Warning: Rated T for language and some rather adult themes. Darker and more realistic than the series.
Lunacy Fringe
I don't remember exactly what moment I realized that I loved you.
As cliché as it comes across, it's something that puzzles me. Why you? Maybe it was that front you put on that was more obvious than my own. Maybe it stemmed from the fact that you were strong and not afraid to speak your mind.
Maybe it had more than a little to do with the fact that we were the same souls all along.
Thing is, it didn't start out as love. Hell, I hated your bratty ass for the first few years I knew you. Sometimes I think it was because you were so much like me, acting out because you thought it would make you feel better about yourself. You know what they say: you hate what you are. Other times, it simply came down to ignorance. After all, how could a little kid like me know the shit you were dealing with at your broken home that caused your bad attitude in the first place?
It took me a while, but I'm pretty sure cupid's arrow hit me when I was ten. Turns out my young brain didn't know how to accept or process those feelings, so a cloud of stubborn denial wove itself tightly around that love, repressing it for a pretty long time.
Your brother was the first one to find out. This was after that crap went down with my own sorry excuse for a bro, right around a year ago actually. Did I tell you that part? Probably left it out. Anyways, it wasn't long after I let go of my denial that he noticed the way I looked at you. Said it was in a 'warm, fluffy' kinda way, so he gave me his stamp of approval.
But I didn't—no—I still don't think I'm good enough for you.
Honestly, in a way similar to me, you weren't much to look at when we were younger. Really, we were both ugly ducklings. Probably glad that changed, huh? Anyhow, loving you all this time made me realize I'm not all that superficial. Granted, you're gorgeous as hell now but the point I'm trying to get at is it's not because you blossomed into a beautiful butterfly or whatever other dumb metaphor you wanna attach. You've brought that up once or twice and just so you know, it's not your looks that attract me.
We both changed very similarly too, I guess. I peeled off that pathetic mask and you stopped putting on arrogant fronts that hid the fact that you were a sad, lost little girl who has crappy parents that are toxic and… well you get the point I think. You know I can relate, after all.
I was happy, despite all the crap we gave each other as kids, that we became friends after the incident with my bro. Honestly, I really like talking about music and art with you. Glad we can both appreciate stuff like that. I told myself that it was okay for us to just be friends. After all, I'm a goddamn mess of broken parts. My friend's baby sister doesn't need that baggage. You got your own shit to deal with anyways.
Then, you came clean.
You hid it so well that I don't think I ever would've caught on.
It's funny. Your reasons for liking me were a lot like mine. I think you are the only person who saw past the mask I was wearing. Then again, the fact you wore one too probably helped you peg me down from day one.
It must've been an undertaking to convince yourself you liked Sockhead and not me. That's denial on a level that I thought only I was capable of. But hey, at least you finally told me the truth.
Sometimes, no that's a lie, most of the time I think about you and me and get a little discouraged. Trust me when I say I really wanna start something with you, but there's a few things. What I mentioned before, how I'm a mess of parts, is really damn true. Do you know how many meds I take? Once my mom caught on I was having some serious issues (like three years ago) she found the best shrinks possible. Guess her connections as an RN benefitted, whatever. But seriously, I take two different antianxiety meds and a mood stabilizer. I go to therapy sessions every damn month and I'm still screwed up, but better than I was apparently.
Thinking about it, I'm happy that I had that growth spurt from god and shot up to 5'6" this past year. At least I'm a little taller than you now. Still though, what's so appealing about all 220 pounds of my fat ass? Yeah, I'm out of that awkward stage and look nice face-wise, but that's it. That and I'm two years older than you, so when I turn 18 next year you'll still be 16. Not too sure how awkward that'll be at family functions.
Long story short, I'm screwed up. If you wanna take on this baggage and won't be unhappy dealing with all of it, then yeah I'll definitely say yes. The same goes for the whole if you are okay with you still technically being a child when I'm an adult. That's pretty important, too.
Really, I feel bad about making this message as long as it is, but I feel better putting this on paper than saying it in person. I don't know, I've just been never good at talking about feelings. My shrink says it's something I need to work on.
Well, no going back now. Might as well just get out and say it: I like you, I've always liked you. Let's go to that concert that a lot of the cul-de-sac is planning to check out. Lotta good bands we both like, it'll be fun. Sockhead and your brother are going, too. They have their own dates, but as long as that detail's okay then I'm up for it.
I mean it when I saw it, though. Thanks, thanks for believing in me and giving me a chance. You have no idea what it really means.
Things are looking up more than they ever did.
Notes: So, it's been a while since I wrote 'I'm Sorry' and I have had quite a few ideas floating around on a follow-up. I will post more in time, that is, when I get the time. My ideas don't end with these two. I'm also glad to see that Eddy has been getting a lot of love in the fandom since my rant in 'I'm Sorry' and I am so, so happy! And yes, I ship Eddy/Sarah because their relationship screams repressed feelings in my honest opinion. xP
Disclaimer: Ed, Edd, 'N Eddy was created by Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network Studios. The song in the title and the lyrics in the summary come from the song 'Lunacy Fringe' by The Used. I claim no ownership to either and am not writing this for any sort of monetary gain.