How Deep is Your Love
Kurt tried to walk nonchalantly up the steps to his building; he didn't want to alert the agents outside the building or anyone else that maybe watching. As soon as he was in the building and away from the front door, he took the elevator and once it reached his floor he was out of it as soon as possible. He walked really quickly to his door and placed the key in the lock, turned it and pushed the door open, walked over the threshold, quickly closing the door.
"Remi?!"
He waited and released the breath he didn't even know he was holding when he saw her come out of their bedroom. She looked at him quizzically, he seemed anxious about something and this was not the Kurt that she was used to. She opened her mouth to ask him something but he interrupted her before she could get one syllable out.
"Get your passport and anything else you may need!"
Remi stood there stock still, why did she need her passport she thought.
"And grab mine as well please." He added as he moved to the kitchen
She just looked at him and he must have felt her eyes on him as he turned to face her once more.
"Remi, we need to move now. We haven't got that much time."
"Kurt what is going on?" demanded Remi
Kurt stopped emptying the refrigerator and walked back to her. He stopped just in front of her and tried to convey the urgency of the matter.
"Remi, Reade got notification that the FBI are not going to actively look for Roman's missing drives.."
She scrunched up her face in confusion.
"What does that mean?" she asked
"It means that we're not allowed to spend time looking for the drives but if we happen to find them while investigating another case then that's our good luck!" spat Kurt
"What does that mean for me?" she whispered
"What it means for us is that we need to get out of here now. The order takes place from midnight, so as long as we're out of the US by then no one can stop us."
"But…"
"No 'buts', I'm not letting anything happen to you…"
"We don't even know where the next drive is or how many there are in total."
"It doesn't matter; we'll take as long as we need."
"I'm sure Reade will love that!"
"Who do you think told me?"
Remi was shocked and it showed on her face.
"Remi, everyone cares for you…"
"I may never get her memories back you know…"
"Remi, you and Jane are one in the same. Even if you weren't, we have no right to decide if you live or die as if we're god. You deserve to live the life you want, how you want."
Kurt watched as Remi began to tear up.
"C'mon, we need to move quickly, oh and don't forget about the passports and money in the vent!"
Remi watched in shock as Kurt carried on emptying the refrigerator. At some point, his movements made her move and she gathered their passports and the items from the vent. Once she was ready, he was waiting for her with their 'weekend bag', a bag they used when they visited Bethany, at her questioning look he explained.
"They need to think that we're just going to visit Bethany, if they think we're going to leave the country then they'll stop us."
"But you're not going to be able to contact Bethany and we don't know how long this will take!"
She watched as he took a deep breath.
"I know,… she'll understand."
"Kurt she's four. She may not remember you, if this takes longer than we anticipate. You'll miss all her important milestones!"
"Allie and Connor will record them for me."
"Kurt…supposing she doesn't… forgive you"
"She'll be fine, she'll forgive us."
"Kurt, you never forgave your mom for leaving you and Sarah with your dad…" Remi whispered
"That was different! My dad was a monster. Allie and Connor love Bethany!"
"But Kurt…"
"No 'buts', c'mon!"
Remi, stood there staring at this man in front of her and couldn't believe that he was willing to give up his daughter for her, a daughter that he absolutely adored. She remembered when she realised he knew who she really was and what she did.
It took her just hours to come up with a fitting revenge for Kurt. How dare he lie to her, how dare he pretend that he thought she was Jane when he knew she was Remi. She didn't know exactly when he knew she wasn't his precious Jane but it became clear that morning. He was getting their breakfast, because he loved to cook SO MUCH, he placed a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of her along with buttered toast, coffee was already on the table. It was just as she was taking the first forkful of eggs when she had a memory, or rather, she remembered one of Jane's memories. Specifically, her telling Kurt that she was now vegan. No wonder he looked at her as if she was mad when he woke up from his coma. She was eating a slice of the pizza that the team brought by for her, the peperoni pizza.
"You ok?" Kurt asked
She came out of the memory with the fork by her mouth so she quickly ate the eggs as she nodded her head. Inside she was so confused, there's no way that he knew for that long that she wasn't Jane; he wasn't that good of an actor she thought, no way. But the longer she thought about it the more it made sense. He was playing her all this time. He slept with her; he rocked her world so thoroughly. It was the best sex that she'd ever had, she thought the deception had something to do with it, maybe it heightened her body or something, and it couldn't have anything to do with the fact that Kurt was a great lover or anything. She'd get her revenge.
