How the airbag was invented.
The following has been copied from an undisclosed site on the LEP intranet.
The airbag, as we all know, is a primitive yet effective safety tool of mud-men. But who was its real inventor? Was it some stupid, lollypop-licking, diaper-clad mud-moron? Or was it a brilliant, courageous, loyal, resourceful, constantly-overlooked-and-underestimated centaur? From a highly placed source in the LEP who wishes to remain unnamed, I have discovered the true story.
The handsome centaur Foaly invented the airbag in 1685. It was originally (due to his small budget) intended as an explosive: a cheap form of grenade. It was a simple, rubber ball filled with hydrogen: just toss it and ignite with a blaster. Idiot-proof. When Lt. Briar Cudgeon told him it didn't work, Foaly couldn't believe how thick the elf must be not to grasp the subtle simplicity of his concept. Foaly suggested total brain-cell annihilation therapy--at least it would boost his IQ by a few points. But after several expensive tests on the equipment, Foaly realized that the lieutenant had been right... Imagine his shock! A few weeks later, after a therapeutic and recuperative stay at the Psyche Brotherhood mental hospital, Foaly realized what had gone wrong. The often-malfunctioning printer had turned the chemical element H into He. As a result of this technical blip, the manufacturing squad made a mistake in their production.
Foaly complained to LEP Commander Julius Root, requesting better printing paper and a bigger budget. Root refused, and in an attempt to placate the centaur, took him on a fast tour of the city. With a cigar clenched between his teeth, he muttered, "you don't see the outside world enough, Foaly, that's why you can't do anything except lament your perfectly adequate budget."
Zooming along in Root's brand-new magnetic sports car, Foaly ignored the cityscape flashing past and instead tried to demonstrate the failed experiment as proof of his need for more funding. Julius waved Foaly's argument away, saying he needed the money himself for a better car. Big mistake: at 100-plus miles per hour, taking even one hand off the steering wheel to wave a centaur away was a bad idea. They crashed. Horribly. The building they hit, a pizza parlor, was decimated. Its owner appeared on the evening news, outrageously demanding compensation of a million dollars for his lost merchandise, as well as a sports car of his own.
Julius survived only because of his magic. As for the modest centaur, his helium-filled rubber balloon saved him. Foaly managed to walk away with nothing more severe than a sprained ankle from tripping over a stack of pizza boxes. The incident, and the LEP's involvement, was hushed up--the wrecked pizza parlor explained by a freak gas pipeline explosion--but Julius stayed on the straight and narrow after that. Despite the proof that Foaly's experiments had yielded an invaluable vehicle safety device, Commander Root continued to deny the noble centaur's requests for a larger budget.
In 1950, the idea was sold by an unnamed, undercover LEP agent to human John W. Hentrick, in exchange for a box of top-quality Cuban cigars.