'Pick a flower on Earth and you move the farthest star.' - Paul Dirac
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As a child, who knows little of the world around her and has no more than ten winters to her, Sujini is an inquisitive little tidbit bent on satisfying her curiosity.
Her mentor, although wise and knowledgeable, hardly finds the terms to explain the world to her. The others are much the same; they ruffle her hair and send her along. So Sujini decides to find out on her own, and inevitably gets in all sorts of trouble. Her master forever despairs at her behaviour.
A toothy grin disarms him quickly enough though. Glee shines in her eyes and she's off to gather more knowledge. While they do not help, nobody hinder the girl with wide grins and hopeful eyes. They never do.
The first time her master takes her with him to a village, she's ecstatic. It is also the first time she takes the time to study people. Oh, she's seen people' but not like this. This is new. Her eyes avidly drink in the pretty lady in a brightly coloured dress that is crossing the road. Then she moves on to the tavern where a gamble is taking place only to have her attention caught by a bulky, tall man with a sword strapped to his shoulder.
Dark eyes widen in wonder. Everything is different here. Last, but not east and probably the most important, Sujini notices a pair strolling down towards her. They are both young with red cheeks and shiny eyes and holding hands. It is the first time Sujini has seen anything like this; her first contact with love of a different kind than what she has ever witnessed. A short moment after she decides that this is what she wants for herself; she desires that kind of happiness. Wisps of brunette hair fly about as she squirms and turns to watch the two disappear.
Her guardian comes out of the place he has gone to, unknowing of the important decision his ward has made. Sujini elects not to enlighten him. Master has a way with words that is sure to leave her fuming with annoyance if he finds out. But she would like to have someone to talk to; if only to pour out what she's gathered. They return to the mountain village in relative silence; her mentor unaware and Sujini pretending to sleep.
Tiredness is as good an excuse as any, she surmises when Master Hyeon Go picks her up in his arms and carries her inside. Sujini keeps her eyes closed, feigning sleep. It feels so much safer behind her mask of unconsciousness.
Once safely under her blanket, she slowly opens one eye and peers around. She is alone in the room. Turning about she settles comfortably before letting her mind wonder. At her age she can't fully comprehend what she's wishing for but she can understand it on some level. When she's older she will have it, Sujini promises to herself softly; the only witnesses are the burning candle sticks, their scent wafting through the room. Twin pools of hazel open for a brief moment before eyelashes are glued together.
Stars shine brightly in the sky, one falling to the feet of their mistress. She does not know yet that the Heavens owe her the happiness she is due.
Even if she doesn't know it, the sky belongs to her along with the earth, its people and the heart of a god. Whatever is left active of the Heaven's son, a small part buried deep in the heart of someone her age, longs to find her among these mortals; that piece remembers her as she was and knows her as what she will become. Sujini too reaches out, stretching to find something unknown. In her dream a god and a woman greet the Heavens and his smile is radiant, hers a bit shy. Her anxiety passes to the young girl, but so do the feelings, warm and bright, that almost overwhelm her.
Sujini wakes with a start, slightly disoriented. The warmth is gone and so are the smiles. Looking around she sees everybody asleep. With a shrug she looks out at the sky.
The sun is just rising. Slowly, silently she creeps out, carefully avoiding the bodies strewed on the floor. The sky is a blend of oranges and yellows and she closes her eyes against the wind that caresses her face. As she has seen in her dream, she faces east and greets the brightest deity of all. Molten gold shines kindly upon her and calmness takes over. Sujini likes the feeling and drops to a sitting position. Like a cat, she sprawls on the grass and lets the rays play in her chestnut locks.
Beneath her the ground is soft. The grass, green and luscious, bends along with her weight, tiny blades across her back. A bird chirps and Sujini cranes her neck to see it. Up above, perched on a branch her feathered companion sings its bright tune. She listens to the small winged creature with a light heart. Its melody makes her want to hum along, so she does, quietly so. The thin voice of her one decade old body flies away from her throat in a childish imitation of the bird's tune. A smile spreads on Sujini's face when the avian being's round coal eyes fall on her. The heart in her chest jumps with unadulterated delight.