And she did, later that night they 'made love', he worshipped her body just like every other time they'd been intimate, only now everything made sense, they would have sex, playful, quick, somewhat rough on occasion and fun but he would always make love to her before they settled for the night, it was like she was getting the best of both worlds. Just as he was in her thrusting back and forth nearly bringing her to completion, she got her revenge. She always kept her eyes closed when they were intimate, well when she was going to climax at least. She could feel herself just about to come when she dropped or moaned her bombshell.
"Oh…oh…oh Oscar! Mmmmm"
She knew the exact moment he heard her, he froze when he heard Oscar's name. She expected him to pull out and arrest her for being Remi but after freezing, he did the unthinkable, he carried on trying to bring her to orgasm, it didn't take that much longer but as soon as she did come, he pulled out, got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. She heard the shower running after a few seconds. He was out within five minutes; he took his pillow from the bed and walked out presumably to the couch. She didn't see him for the rest of the night.
The next morning she walked out of the bedroom expecting to find the CIA waiting for her but she was shocked to see Kurt preparing breakfast like nothing happened. They sat down at the table and ate in silence. Kurt didn't look at her once.
"So, there's no point in pretending now is there?" she said after they finished eating their meal.
"We're you ever going to tell me that you knew that I wasn't Jane?" demanded Remi "You've been lying to me for months!"
Kurt just gave her an incredulous look.
"Are you serious? You've been lying of longer!"
He watched as she just shrugged her shoulders.
"What gave me away?" she asked
It was his turn to shrug. "It wasn't just one thing. The way you looked at me, wasn't the same, there was something missing plus the whole 'not a vegan' thing was a dead giveaway."
"The team didn't think so!"
"We're close but they don't know you like I do. It didn't make sense that you would all of a sudden forget or change your mind about being vegan so there had to be another explanation."
"So what now?" she asked
"Why haven't you killed any of us?"
She looked away from him. "What makes you think I haven't tried?"
This time he smiled. "We're still here!"
She was not allowed to be by herself, she had to be accompanied by someone every moment, at least at home that was fine because it would be her and Kurt not her and a stranger. Reade, Patterson and Rich still treated her the same and she realised that they all had acting skills. She never thought that they knew but they had their suspicions from the start and waited until Kurt woke up to confirm, although Rich was Rich.
"You know that Jane always had a thing for me. The only reason why she was with Kurt was because she couldn't have me, now I'm free, so if you want to take up where she and I left off, feel free any time!"
She gave him a look and looked over his shoulder.
"Judging by their looks of disbelief and anger I'm betting that you're lying and are maybe about to die if I can decipher Kurt's look!"
Rich slowly turned around to see not only Kurt but Patterson and Reade not looking happy at all.
They all heard him gulp.
"Hey I was just teasing, you know me."
After a few weeks Remi had enough, Kurt was being his normal self, the only difference was that there was no physical contact between them. He still cooked for them. They would still eat at the table. He would make sure she had a hot water bottle when she had her period as well as her favourite chocolate. During the first few days of her period, he would make her favourite foods; his hoodie, the one she absolutely adored, found its way onto her side of the bed. He still slept on the couch.
"Ok, why are you being so nice to me?" demanded Remi
Kurt looked up from his meal to see Remi looking at him in a confused way.
"Huh?"
"Why are you being nice to me after…after you know."
She watched as Kurt let his shoulders droop.
"You're still my wife. I still love you."
She couldn't believe what she heard, she couldn't believe that he still loved her after everything but looking into his eyes she saw the truth.
"I know you hate me. I know you hate everything I stand for but I still love you. You're still the same woman I married…"
Remi scoffed.
"…You may not remember or ever remember our time together, the good and the bad, but I do. Even if this is all we have until we find the cure so you can live the life you want, I want you to be happy or at least content and I'll do anything I can to make that happen."
She had nothing to say to that. She stared at him for a while and he never broke eye contact, eventually she continued to eat the wonderful dinner that he prepared for them and he did the same and nothing was said about the matter after that.
