chapter 1.
i wake up in my normal routine, starting the day at 8 am and go use the bathroom and ignore the little girl that was in the next room freaking out, cause she knew she was late for school. after i come out the bathroom , gragey from the lights now being on, i head down stairs from the two story house i live in. i quitly walk pass the living room in to the kitchen to get something to drink. i open the door and all i can see in the fridge was milk, eggs, an pop and some useless things here and there to make the fridge look full. i grabbed the pop and hurried and twisted the top of and took a gulp of it. looking around inside the kitchen , the sun bearly peaking in through the windows, oh how the water danced in the seemingly happy light, it puts a smile on my face for the first time this day. i head back up stairs and sit down in my boyfriends nicholas's lazy boy chair, looking down expecting to see the tub from where all the adults roll cigs, it wasnt there. i beat my self up a lil bit cause i should have looked down stairs before i can back up here expecting to have a cig.
now im looking around trying not to stress my self out, im looking under the table in front of me , nothing was there but the pokemon cards and a few empty two litter bottles. i finally found it hidden up under the t.v, i grab it with a huge sigh of relief , thanking the sky above me that i wouldnt have to explain my self to hom why there wasnt a cig rolled for him in the morning. that always struxk fear into my heart , wondering what was he going to call me today and what he was going to say to put me down and make me feel less like a person. i hide what this "man" does from everyone else in the house . i still go to work, pay the part of me rent and help by diapers and wipes. i just bearly put a smile on my face and wonder if i can make it through the day today with out breaking down. i just look a head of me seeing the sky as grey as it could be and seeing the snow on top of the other house roof's. i just think to my self its just so white and undisturbed out there, i glance away quickly when i heard russiling of the bed sheets and blankets. i panick and look down at the tub and started to roll "him" a cig for the morning . my peace in the morning had already ended , and now the real day begains.