Wings spread about it, the bird croaks once more before shaking itself. Sujini watches in fascination as the feathers rise like a protective shield around its body. Without missing a beat the small creature leaps off the branch and flaps its wings in a graceful dance. Oddly enough Sujini feels that there is something missing.
She feels alone; as if someone was supposed to be with her. The sight before her should be shared with that someone. Perhaps she is still tired, Sujini reasons because she is surrounded by people so feeling alone is out of question. Her lips draw in a tight line and she remembers the couple on the street.
Hyeon Go calls her before she can get lost in her thoughts again. Sujini hops up and grass arches upwards . She walks back with a pout on her face. It seemed that her quiet time was over. She almost doesn't notice there is a flower on her pillow once she gets back in.
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Courtesans whisper praise to the son of the prime-minister. Yeon Ho Gae is powerful, Yeon Ho Gae is handsome. Sujini's curiosity grows by the day. Yeon Ho Gae is brave, Yeon Ho Gae is blessed. Sujini is just an awkward girl that had survived her fourteenth winter. She is dressed in a fashion fit for a boy and although her face is somewhat feminine, it's hard to tell that she's a girl.
Her freshly cut hair reaches her shoulder, the ends barely brushing against the slopes. White and grey cover her protectively. She looks a child with her tousled mass of strands and short height. She knows no boy would even look her way but she is still curious to see the one they praise.
Walking along the narrow path, she deftly avoids crashing into others. Once or twice she sees some purses hanging and the itch to take them almost makes her stop. But in the end she doesn't; there will be time enough once she has seen Ho Gae. A giggle passes her closed lips and she puts a hand to her mouth. She's giddy. But why?
Maybe it's excitement. Her heart beats faster. It's nothing like what she feels when she's gambling or pick-pocketing. It's not even like drinking wine. Yeon Ho Gae returns this day. She is determined to see him at last once. "Just so I may die with no regrets." Of course, Sujini doesn't plan to die anytime soon, nor does she plan to have regrets, any whatsoever for that matter.
A spring in her step and she's nearly rounding the corner. The sound of horses trampling the earth reaches her ears and she smiles. Upon one of those might beasts there is a boy her age; Ho Gae is the only one not yet an adult who has participated in the fights. The spear in his hands shines coldly and Sujini remembers Bason's words about steel that has tasted blood. She shivers unexpectedly, the smile freezing in her face.
Sujini shakes her head; of course there was blood involved, it was a fight. The rational explanation does nothing to sooth her. Somehow she senses something in this young man, but she has to admit he is as handsome as they said. Her heart does not skip even one beat though.
"I've seen enough." she speaks out, ignorant of the all eyes on her. Turning around she continues to murmur to herself. One foot in front of the other, taking a myriad of steps, she's in front of Bason's smithy in a matter of minutes. The forge is busy, Bason runs around moulding metal into weapons, a few of Jumuchi's man doing odd jobs. Sujini takes a moment to look at Jumuchi; he is a mountain of a man but his heart is good, even if his occupation as hired fighter doesn't make Sujini leap of joy.
She eyes one of Jumuchi's acolytes with a smirk on her face. That man would soon know Ba Son wrath. She snickers under her breath and decides to go to a gambling house. Surreptitiously she takes the money off of a rich passerby. It's not much but it's enough.
Hazel eyes roam the street. Accidentally they land on a beggar child. His hand is outstretched and the boy is small and thin. Sujini's eyes narrow and her heart clenches as she watches the child suffer. She looks down at her bag of money; its contents could probably feed the child for a few days. Making up her mind Sujini stumbles through the throng of people until she stands in front of him. Hopeful eyes look at her.
"How old are you?" she asks, piling three coins in his outstretched hand.
"Eight," he replies, clutching the money to his chest, "I'm the oldest of five siblings."
Without saying anything else, Sujini gives the child the whole bag and grins. She ruffles his hair. The boy smiles up at her as tears fall down his cheeks and hands her a flower that has gone unnoticed to her. His mouth moves to sing praise to her but Sujini stops him. "Just make sure your family is properly fed."