About a week later Kurt was tidying up, not that there was anything to tidy up, he was kind of a neat freak but at least you knew where everything was. She had been feeling anxious and frustrated for a while, since that night she called Oscar's name out if she was honest, she realised what the issue was. At first she thought it was guilt for treating him so badly and it was but it wasn't only that. Kurt had noticed that Remi had been distracted over the last few days; several times she looked as if she was going to say something then she pulled back and changed her mind. He knew that she would voice whatever was on her mind at some point.
"Kurt…"
She waited until he stopped what he was doing to look at her. She took a deep breath and just asked what she wanted to for a while now.
"Can we have sex?"
Kurt just stared at her. He must have misheard, he thought, there was no way that she just asked what he thought she just asked but looking at her patiently waiting for his answer seemed to answer his own question.
"Excuse me?"
"Can we have sex?"
Kurt couldn't look away from her.
"I'm not him!"
He saw her wince at his answer but there was no way that he was going to be someone's replacement, someone's second choice, no thanks.
"I know you're not Oscar. I never thought you were!"
At his incredulous look, she held up her hand.
"I only said that to hurt you. Was it right? No, of course not but that was the only reason. I don't even know why I even got engaged to him…"
He watched as she seemed to be stuck in some memory and from the look of it, it didn't seem a happy one. He listened as she spoke.
"…you can imagine, Shepard had clear ideas who I should be spending my time with. There was no way that I was going to let a civilian get involved in that madness so that left a few avenues. Oscar was the best of a bad bunch. Shepard probably engineered that as well but I was too blind to see it. She always did like Oscar. I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason why he was interested in me was because Shepard suggested it. It was sex. I like sex. Then one day, it seemed as if it just happened, we we're engaged. I honestly couldn't tell you if we talked about it or if it was expected, I just remember we finished having sex and he just placed the ring on my finger. No 'will you marry me?', nothing. I didn't even question it. I don't even know why I didn't. I think I liked the fantasy of having a 'normal' life, a husband and maybe kids. I missed Avery like mad but that didn't help me, at some point I pretended that was just a bad dream. Then I was engaged and the future looked good or so I thought. I think I noticed straight away that something was off but I ignored it. As soon as the ring was on my finger, Oscar smirked a lot, as if he was in on a joke. It made me uneasy. I knew feeling that way wasn't right. I tried to find a way to end the engagement but it wasn't easy. Shepard would send me to do some reconnaissance on you and I would jump at the chance, any chance to get away from Oscar. And from Shepard. The funny thing was he seemed just as happy that I was leaving. Maybe he thought he would be the heir apparent now he was marrying the 'daughter'. I don't know. When the opportunity to get Zipped and be sent to the FBI, to you, came up, I was happy. It was a way out and I was so happy when I gave the ring back. There was something about him that made me uneasy before the Zip."
"Remi…"
"Please Kurt. I know you're not him. I don't want you to be him. I just want you to be you. You're the only one that knows my body and knows what I like and what I want. Every time we had sex, every time we made love you drove my body wild and I want to feel that again. I'm so frustrated Kurt. I need some release and you've spoilt me for any other guy, not that I have a chance with anyone else but do you understand what I'm saying!"
"Remi…"
"Kurt please don't say no. I'm dying. We have no idea when and if there will be a cure. Are you really going to deny me my dying wish?"
She watched as he opened his mouth but before anything could come out there was a knock on the door and Kurt dropped his chin to his chest in defeat.
"We can't talk about this now. We'll talk about it on Sunday night alright?"
Remi was looking from him and to the door in confusion. Kurt saw the look and explained.
"Bethany is here for the weekend remember?"
He watched as she turned bright red, her embarrassment made him smile, he saw her close her eyes in mortification. His smile widened when he turned towards the door and he was safe to do so. He wouldn't put it past Remi to make his life a misery for laughing at her expense.
"DADDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"
He smiled even wider as he heard the muffled shout from the other side of the door.
He pulled the door open to come face to face with his daughter who was in Allie's arms. Allie looked tired and held the wriggling toddler until she knew he had a good grasp of their daughter, only then did she let go. Bethany kissed his cheek loudly and he reciprocated which caused her to giggle. He loved spending time with her, she was so innocent. Bethany looked over her daddy's shoulder and screamed once more, right in Kurt's ear which caused him to wince.
"MAMA JANE!"
