Author's Notes: Don't worry, I am working on 'Jazz and Em…' this is just a side project. I got this idea yesterday and I had to write it. Please got to my profile I have a poll there!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Emmett and Twilight. Most ideas for the list are mine. A few are 's.

Dear partners in crime,

As you all know, I am a fantastically annoying person and am very proud of this fact, thank you very much. I have decided to compile a list of ways to irritate siblings, teachers, parents, total strangers, etc. (NOTE FROM EM: All ways have been clinically tested and are proven to work!)

1. Stand behind someone and whisper 'poke, poke, poke, poke' without poking them. Smile innocently when they ask what the hell is the matter with you.

2. Refuse to shake anyone's hand, for fear of catching cooties. (Works especially well if you are well over 30 years of age)

3. When on a date, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take only one tiny bite. (Alas, as a vampire, I do not have this advantage)

4. When in class and are asked to answer a question, say that your invisible friend Bob wishes to answer, too. Encourage Bob to speak up. (That embarrassed Rosalie so much… she took certain privileges away from me. Such as the PlayStation joystick)

5. Find random dogs around Forks and shave their long shaggy hair. Speak to the dogs and insist that they look better. (*no comment… too busy laughing at the way Jake looks like*)

6. Replace all of your brothers' CD collection with Barney songs. Force him to sing along. (Edward singing 'I Love You; You Love Me' off-key… classic!)

7. Buy a lamp and keep rubbing it, insisting that a genie will emerge suddenly from it. On a test day or even better, finals, calmly proclaim that you did not study at all and that the genie will help you make it through. Spend the rest of the two hours rubbing the lamp as hard as you can. Throw the lamp at the teacher when he tells you that time is up. (Did that during a Physics final. Ah, the memories!)

8. Buy a snake. Place it one of your siblings' pants. Wait for the fun to begin. (Jasper didn't think it was funny… neither did Rosalie, Alice, Edward and Carlisle)

9. Locate some cockroaches. Draw numbers down their backs and race them down the hall at school. Ask students to place bets. Use force if necessary. (With me, force is never necessary!)

10. Grab hold of your least favorite teacher and raise a shampoo threateningly. Say menacingly, "You are gonna get a shower now, Snape!" (Hysterical results. I would recommend everyone to do this)

Sincerely, fellow minions,

Emmett Cullen