Jumuchi calls to her, saying something about food and Sujini slips away to Ba Son's forge. The mercenary grabs her by her shirt and drags her after him despite her loud protests. People give them strange looks yet Jumuchi tells her to shut up and hurry along. She complies only because her fists are not effective against him. In revenge she throws a withering curse at him for which she receives a slap to the back of her head. She rubs the sore spot and bites her tongue against the onslaught less savoury choice words.
Sujini sticks close to Jumuchi for the rest of the day, her thoughts not once going to the Yeon heir.
Later she dreams cocooned in the safety of her blankets. Her mind melds with something clearly above human. Perhaps it is the essence of the world she falls into; she couldn't tell if asked. Light, brilliant and strong, is all around her. Sujini is pretty sure that she herself is light right now.
How could a human ever hope to exist in such a place? Unlike the red light of fire, this one is white. It makes her think about someone unknown. He wore white. Sujini asks herself who he is. She has no answer but she feels like she should.
Know him or remember him; she does neither. White blends in a peaceful scenery and Sujini is even more confused. She still doesn't know where she is. There is nothing but grass and sunshine and flowers around her. She snorts. This is exactly what her dreams would look like if she were a girly girl; which she isn't.
No lone figure can be seen on the sloping hills and dipping valleys. She is alone but there is always a presence with her. She feels it breathing besides her, close yet far at the same time. Resisting the urge to turn and search for, Sujini lets herself drop in the soft grass.
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Seventeen and no more feminine than she ever was, Sujini drags her fingers through her short hair. Her bow is placed securely on her shoulder and arrows are plenty to be found. Discretely she throws a glance to the man before her. He must be crazy. This man is willing to let them drive a sword through his heart.
Sujini doesn't know if she should pity him or admire him. Dam Duk, as she refers to him in her mind, the prince of Goguryeo, is nothing short of crazy. He places his trust in a priestess of the Hwachun and expects no trap. She wants to shake him, tell him to open his eyes and see things for what they are. Despite her wishes she watches the man she's known for only a short amount of time climbing the steps. Fury boils inside her and she sheers at some lordling for his impertinence.
Ho Gae is there too. For a brief moment upon entering Sujini lets her eyes scan him over. He is not like she remembers; this Ho Gae is cruel and quite possibly malicious. The warm boy of years ago is gone. He too, like Dam Duk, looks upon the priestess, Kiha, with something akin to longing. Sujini feels her stomach turning.
Of course it is Kiha; she already knows Dam Duk's feeling for the woman, untrustworthy as she is. Her heart goes up in her throat and tears prick her eyes. And in the next moment Kiha grabs the sword and stab Dam Duk with it. Everything, time itself slows down until it disappears entirely. Alarms blare in Sujini's mind with maddening force.
There is a shrill cry, possibly a yell chocked in tears; Sujini hurries forward and catches the falling man. Something is wrong with her heart; it's not beating properly. Tears stream down her face and Sujini doesn't even raise her head to look at the other woman. She can only hold Dam Duk tighter to her.
His eyes are closed. All around there is noise and chaos. It does not matter, not when he is gone. She can't help but wonder what has gotten her so attached to the stranger in her arms. After all she doesn't really know him. Not like Kiha does; he is merely a man her heart goes in frenzy for. She scowls at the knowledge and the sting behind it. It does hurt, to be fair.
Disbelief hit her in a rush when he opens his eyes and rises like he was not lying dead moments ago. What remains of the sword falls at his feet and Sujini takes hold of it. She doesn't waste time on trying to figure out what is; instead her eyes are on Dam Duk. Sujini's heart beats a pattern against her chest. A breath of relief leaves her lungs.
Nobody says one word and that is just fine. They don't have to. For the time being she relaxes as the High Priestess names Dam Duk King. Her faith is placed in him; Sujini smiles. He'll be very good.