Even though Remi was in the living room, Bethany still made grabby hands towards Remi and when she noticed that Remi wasn't moving she tried to wriggle out of her daddy's hold. Kurt put her down and watched as his daughter, the light of his life, ran as fast as she could on her chubby little legs towards Remi, who looked startled at first but then kneeled down and caught the little Tasmanian devil. Kurt watched as Remi closed her eyes as Bethany wrapped her chubby arms around her neck, she was savouring the feeling. Then Bethany was talking a mile a minute and Remi opened her eyes and caught his.
"Ok, guys, remember no more than one suitcase please!" said Allie
Jane was baffled by the comment and her face must have aid so as Allie explained.
"Whenever Bethany visits, all of you spoil her rotten, and she returns with two suitcases, she has more things than me and Connor put together!"
Remi bit her lip and looked towards Kurt who subtly shook his head at her while avoiding Allie's intense gaze. He should have known he wouldn't get away with it.
"What's with the look?" demanded Allie
"What look?" asked Kurt innocently
Allie narrowed her eyes and turned to look at Remi who seemed like a deer caught in headlights.
"Rem..Jane?"
"I…I don't know what you're talking about." She said as she could feel her face heat up, so she quickly turned away and paid attention to Bethany.
Allie reached Kurt, Remi was watching out of the corner of her eye; Allie poked Kurt in the chest with her finger.
"One suitcase Kurt, I mean it!"
"Hmmmmm."
"I swear, if there's more than one, I will get my revenge, and you know I will!"
With that she quickly went to say bye to Bethany and left the apartment. Remi and Kurt just looked at each other.
"Well what are we going to do?" asked Remi
Kurt shrugged his shoulders "We could ship the two suitcases."
The weekend sped by. Bethany was non-stop. She was always running everywhere. Both she and Kurt were tired by the time early evening came. They barely stayed awake during the film, chosen by the guest of honour. All three would end up asleep on the sofa before the end of the film. When they woke up, by mutual agreement, Remi took Bethany and got her ready for bed while Kurt locked up the apartment.
"Mama Jane, can I sleep with you and daddy?" Bethany asked sleepily
Remi froze and looked to Kurt who also froze and who eventually nodded. So, right from the first night, all three of them were in one bed.
Sunday night came; Allie had just picked up Bethany. Kurt leaned back against the door. He was always so sad when Bethany left or he left her. Remi watched him and she felt the emptiness now that the sweet toddler had left. She watched as he gathered himself. He was a great father.
She started to gather up some of Bethany's stuff that over the weekend had spilled over to every area of the apartment, surprisingly enough, Kurt hadn't, not once, tried to get Bethany to keep everything in order, she had him wrapped around her little finger, everyone knew it.
"Leave that, I'll get it after. I think it's time to finish the conversation that we started on Friday, don't you?"
She shrugged nonchalantly. He sat on the coffee table and indicated that she should take the sofa. She did.
"Are you sure about this Remi? Is this a joke or something? Are you trying to mess with me?"
"NO! I understand why you may think that but no. I'm not messing with you, this isn't a joke and yes, I'm sure."
Kurt looked at her and saw what he wanted to see so he stood up and held out a hand, Remi looked at it then back to his face and she seemed satisfied, she took his hand and stood up. Together they walked back to the bedroom. They took their own clothes off and went under the covers but each stuck to their side of the bed, both on their backs. There was an awkward silence.
"So how do we do this?" asked Kurt
"If…if you're having second thoughts, it's fine. I know I'm not her…I shouldn't have suggested this. I'm sorry…" she whispered
Remi then felt his lips on her shoulder, and then they were everywhere as was his hands. She shuddered when she first felt his lips on her skin. He covered her body with his and her arms came round to hold his body to hers. They spent ages touching and exploring each other's body, it was like it was the first time all over again. The only thing was that their lips never met, somehow my mutual agreement, fusing their mouths together was not on the table but every other part of their bodies was. Their mouths may not have met but their noses did. Every so often their noses would meet and glide over the other. She never closed her eyes when they were together, she kept them open wide as did Kurt but he always did. Even though she asked him for sex, she made love to him each and every time. Neither of them voiced what they were doing but each of them made love to the other. Once they both reached their climaxes, or in Remi's case her final one, it seemed as if Kurt was a man possessed and he seemed to be on a mission to make her come as many times as possible, they relaxed and came to be facing each other but there was some space between them. Remi didn't even think, she just moved closer to him and he must have felt her because he opened his arms and she moved into them. Once his arms were around her she let out the breath she was holding, then relaxed and began to fall asleep. She thought but she wasn't too sure but she thought she felt him place a kiss on her forehead. She sighed into his chest and fell deeper into sleep.
