A/N: Don't you dare judge me on this and please leave a review ;)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my sick mind.

I lay awake in bed, tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep, not with so much on my mind. I'd been thinking like this for almost a year, but this is the first time I'd lost sleep over it.

So much had been going on lately. Xion left us and Axel started acting more and more distant. We managed to bring her back home, but now we've got this man in black to worry about…

So why wasn't I worried about all of that? Xion and Axel are my best friends, but their problems aren't at the front of my mind right now, and the whole 'Organization Imposter' ordeal has been pushed back even farther.

Sea Salt Ice Cream.

That's all I could think about nowadays. Ever since Axel got me one as 'The Icing on the Cake' after our first mission, I could never get it out of my mind. It's soft, smooth texture, it's electric blue coloring, that shockingly cold sensation you get when you swallow... I needed it, now more than ever.

I turned my head to stare out the window. Kingdom Hearts… It's much bigger than before thanks to me. You think I'd be proud, but I really don't care anymore. Screw hearts, all I need is my ice cream. I wanted to jump out that window. Jump out and teleport to Twilight Town if only for one ice cream. That would hold me over until morning. But no, it's far past curfew and if I leave without permission, after I had already RTC'd, I'd have to deal with a long lecture from Saix.

Nothing is worth being subjected to Saix's rantings. Not even my sweet, sweet, ice cream.

"Just go to sleep…" I murmured to myself. "You can wait just a little longer, I know it…"

My eyes shot open eagerly as the first light of the day shone through my window. I race down to Saix to receive my mission. Heart collection… Psh, child's play.

I let out a sigh as I step into my portal. He's making me go all the way to Agrabah… I couldn't wrap my mind around why heartless would keep showing up in a place so hot and out of the way.

I completed my mission, early and with ease. Thank you, Keyblade. Immediately I summon a portal to Twilight Town, and I almost forget to pay the man for the ice cream. Within moments, I'm on top of the clock tower, staring hungrily at my Sea Sal, and I almost forget to pay the man for the ice cream. Within moments, I'm on top of the clock tower, staring hungrily at my Sea Salt.

"I finished my mission a lot earlier than I thought, so it looks like Xion and Axel won't be joining us today," I informed my ice cream. I let out a small sigh. "it's not as much fun up here all alone…"

But Roxas, I'm still here. We can have fun, just the two of us. Startled, I looked down at my Sea Salt.

"Did you just…?"

Yes, Roxas. That mystical voice… It was coming from the ice cream! And I've been able to all along, if you would only listen.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry I couldn't here you before… Can all ice creams talk?"

No, just me I'm afraid. I embody all Sea Salts, and out of everyone who has ever eaten me, you are the one who does it the most.

"I-I-I'm sorry, it w-won't happen again!"

Nonsense, Roxas! It is an ice cream's destiny to be eaten. I accept and embrace that. As long as there are more Sea Salts out there, I will never die. History lesson aside, I have a question for you, Roxas.

"Y-Yeah?"

You've told both Axel and Xion that you love Sea Salt Ice Cream. Is that true? Do you love me?

"W-Well yeah. You're the most delicious thing I've ever tasted," I could feel my face heating up a little. "Do you love me too, Sea Salt?"

Of course I do, Roxas! You're the nicest person ever to have eaten me.

"Wow, thank you," I smiled genuinely. "So, uh, am I still supposed to eat you now?"

You can do whatever you want with me, Roxas…

I blacked out for a minute there, but when I came back to my senses, the sky was orange and I could feel something cold and sticky on my crotch. I was too tired to lift my head to check, but I was pretty sure what had happened.

And it was awesome.

That moment, I heard footsteps coming this way. As soon as they stopped I heard two gasps.

"Oh my god…" a feminine voice gasped. Must be Xion.

"I can't believe it…" the more masculine voice that must've been Axel's murmured. "We were beaten by an ice cream!"

A small sobbing started. "I don't know whether to feel heartbroken because he chose an ice cream over me, or because he's one completely insane…"

"Probably a bit of both," Axel answered. "Come on, let's go home. I don't think I can stomach an ice cream now…"

I smirked as the sound of their retreating footsteps reached my ears. I guess you don't really need a heart to love… or even another person.

Screw people, all I need is my ice cream.