After she has had time to get accustomed to the inevitable changes, Sujini is genuinely happy at his side. It help that Dam Duk feeds her wine addiction by letting her in the Royal Winery whenever she chooses to go there. Clutching a wine bottle she takes a sip from it. It is strong; she makes a sound of distaste.
For Sujini drinking is not for pleasure like some might say; the wine is a way for her to sleep without being plagued by nightmares. A few years back her sleep started being disrupted by frequent night terrors so Jumuchi forced her to drink a whole bottle of wine. The liquid knocked her out and she had no dreams. Since then drinking is a tradition. Usually she imbibes enough alcohol to drop dead in her bed in a matter of minutes.
What grows between her and Dam Duk is a beautiful friendship sustained by mildly irritating worry and genuine affection on both parts.
Dalbi offers Sujini a few words of advice which have her confused. When she asks the woman, her only reply is a kind smile, a gentle upturn of her lips. Ba Son is more frank; she candidly tells Sujini to stop wasting her time and find a man to marry.
At first Sujini is sure her Master put them up to it but he seems clueless. Both women make a point of introducing her to nice young men. The results are hilarious as Sujini is more or less oblivious to their flirtations. Jumuchi however is perfectly aware and makes it his mission to chase them away thus laying waste to Ba Son and Dalbi's plan.
The King knows nothing of this; he is as clueless as Sujini, but busy running a country thus not paying attention.
One of her younger admirers, a boy of sixteen gives her a flower. Sujini looks at him thoroughly confused but he places the offering in her hair as an ornament. For the first time she feels like a woman. Giggling at the boy's attempts at courting she lets him do as he pleases. At that exact moment Dam Duk chooses to make his appearance along with Jumuchi and General Go.
Unaware of their arrival Sujini lets the boy close in on her and turns her head at the last moment. Her suitor's lips land on her cheek and her eyes go wide as she sees who is there to witness the exchange. Jumuchi's axe almost hits the boy. Sujini dissolves in laughter, the flower sliding through her short hair. At least she doesn't have to hit him herself. Hopping to her feet she ignores the questioning looks directed her way.
"They are up to it again, aren't they?" Jumuchi questions, his bulk blocking her path. The warrior snarls at the boys looking at her.
Sujini grins and shrugs. "I don't know who they are and I'm sure the boys are just joking." Dam Duk regards her with mild interest.
Jumuchi curses under his breath and mumbles something about nosey women which makes Sujini laugh and the King and General Go smile. Even so Sujini is sure none of the offer made to her is genuine. The young men are just playing around.
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Raising her eyebrow in a replica of a haughty expression she has once seen on a noble woman, Sujini tries not to let herself hope too much. She knows her heart has set its aim on him but it feels hopeless all the same. To be in love with a man who loves another, it is pretty much hopeless she rationalizes.
The train of her thoughts is interrupted with one look thrown her way. Cheo Ro of Gwanmi has his eyes firmly on her for some unknown reason. The insistence of his stare is a bit disconcerting but she can feel no danger is meant. Turning her head she loos back at the King. Cheo Ro's attention also shifts to their sovereign.
Everyone is tired after all those fights. Sujini holds back a yawn and excuses herself. "I need wine." she whispers to no one in particular as she walks along the hallway, very much aware of the shadow tailing her. She whirls around and comes face to face with Cheo Ro. A sardonic smile graces her lips. "Are you following me?"
As per her expectations, Cheo Ro offers no reply. He doesn't talk much anyway. Sujini had the distinct impression that he is a man of action and she is perfectly alright with that. "Look, I'm going to get some wine. Do you want to come with me?" He steps closer. "I'll take that as a yes."
Sujini spends the next days fussing over her new friend, trying to get him to talk. She has no resounding success with that buy he is a good listener, she finds. So it happens that Sujini catches herself almost giving her secrets away. Steeling her resolve she tries not to be too obvious. As far as she can tell nobody suspects anything. About her more than friendly interest in the King, that is.
For a short while it works. She feels at peace, only a little bit burdened. "You know, I'm starting to like you," she jokingly says to Cheo Ro one afternoon in the gardens. Cheo Ro gives her a meaningful look. "You don't believe me, do you?" She laughs at his expression.
