A/N Happy [belated...] birthday to my amazing sister, MusicChannySkyscraper! I love you Amy :)
I hope everyone enjoys this little sneak into Chad Dylan Cooper's mind. It's set in DIKY, or what I like to call the DIKY-verse :)
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Chad Dylan Cooper couldn't concentrate.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He's worried, naturally. He is under... a lot... of pressure. He can feel the bruises throbbing against his skin, a persistent thump that was in perfect time with his heartbeat. The stinging pain of blood being sent past the sensitive spots. He can't help but feel there were rather a lot of them.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The clock is ticking. He taps his pencil against his page, and wonders how he got to this point. The seconds passing is marked by the patient ticking of the clock on the wall, and it, too, seems to be in harmony with his heartbeat. His hurt.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
It's driving him insane, to be honest. But the small part of his mind that's losing it is pushed far to the back of his head. He does, after all, have more important things to worry about.
Like his mother.
Like his step-dad. (the deadbeat asshole that was punching him around. yeah him)
Like his sisters.
Chad Dylan Cooper ponders his family situation. His sisters, his girls, they don't know why their brother doesn't like to play wrestle with them anymore, but seems to need to know where they are, what they're doing... how their feeling...
He wants to protect them.
He needs to protect them.
His mind refuses, refuses, to accept the concept that maybethiswasamistake. He had taken his family and ran, and it couldn't couldn't be what had landed them right in more danger. Running was the good choice, the right choice, and he'd be damned before he gave his girls any reason to believe otherwise. He needed to protect them. He hadn't ruined them, destroyed everything they had, he hadn't.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
In his mind, his fragile, broken mind, he tries to comprehend it. Comprehend the fact that he'd run straight from one monster (daddy? he whispers. you're no son of mine...) and into the arms of another. (aha, I have you now, you ungrateful little boy...)
The hits, they come from everywhere. Someone can fall and he is not allowed to help them, because he is CHAD DYLAN COOPER, for flip sake, he doesn't help people.
Chad Dylan Cooper misses Chad Goldfarb. It was easy, being Chad Goldfarb. There was so much love there.
He wonders if his girls are safe, and he's pretty sure they are, because last night he was b-b-beaten, and at some vague point he couldn't quite identify, b-b-beatings had come to mean {safety} for his girls. His big sister had disdainfully told him Hollywood was making him go soft as she tried to figure out how to mend his split lip the night before but he knew that was her way of asking are you all right sweetie? because their mother hadn't.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
There is another name, a name that sends him into agony, so much so that it feels like its being carried around his body along with his blood, fuelled by every beat of his heart.
Sonny. Sonny. Sonny.
He loves her. Gosh, he loves her. He misses her, and man, maybe it hurts even more than the b-b-beatings, but he can stand it, just. He sees her when he dreams after all, and whether this is a good thing or a sign of some sort of mental freakin' disorder, he doesn't know.
[Nor does he care. It's nice to see her, and it feels like maybe maybe she's safe and maybe maybe she's dreaming about him too.]
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Worry. Heavy worry. Who gave a damn about class? He had to keep worrying, because if he stopped worrying (read: hurting) then surely the b-b-beatings would lose their magic and their safety (read: fake heaven, real hell) would disappear, and all hell would break loose, because they wouldn't be safe anymore and that was all Chad .
Hayley. Esme. Vanessa.
He doesn't wonder about his father, his biological father. (ha! father? he thinks that word with such. disdain.)because as far as he is concerned that man is dead. He is fatherless.
He can fill those shoes, he always thinks, time after time of rocking his sister (whichever one, take your pick) to sleep after a nightmare. After a nightmare caused by his father, now fondly otherwise known as the sperm donor between he and his older sister.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
.
Chad Dylan Cooper is lost. Chad Dylan Cooper hates his life.
But Chad Dylan Cooper carries on.
Time is slipping on, but it doesn't really matter, nothing really matters but one thing.
Because its his girls that matter right?
As long as they're safe he keepkeeps breathing on and on and on
Pain doesn't matter.
They do.
He wonders if anyone remembers its his fifteenth birthday...
A/N Reviews will make sure Chad's birthday is remembered, and possibly pay for the therapy the poor boy probably now needs ;)
Hannah xo