Zoe knew she had done wrong, that was obvious.
His handling of the situation didn't surprise her, but her handling of the situation did; she'd screamed at him in front of everyone "I love you" and hadn't received a reply. She'd expected him to be angry but she'd convinced herself that they'd get through it together, climbing over hurdles like they always had. They'd deal with the while forged signature issue, sleeping with a minor, Kieron and Matt Strong.
She'd figured he'd be angry for a few days then she'd talk him around, sex normally helped with that. When she'd gone back to 'their' apartment the first night she'd waited for him to come home and give her a chance to explain. She'd stared hard at her mobile all night willing it to ring. He never came home. She left, went on a two day bender in Liverpool with some old school friends and cursed a Nick Jordan with every shot to tequila she'd thrown back. She pulled, she always did, but it was wrong; his lips, his hands, his smell none of the were Nicks. She'd called him from this mans bathroom, a strange sense of déjà vu washing over her as she got his answering machine again.
She heard the whispers as she returned to work, she kept her head held high as she heard them gossiping, "can you believe she done that?" One nurse whispered, in close proximity to her. She'd brushed them off and demanded they get on with their jobs, both of the junior nurses jumping in fright as they realised she was standing behind them. It was in the locker room that she broke down; she'd opened her locker door to find a black carrier bug filled with random pieces if their relationship. The knickers he had bought her on their anniversary, the shoes that were for her birthday, the cuff links she had given him and an unused pregnancy test she'd left in his bathroom. There was torn bits of paper scatter among it like a sick twisted confetti that signified the celebration of the end of their relationship. She realised it was a letter she'd written him, trying to explain and to apologise.
She bumped into him as she left that evening, dumping her things in the bin on her way out. "Nick…" She called as he'd bumped his shoulder rather roughly with here and walked past her. He didn't look back but the look of disdain cut through her; she choked back more tears as she rushed to her car and lit a cigarette with a shaking hand.
He'd softened slightly, over the following weeks. It she still saw the hurt in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He done everything he could to avoid her including the night shift. They spoke occasionally, never about what actually happened though.
Slowly, they became friends again, building from mere acquaintances. It was like claiming over a mountain just to get back to that stage. Her love life was always a complete shambles. Sometimes they went for drinks together, alone or with others. Every time Zoe wished she could go back, to when they would leave hand in hand and she didn't have watch him leave and feel like she was being stabbed as she did. She longed for him to hold her again, to come home from a shift and have him in bed waiting or with a glass of her favourite wine.
She felt like someone had pulled her heart out when she'd seen him flirting with Yvonne, it was so subtle and discreet but she knew they were sleeping together, at the very least. Their flirting had been much more brash, their looks and touches sent many eyes in the ED rolling. Eventually he moved to a different continent and she wondered if she was that hard to get along with, and to love.
She knew she had done wrong, but now there was no chance to fix it. He was dead.