Reader peoples!

This is my first and probably only one-shot! I don't do very well with one-shots and they always end to where I think there should be more after them, but this is for one person here on fan fic, xElementfiveX, whom is made of pure awesome sauce. So, this is for you!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot bunny for this story

I apologize for any spelling mistakes now!

Basically, this is a type of crack and a bit of OOC Mello which is explained later…

This is what came to mind when I started writing this.

*pre-Matt*

So, you yourself are a diehard gamer, right? Well, then your lover must be a total power obsessed Mafia leader too, right? No? Oh, must just be me then….

So, as I've stated above, my lover, Miheal Keehl (who would kill me if I ever used his real name in any situation that didn't have me begging in need), is a Mafia leader. The one thing he doesn't want anyone to know, he's just a total teddy bear.

That's right, I thought it! Mello is just a giant teddy bear! Let the lightning strike me now! He actually loves to cuddle and he's really sweet when you get past that whole mafia bad-boy exterior. As most people know, he loves chocolate. Along with that, he loves kittens and ponies and rainbows. Basically, my point is, Mello's just a big GIRL. His one true weakness…Me.

This is my reasoning behind what my super-special mission is for today! Are you ready to hear the pure awesome-ness of this? I'm going to see how long it takes Mels to get past my puppy dog eyes and become that big bad mafia leader. I'm the one person he'd never be mean too, never hit, never EVER deny of what I need. Especially when chocolate is on the line. Sure, I may just be setting myself up for suicide here.

Pissing Mello off is like taking a freshly caught fish away from a grizzly bear. Just an all around bad idea. Ask Near, he'd know, yet he does it on a daily basis. Seriously, that boy is lucky to have me around to hold Mello back from him.

Most of you are probably like "No, Matt! Don't do it! We love you the most of any death note character in the world!" What? I do have the biggest fan base after all. Well, do not worry my dear fans. I promise you I shall live for a very long time….Until tomorrow anyways. Yeah, tomorrow I have to relive getting shot up like Swiss cheese for the thousandth time. In memory I shall still live though!

*Mello*

"Matt, would you please get the hell off of me?" I shook my leathered leg for the thousandth time since I'd woken up that morning.

Just after I'd fully gotten dressed, a Mail attached it's self to my leg. Matt had refused to let go all through breakfast and even now as I was walking out the door, preparing to go shoot some people, he didn't want to let go. I looked down to that red hair and into those shiny green eyes.

"Mello, you can't leave!" Matt begged. I smirked. The guy really loved me, who couldn't.

"Matt, I have to go!" A pout appeared on his face, it almost melted my heart. He knew I barely had the strength to say no to that face. "Mail Jeevas!" I shouted in warning. He immediately freed my lag and looked down in defeat. I swooped down to place a small kiss on his cheek, promising I'd return home early today.

*Matt*

Now that Mels was out of the house, I could get started. Of course I'd get straight to the point. The chocolate. I went to the kitchen, quickly scooping anything remotely related to chocolate up into my arms. I tossed part of it and burned the other half of it, melting it into hot chocolate. Yum.

I sat at my game station center and started playing. Soon I'd lost track of time and the front door opened. I flinched, remembering what I'd done. Mello appeared and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, looking at the screen for two seconds before diving right in.

"Matt, baby, do I really want to know what that burning smell in here is?" My eyes widened.

"Does it smell bad? I hadn't noticed." I said slyly.

"Yes it smells like someone lit a puppy on fire." Thanks for the image. It wasn't that the apartment smelled bad. Mello just had a very special bond with chocolate so any form of ruined chocolate was obviously picked up by his super-Mello-chocolate powers. Really the apartment smelled sweet and sugary.

"Well, Mello," I started, figuring I'd just get it out of the way, "I burned your chocolate."

"What?!" Here it comes…I hope it's here quickly. Dying slowly just seems like a total sadistic thing to do, something you wouldn't waste on your boyfriend. "Well, why?!"

"Huh?" The blonde was seriously mad. He was even shaking and turning red in the face, but he was obviously calm enough to ask why. "Um, I don't know."

"Matt!" I closed my eyes. Okay, now it was death time. Instead came a soft sniffle that tore my heart in two pieces. I looked over to see his blue eyes watery and half way closed.

"You're so mean!" Ah, crap!

"Mels, don't worry, I can get more." His blue eyes shot up to meet mine, his entire being perked up.

"Okay."

That's why I'm now in this grocery store. Damn. He was good. Why the hell wouldn't he get mad at me? He'd make me feel guilty, but he wouldn't get mad at me. How could he get so mad at near for even breathing, but to me he just starts pouting like a little girl if I burn his freaking chocolate!

Maybe Near was just special. That's when it hit me. He and Mello had always fought. Everyone says that people who really love each other fight constantly and pick on each other to show that they like each other. Was Mello really in love with Near, instead of me? Maybe he'd already figured this out and they were secretly dating?! Was Mello cheating on me?!