When they were intimate it was always more tender, sweeter and satisfying than before, neither wanted to rush their time together just in case it was their last chance. On those occasions when either Kurt or both of them had a late night they would both just get ready for bed and get under the covers naked and they would just hold each other all night. On the nights Kurt was late he would find Remi in bed slightly on his side asleep wearing one of his shirts, she didn't like sleeping naked when she was by herself. He would get ready and try to quietly slip under the covers but she would always know and move towards him, he would wrap his arms around her.
"…there's a locker with a suitcase for you, we can't look suspicious when we leave here." Kurt finished
Remi shook her head; she only heard the last thing he said about the locker. Her mind went back to when they'd became intimate again.
The next thing she knew Kurt was in front of her and she didn't hesitate, she wrapped her hand around his nape and pulled him towards her. Their lips met and she let everything she was feeling into that kiss. It was their first kiss since that night when she called out Oscar's name. It went on for a while until air became necessary. When they parted, she hugged him and whispered into his ear.
"I'm sorry."
He pulled back to see her eyes had welled up then he saw black. She punched him. Hard. He fell back onto the sofa. She took her cell and sent a quick text.
"Weller needs your help. Take care of him for me."
That was the last he saw her.
11 months later…
"We have to wait, they're still too hot, and if we ice them now then all the icing will run off."
"But daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" Bethany whined
Kurt was going to speak when there was a knock on the door. He went to open it and he could stop the smile on his face.
"Remi?!"
She was shocked by the happy reaction, she was hopeful that he wouldn't shut the door in her face but this was better than she expected. Before she could say anything she heard a voice or rather a scream.
"MAMA WEMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
She quickly dropped her backpack and caught the little girl. They each held the other tightly. Remi moved to end the hug but Bethany refused to. Remi looked at Kurt and she saw his smile at the scene. She picked Bethany up and walked into the apartment; Kurt picked up her bag and closed the door.
"You were baking?"
"Yes, me and daddy made cookies and we're going to decorate them. Are you staying?"
Remi was startled by the question. She looked to Kurt and saw that he was eager to hear her answer.
"If your daddy says its ok…"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Bethany shouted while lifting her arms in celebration.
Both Kurt and Remi winced at the sound as they were so close to it, especially as it was in Remi's ear.
Bethany was staying with Kurt for a long weekend. Everything was as it was before; the only difference was that Bethany clung to Remi, literally. The only time she left Remi alone was when Remi went to the bathroom. Bethany wanted Remi to help her with everything. After the fifth time Remi looked to Kurt for an explanation and he just shook his head. They sat down to watch a film and Bethany was in Remi's lap, not that she minded, she missed the little girl although she wasn't little any more. She'd grown so much in the 11 months that she'd been gone. Bethany didn't even make it halfway through the film before she fell asleep. Remi treasured the weight of the young girl. She kept on kissing Bethany's temple.
"She thought it was her fault that you went away." Kurt whispered
Remi gasped in shock and looked at Kurt with tears in her eyes.
Kurt shook his head.
"She cried for a week when she realised you weren't coming back. She thought it was because she kept on calling you Mama Jane instead of Mama Remi…"
"Kurt…"
"Remi, it's fine. I know why you did what you did and I want to say 'Thank you' for doing what you did."
Remi looked at him as if he had two heads.
"I was able to comfort her. I told her that you had a booboo on your head and you needed to get better but she was inconsolable for a week. I can't imagine what she would have been like if I wasn't there as well. Thank you for loving Bethany enough to know what was better for her. It took, me, Allie, Connor, the team plus Sarah and Sawyer to calm her down but things started to get better when she started to receive lovely paintings of gorgeous scenery. We never told her they were from you, we didn't know if that would make things worse but as soon as she saw the first one you sent she knew instinctively that it was from you. Connor had it framed and hung it in her room then the others came. The second and third one made it onto her bedroom wall as well then the others went into a scrap book. She looks at it every night. I saw her kiss the palm of her hand and place it on the painting; she was kissing you every night."
"I'm so sorry…"
"Don't be. You did what was best for her. I can never be mad at you for that."
