Chapter One

Author's Note: If you don't like fan fiction of this type, then STOP READING, by Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Do you know how much time and energy it takes to write one of these? If you don't like this fan fiction, and think that you might as well adhere to the first amendment and suggest how I could improve, then just politely keep it to yourself. Try writing one of them yourself before you judge!

The windmill blew in the distance. It blew air of love, excitement, and spirit. As golden leaves almost as beautiful as I am sailed through the clear blue sky like ripples of color, I sighed at the backdrop of clouds.

The clouds invoked a dreamy, wondrous sense, and I quickly became ensnared by their sheer beauty. They drifted lazily across the above world, and I couldn't help but see them form images. Images of her. Before she had moved to Chicago. Soon, all of them assumed the silhouette of her body. My body tingled with wanting, wanting to be back with her, wanting to just lie down on a blanket with her and just point out the stars. . .

"That star right there, shaped like a "W", is called Cassiopeia," Britney would say in her marinated and tender voice, "It's the hottest star in the sky." Her face would be alit with a gorgeous passion, and her eyes glinted laughingly with a twinkle that was so bright, all of the stars above would be jealous. And then I would caress her warmly, replying in my own husky voice, "No, sweetheart . . . you are." Oh, how I yearned to be with her in that one moment. She always emitted an aura that stoked the bonfire in my heart. I started to close my eyes and fantasize about what she would be doing if she were here with me, watching the clouds. Would she see my image in the clouds? Would she make a comment about every single cloud? Would she -

Suddenly somebody roughly smacked me. I wheeled around, and it was my good friend Jakub, literally shorter than his body width. He was sporting a pink and yellow-striped polo shirt. "Wow, you're so tall, you're actually in the clouds, eh? Mind if I climb up there and soak in the good air?" he teased. I was pretty tall, around seven or eight feet. "Uh," I answered unsteadily. He laughed at my mental instability, and said, "Hurry up or we'll be late on our first day!" I grabbed his arm and we started to run up to the campus of Hogwarts High School.

When we got there, we saw something horrifying. There was a girl wearing all black standing there dramatically, brandishing a knife. Suddenly she jerked it down and dragged it across . . . her wrist! As a steady stream of blood flowed from it, a huge group of students tried to run up and help her, holding band-aids and paper towels, even one or two tourniquets. But she rejected all of them, then gave them the middle finger! Jakub and I shared looks at each other, then went inside before more we witnessed any further idiocy.

I was a ninth grade Gryffin Door, so our first teacher was going to be Professor Severus Snap, the Potions teacher. "Today," he said, batting his eyelashes, "We will be learning potions." All of the girls swooned, while the guys groaned. Professor Snap was hot competition for the girls, and for those who wanted a girl, hot competition was not a good thing.

After class all of the Gryffin Doors lined up outside and we started to talk. Not gossip, though, because gossiping is not nice. Unfortunately Jakub is a Huffy Puff, so the discussion wasn't as fun as it could be. Soon the discussion turned to Britney. "I really hope Britney comes back," said a guy named Seamus Finnigan. His friend said, "Yeah, she's really hot. No other girl in this school wears a pink Abercrombie & Fitch shirt as well as she does." "Hey!" I said angrily. "She's my GF. You guys keep out of mah hot property!" This guy named Neval Lungebossom said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea. Like, did you see that girl this morning? She sure was a hot topic."

At that mention, everybody got up and started to walk back to the dormitory. But then we bumped into a large group of Slytherins smoking cannabis in the hallways. We politely asked them to get out of the way, but they refused. "FUK U PREPZ," said one of them. It was the girl from earlier this morning! "This hallway is reserved for goffs! Get out if you don't like MCR and Hawt Topik!111" There was a sort of distinctive manner to the way she talked, like how she always had 1's after exclamation marks.

Anyways, so we went to a different hallway, and then I heard two people having sex.

The first one was Professor Quirrel. The other one was . . . . . . BRITNEY da perp!1!1!1!11