My face suddenly dropped. My hand followed its direction, the chocolate bar in my hand falling out of my grip and to the ground. I had heard of people who fell into these situations, and I'd always laughed, thinking about how stupid they must be not to have noticed their lover sneaking around with another person, now I felt bad for them. I defiantly wasn't an idiot, just ask Mr. Wammy.

I walked slowly and solemnly to the register. The check out girl looked at my basket full of chocolate then up at my sad face as she started ringing each one up. She looked torn between asking if I was okay and keeping her mouth shut. She chose the nicer way.

"Are you okay, sir?" I barely looked up at her. She was tinted orange from my goggles but I could still tell she was a beautiful woman.

"I think my lover is cheating on me." As soon as the words left my mouth I felt dizzy, leaning on the counter for support, ducking my head to rest against the top of it.

"Wow, I'm so sorry! She's obviously an idiot if she was passing up a cutie like you." She stated, handing me back my basket. "Um, I know it's hard, but don't eat all these at once. It'll make you fat and then you'll feel self conscious to get back out there." She let go of the basket with a small smile.

"Get back out where. Are you implying that I should date someone else? I couldn't ever do that, Mello's my everything!" Her eyes widened. I had forgotten that she'd thought Mello was a chick. Mello was more of a guy name after all, even if it wasn't heard from very many people. I hoped she wasn't a homophobic person, because I really didn't feel like I could trust myself to move without the balance of the counter.

"Gee, I'm so sorry." She placed a hand on my shoulder, reassuring me that she wasn't afraid of my 'gay germs.'

"What's worse is that I always thought they hated each other!" Tears were now beginning to sprout and catch in my goggles. Great, now I'd have water spots.

"Aw!" I was caught off guard by another girl behind me. Soon I was entrapped in a powerful hug from the two girls, feeling more comfort than I thought I would for a very long time.

*Mello*

I sighed as I walked up to the doors of the store. What on earth could be taking Matt so long? Usually he'd be in and out of the store, eager to get back to playing his games. Something must've happened. I sighed again as I thought of him finding out that the store had a game isle and him being stuck to that isle for the rest of eternity.

I walked down each isle, check carefully when I reached the game isle, and he still wasn't here! I was beginning to worry when I heard a small sob coming from the net isle over and a few 'aw's'. When I got there, I wasn't able to comprehend what I saw right away. I stood there, frozen as I watched the scene of something I thought I'd never ever see unfold in front of me.

Matt was sitting on the ground of the freezer isle, eating ice cream out of a gallon carton, surrounded by girls who all seemed to be comforting him about something. He waved the spoon around in the air as he continued his story. I briefly caught my name, but I didn't care. I walked over to him and took the spoon away from him.

"What the hell?" I asked, placing my hand on my hip.

"Mello! You came for me!" The red head suddenly launched him at my leg once more for that day, snuggling his face into the leather.

"Matt!" All the girls scolded him, pulling him back. They all gave him a look, he looking back up at me. He stood suddenly and looked me directly in the eye.

"Mello, I deserve better than you! I should be with someone who actually loves me!" The girls all stood up to back him up with sassy pouts and crossed arms.

"Matt, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Let me see your phone." My hand immediately shot to my front pocket.

"What? No! Why?"

"I want to see if you've been sexting Near." He said, holding out his hand. I lifted one of my eyebrows very confused. I shook my head and was very sad I had to resort to this. I pulled out the gun, causing gasps of terror to erupt.

"All of you sit." The girls did as I said, but Matt stayed where he was, unafraid. The girls were all telling him to do what I say, but now he was ignoring them. "Matt, what are you trying to imply?"

"Mello, are you cheating on me with Near?" It was my turn to gasp. I hit him lightly on the side of the head.

"Matt, you're a total idiot! What on earth would make you believe that?!" I asked, completely shocked. Matt had obviously lost his mind.

"Well, you only get mad at him, but you never get mad at me and everyone says that if you like someone you pick on them." I blinked. Really, that's what this was all about?!

"Matt, for fuck sake! I'm not cheating on you, and if I was, which I'm not, it wouldn't be with Near! If this is about your super-special mission thing, then I never expected you to go this far."

"You knew about my mission?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah, you really need to learn not to talk to yourself when you wake up in the morning and think I'm asleep." Matt's cheeks turned as red as his hair.

"Mello, I'm so sorry! I'll never ever think that you'd cheat again." I pushed him away when he went in for a hug.

"Um, Matt, I do believe you burned all my chocolate this morning and you were lucky I knew what you were up too, otherwise I would have killed you! Now, where is my chocolate that you said you'd get?"

"You would have killed me if you hadn't known? Aw! Mello you old softie." With that he reached down to grab basket filled with chocolate bars and a video game and pulled me away, leaving behind the terrified girls who are probably scarred for life.

Readers:

I did warn it was a kind of crack, ne? Well, one shots aren't my specialty. Mostly because my thought processes isn't able to think about short stories…oh well.

I hope it made you laugh? XD

Um, yeah…..

Once again, this was for xElementFivex I hope you liked it…probably not….yeah….