He watched as a few tears escaped and rolled down her cheeks.
"So I assume that you're well?"
He watched as Remi tried to control herself but he saw the slight nod. Once she had calmed down she began to speak.
"Roman sent me on a wild goose chase, each drive sent me to another country, and eventually I found the last one with the last piece of the puzzle. I sent it to Patterson but on the condition that she kept it from you…"
At his surprised look she raised her hand to stop him from asking any questions so she could carry on.
"…I didn't want you to get your hopes up. I didn't want you to watch me die if things didn't work out."
"Remi!"
"Kurt, there's no way that I'd put you through that."
He watched as she kissed Bethany's temple again and sniffed the little blond head.
"I'm sorry for punching you but I had to get out quickly and I knew that you wouldn't let me go…"
"Well, like I said, I understand why you did what you did but next time pull your punches a bit. I had a headache for days!"
She looked contrite which made him smile.
"After I sent everything to Patterson I waited until she got a viable cure and then I had to wait to see if it actually worked on me. There was a lot of waiting; I was so close yet so far. I was determined to stay away until I knew I was fine."
Kurt scooted a little closer and kissed her temple.
"I'm glad you're ok."
Remi smiled at him.
"C'mon, let's get this one to bed, if not we'll be here all night!"
Remi stood up with Bethany in her arms and made her way to the bedroom of the toddler, just as they were about to step over the threshold, Bethany woke up and started to fuss.
"I wanna sleeeeeeeep with you and daddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"
Remi looked to Kurt who shrugged his shoulders as if to say it was her choice.
"Ok sweetie." Replied Remi
"Yaaaaaay." Said a sleepy Bethany
They made their way to their bedroom. It was awkward to say the least at least for her but Kurt seemed fine with everything. He took Bethany, who squirmed when she wasn't in her arms, so she could quickly get ready which she did. Once Bethany was in her arms again she settled down. Kurt quickly got ready and they got under the covers. Bethany in the middle on her back while each of them was on their sides and one arm over Bethany's middle, for a little girl, she knew exactly what she wanted. She held onto their arms. Kurt and Remi looked at each other over Bethany and they both smiled.
The weekend went way too quickly. Monday evening came along with Allie and Connor coming to collect Bethany as well as her three suitcases. When Allie saw her, Bethany was in Connor's arms so she quickly went to her and hugged her.
"Thank you so much for punching him. Thank you! Bethany wouldn't have been the same without him. She missed you like crazy. I'm glad that you're back, hopefully to stay, right?" Allie whispered
Remi was becoming teary but she managed to nod her head.
Then it was Connor's turn to hug her when he gave Bethany to Allie.
"Thank you! Thank you for doing what needed to be done. Thank you for all those gorgeous paintings."
It was a really tearful goodbye. Both Remi and Bethany sobbed. Kurt took Remi into his arms after the three left.
"Hey, we'll facetime her tomorrow, ok?"
Remi just nodded her head.
They stayed like that in each other's arms for a while, just holding the other, taking in the feel and scent of the other.
"Do you want to tell me about your travels?"
Remi chuckled but nodded her head against his chest.
They moved back to the sofa where she began her story.
"When I reached the locker not only did I find the suitcase that you stashed for me but there was a burner phone with messages from Rich and Patterson, telling me that to only use the phone if it was an emergency just in case anyone was listening in. All of your numbers were programmed in. They also gave me a couple of other numbers for their burner phones. They made it possible that I could be part of the WhatsApp group without anyone knowing I was, so I could keep up-to-date with Bethany and you. Rich left me a list of locations where I could find food, money and anything else that I may need. Reade left me a list of contacts that I could trust who would not ask any questions but that would help me if I needed it…"
Kurt was flabbergasted by his friends, no, his family.
"I went back to South Africa, where Roman…where Roman died. Tasha was there…"
Kurt gasped.
"Did you…speak to her?"
She knew what he was asking and she found that she couldn't and didn't want to lie to him.
"No, I was going to but then I saw her place some flowers where he…died. She didn't know I was there so it wasn't for show. I decided to follow her. I tailed her for a couple of weeks. The strangest thing happened. I started to feel sorry for her; there was a sadness about her. Then I managed to plant a listening device in a hotel room I knew Blake would be staying in and what I heard blew my mind."
"What did you hear?"
