'Drama Queen' written on it with silver rhinestones.
"So, you're feeling all right then?" Nate asked with a smile at seeing Tess relaxed and happy for once.
"Better than ever," she said smiling at Nate. She took her feet out of the water and crossed her legs, turning to look at Nate. "Thank you very much Nate," Tess started and stopped as Nate leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.
"I am so sorry," Nate stammered, abruptly pulling away.
"Don't be," mumbled Tess, still slightly in shock from the kiss. "It's the first real thing I've felt in like . . . ever," she added as she leaned in to kiss him again.
--
Tess walked over to her cabin and opened the door. Peggy and Ella were on their beds. Peggy was lying down on her back on her bed, propped up by pillows, strumming away on her guitar and Ella was sitting cross-legged on her bed reading a magazine.
There was still a lot of jagged shards of shattered glass on the floor but other than that, the cabin looked more like a home and less like the place where she felt so alone when she was crying.
"Hey," said Ella, looking up from her magazine. Her eyes narrowed as she took in Tess's happy expression and slightly flushed cheeks. Then she gasped and her eyes widened. "OMG! You and Nate kissed, didn't you?"
Peggy nearly dropped her guitar as she sat up abruptly. "Oh my god!" She gasped as she saw Tess's cheeks flush almost bright pink. "You did! You totally did!"
"Fine, yes I did!" Tess said with a laugh. "Gosh you two don't let a girl have her secrets do you?" she said jokingly.
Ella and Peggy both laughed and said in unison, "Girl please!" All three of them burst into laughter.
There was a knock on the door. "Tess? It's Mitchie, can I come in?"
Tess opened the door to reveal Mitchie and Caitlyn. "Um . . . hi guys," said Mitchie, "Caitlyn and I just came to get the rest of my stuff." She headed over to her bed to collect her bag.
Caitlyn hazel eyes took in the broken glass and the slightly blood-stained crack on the wall mirror. "What happened in here?"
"Tess punched the wall mirror and threw her gold one at the wall because she was sad about her mom," said Ella, who was now absent-mindedly flipping through her magazine. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with a gasp. She looked at Tess apologetically. "Tess, I'm sorry!"
"Its okay," she said to Ella. She turned to Caitlyn who had a shocked expression on her face. "So, what are you going to do Caitlyn? Add this to your list of blackmail? Tess Tyler punching a mirror? Tess Tyler crying all alone about her mother?"
"No," said Caitlyn. "I wasn't . . . I'm just surprised that . . ." Her voice trailed off.
"What?" Tess asked. "Surprised that I have emotions? Or that I have problems just like every other regular person? Or that I'm vulnerable? Oh, I bet you're the most surprised to find out that I'm human, right Caitlyn?"
"Really, Tess, I'm sorry," said Caitlyn in a sincerely remorseful voice. "I just never liked how you treated everyone and how you were so rude."
"I'm trying to change," said Tess in a voice that was wavering with emotion. "Nate helped me realize that I could change."
"Nate?" Mitchie asked, surprised. "As in Nate from Connect Three?" Tess nodded.
"Yeah and they kissed!" Ella said excitedly. She covered her mouth again. "Oops, sorry about that as well Tess!" They all laughed.
After a bunch of apologies and some hugs, Mitchie and Caitlyn got Mitchie's stuff and went over to Caitlyn's cabin to sleep.
--
Today was officially the last day at Camp Rock so Connie (with help from Mitchie and Caitlyn) had gone all out making a delicious breakfast for all the campers. Tess sat with Peggy, Ella and her new friends (the Hasta La Vista crew) along with Mitchie, Caitlyn, and Lola. It felt different to be with friends but she couldn't tell if it was good different or a bad different.
She caught Nate's eyes across the mess hall and smiled at him.
Yes, it was definitely a good different.