A/N This is a tale I created as a stand alone, but it is also a part within a larger story that is still a work in progress. Alas my mind does not work in consecutive order and jumps backwards and forwards in time when spewing out ideas, so I decided to make the story appear as if it's Captain Janeway reminiscing about her time in the Delta Quadrant, as the beginning of my story starts off when she is already home.

I'm no writer, so I apologise if my ideas and style offend, I tried to keep the characters just as they are in the show, vibrant, loveable and true to form.

Catharsis.

Chapter 1 The Mess Hall.

Marla Gilmore walked into the mess hall at midday apprehensive as always, more so today because she was earlier than her usual time. Normally she liked to arrive when the rush was over and the place almost empty. Even though the choices more limited, at least there were fewer people to stare and whisper about her.

Neelix greeted her warmly as always.
"What brings you here this early Marla?" He asked. His curiosity got in the way of tact at times.
"I'm on the away team to the planet, we leave in thirty minutes, I've had no breakfast so thought it best to eat something before i go."
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you should never miss that one out. Who are you going with?
"Lt Torres, Harry Kim, Samantha Wildman and Noah."
"And the D.A.C. team, which did you get, T'Brin, Caelum or Tieren's group?"
"I don't know them by name. Looking at her PADD for anything helpful. It says Blue squad."
"Ah that's T'Brin's group." Neelix smiled knowingly.
"You will be in good hands, not that they aren't all good mind you, but I'd say T'Brin's team is the friendliest out of the whole lot." He added helpfully.

"Neeeeelix." A voice called out loudly.
"Speak of the devil. Thats Alyx, she's one of T'Brins bunch." Neelix informed Marla.
"What can i get you Alyx?" He asked jovially
"Anything without leola root or other dubious vegetables in it should do fine thanks Neelix." She flashed a big smile, hoping to distract him from making any nagging comments about her dietary inadequacies.
"But that only leaves desserts for you to eat!" He exclaimed exasperated.
"What's the Captain going to say."
"Nothing, she's worse than I am in her eating habits, she don't have a leg to stand on in any argument about food."
Neelix laughed, he could not argue with that.
"You two are a chiefs dietary nightmare to please and cajole to eat anything. Hey Alyx have you met Marla, she is going on the away mission with you."

Alyx looked up at the pretty young woman, unable to place the name, she was not from the usual crowd of mess hall people that came and went around this time for their meals. The young woman gave a small smile, but her eyes told a different story, they were filled with sadness and quickly looked away from Alyx's gaze.
"Marla Gilmore from the Equinox, now I remember your name."
Any mention of the ship made Marla cringe, and brought back strong feelings of shame and guilt that she tried burying to get some peace, at least during the day. Her nights were a different story, filled with screams of nucleogenic life forms and death.

Marla felt uncomfortable, the place had become claustrophobic, she wanted to get out.
"Nice to meet you Alyx, I will see you on the shuttle. I have to go get ready now." She said and walked off quickly.
"But you have not eaten anything yet." Neelix called out after her.
"It's ok Neelix, I'm not really hungry."

Turning his attention to Alyx.
"Ok so how about I make you an omlette, you can't go on an away mission with just a pudding inside you young lady. It will be ready in a jiffy, just as you like it with some crispy grated cheese on top." He did not wait for an answer.
"Sit down and I'll bring it to you when it's done."
"Ok, Thanks Neelix, can I ask for an extra round of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to go as well please."
You most certainly can my little munchkin, you planning on having a picnic with friends down on that planet ?"
"You could say that, it's always good to go prepared."
"Neelix, you spoil her rotten." Kathryn admonished with a smile.
"She has you wrapped around her little finger. You'd make a banquet for the whole local population if she asked."
"Sorry Captain, guilty as charged, those green eyes have me under some sort of spell, resistance is futile." He laughed.

Kathryn looked down at Alyx and put her hand on the girl's shoulder.
"I wish I could go along with you, but I have too many reports to get through. You behave down there and don't rile B'Elanna with your teasing." She waggled her finger for more emphasis. Alyx gave a mischievous grin.
"She gives as good as she gets KT, you don't need to worry about her.
"Just don't ok, I don't want her any more flustered than she already is."
"What's she flustered about?" Alyx asked curiously.
"Never you mind, it does not concern you, she can deal with it.
"If it can affect the away team in any way I need to know."
"It wont."

Alyx looked at the Captains face searchingly, debating to question her further, but saw that it would be pointless. That furrowed brow and narrowing of the eyes said that this discussion was closed. She made a mental note to keep an extra eye on things, she did not need a volatile Klingon on the rampage.

Chakotay had reminded Kathryn earlier, that it was time to give the Equinox crew some trust and responsibility, a chance to prove themselves. She had been reluctant at first, considering what they had done to the alien life forms, but it was obvious they were not integrating, and she did not like the idea of lost sheep in her flock. So she assigned Marla and Noah to go with the away team. They were all on one side now, and she had to start treating them that way.

Kathryn sensed that Alyx was weighing her up, but knew that the girl was perceptive beyond her years and would know, not to press for further clarification, she really did not want to try explaining the mixed emotions that she and others felt towards the crew of the Equinox right now, especially after having dealt with her Chief Engineers outburst.

B'Elanna was not at all pleased to have them on her away team, and she had made that quite clear to the Captain.
"I'm not interested in your objections Lt. Torres, and kindly lower your tone of voice with me. They are part of this crew now, and will pull their weight just like everyone else on board, whether you like it or not. I'm not sending you on a social gathering reception down there. Crewman Lessing and Gilmore are both qualified for the job at hand, your personal objections are irrelevant. Is that understood Lt.
"Yes Captain, perfectly." B'Elanna replied, deflated from carrying on the argument by the Captains tone and withering glare.
"Dismissed" Kathryn said relieved that B'Elanna did not take this discussion any further.