He watched as she took a deep breath and began to tell him what she heard.
"I heard her confess everything to Blake, not being FBI or CIA or whatever she is but the fact that she was in love with somebody and she left him for the job. Then she told Blake that Roman/ Tom really loved her. She confessed that Crawford had started those orphanages and that Roman was the product of them and he had a chance to get her dad before but he changed his mind because of her. I heard Blake break down and cry, she sobbed her heart out. She loved him. Roman was loved."
She didn't realise she was crying until Kurt wiped the tears away.
"I felt sorry for Tasha, Reade's in love with her but for whatever reason she's with Blake. Maybe it's a mission but it must be so hard wanting to be with someone but not, I know. That's why I came back as soon as I was given the all clear. I couldn't stand to be away from you longer than necessary…If you'll still have me?"
Kurt didn't even deign that with a response, he decided to show her what he wanted. He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. As he pulled back she followed him a little.
"Does that answer your question?" asked Kurt
She had tears in her eyes and they were now rolling down her cheek as she smiled.
"Hmmmm, I'm not too sure. I think I need another demonstration."
Kurt smiled at the declaration and didn't hesitate, he moved forward but this time the kiss was not as tentative. Once they broke apart they rested their foreheads together.
"How about that?" Kurt teased
"Hmmmm, well a kiss is just a kiss maybe I need a bigger show of you wanting me…"
"Well, I suppose we could take this to the bedroom. I mean you could relax on the bed while I show you exactly how I feel about you."
He felt her shudder at his words.
"On one condition." Remi said
"Name it!"
"You call me Jane." Remi whispered
Kurt pulled back to look at her.
"Can I ask why?"
"I thought a lot about 'who' I wanted to be and I kept on coming back to you. Even when I was Alice, yes I was happy. My parents loved me and Roman and it's nice to know that but I don't really remember them, at least not clearly. What I remember as Alice is the orphanage. Then as Remi, I was trained to be a soldier from a young age, I got pregnant with Avery, I thought that it was my chance to have someone love me unconditionally, it was silly thinking that Shepard would let me keep her. She was taken from me. Then I became a Seal and I watched my team die. I was just filled with hatred towards everything but especially my own government. My happiest memories are of you, I know things haven't always been perfect between us…"
Kurt scoffed at the understatement. Remi leaned forward and cupped his cheek.
"…but I was more happy than not, then we actually got together and I never thought I could ever be that happy in my life. You made me live, until you; I wasn't living, I was just existing; but with you I lived. With you I had friends, I had a family. As Jane, you, the team let me be me. You never tried to make me into something I wasn't, you were just there. I know I'm not the Jane you remember…"
"Of course you are. I don't care what you call yourself, Alice, Remi, Jane or another name. I fell in love with you. You. Not a name but you. Your heart. You never put yourself first. You left without me as you knew that being away from Bethany indefinitely would kill me; you did what had to be done. Everyone who knows you, knows your heart, loves you."
Kurt stood up and held his hand out.
"So Jane, are you ready for me to show you exactly how I feel about you for the next twenty or so hours?"
Jane arched how eyebrows in question.
"The team will be here then…" Kurt answered
"How do you know?"
"I can guarantee that as soon as Allie was in the car she phoned the team, Sarah and Sawyer to let them know you were back. Be thankful that Sarah and Sawyer live far away as they would be here right now if they could, they'll probably 'pop' by next weekend. The team are a little more understanding and know that I would want to welcome you home properly without any distractions. They knew Bethany was with me, so they know we'd be starting our celebration right about now but they're not very patient, this time tomorrow they will be here."
Jane took his hand and followed as he led them to their bed.
The twenty hours were amazing; they got reacquainted with each other. Neither of them wanted to waste any time. At hour 19, his cell made the sound when he receives a text; he reluctantly looked at it and chuckled. He showed Jane the message.
"You've had enough time together, we are on our way and we'll be with you in an hour. FYI, it may be a good idea to be dressed before we arrive, remember that we have a spare key and we're not afraid to use it! Also, you don't want Rich to get his hopes up for that threesome he keeps on asking you two for do you? Or do you?"
Jane blushed and groaned which made Kurt chuckle.
"C'mon, there is no way I want Rich looking at me as if he knows what's under my clothes!" said Kurt "You're the only one that can look at me like that!"
Jane smiled.