But as a general rule nothing good ever lasts. Sujini finds all she has never known about her past and who she is. The truth is a blow that knocks the wind out of her. She could be the Phoenix, the dark one, the destructive one. Putting a hand on her face she fervently pays for the nightmare to end. It doesn't. She can't let the one who raised her end her life. He would suffer too much. Instead she says her goodbyes and plans to leave unnoticed.
The hardest thing is parting from Dam Duk. Her heart cries and beats frantically inside her chest but Sujini ignores it, just like she ignores the knot in her throat and the tears spilling down her cheeks. She can't help it. Wrapping her arms around him Sujini lets her mind wander, confession in her head all she wants to say to him. No words leave her mouth.
Dam Duk calls her pretty and she has half a mind to tell him everything right at this moment. Battling her desire she put the small black bottle on his table; the same bottle he has left in her care. With nothing else to say she makes her exit, accusing a sudden headache and drunkenness for the display. But she is perfectly sober and more than desperate.
The worst is not yet here. Perhaps the thing that makes her crumble for good is finding Kiha. Apparently her sister has a child. And it is not fathered by Ho Gae, the King's cousin. No, the father is the King himself. Sujini holds Dam Duk's son after taking him from his unconscious mother. Like she has promised Sa Ryang, she will take care of the baby. The newborn squirms in his arms. Her heart melts just a fraction at the sight.
Now more than ever Sujini realizes she has to look and act like a mother. Too bad she knows nothing about that. But she finds that it's not completely alien to her, the wearing of dresses, cooing at the baby. She even finds work as a teacher. Since Goguryeo is no longer safe for her she travels to the Yan nation where a nobleman offers her a position. He wants her to teach his daughter. Sujini agrees; it's the best option for her.
Deftly she escapes attempts to be found left and right. It seems that now everybody is looking for her. The baby is growing up fast and years pass her by in a flash.
Before she knows it she's once again face to face with a man she has left years ago. Emotions flood her and words pour out unchecked. Despite her best intentions she ends up in his arms, the boy, he doesn't know is his, steps away throwing pebbles in the lake. She almost tells him about the child she has named Ajik but changes her mind at the last moment. She will tells him after the danger has passed. For the moment his arms wrapped around her stop any thoughts.
The road to happiness never did run smoothly. Somehow fate decides that Dam Duk should find out sooner about his son and so he does. Sujini will forever remember the look on his face when she told him Ajik was his and Kiha's son. The pain in his eyes spoke volumes.
In the end Kiha's decision costs her the life she has. For it is proven that she is the one whose power is destructive. When it is over all that remains of her sister is ash and a flower that Sujini tucks at her belt. Dam Duk helps her up and pats his son's head throwing only a brief look at the plant at Sujini's waist. One of his arms circles her middle and together they leave towards a new beginning.
All four wildflowers Sujini has collected rest pressed in a book so she may see them whenever she wants to. To those there are numerous others added at special occasions, most of them given to her by the King. A gift for the woman behind the Queen position. Sujini laughs and pins a flower in her hair everyday for the rest of her life as per Dam Duk's wish.
Jumuchi is happy that he can concentrate on scaring away the boys milling around his daughters while Dalbi and Ba Son are glad Sujini has finally found her place. Cheo Ro says nothing, but his eyes speak all the same, and his happiness translates into them. Her master, Hyeon Go, is by far the most ecstatic and lets her know whenever they have a peaceful moment together.
The palace gardens are blooming with life. All sorts of flowers gather there. Different colours and scents fill the space. For the remainder of her life Sujini's favourite place is the garden. And portraits depict her with her dark locks decked with flowers. The chronicles note that the Queen of Gwanggaeto's court is a nature loving spirit who is a vision to all those blessed to see her.
History records her as the Wildflower Queen, the beautiful and untamed consort of the King who expanded Goguryeo beyond imaginable limits.
I was inspired to write this, I suppose and here you have it. I hope it proves a good read for you. :)